We Know the Assignment… But We Keep Forgetting It

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome back to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore and I'm with Casey Bryant.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

We I look that you're laughing already.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Okay, one, can can I talk about I went to Starbucks to get us some coffee today. And driving by Starbucks, there was a line of people wrapped around this little shopping center. Yeah, I knew exactly what it was for. I had zero clue. And it was blocks long. And I'm like, what is going on? So what what would what was the reason?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

So what is happening is there was a needle drop. And if you are a parent of a younger one or in the education field, which makes sense, which makes sense because these are like think they think they're like a squishy fidget together. So yeah, I actually visited Learning Express last week. My kid was having a bad day, and I was like, I'm just gonna stop in and see if they have a squishy. She's talked about this stupid butter squishy thing for months, and I'm like, I don't know where you get this thing. I got it half off for$6.50.$6.50 for a butter squish that wasn't even like some of the like the writing was like squished on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

So parents are willing to wait in this line for a squishy.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah, for these are for squishies, the needo brand specifically. And so they posted this picture saying, like, hey, we got this big shipment, and we're gonna open our store, normally opens up at 10 a.m. We are gonna open up at 7 a.m. And so Abby, I tell Abby this, I was like, Oh, they got their Nido shipment, and she said, Oh, we should go. And I was like, Well, I'll I'll look. And then all of a sudden I saw that people started camping out at midnight. And so I woke up, I took my dog out, I kind of glanced at it at 5 a.m. The post that I saw was back from 4 a.m. and the line was already like 75 deep. And I was like, no way. And the fact that it is now, what time is it now? 10, 10 a.m. And it's still and it's still wrapped, that's a crazy talk.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

No way. Shocked. Now, granted, I think my mom did this for cabbage patch dolls back in the day.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Can I tell you how I got my cabbage patch dolls? Oh, yes. It's such a sweet story. My my dad worked for the Airlines. Yeah. And this was like the big hunt for all of them. Now, I don't truly understand all of the nuances that went on to actually get this for me, but my dad brought me to work. Obviously, this is like a pre-9-11 thing. This is like 1984, 1985, okay? Yep. And they let me go onto the plane. What? Yeah, I'm this is the early eight, like early mid-80s. They let me go onto the plane. Samantha Eileen is unboxed, buckled up in a seatbelt with all of her little travel stuff, and I got to adopt her off the plane.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Oh my gosh. That is extra. Is that not a well, I'm you clearly it's it's a it's a vivid memory. It is a oh gosh, it was the uh most favorite thing I had. My mom actually bought one of ours from a one of her friends who was a a stewardess, but what I can't even think of the correct name for it. But back then, and when she was out of town, she would go buy them, and so then she sold them from her house.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

And I'm sure that's how mine somehow got, you know, because it clearly didn't come from anywhere and we were.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Ah, I know. Well But instead, you know, now you're waiting in line for these. What was your cabbage patch dolls' name? Do you remember? I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Oh, see, I remember Samantha Hile.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

But mine did have silk hair.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Oh. Oh, the corn. That was a thing. Yeah, that was a thing. But now I look at them and I'm like, I remember like when my girls they I mean, they you could still buy cabbage patch dolls. And I remember trying to give like one to my daughter and she's like, this doll's creepy.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

It was born in a cabbage patch. Cabbage patch kids growing in a garden. Oh wow. Okay, so you're you're pulling from the depths. I there was a record that I used to listen to. Oh, wow. Like cabbage patch record. My brother and I used to sing to it.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Mine, well, my mom made a scrapbook for mine that like came preloaded with her journeys before she came to me. My mom could say she's not extra, but Debbie, you were extra.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

And I love it. Xavier Xavier Roberts Roberts signed their butt.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Listen, if you're in the right age group for this, this is all makes sense to you. If you are our you know, Elaine who's gonna be editing this, is gonna have no idea what's happening. She's such a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

It was a big deal. And then was it dumpster patch kids? Garbage patches. Garbage patch.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

No, it was garbage pale kids.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Garbage pale kids. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Yeah, like the little trading cards.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Oh, yeah, love those too. Anyway, sorry. We totally went.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Can you tell when we grew up? Yeah, 100%. Uh-huh. Oh, goodness. So I okay, so our weeks were my week was crazy busy. Like, insanely busy. Coming off of vacation work was nonstop for me. But yeah, catching up is the last.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Yeah, it just I totally ignored everything. Like I did not open up my phone, my emails until I sat at my desk in the office on Monday. And then I opened up everything.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

So the good news about my job is that even though I'm dealing with a book of accounts, they are still being worked on by other people while I'm gone. But when I got home, the somebody else was going on vacation. So it was like two weeks in a row where our small department was down a person. So they held it together while I was gone. I gotta tell you, like we barely held it together while the other person was gone. It was just it was just a busier week. Anyway, so it was non-stop. And but before our work week started.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Oh yes. It was this was church number four. Four for me, maybe. I think it was four for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

