Potential Without a Plan? How to Unlock What’s Next with Life Coach, Lori Stansbury

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore. I am with Casey Bryant. And I think we have a special guest today.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

We do one of my good friends. Hello. What's your name? Lori Stansbury. I I know your name, but I want I didn't want to say your name. I wanted you to say your name. Yes. Lori Stansbury. So Lori and I have known each other now for gosh 20. Probably. 20-ish years. Yeah. Give or take a few years. And I kind of was briefly said it the first time last week, but the first time that I met Lori, we were at a wine party. She dared me to drink wine out of my red high heel shoe. And of course I said yes. I just sensed you would. Did I look like that kind of a person?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

I mean, we had it in your eyes. I could tell. I knew we were going to be friends after that.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

She's also the first person to say to me that you are a leader, which was shocking to me because that was not in my career path. I was always somebody who kind of came behind people and helped people out. So it was, she's a big, big, huge influence in my life.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

So what I'm hearing is that she's got good discernment. She's got a good read on people.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Oh, so, so, so much. And so, but one reason why we wanted to bring you on is because you kind of made a whole entire change in your life. I think in the in the midway, we don't want to say midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

We were talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Oh, I'd like to say that's my midlife. I'm gonna be 60 this year. Well, you know, so right before we started recording, I had said, you know, men kind of would give we give them a pass at having a midlife crisis. They get to have the cool car, you know, they get to do, you know, change whatever they want. But I don't know how many women get to identify with having a midlife crisis, but the truth is is that I think most women around this age, you know, this kind of midlife point in our life, it's like we've been working and it's like we're at a place where we're in a transition. Yeah. I don't think the world says you're allowed to have a crisis, but I mean, I think in our brains that's what perimenopause and menopause is.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

It feels like an internal crisis. Don't you think that women somehow feel like they have to be quieter about it? Oh, yeah. So perimenopause we just started talking about that more. Used to be nobody talked about it. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Maybe not even 10 years, maybe the last five years.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

So when you think about midlife crisis or some kind of transition or shift in your life, most of the time it quietly creeps up in you and you've got thoughts around it, you might talk to a friend, but most of the time it's a lot of internal stuff that's going on with you and trying to figure out what to do with it. Some people just keep stuffing it down. But a lot of women really would love somewhere to go to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Well, before we go any further, and we'll kind of get into your story a little bit, but tell us what your what your title is. I am a life coach. Perfect. How long have you been been a life coach? Probably about a year and a half. Because this that was a huge transition for you. It was a big change, yeah. Yeah, but it sounds like you were doing a lot of the same principles of officially your life coaching a year and a half now. But you have been doing and practicing a lot of these things and honing these skills for many years.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yeah, I've been in leadership for 40 years now, which sounds awful to say I'm that old. But in all different places, I loved leading people and I really just loved coaching people and helping them figure out like what was their next step. So, were they gonna move up in leadership? Were they gonna explore something new in their life? Were they not suited for the place they were at and they needed direction on what they should do instead? So I feel like I've done that for years. And to get to do that and not do all the other work that a job has is like a dream come true. I just didn't know that's what I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

But when you made the decision to retire and then, like, I'm just gonna go out and start a career in a business on my own, that had to been a little bit intimidating, scary.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

It did, and I didn't do that right away. So let's back up a little bit of your story.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

See, the truth is Casey knows all of your stories. I do. It's so hard. I think I did. I I you assume everybody knows it. So I Lori and I have just met today, and although we have run around in similar outside circles, we have never actually met each other until today. So, but I have heard so much about her because she has had such a prominent impact on Casey's life that she comes up often.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

She really did a good, always, always good.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Always good. So why don't you back up and just tell us a little bit about some of this leadership history you've had and kind of what's made you move out?

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Yeah. I well, I spent 15 years in retail. I had a a role where I managed the east half of the United States for a company and opened a lot of new markets, a lot of new stores. All women. Oh. Usually from 20 to 60. When you say retail, though, like buying stuff. I was a regional manager for a women's clothing store. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I had moved up through the company doing different things, but my region was new stores, new markets that we were opening. So I was constantly moving to a new city like Pittsburgh and stealing everyone's managers and employees from other stores and bringing them to my store because we were opening a new market.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

I have a totally off-topic convers question that I want to ask regarding retail in stores. Why is it in a store I look so much better in an outfit? And when I get home, I hate it. I do think sometimes they do have different mirrors.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

I think they do. Yeah. Definitely have great lighting. True. You're never gonna have the wattage in your home that they have in a retail store.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Every time I've gone to a mall and walk, you know, or and walked into a store and like that outfit's gonna look amazing and it does. And then I get home, I'm like, I never wear it.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Is it the excitement too of buying it? Oh, yeah, probably. Maybe the salesperson's like tucking you into it too. Okay, so that was my authentic conversation. So anyway, I did that for 14, 15 years, and then I made an entire switch in my career and I moved into ministry, which I knew nothing about. And many of us stumble into it. Yeah. Well, I felt like God told me exactly what I was told.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Your story on that, if you can give like a little bit of it, because I think a lot of people might hear a prompting and are too afraid to step into it. And you heard a prompting and you immediately stepped up.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Mine was really clear and I know unusual for people. So I was going to a church and I was feeling like, gosh, I'm two years into married life. I don't know anybody in this town. I'm always traveling, gone from home. And I was sitting in church and I audibly heard God say that I was gonna work there. And I was like, doing what? Like I literally am a very good one arguing with God for a bit. And I clearly knew it was to work in the kids' area of ministry. And I don't have an education degree. I didn't have a seminary degree. Frankly, I was the bad kid in my youth group growing up. So there was no path that looked like it was supposed to go that direction.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

