My Kid Is Old Enough to Do What?!

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore. I'm Casey Bryant. Man oh man. We are recording for the very first time on a Sunday.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

I know we're in our Sunday bus, but then I realized that mine is fading into the background with my peach.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

That's alright.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

That's all good.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

It's all right. I feel like I'm fading because I did not self-tan this week. And I now I've now I've gotten used to the look and I feel a little ill looking.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Not nearly as pale as I am. But we are on our Sunday bus because we went to church. We did. We just went to church.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

So And this is big news. This is this is big news. We went to a place for two weeks in a row. Yes, first time ever. And I think we've decided we're going back for a third.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

And we're bringing our families. Yes. Well, one, because I middle school program is so big for me. And talking to them after a service saying we did. We walked up. This is big. When I say we walked up, I s I mean I kind of followed you because I'm like, normally I'm the one who's like, whoo, and I'm like, no, you I pushed you in front of me.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Well, also, she said I'm gonna let you choose the seat this week, and I need you to let you know is I was going to do that regardless. Because I have failed the past few. I don't know. We've been doing this for like a month or so now, and every time every time she sits us in a weird spot, and it's because we've gone to the left and to the back. Always.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

But I've always managed to put us behind children. Sometimes they're very cute, sometimes they're distracting. I'm not anti-children. No, not at all, not at all. But I don't know how I managed to do it. But I every time it's so I said you're picking the, you're like, I know I am.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Okay. So I'm like, we're moving, we're moving up closer. So if you are just joining us for the first time, you know, well, you don't know. So let me just briefly tell you, we have been kind of on a journey of Casey's looking for a new home church. I am, and I'm exploring what is out there. I still have a home church, but I am welcome to finding out what else is out there. A, so I can help make where I am better. Or B, maybe I'm being called somewhere else. I don't know. Yeah. So that's kind of where that is. I I okay, I know you said you wanted to say the place we're going. I don't want to do that yet.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Okay, great. We don't say it yet.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Because not everybody's listening to us from where we are.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Oh, that's true, story. So don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

So let me just tell let me okay, let's just talk about. We got out of church today, and I think the word the quote I said was no notes.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Yeah, you did say that. Because and the reason why we came back the second week is because last last week when we went, we really enjoyed it. We loved worship, even though I really didn't know the songs that they were singing, but man, they were engaged. And there was just such a big mix of of people who who were coming there. I would I think we both agreed like 50% of them were like 30 early 30s, 20s.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I had to have been 35 and younger. Yes. And there's a notable difference between where we are in our mid-40s and where you are in your mid-30s and under. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

It it was and it was so great to see that. And the person who did the message was one of their associate pastors. So we wanted to come back to hear what their senior pastor. I guess you call him a senior pastor. I don't know what they call him, but he was great. Yeah, he was fan fantastic. The message was on I'm dating. Oh my gosh, I want to give it to all my children.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

I will also be making my children watch it or listen to it. So good. Uh it was an excellent message. But I will tell you what I really liked is that last week the message was on singleness. I can say it was a a good message, but I wasn't like super resonating with it because it's just not my thing. But I liked how this pastor in particular said, Hey, it's been a really long time since I've been in this. But let me tell you what stage I am in dating, and that's that I'm encouraging as a parent and I'm encouraging you guys how to do it right. So it really flipped my brain immediately. I think maybe his message was to the point where I would have gotten there immediately or eventually, but it really helped flip my brain.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Because he he's in the same age range that we are. Yeah. That was very clear by his references on what when he was dating, there was no iPhone, there was no internet. Yes. I'm like, oh I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

I know how old you are. This is this was our era. Yes. This was our era, which was which is great. Now, aside from the message, I thought I thought was amazing. Let's talk about some of the things that we really liked. I was shocked.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

One, I was shocked by at the end of service, they had a time for you to respond to service, whether it get communion, get prayer, say, hey, I I I want to follow Jesus for the first time. And they had stations. And I love that they put on this on the screen where to go.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Where to go. Yeah, it was really simple to fit. And I like that it was not, hey, stay if you want to respond. Like we're doing this as a community. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

And it's not very large. No. Like compared to what we're used to. It's it's not very so you wouldn't have to put that on the screen, but it was such a nice little nice little touch. I was like, oh, I know exactly where to go because it's on the screen. It's telling you where I should go.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

So many positive, like I just I found myself nodding. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

First time in worship that I actually raised my hands in very long time.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

You were also dancing. I don't know if you realized it. But you were really bopping. I naturally am a bopper, you know, and there's been a lot of places that we've been that like sway. I don't know if my sway, I may have been the only person swaying. Yeah. But have you ever I I have a theory that this is non-churchy, but there are people who when they hear music, it's like nothing to them. And others that I'm like, they either are start moving or start singing along. Oh, I start moving. And I am a move, sing along person. And there's other, you know, like I have other family members that I'm like, they are totally unaffected by it.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Yes. And I am a I all over, all over the place. Even if I don't like like the beginning, like their worship at the very beginning, I didn't didn't know the songs. I was swaying, listening to the songs, but the very last song that they did in response that uh we knew. Yes. And I was like, oh, I haven't heard oh, I haven't heard this one in a while and I needed to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

I know I will fall in. I it's common knowledge of people around me that I am a closed eye worshiper, which is why I like knowing the songs. Yes. Because I'm easily distracted.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Oh yeah, by because they had they had somebody up front who was who was a dancer. And most churches do, to be honest with you. I know, I thought of that too. Oh, we we yep, yep.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Whether it is somebody on stage or somebody just standing in front of me. So I was like kind of like, you know, like half-eye, you know, like kind of doing the winky thing, like, okay, am I singing the right things? Because you don't want to get caught up in it and then you feel like you know the flow and then you sing the wrong thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Which I did today, which is like, okay, you've got to open your eyes back up.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

Like, however, they're doing this is not like I wasn't even trying to sing, I was just listening.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

It was about the blood, the blood, the blood, and then it was said the love, the love, and I was like, So blood. But it's of course if you're listening to this, you're like the blood.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

What?