I think it was church number four for me. Church number four. And let me just say this. We have kind of hype, we spent more time on some, more time, uh less time on others. I don't want to I don't want to give like the the lowdown of every church that we visited. True. I agree with that. Because obviously this is like a place for everyone, and not everybody's even local. And we don't want people we're getting messages of like, let me guess what church you were at.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

And I which is that has been fascinating of people reaching out and saying, Hey, you talked about this church, you said this happened. I can can are you willing to tell me what church it is? And I'm like, Yes, on a one-on-one conversation. I have no problem. And and the truth is, is that like I so many people who are listening are are not looking. We had our first, our first person come with us who was like, I know you're church shopping. Oh my gosh, yes, somebody joined us, which was amazing. One of my friends, her and her husband, loved it. It was her birthday, by the way. So happy birthday birthday.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Okay, she said I have to say, so we walk in, I'm getting coffee. She's like, Casey's like approaching these this couple. I don't know who they are. And she goes, Do you know them? And I said, No, but I'll let me grab my coffee and then I'll then I'll come over. And so she comes over and joins me, and she was like, Hi, I I know you. Wait, are you famous? And she goes, Oh, no, no, no, no. She goes, I listened to your podcast, I just recognize you. I was like, You are hilarious. That is so sweet. That is so funny. So, yes, we had a very bonding experience of visiting a new church.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Which I love that. I love that people are like, hey, we're in the same boat. We're we're also church shopping. You know, can we come? I'm like, yeah, okay. Come with me.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Yes. I will say the more I church shop, the more I want to make things work where I am.

unknown 8:01

I uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

It is, it is, it is but I'm very happy to be exploring everything. Me too. I think I think this is what's great, is it's helping me understand exactly what I need for for me and and for my family. And so I go home and I and I discuss with Doug, and he's always like, Okay, what what about this week? And I'm like, no. And he's like, okay, great.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

I'm not going to like I do think if you came home and said, like, wow, I had an expert, like this was wow. Yes, then I think then maybe he would like.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Okay, let's go. So I mean, let's just But he brought up a church. He's like, I want to try this church. Oh, okay. So I'm like, okay, I'm excited. Small. Small, small. Small, small.

unknown 8:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Oh, I know. Like, we'll walk in and people will be like, You're new.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

I'm not I'm not anti it. I've been a part of super small, I've been a part of medium, I've been a part of super large. So I've kind of been in all of it.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

And I've said, like, I don't want people like hounding me, but also at the same time, I want people to acknowledge. Okay, so let's just just let's just say what we're beating around the bush here. Oh, we are. Okay. What's 100% what we're beating around?

SPEAKER_00 9:10

So we go, this is a church that we I have been to in the past. I have never been. She had never been. I we go, we walk in. First of all, there's so many doors. I didn't figure out how to get in. I did not know what well we could figure out to get in. We just didn't know. Like it was like, ooh, do we go this way, this way until like the crowds are kind of splitting.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

How to get in. I didn't know if I was going to enter the right door because I didn't know if like if this is their is this the door we're kids' area. Yeah. But I had no clue. And I'm just following people at this point in time.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

So it is interesting, you know, when you don't, you just kind of follow the crowd and see. So I was actually on the phone with you. You were already in. I'm like, I think I'm going in the right door. And then I as as soon as I did, I'm like, I'm very much not in the right door. I'm in like some like corridor with offices, but there was somebody holding the door. So they did. They smiled and I said, The door greeters are very welcoming. And I said, I don't know where I'm going. And she pointed. And so I'm like, all right, I'll just keep following. I know. Fall until the out. That's one of my like, we never point. But that's all right. As people who have worked at churches, excuse me, we would make sure that we found a way to grab some, either do it ourselves, make just, hey, hold on for just one second. Have someone do the door, or let me grab someone to help carry the like, you know, like go the rest of the way. That's just a hospitality thing that I think it's ingrained in us because we've worked. But maybe you know or don't know. Maybe that would bother you or not bother you if you were just kind of just trying to find something and you haven't had that kind of inside track. Yes. So we go in and you're already there. And I was like, oh my gosh, have you already been approached? Because it's the their gathering area, I don't really know what they the official name that they call theirs, is was pretty small. Yeah. In the area that we were. And we were right next to what they called, I'm not gonna give it away, but where they welcomed new people.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Okay. So their guest area was kind of fully staffed with people. Yes. I think I saw four to six people in the beginning and maybe like even more, like closer to eight at the end of the service. So we go in. Once we left the doors, I don't think anybody looked at us or spoke to us other than handing us our communion cup when we walked in. Yes. And then that was it. There was no greeting, there was no, there was no nothing.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

It just It seemed like it was a very close community. Yes. Which for for them, which is absolutely amazing. Like they people were in groups talking to each other. So there was very community within that.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