So I argued with God for a while until I realized that's what he wanted. So then I thought, oh, you want me to volunteer there? Okay, I'll quit my job until figure out what I'm gonna do. Quickly, I ended up working there, moved around to different departments leading things. And probably two years ago, I finally was at a place where I felt like I think I'm supposed to leave. And I didn't know what I was gonna do next. I also was our main breadwinner, so it was a really scary thing. But again, I just felt like God was prompting me that He wanted me. I actually was spending some time with him, kind of a prayer retreat, and I felt like God said to just jump off the high dive and swim and just float around in the water. I'm not a good swimmer, so that was a weird one.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

What what so when you heard that, how long did it take you to be like okay?

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Six months because I needed to figure out how I was gonna survive monetarily. Yeah. What was I gonna do? Like I'm not very good at just sitting around doing nothing. And I finally, and I'd been at where I was at for a really long time and didn't picture that I was gonna leave that soon. And so I had to spend time figuring that out, feeling like I was at the right place. Then I had to get my husband on board.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

And he finally was okay with that. So I quit and Well, you retired.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Yes. You retired from and I just to bring the red shoe full circle. Her husband actually brought a red shoe to her retirement party. And we Lori and I toasted and drank out of a they were clean, they were clean. Each one of the red shoes.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Yeah. Each had one red shoe. We do. So I took time off, and I thought time off meant three months, because that's usually, you know, professionally what you do when you take three months off. And I started working on my resume, and I started like, okay, what am I supposed to do now? And I literally felt like God and my husband were both like, not yet, which seemed kind of odd. Nice gift that I got because I've never had three months off unless it was some medical thing that I had to be gone from. But I spent that time exploring, and I would recommend this for anyone, especially women. I tried things I've never tried before because I never had time. I didn't really have hobbies. I worked 70 hours a week most of my career. So I made sourdough bread. Did it turn out? Not my thing. It did turn out, but the whole measuring and preciseness and stuff, not my thing. Okay. I messed with watercolor painting. I took a glass blowing class. Ooh. Jump out of a plane. Started doing Pilates. I did not jump out of a plane. But you did Pilates. I did. I did not like Pilates. Oh, I do like it. Yeah. Do you still do Pilates then? Sometimes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Trying to think what else I did. I traveled some. I went to see friends. It was the first time in many, many years that I got to be with my family on Easter because I always worked. So it was really fun to just relax and kind of for feel like I knew who I was again and what is it that I wanted to do then. And then I realized that six months prior to quitting, I had sat in an online class about coaching and put all those notes away and thought, I don't want to do that. And I think I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to be this pushy aggressive Tony Robbins kind of person. But what I really liked was talking to people and helping them.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Well, I think people you you see these coach versions of things and it's, you know, the people who are kind of shouting at you. Yeah. You know, like just kind of delivering, like, you can do it, you just need to do, you know, and that really isn't necessarily what coaching is all about. Most people don't respond. Well too. Yes. No, I would assume not. I think there's uh probably a minimal people who like kind of take to that yelling. It's more people they want someone to come alongside and really be bounce things off of, and they just there it's encouragement needed, not I would say mo more women. I can only speak from being a woman, is I think I lean more into encouragement than I do like high motivation. Which I think would we're what we've been seeing in coaching for you know many years, you have you have men. Yeah. Who are put, you know, just drive, drive, drive. And women, I don't think we lack the drive. It's will someone come alongside us and support us.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah. And sometimes I don't think you need the yelling type encouragement. What you need is somebody to get to know you better to really know who you are. So I'm a really good question asker. I like to ask questions, I discern things pretty easily. And I really want to build people up so that they have the confidence to do whatever it is they're supposed to do. And I think that's what a lot of women lack is confidence in who they are.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Do you think women it's more geared towards our age, the 40 plus, or is it women of all ages?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

I think women of all ages have that. Now, I would say a lot of younger people, it feels like they think they can conquer the world and you should give them the top job right away. But I do think underneath that there's some lack of confidence, and I think women worry a lot more about what everybody else is doing and what everyone else thinks being accepted. And so I think sometimes we spend a lot of our life, half of our life, trying to be like somebody else. Like we want the gifts, we want the personality that somebody else has. I always wanted to look different. I would, I wanted brown eyes, tan skin, dark hair, curly hair. None of that is me.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

No, your blue eye, blonde hair. Yeah. Yeah. So with your with your coaching. I'm trying to to say this in a way. So how do you because I would think women like so for me, like I know who I am, I know who God made me to be, but here I am in a life where we talked about I'm transitioning. So and similar to you when when you know, changing and and doing roles, freaking out about money, like how we're gonna do this. So you just for me just found a job, okay. I got hired, but maybe not necessarily like where I'm supposed to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