SPEAKER_00 7:21

I'm hoping if you were like, if you're into, you know.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Yes. But I loved also how he addressed that. Like when he was talking about dating, he said, Hey, I am from from now on, I am talking about people who are following Jesus. And if that's not you, totally, totally cool. But some of this is gonna sound weird. Yeah, no, no, I like I said, no notes. I thought it was great. And we talked about the the people who actually the people the prayer team. The prayer team were all young. For well, for the most part, the maj like what I saw, and a mix of males and females. I to see young males praying over people like I was shocked.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I was so happy. You know, like one of the things that is like been my biggest thing of like I'm not seeing enough prayer outside of corporately praying. Yeah. That there are prayer teams. I will say I did there I saw more of a response at one of the churches that we visited that there was a lot of they were coming and droves, and I loved it. This one was just this one this one hit me in a different way because I was just seeing young people not only coming up for prayer, I was seeing young people being a part of the praying. And I we drove separately. Yeah. So I called my husband in between and I said, well, one of the things that I thought was so cool about this is and it's and and and times are different. But I remember being on staff at churches in my 20s.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

And one of the things that there were so many people who were still older than me at that point that it was like, hey, you'll get your turn to do some of these things. They they're bringing them in. This was just this was different. And I understand the times are different because I'm an old lady now, apparently, especially when it comes to all this.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

And but it's for it's for me, it's also fascinating that uh their pastor who was who is our age, mid-40s, late 40s, real is relatable to this next generation. Clearly he is, because they they they are there. Yeah, like I said, no notes. I'm not saying it was perfect, let me just because I don't think any church is. I mean, he literally, I think his children are younger than our child. Well, I mean, they're probably they're in they're in our age range of our kids, and I'm like but they they still think he's how long were you married before you had kids? Two years. Okay. So our first kid was we were married in 2002. Uh-huh. First kid 20, 2004. Same. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Literally, same, same. Same same. Same things. Twins. Yeah. So it yeah. All that being said, it was like, okay, you know, but I didn't feel like even though everyone was younger, that I didn't belong there. Yes. Which was just great. So I I I think I don't want to like keep harping on this because if you're like, this isn't where everybody else is. I'm just saying, listen, if you have been following along with us, then you know, like there's we are well aware that everybody in this age and stage of life are going through some sort of a transition.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

And some transitions in life you can absolutely prepare for. Like you know this is what's coming. And there are things that you can, there are changes that you're gonna go through because something changes, a job changes, a relationship changes, like your heart changes in in some way that you're like, okay, I was not prepared for this. Family dynamics change. Family dynamics change. And I'm gonna tell you two changes that hit me like a ton of bricks this week. Okay. The first one, out of nowhere, yesterday. I'm doing we did some yard work, just some chores and that kind of stuff, and I'm sitting down after that, kind of waiting and scrolling through TikTok. Yes. And it was it was like a mom posting about her son, and it says, you know, if you're wondering why I'm struggling with this, it's because I'm still mentally here. And it was her clearly her son is like getting ready to graduate, and she's posting a picture of like him at his preschool graduation or kindergarten graduation. Now, I need to, we have both been through graduating. You have graduated two kids. Yep. And I have graduated one from high school and one from college. Same kid. But we've been through, you know, two of those, okay. I was a blubbering mess just from watching one thing, knowing my child is going to graduate next year.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Yeah, you have an incoming senior.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

I have an incoming senior. I don't know if it's because it's my boy. I don't know if it's because what I went through to have him, you know, we went through all this infertility and all this stuff, but I about lost it. So then I sent it to my husband, and I am still, you know, right. Yeah. And so I look at him and all of a sudden I see him take his glasses off, and he's doing this. And so then I told Sam later on. I was like, you know, your dad and I saw this thing, and I'm just telling you, I didn't know I was gonna react this way, but I'm gonna really struggle next year. And and I think last year I or last time I did this, and you've done this too, like there's the whole sports part, you know, there's senior nights and there's all these recognition things, and Sam's not a sports kid. Yeah, so there's not my normal things that I look forward to. It's just the stage is going to change.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Oh, yeah, it's it's gonna be different.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Times are changing. But I'll also when I'm telling Sam, I'm like, and your dad cried, he goes, No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Of course, because they they don't want to say that they cried.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Anyway, all that being said, I was like, okay, now you ready for life change number two? Yes. I think I dropped a little bit of a bomb last week where I said Elena wants to get married. Did you say that? I did say that on here.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

Well, I mean of course okay, keep on.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Okay. Well, I think it's a bomb for people of like not that she's wanting to get married. First of all, kids these age, I don't really know what's happening. I don't know the order of things. Yes. But they have signed up for premarital counseling. Are they engaged? No, that's why I'm confused about the order. I it's it's upcoming. Has he has he asked permission?