That's how I would have described it. High community if you're already there. Yes. And it could have just been a it could have been an off week. It could it absolutely just could have been like maybe when we found somebody else that we you knew, but none of us had been there before. At least not recently. I mean, we're talking many, many years.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

It was actually the first time that when I walked in, that I did not recognize somebody that I knew.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Yeah. Well, so and then somebody walked in and recognized, but they actually didn't go there. They were brand new. Yes. Yes. So I think maybe because we were talking to each other, maybe that was the reason. Possibly.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

That could have been it. There could have been so many things.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

But then we kind of held out and waited for a few minutes afterwards too just to see. And their approach was if you're new, and this is so common, scan this thing, which is really basically just tell us who you are so we can reach out to you, or go visit the welcome centered guest center, or all whatever wherever they super common.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

One thing I loved is they really highlighted what they're doing in the community. And we have said that almost every week. Every week we've said they are in the they are helping the community. They're helping local schools or helping local Yeah, I love it. Absolutely amazing.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

I I honestly, that's kind of one I would love to see, you know, rather than just like when you walk into service and you're waiting for it to start, like kind of like that B role of just, I just want to see what you're doing. I want to, I want to see your announcements. Like I've not really really thought about that because I know where to find it. I know what high, you know, like where I currently am, I know what announcements they're gonna highlight. Yeah. And I'm pretty in the know of things, but it has been interesting not being in the know of any of these places. Like, how do you figure these these things out? Some of these websites are super updated, and some of them are not updated at all. So anyway, yes, I I loved hearing what they were doing locally. And that part excites me more about what some of these local churches are doing. Because, like I said, I do think where I currently am, I'm struggling to find some of the local impact. Yeah, it's mostly I'm very it's very easy to find the global impact, which is amazing and it's incredible because a larger church has the ability 500 times trying to that's gonna be the buzzword. I'm sorry. Trying to compensate, trying not to say anything.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

So it uh anyway, that this week was it just it was a miss for us. Yes. Lovely church. They clearly have a community within each other that they're that they're excited about. The community is definitely at least the service we went to is is not our age. We felt like youngins. I felt I did feel young.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

I I didn't bother me. Well, it actually, I mean, uh intergenerational is something that I really like. And where I go currently, it I I feel very much has that, at least where uh I go to a satellite campus feels that way. So anyway, I will say after I left that I felt a little bit convicted of what if I just went to my pastor who is newer but fantastic. I'm not I just don't have a vetted relationship with her yet. Uh-huh. That there's not there's no good, there's no bad, there's no nothing. I think she's doing amazing. I said it again, dang it, amazing. But I thought, you know, if this whole community thing is like really bugging at me, maybe I should just bring it up. Yeah. You should. That's who you should go to. That i it is. But anyway. There was I okay. The other thing that really came into my brain after all of this is why did it bother us so much that we didn't get approached at all?

SPEAKER_01 15:44

I know, even me being the person who says, Don't approach me, don't give me my stupid gift.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

We didn't go to the center, so we don't know what the gift was here.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

No, I did not go to the center. I I think that's the difference, is you know, giving me the option. Okay. So we always say, former, former church, the church you go to, it's very easy to tell somebody who's new. They walk in deer and headlights and approach them and give them the option. Yeah. But like, hey, are you welcome? You know, are you new here? Can I help, you know, what can I let me give you a tour or whatever? And they you as a person can say, Hey, thank you. No, I'm great, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Or but it has also made me wonder how many people are walking in and out and having the exact same experience that we are having other places because we didn't notice. True. And I would I would guess it's probably higher than what I would th think.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

That was me gulping my Starbucks. But why do you think it's so as as we kind of deep dive into this, or maybe not, talk about a little bit more, why do you think that walking in is so important? I and being acknowledged. Whether you want to be acknowledged or not, and whether you want to take it further into hey, give me all your information, or like, hey, I just because I think this is so much bigger than finding the right church.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

It's what our assignment is here on earth. Okay, exactly. Okay, well, let's get kind of preachy.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

But I I think this also extends beyond the church.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

I think because the church okay, big big sea church, little sea church. You know what I mean? I think there is the the body, the body is people, and the body of the church is exists inside of a building and exists outside of it. But really, what I think what what is really kind of what I've kind of nailed down for myself this week is that how we approach others, how we let ourselves get approached, how we present ourselves of what we're supposed to do on this earth is kingdom work. And always a reflection of Jesus, right? Always a reflection of Jesus. So if we're walking into places feeling nervous, we are hoping someone is going to come at us feeling a little more emboldened and confident and bring us into something. Yes. So we're supposed to kind of balance out those places, you know, when somebody else is feeling weak, that we're hoping that there's gonna be an element or a person who can extend their strength to us in that moment. Did you feel nervous walking in? I have only felt nervous walking into the place where I used to attend. I did not feel nervous this time. But we are also not people who have been totally absent from the church. I'm thinking of people who are wrestling with do I even want to join a church?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Do like brand new people who've never brand new people or people who have are exploring their faith.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Exploring their faith. I mean, I we I don't think we've really talked about the the people who are kind of looking at their faith and deconstructing.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Oh no, we really haven't talked about that.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