So what you know, how would that gave you a little cushion to figure it out, right? Because some of it we make changes, we switch jobs. Either we lost a job or we switch jobs fast, or we had to make so much to pay for our kids' college, and then you're like, that's not what I really want to do. And you have to do something to take the next step to go somewhere else.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Definitely I talk about that all the time because we're both in word jobs. We're like, well, it's a job.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yeah, yes. And I felt, I mean, I I know that when originally I was kind of called out of a job, and then I went into a job of entrepreneurship that I loved. I left ministry, I went to entrepreneurship, and I had a wonderful time. But God has always been really clear to me when it's time to stop. Yeah, it's time to stop. And it's like it's a full stop. It's like every it's like the desire is completely drained from my body. How do you know that? Like you said it's clear. How do you know that it's God telling you that? So my first the first time I not well I I've worked in a few churches, but after I left about after about a decade in a certain church, I loved it. I loved everything about it. Similar to you, I was in children's ministry. I ran that program, the elementary and under. And gosh, I felt I was in my element. I felt like this is what I am meant to do. I was pregnant with my third baby at that point, and I was, you know, I had some bed rest, had some medical complications of that pregnancy, and a lot of time to just sit with God. Yeah, because it couldn't go anywhere. I was on bed rest. So I'm I'm sitting there and I'm contemplating and I'm trying to come up with lesson plans on how this return is gonna come back. And I just felt clearly, God's a I don't want you to go back. And I thought, well, just want me to write, you know, because I just couldn't imagine giving it all of it up. Do you want me to transition? And I looked at, well, what if I just kind of like switch roles in the church? And um, I thought, and I even explored some of that, you know, in conversations. And I clearly felt like I heard God say, Do you not get it, kid? This is not where I want you to be.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Wow. So for those of us who are listening who don't hear from God, who who don't, because both of you clearly heard from God. I have had very It's time to move. And there's a lot of us who are thinking that they're supposed to be in a transition. They don't know if they should be in a transition, but they're not feeling they're in the right place, but do not hear that audible or or no, should should I make the move.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

So I and I would say most people don't hear it audibly. That is not the way most people do it or hear it. I mean, I will tell you when I was 12, I heard God clearly say to me that I was going to work for him. I was 12 years old. And whether that was audibly in my head or I heard it audibly, I was sitting at a dock and I thought, okay. And I didn't know what that looked like because there was no place for women in ministry at that point. Yeah. I grew up in the Lutheran church. At that point, there was no women. Our backgrounds are just so different. Yeah. I was making out with boys at 12.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

I was not. I was not. You grew up in a house where women could do things. Yes. Because I've my mom, yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

No, I grew up in a very conservative Christian household and I in Utah. Yeah. It was a very different so none of that made sense to me at that point. And I didn't end up going into ministry until my early 20s. And then I spent doing that, you know, into you know, my mid-30s. But at that point, I so that time I felt like I heard it. Every other time I felt like I heard it, and I tried to do something like I don't want to do that. You said you like to argue with God a little bit, and I do too. Because I'm like, well, if that's what you mean, I'm gonna try and do something else. And there would be a stop. There would be some sort of a stop, whether I felt the stop or he put an earthly stop there for me. It was like Is that how you were as a kid with your parents? No. Really? No, my parents were I was well, uh, do I give off all uh eldest daughter energy? I think I do.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

You are definitely the other one. Your face says yes, Casey. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Because I'm the baby of the family, so I definitely give off baby.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

And I'm a middle. We all work this out well. Yeah, we do.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Yeah, so I I I only have one brother. I but I was the oldest, so I was the one who they were a little harder on me, and my brother kind of got it easy.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Oh, my my siblings would say the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

So it just that's the way that it worked out. I would say my parents always say I gave them, you know, like I would hear them say, Well, we really struggled with Stephanie. She'd, you know, you know one time she snuck out, and I was like, You caught me on my way out. Like I didn't actually leave the property.

unknown 18:43

That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

You were at the windowsill. Like I and it was in the middle of the day. It wasn't like in the middle of the night. Anyway, I I for all intents and purposes, I felt like I was a pretty good kid. My parents were were great. My dad exposed me like to lots of religion. He always said he didn't want and we've talked about this before. He didn't want me to have my beliefs because they were his.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

And so he really encouraged me. And of course, we he plopped us and moved us when I was 10 years old into Utah. And we have a whole episode on kind of growing up around Mormons and that kind of culture. And it was it was very, very different. But he was like, I my dad, more so than anybody, was like, I want you to be you because you're you.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

And you're gonna have the world knock you down a whole bunch, but you just you have to keep fighting. But that being said, my dad would argue with me more than anybody, but he did it to sharpen me. Yeah, I truly I don't think I saw it then. Yeah, but my dad was the same thing, very simple you who would ask questions of like, I are you saying that because you think that's what you're supposed to say, or are you saying that because that's how you really feel? And can you support that position? Which was just always wild.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

