When “Fine” Isn’t God’s Best

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore and I am with Casey Bryant. As always here. And golly, did you have I had a really weird week. You did. Why? Oh golly. That was a growl. I know. Well, I mean, I had a little tiff with a friend. Oh, that's awesome. Really was a disagreement that like spiraled out of control that I don't need to really put anything to other than it got solved. But oh good. I cried a lot of tears this past week. And yeah, and then life is lifing.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

I'll just say that. Yeah, I mean, nothing. No news is good news on my end. Other than I did get a text from my son. Did I say, did I talk about this yet? About how he asked for if he could borrow my van March 10th through the 15th or something like that. And I go, oh, for for spring break. Oh, oh, oh. Where's he trying to go? Oh, I'm sure he's going to Florida. With what money? I don't know. I don't know. You know what?

SPEAKER_00 1:08

These kids figure this part out. They do.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

And I can't complain because I've done very similar. We just jumped out of car in college and went, and my Otis was like, you know, they're they're going to get kicked out or whatever. I go, that's great. It's going to be a totally learning experience for him.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah, my college experiences as we know. We've talked about this was very different.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

I have gotten kicked out of the hotel room for spring break college. Good times.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Oh, goodness gracious. All right. So we're going to kind of continue a little bit on the, you know, kind of like what we're talking about last time where we were at the end, you were saying, I'm okay with kind of skating by, and I'm like, I'm I'm feeling a shift. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I just want to narrow in on one point before we get started. Great. I have a lot of complicated feelings about church. Oh, yes. But what I don't have complicated feelings is I don't have any about Jesus. And I just feel like there's probably a lot of people in the same boat. Because I feel like every day we wake up and there's another new story that is not painting the church in a really good light. And I don't really want to get into all the specifics of things. I just want people And I always say that's all over.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Like all over. Oh, yeah, oh yeah, it's everywhere. You just hear stories. It's constant. Yeah. And that's what I think most people then will defer, like, oh, I'm not going to go to church. Because look.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yeah. Which is the exact opposite of what you say. It's the opposite of what we should be doing. But as we were talking about leaning into Jesus right now, I just want to say if you are somebody who there's probably two camps of people who listen to this podcast. One of like you think things are going great in your life and you're supporting us because You love us. You love us, which is amazing. We love you too. Or you relate to us in some way of man, things are not not always easy. And so whether you were on your mountaintop place or you're in your valley right now, I would argue that you won't stay in either of those places. Absolutely. But it's a lot harder to get out of the valley if you get comfortable there.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

I I I agree with you. There's nothing more I can add to that, though.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Like literally, there's nothing more I can add to that. I know. So I just want to acknowledge if you're processing complicated feelings about the church, the church at large, and people, we've always been really bad representatives of Jesus. I would say every human can be a representative of everybody every time. We all fall short. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

No matter what we do. We all fall short.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

100%. So but thank goodness for Jesus. I know. Admittedly, I'm just I'm having some complicated feelings right now. And if you are in that place, I think it's okay to say that you're having those but let's just lean in on the Jesus end a little bit more. Absolutely. So I that's just kind of a preface of as we're kind of moving forward, just because it's been a hard week around here. It's been a hard week. At least for me. So anyway, I want to pivot quickly away from that. I just felt like it needed to be said of what does it look like to move closer right now?

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Closer to Jesus? Oh, yeah, 100%. Okay. Well, I'm just making sure we're on the same page. We can be.

unknown 4:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:53

So what okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Go on. Well, here's here's the deal. Like things if you're in a really low, messy, or sticky place. Which we have said maybe at nauseam for some people. We have been in.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

They're very sick of us saying this. I'm sorry. But if you're in that place, it's hard not to talk about it. And then you're like, okay, I'm that annoying friend. I get it. We don't want to be that person. We don't want to be that person. Or which I get. And then sometimes you need to be annoying. So you have a friend who says, stop being annoying and do something about it. Because I think that's the hardest thing is, you know, when you complain, complain, complain. So then you're not doing anything about it.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

If you were in a place of A, you didn't realize you were being the annoying person, or B, someone's you have someone's called you out on it. Or C like you're tired of your own crap. Yeah, absolutely. I think all of those you pivot in the same place. So how do we move? How do we get out of like places when it's really sticky? Especially like when you're really not sure where to go right now. How do we how do we move past it? Yeah. So I that that's kind of where I want to move a little bit today because I've told you I have felt all sorts of shifts recently. Yeah. I didn't think that the shifts would feel like my world was getting rocked this week.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

On sometimes God does that, sometimes lots of levels. And we talked about that how you know what we're reading in the Bible or what we're kind of focused on, sometimes God puts those exact examples in front of you. And you're like, seriously?