But it's massive right now. And I've always looked at people that the whole point of deconstructing is to then reconstruct it. Yes, but that's not really But that's not really what's happening. So you're seeing a lot of people who have kind of stepped away, walked away, because I think in some ways, like when you've been hurt by something, it's easier to walk away or say, I can package it in my own way, I can do this on my own. I love Jesus, and that's all I need, and I don't need any formal body to come alongside me. Yeah. In actuality, that's very different than what Jesus teaches. No, you're supposed to be in community. You're supposed to be in community. And so I think kind of where this has been hitting for me so often, and it's just kind of this has been the overrunning theme of like want in community, one in community, one in community, I think I really nailed it was because I not only do I want to be a part of it, I want to be giving it because I want to feel like I'm thriving the way that Jesus told us to do it. And that's running in the same circles, putting our resources together to bring people into relationship, to help them flourish, to help them grow. And I don't want to, hey, I love a podcast. I really do. And I listen to a lot of messages on podcasts, but I don't want to walk in and it be a dang, I'm motivated for an hour and that was enough for my week. And for some people, that is right now, it's maybe enough. I would challenge you, maybe it's not.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

So you're saying, well, one hour listening to a message is not enough.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

I think what you do with the rest of your week is important. So the fact that like we weren't approached by anyone, and also I could we have gone and approached somebody else? Yes. I also think I didn't want to put them through the ringer when we knew this wasn't the place for us.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Right. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

So I think if I thought that that was maybe more of a a better fit, I probably would have gone more into it. But also, we don't have a scorecard here. No, you know, it's not like we're coming in. I there definitely we're looking at, we're looking at what worship, we're looking at what the message, we're looking for the general vibe is, we're looking to see like, is there a place for our children? Is there a place, you know, did we I I don't like to motivate's not really the word I want to use, but is there a place where we felt like there's an opportunity for growth? Did it did it hit us in places that we felt conviction? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Because I think as we've we keep saying, like not one church is gonna hit everything. Yeah. So you have to decide what do you want the most in and the church you walk into, like if it's new or not, okay. If you have a an idea of like these are the things I need, are they checking at least the majority of those boxes?

SPEAKER_00 21:56

So I kind of yeah. So how do we move from I want to take away from like the church shopping. Because I feel like this is this is kingdom assignments of how do we treat others? What is the most important thing? When we are interacting in whatever thing that we do, in whatever relationship it is, what are we doing in our personal interactions with others that is for him? I mean, let me ask you this. What because you know you've done the pastor thing for many, many years. What is our job as a what is our job here on earth? To preach the gospel? It is. Oh okay. I'm just saying it has been really easy for me to compartmentalize that part of my life with the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

I I I think people get hung up on when we say, like, you know, the the conviction of what Jesus said to his disciples was go is to preach the gospel of the good news of Jesus dying for us and coming back to life and you know, all of our sins have been forgiven if you believe in Jesus. I think we get stuck on on that actual story of Jesus and not maybe the how it affects our lives. Because I we can we can preach the gospel just by the way that we live.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

I and like I said, I'm not mean like throw tracks at people, you know, like this is like okay, in Matthew, blah blah blah. This is what you know Jesus said, or it it it can be just being kind to people, being welcome to people. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

I I'm looking at the light of who I am as a person. Is that shining in everything that I do?

SPEAKER_01 23:52

I think that's the hardest because a lot of us will be great on Sunday, and then Monday through Saturday might live a different life.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Yeah. I I wouldn't say I wasn't I'm living a different life or I haven't, but there are times in my life, not in times, I'm just like, gosh, there's times in my week, there's times in my day where it's just like that's not my forward thought. Yeah, yeah. So I guess I'm just thinking like what's the what's our assignment? And if if we if we are arranging our tasks and our days and our interactions based on what knowing what the assignment is, how would we live? How would we do it differently? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I I yeah, absolutely. I don't I well, and I just feel like it's you know, we talk about being overwhelmed a lot on this podcast because you know, life is hard. We're balancing a heck of a lot of things. But there is, I saw there's a podcast that I listened to, and one of the the hosts is an author, and she's really amazing because she kind of gives this biblical women perspective that you don't hear from a lot of places. And I think we've touched on, and she said something in one of her Instagram reels or something recently, and I'm probably gonna butcher it, but it was I think earlier in our podcast, we'd said, you know, we want to find where women are in the Bible.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Yeah. I I still and not not just women, older women.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Like for me, that's what I so one of the things that I had saw is you know, they said, you know, like when Jesus, you know, was betrayed, you know, the the disciples left him. Yeah. But interestingly enough, the way that she put it, and she was like, But there are people who didn't leave him. Who didn't leave Jesus? The women. The women. Women are freaking resilient, they are brave, they have purpose, they are they're not afraid to be like they're not afraid to not leave. Yeah. They're not afraid to keep asking questions, they're not afraid to hold to their convictions at that time, and I think still today, for sure. And I think as at least when I, as I've gotten older, I've become much less apologetic for having these feelings and kind of sticking to my guns. Yeah. And it's less of a filter for sure. It's less of a filter, but I just started thinking about like, well, what's the assignment of a of a woman now? If I'm viewing women of faith in those things, yeah, you got your Proverbs 31, women, but I'm like, uh there is a boldness of a woman who is like, I'm not leaving.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