I think when you have parents who are very clear on telling you who you are, who your identity is, and are very clear with that, I think that helps you have a better understanding of who you are and and to be able to make those moves. So when you have a strong parent who's saying you are a strong, gifted, you know, child, you know, yeah, you can you can do this, you can go, but you have to do it, you know, on your own. Not on your own, but we're gonna help you. But this is for you.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Yeah. Well, interestingly enough, and I think this is probably very common. Both of my parents worked jobs they didn't necessarily enjoy. And that was part of life. Like your job is your job. Like, you don't know. In that generation, yeah, like something you did. You worked because you needed a paycheck, you needed to support your family. You not there was no like whether or not you enjoy your job, yes, or you felt like you were in a role that you had passion. Or, you know, when I remember being kind of early in ministry and I was like, Well, it's my purpose, it's my calling, and they're looking at me like because they didn't I either they didn't have permission to experience the world in that way, or that just was foreign to them. And so when I kind of got out of college and you know, they were like, Okay, well, go get a good job that has a 401k, and I was like, I think I think I'm gonna go into ministry. They're like, I don't I don't think it was no, it was just it was this is unclear. This doesn't feel like it's the you know, you're not going to get paid well. Like of course they were looking like, well, can't and the God love my parents, but you know, they still grew up in the place where like, but you're a but you're a girl. And I don't think that they were doubting me, it was just counter to anything that they knew. Yeah. So I've so I kind of grew up, you know, this whole idea of like, okay, you're supposed to go get a job, and I really fought against that. Like and then after all several years of, you know, and when I said I was leaving the kind of the entrepreneurship position, I did think I was gonna go back into ministry. Like everything in me lined up. Up, I felt like God was affirming so much and those doors just kept closing. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

And I don't know why now. Do you know what God was doing now when you look back on it?

SPEAKER_00 22:11

I think he's still doing it. I don't think I don't think it's done. I don't think I think there's chapters to still be revealed on those things because my heart has not ever been closed off to ministry. But I think vocationally in a church like I have done it in the past, that's not the path for me.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

You can do ministry wherever you are.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

And I think I'm learning that because I always felt like I needed something to back me up. I needed someone to put their win behind my sails of saying, I we put our stamp of approval. She's great. Like even like, you know, the calling we've talked about one, you know, like we both have this call that we want to write books. And it was like, well, who's going to put their name? Like what editor is going to want to say? What publishing house wants to say? Who's actually going to want to read it? Who's going to want to read it? Who cares? So if you're supposed to do it, who cares? Yeah, but so when you start having these things, it's it becomes and then I do.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

If you're obeying God, it doesn't matter who's going to read it or not. You're just you do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

Or he could be success with it. So I think either way, whether he's shutting you down from something or he's guiding you to something. So what you said about like, I don't know why I'm supposed to be leaving this. I had a similar situation in the first role I had in a church. I was working in the kids' ministry. I'm somebody who didn't get to have kids of my own, and it became really hard for me to lead in that area. And what I realized in moving out of it and getting to the next thing I was doing is God was like, You made too much of that your identity. Because you didn't get to have kids of your own, you made being that kids' director too much of a thing. And it might not have been a bad job for me, but it's what it did to me personally. And the opposite of that is if it really is your gift and your part of your identity to do something, I think God's gonna bless it. Whether he blesses it so that you don't care who reads it, or whether he blesses it in, no, I really do have something in this realm for you. You might write a book and then you get to go speak somewhere, and that's really what I have you doing. But you're not gonna do that until you get down that path. But it's just moving one step towards that. So I think no matter where you're at, if you can identify one step to take in that direction, it's a great way to start moving.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

So even though we have not started writing our books, actually that's not true. I've written like three-fourths of a book. Do you know the book that you have in you? Yeah, yes. I think we will both say yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

I go off uh yes and no. So I have I I have like five ideas of what I think I'm supposed to write about, and then I start and then nothing h and then I zero creativity on it. So I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Is it zero creativity or it's it's a lack of confidence?

SPEAKER_02 25:05

I writer's block. Like legitimately, I cannot like like writing articles used to be so easy for me where I could spit them out so quickly. A stupid topic. Like, you know, pillows, because I'm looking at a circular pillow that actually looks like a butthole.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Oh my god. It does okay. I should tell you, you're not you're not getting video this week because I forgot the battery. I charged it.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

We're gonna have to take a picture of the battery. I thought it was after batteries. I'm sorry. No. But I would probably make that into an article, but somehow, like I just this is where like ADHD somebody. Wait a second, hold on. Uh-oh. Where you I don't know where you're going. She's gonna get the pillow. You're gonna get the pillow.

unknown 25:58

What was my balance?

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Oh. I I know what pillow it was.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

I didn't. I thought a rear infringer and had to sit on a donut.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

For reference, it says XO. I have holiday pillows in the corner over here because Stephanie loves a theme.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Stephanie does love a theme, and I love to take us off subject all the time, which I just did.

SPEAKER_03 26:22

But can't even. Can't even.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Okay, back to my topic of being able to write. So I was able to write articles out of just nothing, like something, and it would trigger an article, and it was just so easy. And that is so gone. And part of it was that became my identity, and I knew that. Like part of it was I think I didn't necessarily lose my creativity of God saying, I need you to step back because this has become so much of your identity where you're looking to see how many people are liking it, how many people are replying, how many people are sharing it, how many people are, you know, coming to you and talking about it, and how many of you, like all of that became such an obsession that I think God kind of stepped me back. Now, I have been able to write every once in a while, but it's like few and far between. Like I'm where I was writing two to three articles a week, every two weeks, to now maybe one every six months, if that.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

When you started it, were you writing for other people or because you had something to say?