SPEAKER_00 6:33

I know. And you you one of the things you text me is like, it's not a coincidence that this is exactly what we're reading right now.

SPEAKER_03 6:39

Like every time Doug and I spoke for like a marriage class and whatever topic we were talking about, whether it be family heritage or communication or you know, even you know, talking about sex, which we did talk about sex for married couples or baby. Sorry, sorry. It's hard not to like we would always fight about that subject. Always. Really? Always never failed. Well, I don't always say, jokingly said, okay, that's because God is preparing us to talk about it so we have real life examples of why we suck at communicating.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Yeah. Well, and I don't think it is a coincidence that this morning our reading was talking about women trying to speak up for themselves. I know, I love that. Yeah. So our reading today, if you're following what the chronological order readings, which first of all, I want to say if you're not doing it, get in.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Oh, yeah, it's so much I want to say it's fun, but it is fun. Because then you get these pieces, like these little tidbits about how these women keep one before I go.

unknown 7:41

No.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Because I'm I'm jumping right into the verse. Well, okay. So it so in the verse, you know, these these daughters, and I am not gonna say the name because I absolutely butcher it.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Same.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

I felt like I said it with authority as I was like talking this morning, and now it's like not in my brain at all. And I would just like to thank Perimenopause for that. Yeah, that, and it's also midday, and you know, it's time for a nap. I saw a meme somebody shared like in their like Instagram stories with like, I'd like to thank Perimenopause for taking away words that I've been using my entire life.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

My entire life. I was like, I could not spell evaluation for the life of me today. Evaluate terrible. It was horrible.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Anyway, I just there's words that just go away. But at any rate, these women, these daughters, are like, there's no sons in our family. So when our father goes, you know, why where why as is these daughters do do we not get access to the inheritance? And so they followed the right channels, they petitioned, and there was a ruling. And but what I loved so much about this is that not only did God say, Yeah, you should have this. I'm not taking away this because of what parts or you may or may not have. Yeah, you have access to this. And not only did he give these three specific daughters access, he was like, No, I'm also gonna make it a law.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

I that was what was amazing. Like these women changed history. Yeah. For other women. So it was pretty awesome. And and hearing what Terry Lee Cobble, which we love, hearing her talk about, they just didn't go to Moses, who who was like the final. Yeah. They went to their, you know, their judge, and then it kept getting petitioned. Like what'd she say? Like five different things. Yeah, it just had to keep going up the level to go to different levels to petition, and they said, Okay, well, we can't answer it, so go to the next level. So, like anything like when you see if within our court and you keep getting denied, you go to the next level. I'm like, my gosh, these women just kept going because they believed so much in it. And then for God to say, Yeah, they're they're right.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Yeah. Well, and it just it made me think of kind of the how we come to God and we petition things. And we may ask once, we may ask twice, and then it gets frustrating when we don't see change or we don't feel like we've heard an answer or see an answer, or circumstances don't change. And our process may not be something that we have to do with legally. Cause I would say most of the petitions we have aren't that. They're petitions of the heart, they're petitions for healing, they're petitions for, you know, like, I just I need something to be different. But it's easy to give up on those things when we don't see movement.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

Yeah. And it's hard because, you know, we always hear that God, there's three answers. God will say yes, no, or wait. Yeah. And it's the waiting that's always the hardest. And I think it's the waiting that's always the most common, where we don't hear an answer. We're just waiting for God.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

And it's weird because I've always heard it. I've I've heard it as wait and I've heard it as not now. Or yes. And well, I mean, but sometimes it's kind of like how you interpret that is wait is like I feel ignored. And I feel like sometimes there are seasons where you feel like, I'm coming to you, I'm not hearing you.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Those are the times when you're in the valley. I feel like is when you're petitioning, you're asking, you're praying, and you hear nothing. And you're like, okay, am I being ignored?