I mean, there's a boldness of a woman who will go into a tent and put a steak through a make through a well, that's not the boldness that I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

But I mean, but that's I don't know if you're gonna find me on like Snapdragon. Is that the name of that show?

SPEAKER_01 27:02

But because I mean Deborah talks about that in Deborah, and who is one of the she is a prophet and a judge. She's actually one of very few who is both in the Bible. And she and I forget who it was who came up to her and said, you know, I, you know, I need help or something. And she's like, well, they're gonna sing about a woman and not about you. And it wasn't even about her, it was about this woman who killed this leader who was hurting the resolites by putting a stake through his head. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

And I think that's freaking amazing. Yeah, I mean, I really hope that, you know, I'm not asked to do anything with the steak because I'm but saying we don't we don't shy around from from women do not shy around from the I just think there's a kingdom assignment that I think many of us are missing in the chaos, that it's more about setting the tone of we are instead of just managing chaos.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

And I I think we need to spend more time modeling what it looks like, modeling it and not just talking about it, which is ironic talking about it on a podcast.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

But okay, so how how can you model it better? Are you modeling it? What can you do better in your life to model preaching the gospel and living a life that Jesus has called you to?

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Oh, first of all, I need to adjust my attitude and be looking like I as much as uh time I spend in prayer, like immediately when I have a moment where I'm like something hits me, I just so super honest, the negativity hits me first.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

What do you okay? Can you can you explain?

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Okay, if something happens in my workday. Great. Okay. I have a customer who's pissed off.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

You know, like my first reaction, and for reference, no one who calls me at my job is having a good day. No, I adjust claims. So people are calling me because they're in a financial difficulty because they have lost their vehicle for whatever reason. So they're not happy. Okay. So like I but they're they're mad. They're like oftentimes they're mad because I have to give bad news. My first reaction when someone goes to toe-to-toe with me and then and just gets nasty, my first reaction is I want to get nasty back. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

I had that my our owner showed up to our work and who owns the whole company. And then all of a sudden he's in my office and he's telling me everything that I need to do. And of course, what in my mind I wanted to say, well, I am doing these things, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I I or I sat there and just was like, okay, great, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

And listen, th there's other times like when I'm chatting with a friend and you know, she's going on on about something about a relationship. It is easy for me to be like fall into gossip mode.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Oh, yes. And I always say that, like, my family's favorite love language is gossip. And there is some gossip going around.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

But I mean, like there is the idea of like it's easier for me to pile on rather to be a reflection of light.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

And there are times that I will preface a conversation hoping to find pity rather than looking for ways to get out of it.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

It's not all the time, but there's times I'm I'm I'm I'm fishing for something. And I know that I know I've engaged in conversation fishing for something that I'm like, ah, is that is that really what I need to be doing? Oh do you know what I mean? I could be fishing for a compliment.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

I could be fishing for not pity's not even right the word, but I mean I'm fishing for something. Like I said, I don't think every conversation needs to be like, hear ye, hear ye.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

No. But I think walking away from a conversation would be like, hey, would would Jesus be happy with that?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Did I leave this better than what I found it? Yes. Did I speak into this with the love and light that I should have?

SPEAKER_01 31:22

Yeah, that's a great question.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

And I think a lot of times I'm not. And and I think the other part is I'm walking away with these things and I'm not even thinking about it later on.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

There's these little interactions every day, or I mean, I I have a middle schooler, we've talked about this. Seventh grade has been very hard. The friendship thing has been very hard, the self-confidence has been very hard. There is a lot of comparison, and admittedly, like it's exhausting. It oh, especially when it's your last. Yeah, it's a I I'm just so over all of it. It is a place now of like she comes home and she cries almost every single day.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Almost every single day. This person like kicked me at school. This person took my blah blah blah. This person said, You're so pretty, except for your nose.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

And your ears. And yeah. Girls are vicious.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Middle school girls can be vicious.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

I I mean, just the most ridiculous things. And it part of me is I but I hear this all the time, and I'm sometimes I'm so good about speaking kindness and worth into her. And there's other times I'm like, you just gotta get over it.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