SPEAKER_02 13:42

These are the things that are out of order for my brain. I mean, if we're if we're going old school ways, and and that's what's because traditionally, yeah. Like when we grew up, and even Doug, Doug asked my twin brother for for permission for my hands. That's because that's what I said, because I'm like, my dad just came in my life, I don't know him. Yeah. You're gonna ask permission, ask for for my brother, and he did. But nowadays I don't know if that's normal or not.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

I think it is normal.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

I don't know if you're I know Matt 100% asked for permission.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Yes, he did. Yes, he did. And he said, I'm gonna view my dad as terrifying. He was like, I was terrified.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

And and and for you that would be very normal because you guys grew up in a very Christian, yeah, you know, religious background. So that's very normal. So the fact, you know, Doug and I doing it, it was more out of that's just at that point in time the very the norm of what you would do. So what we are dealing with in my house right now. Okay, we probably went off subject, but no.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

No, no, no, no, no, it's okay. It's yeah, I'm because I I want to get into it. I want to know if he asked permission. That's what I want to know. So they have been dating for about six months, which I I I can't say anything. I know. I I I I know. Uh Matt and I we got married after five years. So, but I mean we were we started a lot younger. Yes. They are both 22. We were married at 22. So that I'm I'm not I'm not hating at the age. I'm not, you know, I think when you know that you know. She has been a part of several other relationships before, which you know I she was never this sure before. But she is a hundred percent sure. They are very sure. They are very sure, and I think they were very sure very early. How did how do the siblings like I can speak on behalf of my children? That's what I mean. This is weird for them. Okay. This is not an unacceptance, it's just weird.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Oh, it's it's a it's a different it's different. It is. I mean, because you're talking moving out of the house, uh having her now once again, if we go biblically, she is leaving her mother and father and starting her own family.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

So one of the things that when she had told me, Hey, I think this is this is who I want to marry. Yeah, and that was getting that vibe from him, although I hadn't heard him say it. I would say I was starting to hear this about six to eight weeks ago. Wow. I know. Okay. And I was like, okay, I'm going to have to start inserting myself into your conversations a little bit more. So I I will say he has opened up more, just yeah. You know, I think he's probably more comfortable with with us. But some of the things that I she had said, hey, we're thinking about doing premarital counseling. And I was like, okay, we'll hold your horses, because what does that mean? Yeah. Because to my knowledge, you have not asked your dad. We have not had any conversations like the four of us. I would suggest even if you want to have a conversation with the, you know, like the four of us, I mean like them and us, like it is non-negotiable that he talks to your dad on his own. That is like non-negotiable for us.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And so you are, you are expecting him to ask, Matt.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

So what I thought was interesting is this has been a request of his family that they do this first.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

Really?

SPEAKER_00 17:16

And I don't know if this is common in the church that they attend. You visited this church. I did visit this church. I know what church this is. Okay. So I don't know if that's a prerequisite of what that or they just think it's wise. And I'm not, and actually, I'm not anti it in any way.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

So they brought home the questionnaire of all the things they have to fill out beforehand. And she was like, Did you have to do this? And I was like, We did, but I feel like mine was more like bubbles that you fill in, like on a scale of like one to ten. They weren't like major like fill out paragraphs. And it was like, What was your earliest memory with your mom? Oh. What was your dad's thoughts of, you know, like when they first had you? Like, so it was like you had to interview your parents as much as like, and then it was like, what was the worst time with your parents? And I was like, Oh man, like I know. And and and just general things like what are your what are opinions about sex? Have you had sex before? You know, like what are your boundaries? What are your what's your baggage? Oh have you been through any abuse? You know, what are your financial like bring your pay stubs? We're gonna budget.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Oh wow. Are you in debt? Are you all of that? All the things. How many kids? Like mine was legitimately, we had to fill out a questionnaire. How many kids do you want? You know, like same, like the budget, kind of all that kind of stuff. And then the pastor looked at him, he said, Okay, you guys are compatible, and that was it.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Great. Did you only have one? Yeah. Okay. I think we went several weeks, maybe, maybe four. I don't I don't know that for sure, but it was like four. And it was and technically, like it was my parents' pastor because they were the one we had just graduated from college, so we were not actively plugged in to a church yet. So I knew this pastor, but I mean like he wasn't like he didn't know us outside of So when is so they've already had their very first So they have been counsel? So they have been matched with a couple who will be doing the counseling for them. Oh, fascinating. Yeah. So it's not anything like I've encountered. I don't. Oh. I don't. Curious. I did find out their name. I do plan on stalking that. Oh. Um, but I have not done it yet. Absolutely. I'm shocked I haven't, but I mean, like, life's been a little bit crazy since all this is happening. Yeah, I'm that's that's a huge so let me just jump back for just so like six, eight weeks ago, when I'm hearing this, I was like, okay, help me help you. Or maybe I need you to help you help me. Yeah. Like just kind of come to terms with all this. Because I'm not anti-any of this. I just I don't want to feel like it's rushed. But also who am I to stop when you know? When you if you know, you know.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

You know, you know. And also depending upon the engagement. I mean, it could be a six-month engagement, it could be a year-long of engagement. Oh, they wanted to be able to get away. So I said you're looking at me like, so she already knows the answer to the engagement.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