SPEAKER_02 27:28

When I started it, I started it because I felt that I was Doug and I were trying to get out of debt at that point in time. And me being a very open and honest person was like, okay, I told Doug, I'm like, I'm gonna write about our debt and us getting out of it and how like our process and uh of getting out of debt. And he's like, God love him. He's he just goes with the flow. I know Dave does too. Dave's like, I'm all kinda true.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

Something she's like is off subject.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

There's nothing normal going with the flow with Dave. Dave being her husband.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Dave is her husband, yes. He lives at 80 miles an hour. Yes, trying to keep up with Dave. Yes. But so that, and then I wrote an article that was nothing to do with finance, was everything to do with my like my body and God telling me to wear a bikini because my, you know, because my daughter told me to to get it, and realizing that everything I say about my body actually reflects her, meaning that she's hearing it and everyone tells her she looks like me. So if I'm bad and you know, I'm hard on myself for what I look like, and people are telling her sh she looks like me, what am I saying to her? So it was very clear for me. So that article, you know, God told me to wear a bikini, got picked up by by our church, and it actually blew up. Yeah. And from there they asked me to continue to write. And so then, I mean, I think I had 30 plus articles and just was, as I said before, was at that point in time one of the top art authors, most read authors.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

But what you started doing was writing because of uh what you were going through. What I think it was for you to get something out of either.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

And everything I wrote was praise of the people. And everything I wrote was because it was something that I was going through. Or you know, I think I I did write an article where I'm like, man, I wish a deer would hit me so that I could just because I was just so tired. I was like legitimately so tired. I'm like, if a deer could just hit my car where it just doesn't hurt me necessarily, but I get off work for a couple of days so I can sleep. Because I'm just so tired all the time. No, I'm gonna go off topic.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

Go ahead. My husband and I and a few friends got in a conversation one night about if you were gonna die, what are two words that you'd like to describe how you would like to die? And my husband said fast and violent. Violent? I wouldn't be like I said quietly in my sleep. Yes. Fast and violently.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

I mean it's him, right? I love that me getting hit by a deer, that's what you thought of right away.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

I did that would be fast and violent if it happened.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

Yes. Oh, it that definitely would be. But I I don't so all that to say is everything that I it it did. It was stuff that I was going through, but because I was getting so much praise, and I was getting a ton of praise, it became a an identity. All to say, that's why I have I think one reason why I just don't have any creativity right now.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

I wouldn't say you have no creativity because you get on here and you yap with me every single week. That there is this platform which we jokingly sometimes I call an experiment because it sometimes it feels real and sometimes it doesn't. Like we get here, we do it, we put it out there, but one of the things we said from the very beginning was we are not focused on data. Yeah, we are not focused on analytics. I and in the beginning, we're like, first of all, the analytics was broken for us in the beginning. I couldn't I couldn't look at it if I wanted to. I could only see if you downloaded from the actual website, which I would assume most people don't. And so people started coming up to us and saying, I'm listening. And I was like instantly embarrassed. What did we say? What did we say? You know, because here this feels very safe. Yes. And then you take it out into the world, and you know, you run into somebody that maybe you don't know, or you know, that started happening, and I was like, oh my gosh, people really are listening. And listen, this is making us no money right now. No, I would like to make money with it. Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

Giving women permission to have a real conversation. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

But that's yeah, I think when we started this, it was like we are in a transition place, and it was like, well, what if we just give ourselves microphones and we talk about it because we don't hear people having these conversations.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

And we wanted to be people who authentically love Jesus but say, hey, we live in a really screwed-up world. There's circumstances that are outside of our control, and we've had some smack downs in life.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Sometimes things don't go the way you thought they were gonna go, and you don't always have an automatic that's what I'm supposed to do instead.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

And so so we talked about that transitions and that that there is kind of go more in depth, and there's like the especially with women, I think there's two types of women when it comes to transition, and maybe you can explore and maybe like just kind of specifically, like you kind of get to this age where either hey, you've worked in a career for a long time, or maybe you have I think a lot of people have invested their life in their kids, and then all of a sudden yeah, they're close to empty nesting it, and it's like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah. Is this what I want to keep doing? Or what do I do now when the rest of my life doesn't need me the same way that it does?

SPEAKER_01 33:01

I have many women who say that exact thing in different ways of just, I don't know who I am anymore, or I've worked in this job for 15 years, or I've served in all these places and I'm just tired, I'm exhausted, and it's it's just not giving me energy, and they're not sure what to do with that. You know, they don't see a path where they can quickly move to something else or get out of what they're doing, but they don't even have the energy to do it. And so they're kind of just lost in trying to figure out what to do. And part of it, I would say, is similar to what I did with my story. Explore like my advice would be when was the last time you felt total freedom to just be yourself? It might have been on a vacation when your kids were busy. How about you guys? What was that for you? That's a that's a question that I'm like, wow, I don't full freedom to be yourself, like truly yourself, not just a free day.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

You know, I say I know who I am, but do I really know who I am? Yeah. I that that's the the biggest question I think a lot of us are trying to figure out is who who are we at this stage of life?