I uh as I say, when we've been dealing with this, I'm like, those aren't your friends then.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

And I say this, but then she's like, but that's who's here. And it's that's very, very hard.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

I mean, Faith went into sixth grade, her middle school year, with a friend group, and by November we were in a totally different friend group because that friend group completely dissed her and left her out. And like having the hard conversation with her saying, Clearly, these girls aren't your friends. If they're not calling you back, if they're saying stuff like, Well, I'm not the one who had the party, so I can't, you know, I I don't know why you weren't invited.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Or no, but the truth is, is this is not the first time she's gonna go through this in our life.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

No, it's gonna continue.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

And there are people in their 30s and 40s and 50s and beyond.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

We're still dealing with it. We're still dealing with this. And then you have to say, okay, are those really my friends? And so there are hard lessons to learn at a very young age, but also lessons that you will take with you because are you gonna continually try to hang out with with certain groups of people because of whether it's their status or you know, or the and I'm not saying for middle school, but I'm just saying it in life, like because you know, that they're you think they're fun or or whatever the reason is, or or but yet they continue to bring you down or leave you out. Yeah. Or are you going to try to go to another group of friends? Yeah. And that that happened to me in middle school where I same group I was hanging out with a group of friends, and I they stopped talking to me too.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Well, have I told the story here that I think I was in seventh grade that the entire class got together and wrote a letter. It was paragraphs, everyone like contributed of all the things they didn't like about me and my best friend. No. Have I talked about that? Oh, that is horrendous. Okay, well, this is going off topic a little bit, but how did you survive that? So, seventh grade, my best friend Michelle and I, thick as thieves, but you know, I'm in.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Are you in Utah or are you here?

SPEAKER_00 34:53

I'm in Utah.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

We went to a small private Christian school, you know. Listen, it doesn't matter where you are. Doesn't matter where you are, these things exist everywhere. So what they did was they took, and I don't know who initiated it. I I never figured this out. They it was several pages front and back, maybe like like one page front and back and a third page. And not only did they like bullet point, like highlight it's like 10 or 12 things that they hated about us. I know. I did this was brutal. This is brutal. What? And absolutely brutal. I I I read it, and then when you get to the last page, everybody in the class signed it. No.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

I get it.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

What did you do with it? So my parents were on a cruise at that point. So my grandparents were watching us. So I come home and I am just I'm ready, like I'm crying. Of course you were. And of course, my my first reaction is let me reread this 18 different times. You know, like let me just pick out everything.

SPEAKER_01 36:01

Everything, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

And I will say, like, the more hurtful things that were being said were actually being said about my friend. Oh. And I'm a part of it, you know, but she had not seen the letter. And all I could think was, how am I gonna deliver this terrible news to her? How am I going to how, you know, how am I gonna how do I what do I do I show her? Do I read it? Like I don't even know what to do at this point. So I my grandma ends up seeing, you know, like coming into my room and I show it to her and she reads like a portion of it. I shouldn't even get through the whole thing. Yeah. She kind of glances, she looks at the whole thing, and I'm like, you know, like I'm just a mess. I said, I don't know, we're gonna tell him this show. And she goes, You're not. Oh. And she took a coffee can. We don't, I don't even know why we had a coffee can. It you know, like I don't remember any of this, but she took a coffee can and she took it and she said, she lit a match and she put it in my hand and she said, throw it in. And she could and so I kind of did it, and I'm like, but I'm not gonna have proof. She goes, she goes, proof of what? These are all lies. You don't need to hold on to the proof of lies. Oh grandma's so she's so smart. Miss you. So she does that, and and I'm watching the whole thing burn, and now there's ashes, and now there's the whole thing, and she kind of blows out what's kind of what's smoldering there. And I said, Well, what about Michelle? How do I tell her? And she said, Why would you ever tell her these things? Yeah, why would you ever share that? And I'm like, She's my best friend, you know? And she was like, Is that what you'd put into your best friend?

unknown 37:39

Man.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

And I was like, Well, no, but we're in this together. She goes, No, you're not in this at all. You're disengaging from this completely. This is not the this is not the narrative. This is not real life, this is not truth. This is a garbage thing that people piled onto, and you're not giving any credence to it. And I don't know how, but I was able to go back to school. And she never saw that letter. I mean, I think she knew about its existence.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Yeah. But she never saw that.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

But the truth is, is like, even the many times I read it before I handed it off to her, I don't remember anything that was written on there. I don't remember any of it.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

So bringing this back to I think it's still somehow it still fits. No, it 100% fits because I think that we we take those not just relationships, but also work, all of those things, and you know what we hear, what we're doing, are they are they truthful, are they lies, are they reflections?