I said, you know, this is prior to me like like interjecting myself in their personal conversations, yeah. Before you start this, for you to get to like kind of the six-month mark. Because there's a couple reasons here. A, I'd like to meet as family.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Yeah. When's that happening? Today.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

It's happening today, people.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Oh, it is it's happening today.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Oh my gosh, this is a lot of stress on one day. Maybe not stress, it's a lot in one day. Okay. But also, he is graduating with his master's. Okay. Oh, also, let me just say, I asked permission if I could talk about this today. Yes. Also, my daughter edits this podcast. She does. And loves you. We love Elena. And while she is editing, he is sitting right next to her on the couch with an AirPod in his ear, and he is also hearing it. Oh, is he? Hi, he's not, I mean, not every time, but yes, many times. But I bet they both listen to it.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

I do know you. He is a very, very nice young man.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I do there's no hesitation on what kind of a the character of who he is. Yes, and how he would treat her. There there's no hesitation there. It's just a this is and I told Elaine, I'm like, listen, you are my most precious thing in the entire world. I know. You made her from scratch with the help of God. You are the answer to my so many prayers. And I now have to give you to someone.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

It's hard.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

And I I don't know what that looks like. I don't, I don't know. I mean, I obviously I watched my parents do it for me, but that's not the perspective of what you have. Yeah, like then.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

No. So because when we're when when it's actually us getting married, we're all excited and we're like, oh my parents, you know, we're done I'm done. Like, yeah. They've they've done their job. And on this side of it, it's It's really really different. Yeah. Because you're like, I'm not done raising you. I don't think I am.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

And I'm having to come to terms with when they get married, am I am I done? Oh no. You still called your mom. No, I still call my mom every day. I know.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

But as far as raising, yes, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

But there is a point where like just I there is a yes, I still need my mom. Oh it's more advice. And I'm so blessed to to have her. Yeah. You know, but there is a point where you have to say there is a point where the input changes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Where you're you're not raising your giving advice. So I become more of a friend-ish.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Ish. Yeah. Ish. Parenting-ish. Parenting-ish. Because at some point they become parents.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

And then you don't give, you don't even get to because you're probably saying that. And they should, because like I said biblically, it is. They are leaving us. Like when our children get married, they are leaving their parents and starting their own family. Yeah. And when that happens, we we don't get to insert all of our opinions. No.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

No, we don't.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

We we don't get to tell them how they should, you know, what that what we we can give them advice on what we did wrong. Like that's that's kind of what like maybe maybe think about that because your dad and I did this and that and it put us in financially, you know, strain. Like, don't buy a house thinking that's gonna solve your problems or you know, stupid stuff like that that we did. But really, you also have to let them kind of fail and pick themselves up and figure it out on their own, too.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And I think one of the things that I have said to her in many different things, in many different arenas of life, of I've wanted to counsel her financially, I've wanted to counsel her spiritually, I've wanted to counsel her. I'm gonna say this is gonna come out weird, but like I've had really frank talks about, you know, sex of where I have messed up in things.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Yeah, I agree. I've done that with all my child with my children.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

The ones that that at that make sense at this point in time.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

And and and not like frank and disgusting. It's just like these are the things that boundaries I wish I would have had. And the even in times of marriage, I'm like, it's gonna get hard.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

And I want it to be a gift for you. But all okay, so let me just back up just slightly. I had said I'd like you to get to the six-month mark because there's a couple things happening at your six-month mark, just the way it's happening on the calendar.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

He's graduating with his master's.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

He is starting his big boy job.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Oh, he got a job already.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Did it's a great job.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Oh, good for him.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

It's a great job. Very excited for them.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

It's very local too.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Local, yes. So he's graduating with his master's in May.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

I think Elena was like really towing back and forth if she was gonna go back to school and get her master's, and she's decided like right now, like that's not the right move.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Okay, good for her.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

I don't know if it's a forever, but like right now, it's like if it doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

So there's no pressure.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

So yeah, they're kind of figuring things out. But I said, you know, when you get to this six-month mark, you when you start this premarital counseling, like part of the things that you talk about is gonna be finances. And it's hard to play with an imaginary budget of finances.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

When she starts his job, like there's a very there's tangible numbers to play with.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

And there's also real-world job stress that he's probably not experiencing at the his current job. And and and it's hard to it, it's hard. Listen, you can say this is how I'm gonna handle stress. Well, you don't know shit until you're in it. Until you're in it. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

And when you merge finances together, and yes, you know, and I have friends, family who do finances with their spouses all over the board. Meaning I have family who are or you know, or friends who completely separate. Their husband has their own bank account, they have their own bank account, and then they one will put money into the one that pays the bills. And then if if the other person runs out, they're out. Are you a joint? Oh, we're a joint 100%. Okay, we're a joint 100% too. Everything goes into one account and everything gets paid out, and it that just that's just the way that all and we've always been that way.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Yep, yep, yep. Now, I still think there's ways that uh we could do it better.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Oh, yeah. Um but and does my husband make a significant amount more money than I do? Yes, yes, yes, he does. And does he hold it over my head saying I'm my money's pay? No, it's always ours.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