unknown 11:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

And then there's and then there's the times where you're praying, and like I know that I've been in a season of not now, but be ready. Yeah. And that's kind of like I feel like I'm like moving in some sort of like prep mode for something different in my life. Yeah. But it doesn't mean I have any answers or I have any clues, or there's I mean, I don't know why I didn't give me some itinerary to follow. Like there is not bullet points of like you do this, you'll do like then I'll respond this way. And then I'm like, great, great, great, check, check, check, check. Because back in the day, like God used to give, I feel like Moses.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

Well, I mean, every time I feel like they they had to do something like build the ark. Here is in details, instructions down to everything that you're gonna do. And I I don't get those, but I really want them.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

I know. Well, um, by next week, you know. Life will be completely different. Life will be completely different. Maybe. I mean, even in the readings, I'm you know, uh Moses is prepared, is he's gonna die, you know, next in our story. And so we know he's gonna get to see the promised land. He's going to see it. See it. He will not, but he will not be able to go in.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

All because he well, he he he did not do what God asked. God said, you know, when they were thirsty, and he said, just go to this rock and ask. Speak, yeah. Speak. And he took his staff and hit it twice because that's what he did last time. Yeah. And so just because of that, God's like, Yeah, you're gonna see it, but you're not gonna go because you disobeyed me.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

But how much like it all I could think of was how many times is it I felt like God has told me to do something and I put my own spin on it. Of course we all do.

SPEAKER_03 12:54

And I'm like Because that's the thing, it's like we think our way is better, or you know, well, this is how it worked last time. Yeah. So I'm gonna definitely do it the same way, even though I'm not supposed to do it the same way.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Yeah. The sin of disobedience comes in lots of ways, and it's sneaky. Yes, it is. Yes, it's sneaky because I would I would think that Moses, like, I when I read this, my brain is not like, oh, Moses had a, you know, like mean spirited, like, screw you, you know, like that was I don't see that as the motivation. But the result isn't different.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Yeah, it's it's interesting because he's not you don't see his anger or frustration towards God. You definitely see it towards the people. Yes, yes. But not towards God. So even with Moses doing everything that he did, like the plagues, pulling everybody out of Egypt and and you know, in the wilderness for 40 years, and then finding out that he's not going to be able to be to step in to the land, you you don't hear his anger or frustration. Do you? No, no, but I I gotta admit, I'm a little sad for him. I mean, I am too. I and that's what's because I would be pissed. I'd be like, dude, I did all of this freaking work for you, God, and the one thing that you promised me I'm now not gonna be able to do because I tapped on the rock twice. Seriously. All of these people, what they they they build oh well, they did more than they casted idols with gold and but they were the ones who were complaining, those are the people I'm mad at.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

I know.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

I and I don't get to go to the to promised land, okay. So which is why Moses' heart is way better than my heart.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Oh, I know. Well, listen, I I I dare I say things haven't really changed that much. There is things that we are removed out of. There are things that we're like, okay, this is what I thought I was working towards. This is what I thought I was a part of, and now that's clearly like that's not is not where I am.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

Yeah. And sometimes, you know, when you get answers to why things happen, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

But it's always great when you can, when you it might be six months, nine months, years later when you, you know, a hard time you've been part of and you're that you were going through, and then you're like, I don't understand why. And then something happens. You're like, oh my gosh. That's totally, that's totally why. Totally why. That hindsight thing. It really is. You're like, you never know why God is protecting you for something until you know it it comes bllazing down. You're like, oh my gosh, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

And I mean, I will say, I don't think Moses, I mean, like, I'm a little sad for Moses, but I'm like, Moses is going to a way better place. He really is. So, I mean, wouldn't we just say that's the ultimate promised land? Really? Oh, wow. Look at you. I mean, yeah. I mean, so he is going to the promised land. I mean, technically he's going to a way better place. Yeah. But I I I had to wrestle with like, man, why does it make me a little antsy that that was that was that was God's call. Because we're we're we're promised nothing.

SPEAKER_03 16:05

Other than if we believe in Jesus, if we repent and we follow Jesus. We're promised nothing here. Nothing here.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

We are promised something. We are promised something. If we if but it but it but it's yeah, gosh, a friend sent me a book title the other day, and it was oh gosh, I wish I could remember what it was, but the gist is like what if the answer is no to your prayers? What if the answer is Have you ever had an answer?

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Have you ever had a no? Yeah. Well, how did how did it feel?