SPEAKER_00 38:41

And I think it's we have to be careful not to be pulled into every every narrative that we see right now.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

No, I I can say that I have learned that most of all, because I don't want to say that churches can be very gossipy, but churches can be every place can be gossipy. Being on staff at a church can be very, very gossipy and can can root out some of the some of the worst because we're just human. And that is one thing coming into it where I'm like, I I'm not dealing with that anymore. Like, I don't need that in my life. And so I remember at my new place of employment when the first I mean when I talked about this, when somebody came in, I'm like, oh my gosh, this person did this. And I said, and I just looked at them like great. I'm like, I I am not getting involved. Well, I you can go talk to them, but I'm I am not getting involved in any of this.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

Have I shared this? How do I not shared this? I love it. You keep sharing stories. The first church that I worked at, smaller, the pastor, and as far as staff went, it was there was the music guy who was part-time, there was the pastor who was full-time, I was full-time, and then there was the secretary. Yeah. That that's the entirety of the staff at this small church. Small, small, small church. And I was the youth and family director, pastor, whatever you want to reference it. And the pastor had kind of pulled me aside and was like, hey, I this is when I was pretty new on staff. And he's like, I gotta kind of give you the lowdown of what's going on here. And I was like, okay. He was like, Well, this person, you know, is dealing with pornography. This person had an affair. This person has a gambling issue. This person, I just the gamut of every sin in the church. And he's like, Well, you need to know these things because they have children and they're in your programs. And this is my very first job in ministry, and I was like, I didn't it felt icky, but also I didn't know any better. Yeah. I didn't know any better. And so I kind of held all this in and I th and I prayed about it. I was like, well, you know what? I do have interactions with these kids. Like, I'm gonna keep some of this stuff in mind. And some of the stuff was like, they didn't have kids, so I didn't know I knew it. You know what I mean? So although I it did feel gossipy, I thought, well, he trusts me, and this is this is ministry. Like, ministry's messy and sin is messy and people are messy. Like, so I I can see why I need to know these things because, you know, like this is what we're gosh, and we still love these people, you know. I really thought, okay, trying to pull myself around, and I walked into the office one day, and our what's a small office in the copyers, like kind of right next to the pastor's office. And so I walk in and I can hear everything that's being said. Oh, okay. Now, I'd already heard all this stuff, okay? Because anytime there was something new happening, I he would tell me what it was. And I thought, war in ministry. So I go in and make my copies, and I'm like, and there was a specific issue. I'm not saying he was the downloading everything. I walked into one specific thing being said, and I'm like, well, he'd already told me. So in my mind, he's talking to that person. And a woman comes out, and he comes out, and it is just a regular parishioner of the church. No ties to anything, not a leader, not just he was just gossiping with them. Wow. And I was like, oh no, what do I do? Because it hit me like a ton of bricks of like, oh, this is, and this is like the beginning of Emboldened Stephanie who felt that she could come in and say, like, you can't do that. Oh, yeah, this is bad. Stand up, you know. This wasn't even like stand up to the man. I mean, this was just like, hey, I need to, you know, like in love, I need to tell you this is this isn't good.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

And that was the beginning of my end there. There.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

But you know what? It's that's a reflection of the culture. Yeah, 100% at a church, at a business. So whoever is on top, whoever is leading, you know, the president or the pastor or whatever, depending on where you are, how they set the tone, how they lead reflects all the way down to every single person in that community and in that business, you know, down to if we're talking churches, down to your volunteers and down to everybody.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Yeah, but like even outside of churches, just in the way you've set up your friendships. Yeah. Like the trickle-down effect of this is real.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

So if you have somebody who is negative, who is gossiping, and they're the perceived leader of that, whether a friend group or they're the leader of a church, or they're the leader of a or or they're the CEO, the president of a business, it it that whole business, that whole everything is going to be negative. And it's gonna be a culture of gossip and and, you know, and it goes with ever and it goes with with anything.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

Yeah, I think I just I as I'm just I as I've just kind of tried to pinpoint where some of why some of these things have just kind of rang so true for me recently of just of like, why did why does some of this bother me so much? Like, why do I feel like this I need to make a difference here? And I think it's because it's easy when This these things are not the forefront of your relationships, your life, whatever you're doing. Yeah. Um, it's easier to put these things aside of like, hey, I can really dig into serving, I can really dig into like building into other people when I've got more time. I've got, you know, like there's things you're like it's just you could compartmentalize these things, like I'll I'll get to these things, or like, you know, I do this when I volunteer, or I, you know, but it's not necessarily like when I live my everyday, you know. But if you want to flip it, it's like kingdom work is not waiting on the other side of your life. No, it's now. It's now. It's and it's every I don't it's not I'm not doing it perfect. So when I like we're not like we're not saying that we're doing all these perfect, it's just if the whole point of what we're doing is striving to be closer to Jesus and bring clo Jesus closer to others, then I think it's we have to even say, like, hey, I don't think any of us are really getting it right, but how do we how do we how do we do this better together? And maybe that's just kind of calling it out a little bit in ourselves and yes. Shoot, we're not calling it out on you. You have to figure that out on your own.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

I mean, I know. I'm judging enough on myself than anything else.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Oh, well, I d I I think it's not even like judging that. It's just I think that's why it's bothering me.