No, but I will say I spend significantly more than I do too. I I do too. Sorry. I know, but that's why they love us. I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Well, anyway, that uh But that's a that's also so when you're saying that, when you're at six months and and you're starting brand new jobs and you're very young and all of this, and you're bringing all of that together, yes, and you don't know yet like how how it's gonna work, like okay, who are the bills going in your name? Are they going to my name? Or is the house going like are we renting? Are we buying? Like all of those things.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

So I that's what I had kind of this. We're going back six to eight weeks here, where I was like, I'd like this to not like there's some things I want to happen beforehand. Like I want him to graduate, I want him to start his job, I want to meet his family, and then I want you to sign up. Yeah. Okay. So I don't know, it was a week, two weeks ago, I don't remember. I hear them kind of having like a conversation adjacent to me. We have a small house. So I mean, honestly, if you're having a conversation, like you're adjacent to me.

unknown 28:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Um, in in some way, shape, or form. And I'm kind of hearing, like, I'm not listening, but I I think I'm hearing, no, you tell, no, I, you know, like I'm like, it tell me what the noise was like kind of happening, and I'm like, are they? And all of a sudden I'm hearing like, okay, I think they're like, I need to interject at this point. Yeah. And I'm like, tell, I'm sorry, what? What do you need to tell me? And so he comes and he was like, We have something to show you. And I'm like, Oh no. And I'm like, am I, am I, is it a ring? Like, because this is not what we talked about. Yes. And he shows me a book. He's like, we signed up for premarital counseling or pre-engagement counseling, whatever we're calling it. It is premarital counseling. We can call it whatever it is. And she's like saying nothing, like, I wish you could see her face. Maybe you will. And I'm like, oh, okay, okay, okay. Let's, let's, let's breathe. Let's not like the first words coming out of my mouth, because I wanted to be. This is not what we talked about. And so they said, listen, like, there's a demand for the this counseling. So we just put our names on the list. Oh, great. Well, so they're being proactive. One could say that. They're like, but we were paired. Oh. So it was like, when did we put ourselves on this list? Six day weeks ago. Not six day weeks ago. I think it was. I think they said they did it on Good Friday. Oh, okay. So I was like, okay, okay. It's not so after that's about after they leave. After not no. Good Friday. It was this month. Oh, it was this month. Oh yeah. I know. This has been a very fast month and a very slow month, you know. All at the same time. Okay, keep warm. So they so they they say, okay, this is and I'm like, okay. So she says goodbye to him. He goes home, and I'm like, okay, girlfriend, we need to chat. And she's like, Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. And I was like, she's like, I was just nervous because I didn't listen. But like I was like, okay, well, now's the time to listen. Yeah. We're not doing this until some of these conversations have been had. Yeah. So meeting the parents. The meeting of the parents. Now, I I don't think he needs to ask for permission at this point, but I said the conversations like you're doing it out of order.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

Now there's many things they are doing in order. Yes. You know? Yeah. I mean, I my very best friend, her daughter got married last year. And they practically had a wedding date before they were engaged. I it's but I just think this generation is doing things a little bit differently. And now they are a lovely couple seeking Jesus. Like it just time-wise, like it felt out of order for us. And so they did a very private ceremony and they did a reception, I don't know, like five, six months later. I don't know what Elena is going to choose to do. But but I know my friend and I, we kind of mourned, we didn't like I think what we imagined having daughters around the same age.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

We were going to get to do the showers and the wedding planning and all of these going to the shopping for the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

There was all these things that we thought we were going to get to experience together. Going to get a pedicure before, you know, like it just these these things. And it is becoming a parent. A parent. As parents, we're not going to get these same experts, we're not going to get these experiences that we thought we were going to get together. And not because geographically we don't live in the same place. We're just it's just not it's just different. It's just different. And I think when we got married, there was just like there was a way that you did it. And there was just no veering away from it. Yeah. It was yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

I taught we I talked about this because I did a wedding this yesterday. Yeah. I I, by the way, this place that I did it in Warsaw, Kentucky, amazing. It's little it's a bread and break bed and breakfast. It's also in events. And they can't hold 200 people. It is by the river, gorgeous. It looks like you're in another world.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

It's maybe I need to take notes.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Maybe I don't. I don't know. But I was talking about how when we got married, it was so different because when we were married, we all got married in a church and then we drove to the reception. Oh, yes. And then nowadays it's everyone's getting married at the same place where the reception is. Like it is all, and very rarely is it out of church.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Well, let me back up like okay, in these six to eight weeks that we've been having these conversations, I said I'm going to start interjecting myself into your conversations. I'm sure she's really happy about that. In my head. Now, when they are hanging out of my house, they are hanging out like next to me. Yeah. You know, like so they're in my living room. They are, and we're not leaving the living room just because you're there.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

That's the hub of our house. And I I love that peop my for the most part my kids hang out with us. Yes. And I don't think that's now hold on. I do have a 13-year-old who spends a lot more time in her bedroom.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Same one. My youngest does too. I don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

We try and it's a whole different conversation. That's not a today conversation. It's a different conversation. But they still come and spend time with us. And we just I feel so super blessed. Yeah. That that's we're still doing that. But they're they're chatting, and you know, like there was he said something, and I don't I d truly don't remember, so I don't want to put words into his mouth. But for whatever reason, I was like, this is your moment. Yeah. This is your moment. Speak up. And I said, okay. So if you were to have your own timeline of things.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Yeah. Oh. What were they?