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Yeah. I just did a wedding on Saturday for our nephew, and one of the things I encourage them was to grow with their spouse because I feel like the person we were at 20 is definitely not who we are now, and we continue to grow. There are some gifts that are the same our whole lives, and there are some things that we develop and grow in talents and gifts and experiences that make us who we are. And so to really stop and go, who am I right now? And what do I like doing? And what makes me feel fully myself? You might be in a friend group where you never really get to be yourself, you become everybody else, or your family wants you to be something and you might just need something for you. Might be a place that you serve, but it might be a hobby that you need to explore. You know, like maybe you need to make sourdough bread.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

Oh gosh, you don't want me to make sourdough bread. What I do not need sourdough bread in my house. It's bad enough, not bad enough. I could tell definitely that all my children are now home from college because Doug and I went out to dinner with some friends of ours last night and I came home and our kitchen is destroyed and it smells like cookies. So I'm like, Belle's home because she's our baker, and I'm like, oh my gosh. Is Faith so happy to have a full house again? She is she was not happy when she said the strange redhead, Torn, our son, Mom, there's a strange man in the house. I go, it's your brother. No, it's not. I go, stop calling me. I'm in a meeting. She was literally calling me to tell me that there's a stranger in the house, and I knew it was her brother. I'm like, stop it. She was just trying to be funny. Okay. She had a friend over. So she's just trying to show off.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

But you know what I think is so interesting? Would you have ever called your would you have ever tried to interrupt an adult convers or like knowing they were like I the way that my youngest is now, like we talked about this last week. We'll just interrupt you on a dime. And like there's no part of her that doesn't feel like she has a voice that deserves to be heard.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Oh, yeah. I wish I could just say what I think. And feeling like I didn't have permission to do that.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

Oh, she has it feels like she can say anything. I told you, she walks in the house and says, Your favorite child is home.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

But there, but I do think there's such a shift of how the younger generation views themselves as, you know, growing up as young women.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:41

Our age is trying to figure out the same place. They have, they feel like they have these permissions, and we have been like, whoa, this is not the world that we grew up in. And I kind of feel like we can learn a little bit from this.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

I think so, because that is the world today. It's not like I would say my parents when they were growing up, kids were to be seen but not heard. There's a big shift that's changed over time in that, but it's been a gradual change, and it's not necessarily how some of us grew up. And so to know I can do whatever I want. I could switch jobs, I could actually try something that I've never done before. I mean, all of those things are things we've maybe never explored because we've never given ourselves permission, or we're not even sure where to start.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

Well, how do you decide where to start?

SPEAKER_01 37:31

So I I again, I would say first thing is where do you feel the most free, or what sounds exciting, but you might even be too scared to try it. So could be a hobby, could be a place that you want to go, it could be a career change, but it's not always about changing your job. It could even be how you present yourself at work or the things that you want to go after. Everybody else wants to get promoted, and you realize I would like to go sideways over to this other department because I actually have more interest in that. And over time, maybe your skills have shifted towards that, but you feel like you can't give yourself permission to do that because everyone promotes. That's the way things operate. You need to make more money.

SPEAKER_02 38:13

And I have, I met with a a friend of mine who we maybe talked about this, where she ended up taking a demotion because she was the leader and realize, like, you know what, this is way too much stress, and I do not want this responsibility. It's it's it's more painful for me in my life. So I would rather take go back to what I was before instead of trying to get promoted again.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

I have some friends that their entire career they've tried really hard to never have to manage people. And they learned over time when they manage people, they're not a great manager. Yeah. That's okay to realize that and make sure that that's part of who you are. Me, I like managing people, and it would be hard for me to not get to do that. Yeah. Which has been a big change now, owning my own company being by myself.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

Yes, but you're still, I mean, you technically you're still managing people just yeah differently. Yeah. You're still managing them in a way that you're trying to help and guide them to their to know who right? To know who they are. What what do you do as a life coach?

SPEAKER_01 39:12

So can I ask that question? Of course. I did write an article about why hire a life coach. Um, and I explained there's a difference between somebody mentoring you, somebody consulting, somebody coaching you. A coach is really just somebody who's listening and trying to find out what goal you have that you're going after or goals that you're going after, and helping you take some steps towards that. So it's a lot more about finding out and asking questions than it is guiding and directing somebody on what to do. So I think of it like a present that you're kind of gradually opening and trying to figure out who is this person and what is it that they're what feels off, what feels, what feels like they need to pursue, what feels like they need to let go of, and how do we start moving in that direction?

SPEAKER_02 40:05

So so have you had people who have gone through this and been like, oh wow, like it's this is different than what I thought I was going to do or was going to be.