SPEAKER_00 16:45

In hindsight. In hindsight, I'm okay with every no that I've ever gotten. Same. At the time, no.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

I was pissed. I was angry. Frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

In hindsight, I'm a little mad at some of the yeses I've gotten to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

I always wonder if like some of those yeses like where you're desperately for and then they don't turn out the way you want. God's like, maybe you should have listened to me. I gave you what you wanted.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Oh. Well, yeah, I mean, even if you look at the earlier, you know, from when it's a how do you say his? I'm I butchered biblical names. Anyways, don't ask me because I'm the worst. You know, the donkey talks to him, right? I love the donkey. But the whole reason the donkey ends up talking to him is because I was like, Well, you you keep asking to go. You don't want to go for the right reasons, but go and go. Yeah you know? Obviously he's getting the tongue.

SPEAKER_03 17:41

God used to be. But that's kind of like the same thing. The sorcerer, a magician, you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Yeah. For his listen, he can use all sorts of he can use anything for even a donkey.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

Yeah. I mean, of course, then my mind immediately goes to Shrek. And so then in my mind, is it Eddie Murphy? Yes. The donkey is talking. I I in the Bible, I'm like, oh, it's Eddie Murphy talking. It's donkey. That's hilarious. How how do you like when I hear God's Morgan Freeman? Is it? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Okay. Because the Bruce Almighty.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Have you ever seen Love?

SPEAKER_00 18:12

So that's who I think of. Actually, my favorite well, okay, there's the Bruce Almighty, but then my favorite is like the Evan Almighty, which is the what was that, the sequel to that where the guy builds the ark? Yes. But there's like one scene in that where the mom picks up the kids and is like, my husband is crazy. Screw this. I'm out of here. And she's in the diner, and she kind of, you know, like uses the waitress and the TV station and all of this to say, you know, you've been praying for this. Don't you think that God is going to give you an opportunity to use this? And I'm like, I've got to be so much more careful with my prayers. You really do. You really do. So we got off topic again. You know what? Just for reference, I had notes, so I didn't get I I it's my fault.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

I'm very easy at steering you off topic. Because I'm always it's it's it's always interesting when I hear people when you know when we're on something and to hear, like, okay, you did hear a no.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

And how did it make you feel? And you're right, in the moment it always sucks.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Oh, no's feel devastating. And then sometimes it's six months, sometimes it's six years, sometimes I I don't know, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

But sometimes it's it's sometimes honestly, it's it's might not be on this side of Earth. No, you're right. Sometimes it's on the other side, especially if you're praying for healing for somebody you love.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Oh, let's go.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

I just went totally dark. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

It's okay. Let's see if I can get let's see if I remember where uh what why did it also when I'm losing my train of thought, it's always a musical memory that I have.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

I I have fun story about, you know, be careful what you pray for. Oh, I love that. Please tell me. So it was Belle. She had a big project due the next day and she was running her very first track meet because the swim season was very long. It was this was during COVID, so a long time ago. But her teacher said to the class, You will not get out of this unless you are in the emergency room.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

And Belle was not prepared for for this presentation. And so she prayed, God, somehow, you know, can we postpone my presentation? Because I am not ready. We ended up in the emergency room. No. Because she got she first tracked me, ran five yards in brand new spiked heat cleats. Oh, yeah, those spikes. Tripped in front of everybody, did a somersault, got up, ran, and waved, and then I got the phone call. She had spiked her leg. She looked like a shark, just so we we did. We ended up in the emergency room. So we always laugh. So thanks, Bob, for let me tell that story. Be careful what you pray for.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

Well, that's that's true.

SPEAKER_03 21:09

Because she did have to send a a note saying, you know how you said it I'd have to be well, guess what? I'm at children's hospital right now. Ugh.

unknown 21:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

There's kids.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

All right. Oh, okay. Back on subject. Back well, I don't know if this but the point I wanted to end on earlier. I don't know if we were even there, but let's just pretend, okay? The disappointment with the church is not the same as being disappointed with Jesus. So I just kind of want to like, as we kind of like move a little bit more in that, you mentioned last week, and obviously we've all been talking about it for a while, is that you felt super comfortable.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Yeah, I feel good.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Like, I don't feel called to do anything right now. 100%. And I'm not gonna say we sparred about it, but Yeah we did, you know, there was there was some conversation and I wanted to know kind of how you felt now. Yeah. It's been a couple of weeks.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