SPEAKER_00 34:21

I clearly want to get married. And they're both like, yeah, we do. You know, it's cute. I said, if you could choose your own timeline outside of what jobs, finances, par parental expectations. Yeah. If you got to choose the timeline, what does this look like? And they're kind of looking like, do we say this out loud? You know, like I could see they're having this telepathic conversation of like, do we, you know, and the answer was this year. Oh. 2026.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

That that there is there is only seven months left in 2026.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

Now this is quick. So, but I think the parental expectations of his family is that it is not this year. Oh, interesting. But I do believe the engagement will be this year.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

Soon. Sooner.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Sooner. You're saying within a month. I'm saying I don't know how long pre-engagement counseling takes, but yeah, right after. Okay, great. I don't know how long that takes. I and I asked I did ask that, and they're like, well, we go through a book, we go through all of these things, and we don't really know exactly how that, you know, if that is like guided how fast you're moving through the material or if it's a set standard.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

I don't know. Because back to back to our timeline of how it was when we grew up. We dated, the guy asked permission from father or somebody in the family. Then you went to, then you met with the church, went through whatever counseling, whatever they needed then. Then you got the reception. Then you did, and it was normally a year, typically a year engagement, sometimes longer, depending on on where, you know, depending on the place. Yeah, I was engaged for two years because I was still in school. And my parents were like, you will get, you will graduate first. And then for us, like my parents paid for my wedding, so my mom had a big say in in the wedding. So we had multiple bridal showers, depending, you know, multiple bridal showers from like my mom's side, Doug's side of the family, my friends, and then we had bachelorette, you know, parties, and we like that was the the timeline. And then also shopping with my mom. Like that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

So yeah, I had very much this very same 2002 experience, but I think that that was kind of like what it is. Like there was a say. I'm not saying that I'm not going to be a part of, you know, like all of the things, but they're very as far as like they're kind of reversing everything, meaning they're getting the premarital counseling even before they're engaged. Uh-huh. Yes, they are. And I don't think, and and from what I learned about watching my friend go through this last year, is there is not a pre considered preconceived notion of what a wedding looks like. Yeah, I think they're all, yeah. I think there's an Instagram aesthetic. But I that's not, I will say, I for a lot of people that I I see that are young people are engaged, it is kind of what that looks like. You know, they're heading the people hire wedding content creators now. What?

unknown 37:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

It's like that's like a whole thing. There's you have your photographer, you have your videographer, you have like, and then there's a content creator who's just there to create content during your wedding day.

SPEAKER_03 37:45

Why?

SPEAKER_00 37:46

It's a thing. Now, I don't think that's their thing. Okay. In fact, I'm not sure they're going to have a large wedding whatsoever. There was one conversation of maybe we have an incredibly small kind of family and very close friends only, and we just go to a restaurant afterwards, and it is not a reception.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

It is a that the wedding I did was 25 people.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

I could very easily see because they're just not attention-seeking people. Yes. And the people they're close to, they're close to, and that's that's that. But if you could do it over the end, would you do it differently?

SPEAKER_02 38:23

I would. Oh. 100%. If I could do it now, knowing what I know, I would not have the big wedding. I'm grateful because as we said, I still talk to all my bridesmaids, but all eight of them I do. But I would I would do it completely different. I would do small, maybe even destination. Okay. Not have the second, third, fourth, fifth cousins that I haven't seen. And still from the even after I got married, I still haven't seen. And only only it ha be the people who mean the the most to me.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

You know what's funny is I I just had a conversation. Well I don't remember where I had the this could have been like two days ago, and I can't remember what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

You had an eye sculpture? Yeah, I had an eye sculpture. Wow. I know. It was obnoxious. So love my wedding.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

So my okay. I totally do it differently. Oh, okay. Oh, I think I was at a girl's night, which you were invited to and you didn't go to. It was tryouts.

unknown 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Well, we had cheerling tryouts for on Friday.

SPEAKER_00 39:33

We had dance tryouts, but I didn't have to be there.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

No, I just wanted to be there for when they announced. They announced at oh they announced there. Well, they announced at eight o'clock at night.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Oh, ours was like an Instagram post. So I but I just wanted to be there. I was pretty confident. Did she make it? Oh yeah. But still. Yeah. We had dance tryouts. My daughter also like she had her tryouts. Was it for middle school? Yeah. So we weren't off topic again. Abby tried out for the high school team. Oh no. As an eighth grader, you can as an eighth grader. You can you go. But the the thing is that if you do the high school, you also have to do the middle school. Okay. So it's like she's doing double teams. Oh. And the studio. Oh. But non-compete for studio with just technical training, recitals, ballet. Anyway, I digress. The funny thing is a friend of mine and I, we pretty much identical weddings, which was just so funny. Oh, really? We got married in the same place with the same church. Oh. And reception, same place. Reception, same place. And uh which is kind of funny because she was saying our wedding was, I think she said 12 minutes, but then I saw her husband later and he corrected it was 17 minutes long. Oh, it was my wedding, it was legit an hour. It was probably the longest wedding that's ever been known to man. It was so long. All that being said, I'm so sorry if you attended my wedding and you were like, This is so long. I wouldn't, I listen, it was very 2002. I don't regret it. I loved every bit of it. We had a full communion as far as like we received communion and then we gave communion out to everybody.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