SPEAKER_01 40:15

Yeah. Some people will come thinking, I just don't like my job, or I would love to start my own business, and then they realize I'm deep in debt, and that's just not gonna be the right move for me to make now. Or I need to be pursuing that while I'm working on debt reduction, or I need to figure out investors, and I actually do have a good enough idea to actually pursue it quickly. So I think that's a piece of it is trying to figure out what's a first step or what what are some dreams goals that you've had. And so exploring that for a little bit is sometimes a place to start and noticing where somebody's confidence level is because if somebody really doesn't know themselves, it's really hard to go figure out what's gonna make you happy. Yeah, you're gonna keep pursuing things that aren't you, and so sometimes just stepping back and going, all right, I think of it this way part of it is our story, where we came from, the things that happened to us, but also the things that we chose. Some of it is how we're gifted and wired, and some of it is our passions, things that we care about. And that's gonna be different for you than it is for me, than even two people who grew up in the same household with the same backstory, it's gonna be different. And whatever age you're at and whatever experiences you've had, that's what's gonna make you choose something different. And I also think there's multiple things you can pick. It's not just one thing that God's like, if you would just figure this out, I have one path and I'd like you to go on it. There's lots of different things you could do, but it's just getting yourself to that place to explore and feel the freedom to try some things and let go of stuff that is weighing you down.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

And I think as you're saying that, one thought that occurred to me is the benefit of hiring a life coach that's not someone who's in your everyday life. Yeah. Because I think people who have you are around all the time, you've got a best friend, you've got a a group of people, you've got a spouse or family members who have watched your journey. Yeah. And they have been so used to it. It they may not be able to pluck those things out that are very evident to someone who is just meeting you or developing and really like setting out to get to know you and who you are. Yeah. The same way that I I just it was funny. So my daughter has been dating this this boy. He's lovely. He's not a man. He's a man. I'm sorry, they're still my kids. They're still kids. He is a man. But I have lost a significant amount of weight this year. And it doesn't, but he's only met me as I've been losing weight. So he does not know me as someone who was a plus size 70 pounds ago. Yeah. So when I if I were to say like this is a picture, I mean he would not be able to identify like that's the the challenges of that. Right. Because he's only seen me present as the transition that he's seen. Yes. So I think that's really common that anybody who's watched and come alongside their journey, your journey, like they're not delving into the new information because it feels old to them. Right. So the beauty of a life coach is that you are really not just deep diving into where they are right now, you're going to sense things and be able to ask the right questions that your family, your friends, they're not going to ask those because they already know those answers. Yeah. Or at least their perception of those answers. Or they're too close to it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Because I I was wondering about that. Like, you know, is it hard? Because I'm sure you have coached some of your friends, some of your close friends. Yeah. Is is it harder to to coach some of your I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

I'll I'll tell you a secret. As a leader, I've done this for a long time and it actually still works as a life coach. I can discern and see sometimes where people are headed. Or what God might be doing. And it's not as good of an idea for me to just tell them than for them to figure it out for themselves. So think about your kids if you tell them what to do versus if they decide to do something on their own. It's dramatically different. Oh, we're all really good at tricking our husbands into doing it.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

It's like when it when it's his idea, it like it it tends to like whereas if I say, Hey, I'm thinking about this, or just anyone else that comes up with that idea, right? It's not really manipulative. It's just I think a lot of people need to come to those conclusions on their own before they can really have any peace about it. Yeah. So I think you're absolutely right. Like, and you know what? I would say that about myself too. There's been things that people have spoken into my life, but until I figured it out on my own, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

I or had the confidence to believe it. So think about that too. People have spoken into your life. If I tell you you're a leader and you're like, no, I'm not. Yeah. It's gonna take a while for you to notice that for somebody to call out those things, just like you said, if your parents are good at calling out those gifts. But if people in your life, a mentor or a boss or a friend pulls that out, you're going to start to believe it when you can see it yourself, when you have the confidence for it.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Yeah. So is there a what point do you think that someone would be ready to say, like, I think I might consider having a life coach? What like is it if you're starting to have these feelings of like, oh, I'm unsure, is it, is it okay, is that a good time to jump in? Or like, should you at what point in your journey of kind of discovery do you think hiring a life coach or investing in yourself in that way is like a good point to do that at?

SPEAKER_01 45:48

I think I think not everybody's gonna go, oh, I should probably do that. I think if you've been having those feelings of like something just feels off, or I feel like I'm in the middle of I would like to transition into something, or I need some extra help in this because I feel like I keep spinning and wanting to do this thing, or not being able to figure out how to move past something, it's worth having a conversation. So I offer free discovery appointments. It's just a half hour. You can jump on a call with me and we talk about whatever it is you're thinking. And I'm always very honest. If I think, I don't know if you've fully figured out what that is, or not sure you're ready for this right now, or if I think I could be helpful, I'll tell someone that too, and they can choose whether they want to pursue it.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

I love that because I the reflection of honesty of maybe you're not ready for that yet. I'm here when you when you've kind of done a little more work, but that's maybe you're not there yet. This isn't this isn't a like what we talked about in the very beginning, the scams of where you're just being yelled at, like, okay, if you just pay this monthly fee of blah, blah, blah, I can take you to here.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

That's that's not what you do.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

No.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

It's it's an it's an investment in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

Yeah. I don't think that's what God wants me to do.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

It's just take as many people as I can and you're you're guiding, you're not telling them what to do. You're really correct helping them explore uh for themselves what the path to take.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

Because ultimately she's not working alongside them, you know, when they find their thing. Yeah. So if you don't do the work and if you don't, you know, like have the confidence to do it, yeah, you know, she can hold your hand through the process of discovery, but ultimately you have what you decide to launch for yourself in a relationship, a hobby, a career, like it will be up to you to do it.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

So it's the same thing as going to the gym and being with a trainer. If you're with a trainer all the time, the frequency of you going, the trainer helps keep you consistent. The trainer can give you tips and ideas to help you get better at it. But if you don't keep doing it after you're done with the trainer or you don't go to the trainer on a regular basis, it's still not going to make a big difference. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

Yeah. As I know that, because I work out with a trainer.