SPEAKER_01 45:17

Well, I think I I going in. Well, I'm going in and I should say this right with very preconceived, you know, objectives of what I think should happen. Yeah. And that's on me. That's not on the church. And so I I feel like, okay, this should happen, this should happen, this should happen. And so when all those don't get hit, I'm already like nope, not from me.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

And I think what we're looking at in churches is that, you know, we're looking for that to be the place that like you're putting your best foot forward. That like, listen, if this is supposed to be a reflection of all the things we're putting out into the week, then this section, these people, the way this is centered should be the pinnacle of like what false welcoming what flows and trickles out to the rest of our week. This should be like the this should be the peak.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

So when we walk into something and it's not meeting that, then we're looking at what the rest of our the trickle of everything else is like. Oh, well, then that feels like, well, maybe this isn't a welcoming place. Maybe this isn't like a place where I can like dive in. Maybe this isn't a place that I can put my children in, you know. And that could be the truth, you know. Listen, if you walk into a friend group and it's just garbage, I know. Guess what? When you walk away, you're they're gonna be talking about you too. They yes. You, you know, you kind of get or a work culture, like any of these places. I think what you walk in and you see on the regular is a reflection of what the heart of what it is. So I think when we're looking for these things, we're looking for a reflection of what the heart of the place is. And I think what I'm seeing that is I'm looking for this to kind of be a not to put them on a pedestal. I'm just looking for things that are gonna trickle throughout the rest of my week. So if I'm not seeing where it's filling my cup so I can pour out more, then it's probably not the right place for me.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:03

And I want to be in places and relationships and environments and all of my things that I feel like I'm getting poured into and I can pour out of.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

So I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

I don't know. But we are gonna we're we're leaving our state and going to a different state tomorrow. Are we still?

SPEAKER_00 47:24

Oh yes, we are. I forgot what you were saying. Yeah, we're gonna try something else. Yeah, it's gonna be a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

We're gonna try something new.

SPEAKER_00 47:29

Well, I also just we're not saying this stuff to because we've got it figured out. No. Ever. But I think we don't want to miss the point. What's the point? The point is if we don't define the stuff for ourselves of what the kingdom is and who we're supposed to be, then we're gonna let culture define who we are. Oh, yes. And I don't want whatever is happening in our culture to be the definitive of who I am right now.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

I agree. And every job interview I've ever had, that has been my number one question is what is your staff culture?

SPEAKER_00 48:04

Yeah. Well, and not just staff culture. What is the what what's my what's my culture? Like, what am I putting out there? Because if I'm not putting out who I want to be and I'm not thinking about with that with intention right now, then I'm gonna let whatever I'm around before that's who I'm gonna end up becoming, is whatever I'm around. So I think I'm just looking at like what I need to put more intention to what I'm putting out in every interaction as opposed to letting the whatever the interactions are determine how I'm going to act. You know? Mm-hmm. I don't know. Is it too much? No. I don't know. I think I'll just say that Jesus didn't overlook women the way that some of our culture does.

unknown 48:41

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

So I would just challenge you guys not to overlook who he's made you to be. Because sometimes we can throw a stake into somebody's head.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

It's funny. It's funny. Okay, go.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Yeah, we could do it in the we could be stakes, but in the Bible.

SPEAKER_01 48:57

You should not do that in real life.

SPEAKER_00 48:58

I just think there's everyday moments that we shouldn't overlook because he has given you character and boldness, and he, you know, the same way that these women didn't leave Jesus, Jesus never left them. Uh and the fact that he talks about that, I mean, that could have been evil easily not been in there. It could have just been the two random dudes found, you know, like guards found him. He's walking, you know. I mean, like they didn't have to talk about the preparation of the body or the visiting or the weeping, the grieving. They didn't have to talk about those could have been easy details that were left out.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Yeah. And I I think the world will say as we get older, women, that we are not as important, we're not as useful, and we can get feel like we're being thrown out in the trash, and that is not what God is saying.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Nope. Don't overlook your role in life because Jesus didn't, he didn't overlook you. And he didn't overlook the women.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

Yeah. When when all this his mother was older when she was with him. Older's probably like her 30s. No, she had to be a little bit. She had to be in her 40s. She's in her 40s, probably our age. She had to be our age, at least our age.

SPEAKER_00 50:05

Yeah. You know, maybe a little, um, yeah, a little older, but not not much. Not much. This these are the age. So I'm just saying, like, if you're feeling like you're overlooked, let's just lean into ourselves a little bit and figure out how we can engage differently. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:24

And remember where our value comes from. It's not the world.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

Heck yeah. Or heck no. Let me just end on saying it wrong at the very, very end. So close. So close. So close. All right. Have a good week, everyone.