As the bride and groom gave communion to everybody who was there. We had there was performance songs, there was there was a a short message, there was readings. I think mine was 30 minutes. Oh no, I'm it was you mine might as well have been Catholic Mass. I was getting ready to say that.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

This you seem more like you went Catholic Mass. I'm Lutheran.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

I grew up Lutheran. Like I it was in the Lutheran church. I died Catholic for sure. That's the we Yes. It was the But I don't regret it. I it spoke to who I was at the time. It probably speaks to who I am now.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

I just said I love my wedding. I'm grateful for it, but if I could do it over again knowing now, I would totally do it differently.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

Now, I mean there are some things that I would change. Oh, look. Like but I didn't know uh but I wouldn't have known then. My husband's gonna kill me. I found out at the day of my wedding, yeah, that a family member of mine to be changed in my wedding flower order. So when my wedding flowers were delivered to the house, it was not what I ordered. What? That what? Yeah, yeah. Because I was like, I don't want a lot of greenery because it was very much in the 2002. Like now it's like very full, you know. It was the tight bouquet of all roses. That's what mine was. It's what I yeah, it's what I wanted. And I had roses and hydrangeas. That's what I wanted. So I still had roses and hydrangeas, but it was covered with greenery and baby's breath. Oh, and I would just start yanking that stuff out. I didn't even know what to do. So the they're delivered. I'm getting in my dress at this point when the wedding flowers are delivered, and I feel like I had my one and only bridezilla moment of the entire thing. And I'm like, and the guys, and I'm like, but it's like you're getting married in an hour or whatever. And I'm like, I distinctly remember having like the corset on and running down the steps, like I ordered. I was freaking out. Yeah. And then my mom's like, it's not about these, it is not about these. So you just need to keep that in mind. But I was angry. Oh yeah. I was angry.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

I bet that this would be a very good all the wedding drama. Because I have wedding drama.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Okay. So I mean, so there, so there was that. After my wedding, one of my family members got a DUI. Oh. Very big drama. Yeah. It was like it was like a whole thing. So we showed up the day after my wedding.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:45

And to go, all the presents went to my mom and dad's house, all the cards, all that. And we I have a massive extended family.

SPEAKER_02 43:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Okay. So and they were all meeting back at my house like afterwards, and we were gonna open our presents in front of everybody, and it was just kind of. Of like, thanks for coming, blah, blah, blah. And I show up to my house, and it is the most somber thing. And I'm like, my first thought is, oh my gosh, everybody knew I had sex. Because I was like, you know, like it was like, does everybody know? Yes, they do know. Everybody knows. I'm like, okay, is that why no one's looking me in the eye? I look defiled. You're not defiled. I know. I I know, but you know, you know what I'm saying. I do. It was like a moment. You're you're okay. So, you know, these are things that play in your head when you are, you know, like you were going through these things. And I walk in and like just nobody's looking me in the eye.

unknown 44:44

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

That's what I'm telling you. Like, it was weird. I'm like, something, something has shifted, something is weird. Yeah. My little one one of my little girl cousins is like crying. And I'm like, oh my gosh. This was like the happiest night of my life. What the heck happened? She's like, I don't know if my dad is alive. And I'm like, what happened? Anyway, so then my mom pulls me aside and she goes, I don't want to make this about other things. But some things happened overnight. Nobody's really got any sleep. But your uncle was arrested last night. And it's a Sunday. And you can't get him out of jail. Like, there's no banks open. And you can't post mine. We have literally, like, you can't use a credit card. No. And we we need you to open up your wedding cards to see if you've got some cash. No. So you can go bail them out of jail. No. Yeah. Oh, this is 100%. So we opened up all of our cards to pull out any cash. And then me, well, of course, my mom and my grandma were going to go. Yes. And my grandma's a mess, right? And so I'm kind of hearing like, and now I'm starting, people are telling me like he went, he drove, he had a rental car, he drove the wrong way on a highway. Your cousin was with him. He got out, he ran, he got away, he wasn't arrested. I love my family. Poor choices were made. This is not who they are, okay? Always.

SPEAKER_03 46:16

Always.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

So they go, they were they go back to the hotel that all of our wedding party is staying at. Yes. I don't know if this happened as a distraction or if it just happened. The fire alarm goes off.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Everybody is outside. I had one bridesmaid that apparently had night terrors who literally screamed and woke up the entire floor of the hotel. So everybody in my wedding party is up in the middle of the night witnessing all this stuff happening. So this was not a hush-hush, hey, by the way, this happened. No, everybody knows. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. So I'm being caught up to speed on all of this. We open up our wedding cards. And so my grandma and my mom were gonna be the ones who go to bail them out of jail. And I was like, I still have my hair, like because I had been like lacquered up with hairspray. Like I still have like the wedding, like the buffant of what is happening up here. And I'm gonna go get him out. Anyway, get him out, I bail him out. And my grandma was like, and I can do this on my own. I was like, oh heck no, you're not. Like, he's gonna know. And see, he's he's kind of coming. She goes, Oh, they beat him up in jail. I was like, No, he got in a car accident.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

Yeah, no, they didn't beat him up in jail.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

He didn't beat him up in jail. Anyway, all turned out for the best. Everybody's doing fine now. Different decisions have been made in life. But yeah, just you know, one little story for my wedding. All that being said, I don't think they're going to have the same kind of wedding experience that I had. I think they're going to be able to do it. I sure as hope not. Short term and slow, not the long engagement and crazy family party that I experienced. I don't think it will be that. But all that being said, there are life stages that you plan for, and there are life stages that you don't plan for. And I, as much as I'm knew that my daughters, my son were going are going to get married someday, there's just I I can meeting the other side of the family.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

Wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

I'm freaked out. I'm freaked out. And I'm watching because her boyfriend is not nervous. Although I did say, tell me what your parents are like. And he was like, they are strict and conservative, and you guys are passive and progressive. What? That is not what I would say. Not how anybody I but I think in comparison. Comparison. And we're not talking politically, just you know, he's just saying you guys are very much more laid back than my family. Okay, okay, okay. They are they homeschooled, they do, you know, they're just the life is different. I think it was definitely more structured and more sheltered. That conversation with kids, like, do they want to homeschool their kids?