SPEAKER_01 48:04

So we've been talking about like that person who doesn't know. There's also people out there who are like, I know I want to write a book, or I have a business and I want to take it to the next level. They know exactly what they want to do, but they just need a little push on like what's going to get them there. And so maybe that's a dreamer, maybe that's somebody who just, you know, hasn't fully finished that. And I work with people like that too who are like, I want to write a book and they have no idea where to start. It's not like I'm an editor that I know all the steps, but we talk through what would be a place and a way for you to get started. And if there are other resources or helps that I can suggest or offer, I do that along the way too. So whether it's growing their business, starting a business from scratch, writing a book, ending a career well because you have other things that you want to do. And how do you do that? And how do you move into retirement? I have other people who have had to take care of a child or a parent or a sick spouse, and you're not the same after that. Sometimes you just want to do something different career-wise, or you need to figure out who you are after you've spent all this time just being there for somebody else. And that's a hard thing to go through, but I have a lot of experience with it. So I can walk alongside someone.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

So it sounds like the majority of what you're doing is you're really unlocking the potential of someone. Yeah. Which, and I think it should be noted that I whatever stage of life you're in or wherever you're at, that there are things in you and there are dreams that people have. And it's I think it's important not to stuff those down. Yeah. Um, so if you have those stirrings or that I think not just stirrings, I think on the flip side, you're gonna have you can have the people like, oh, I'm I want to do something new. And you on the flip side you have the same person who's like, I'm just not happy. Yeah. I just feel like, is this it? Yeah. And I think what you're saying is there's there's an opportunity for growth with this kind of a service. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:09

That's why I called my company Revealing Potential Coaching.

SPEAKER_00 50:13

We would have been great. Okay, so for the people who are interested, yes, say why don't you say it one more time of the name of your business and how they can contact you, and we will make sure we put all of this in the notes as well. Great.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

So my business is called Revealing Potential Coaching, and my website is just laurestansbury.com, super easy to find. And if you want to just set up a time to have a conversation, you just book an appointment. It's a discovery appointment, 30 minutes complimentary. I also have a retreat that I'm doing May 22nd in the Cincinnati area where you could just spend four hours of time with me, nature, God, a little creativity, and just have a chance to maybe explore like what's going on in you right now and what might you want to do with it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

What if you don't have a strong belief in God yet?

SPEAKER_01 51:08

I love to help people explore that. And I have worked with people who don't want to talk about faith. So I think that's okay too. I love asking this question of people, it's very deep sometimes when you ask it and they don't know. What is your compass that drives your life? Oh. So if you don't have faith in God, it's different. And some people don't know. And I would say it's where do you spend most of your time? What do you spend your money on? How do you make life decisions? How do you know if you're supposed to marry that person or buy a car or move to a different place? There's something that guides you. Sometimes it's other people, sometimes it's financial gain, but there's always something that's doing that, and it's a great place to start.

SPEAKER_00 51:58

But I think knowing your compass and knowing who you are, you know, like those are that's that's really the the key. Of course, we obviously know that Jesus is our compass. Yes. But I have also spun myself in circles trying to do things my own way. It doesn't feel like that. Well, as we always say, that's when that's when we fail a hundred percent of the time. Well, I mean, I wouldn't consider them all failures because sometimes I think I'm doing it pretty well, and then I found it later on like I made that so much harder for myself.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

Well, and I I would say it's just you fell down. Not like you failed forever, and failure is sometimes the best teacher, and we can go back and look at not necessarily why something happened, but I always like to look at what did you learn from it. Oh, yeah. And yeah, there's been plenty of seasons I've had where I'm like, there's no reason why this happened, but I have to just understand what.

SPEAKER_00 52:57

Well, I have loved this. I hope you come back and you're gonna come back because we're gonna talk about sex. You kept her at a minimum. I was just going to say you kept her at a minimum of one vulgar thing.

SPEAKER_02 53:11

Are me? You kept me at a minimum? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 53:14

Okay, because I'm the vulgar one. Well, because I behave if you listen last week, I said nothing. That's a bold-faced lie. We all know it. I mean luckily there is no video this week for And I'm very sorry because I really wish there was. But you know what? When I say that uh I don't have it all together sometimes, I I truly don't. But that's all right, because we're gonna bring Lori back again sometime. I I And then we'll have the video. Truly hope so, because it has been an absolute like just joy to like bounce some things off.

SPEAKER_02 53:48

Oh, absolutely. And you know, her what her life experience, uh as we say, which I we jokingly about sex, but just having, you know, to be a caretaker and then also to be the reverse having someone care for you.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

We've had 10 years of medical things.

SPEAKER_00 54:05

Yes, because we really didn't touch on that at all this time that she has spent a tremendous amount of time, not uh the emotional toll of being a caretaker, a breadwinner, amongst trying to do everything else that you had in your life. Like that's a it's a whole separate episode. It really is to be continued. To be, yeah, wait, really, to be continued. Truly. Well, thanks for joining us. And thank you for listening. And we will see you next week. Bye.