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Oh, I should ask about that question. That's a big deal. I don't know. Because is Elena up for homeschooling? I would never homeschool my children.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

I'm I would I'm not anti-it for for many people. I don't think that was my law in life.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Well, I think it's it's up to the to the to the family to I do have a middle school as we have talked about many times.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

I have a middle schooler who's really struggling in the middle school era, and she asks me all the time, can you just stay home and homeschool me? Because I'm like, but no, it is the right move, but for our for her for us, not this time. Anyway, all that being said, I'm a little nervous. I think they're a few years older than we are. Okay. But it's both of our, although he I think they have an older child. Is he the youngest? Maybe he is not. He's the second of four. He's the second of four.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Okay, great.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

I mean, we're not saying all of their listen, we're not saying all their stuff. I'm just saying, hey, this is a this is different. This is a this is a new era that we are.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Well, I also because birth order is sometimes is for you know, it does matter sometimes because Elena is the oldest and the For sure.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

And I and and and what's really interesting is he is seeing how I parent her now and how I'm parenting the other ones. My third child parenting experience was so different than the first. I was so helicopter, so in on things. And I to be really honest with you, I didn't know any different. I was extremely overprotective, and I inserted myself and my foot in my mouth many times with her trying to make things right because and one of the things I think about parenting is you don't want your children to experience any of the pain and the mistakes that you have made. Oh, absolutely. It's impossible. No, you're you're gonna do it. Mistakes are they are going to be repeated in life. There are generational curses, there are just generational things you cannot protect your children from. No.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

And the third one, Faith went to her, she told me, she called me, said, I'm going to a friend's house. I'm like, okay, great. After school is like on Thursday. Seven o'clock, I'm like, oh crap, I haven't heard from her. I don't know. Do I need to come pick her up at this point? It's just it's a very different life. Oh, now we've missed dinner. I'm like, we didn't even eat with her. I'm like, it's bad. No, we did we don't.

SPEAKER_00 50:49

And you know, what's interesting is that like Elena will be like, hey, what are we doing for dinner? I'm like, oh man, I had to feed people.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

Ten years ago, Stephanie would have meal planned. Oh yeah. And just life is a little more on the fly right now. And so he, so anyway, it I think he is seeing a very passive laid-back experience. Now, I there's but always been things I've been laid back about, mostly about the cleanliness of my house. Oh, please call if you come over because you're gonna see laundry baskets. Even if you call, you're probably still gonna see a laundry basket. Yeah, I think currently there's four laundry baskets in my living room right now, and I about lost my shiz on my family this week.

SPEAKER_02 51:27

We had laundry in the dryer for a week now.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

I told Elena the other day, I was like, hey, here's the deal. I pay the mortgage, I'm not doing the dishes, I'm not mowing the lawn, and you have to put your clothes away. Yes. So anyway, all the things. We're watching our video, like saying, You're running out of time. I don't know how much time this is. So we probably like we we are 52 minutes in. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:55

We we gotta wrap this up. Well, we you have one exciting news. And interesting. I mean, I I cannot wait to hear next week how it went. Yeah. Especially after them listening to this.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Yeah. And uh hopefully in the editing, they were like, don't they don't say, hey, scrap this. This is too much. I hope not. I hope. And I really think this is not really about who they are, it's about my perspective of like, oh wow, okay, this is not a stage that I was ready for, but it's happening.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Yeah, and that's we're we're I hate to say with stage again, but that's that's where we are in life, is you know, I have Belle who was great, who'll be a senior next year, and she's been dating a boy, which who we love since they've been 16 years old. And so that conversation is going to be happening, even though she very clearly said that they will not get married for a very long time. Yeah, I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 52:50

I I I just I yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:52

Well, here we here we are from middle school trying out to children talking and and getting married.

SPEAKER_00 53:00

And here's the thing I mean welcome to our life. Shoot, yeah. I don't know. I here all the stages and and the thing is is like the when I hit the stage with the next one, it'll be really different. And when I hit it with the next one, it'll be very different. Yeah. And even when you've been through some of these things, or even if you're not, you're adjacent. I I I don't know. I I think I think there's things you prepare for and the things you you can't, and there are things that take you by surprise. I don't know. So what I'm saying is please DM me if you have been through this. If you've walked alongside somebody, because mama doesn't know what she's doing. Oh and uh you guys won't hear this until after it's all finished.

SPEAKER_02 53:39

Yeah. Oh, I can't wait.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

But here we go. Let's do it. All right. Well, we have overstayed our welcome in your ears. We will see you next week with maybe some news. Bye.