How do I feel now? I I I I am still in the same place. I f I feel great. Oh I I am like if you could see me, I have a big smile on her face. She does. She does have a big smile on her face. I I am I am doing well. And I I do believe that there will be a time when I am called to lead and I will take it and run with it when God calls me. But right now, He I think He just has me in a spot where I've been healing and I'm doing great. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

So I I can I see your big smile, and I'm happy to see your big smile. I know, it's been a while. But in the same way that we're talking about we can't stay in places. Yeah. It's okay to feel happy and not feel like I'm called to lead something, but I do feel like there's always places that God is calling us to be be next. There's always there's always moves. There's always small moves to go towards something. May not be physical steps, you know, but there are steps to move us into new places. Do you feel like you are having any of any inkling of ideas of what those are right now?

SPEAKER_03 23:42

No, but I'm gonna be honest, I really haven't asked for them. I know I'm supposed to. But I I I am just so content right now that I am, I have not asked for what's next. And maybe it is, I don't I'm too afraid to open up my big fat mouth and say, you know, and I do say, you know, God use me in a very, I don't want to say generic form, but in a very generic form every day I'm like, okay, God, here I am, use me. But I have not really said, okay, God, use me to the potential that you've created me for. Show me where, you know, you need me to be your your voice. I just do my very generic, hey God, I'm here, use me.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Not only just what place to use my voice, we should all be asking, where do you want me to put me so I can hear yours?

SPEAKER_03 24:34

Oh, look at you. Just turn that right back around. Yeah, that's it's even that's way better. I agree.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Because I'm I just I feel like if we don't put things out there. Yeah, how how do I don't think we're gonna grow. And if the whole point of what we're doing here is to acknowledge that, oh gosh, there's there's hurt, but there's hope in the other end of it, how do we move from the hurting place to a hopeful place?

SPEAKER_03 25:06

I mean, I am I am very hopeful. And honestly, I think because I was hurting for so long, and it in my mind, it was for so long, I do not I think being in a place of contentment for a little bit is is okay. But I man, I do have hope. Like I I'm really happy to hear that because I know God has big I know God has big plans for me. Big plans for me might not be like this this podcast blowing up, which Lord, I I hope it does. But big plans and for whatever that means in my life for God. No, I that's all valid. Yeah. So there I'm I I am probably now way more hopeful than I've been in the last eight, nine months. I see that in you.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

I just gave you a fake smile about it.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

I did give you a fake smile. And you can it's it's my fake smiles are you can tell. There is no hiding my face when it comes to it. And I I I don't know what it means. I I it does it mean putting myself out there? It it I I think so. I mean, I've seen some, not saying that I want to lose, not lose, but leave my job or anything like that, but I've seen some jobs open up where I'm like, oh, more in ministry, where I have kind of put myself out there and but and and have said, okay, God, if you want me to go in this direction, great. But if not, I I'm so content on where I am. And I also have to realize that ministry doesn't mean it has to be, and it's and I'm not applying to any churches or anything like that, but you know, there's just other opportunities that I've seen. I'm like, okay, this might be interesting, and if I don't get it, okay, it's all right. So I am putting myself out there. Yeah. I I and I think that's probably what part of it, and even for you, is like we don't know. No. But you're right, I can't, I can't stay, and you can't stay content. We do have to put ourselves out there. And maybe it is just applying or looking or talking to other people that maybe I've kind of shied away from for a while.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Yeah, I mean, it's easy to not, you know, dwell on things that we but we haven't let me let me rephrase that. It's okay to be content with conversations because we haven't had them. Yeah. Or or be in spaces because we haven't put ourselves there. So yeah. Anyway. But I mean, one of the things I I asked Matt, my husband, this week, of dude, we've gone back and forth on this so many times. It's like I don't want to hear myself talk about, you know, it anymore. But we have just struggled mightily finding a group to be a couple in.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Oh, yeah, because you guys are in the middle of a journey, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Oh, yes. Oh, but that's different. Yeah. No, I meant no a lifelong journey. Well, true, true. No, it's just the small group thing for us is just it's been complicated. It's like it feels like it's really short term, and that's that. And not that we don't have friends, but it's it's not, I don't know. I just I I grew up watching my mom and dad being have really great couple friends. Mm-hmm. Which they for dude, the most churchy term, they did life with. That is so churchy.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

But honestly, that that you can apply that to any long, you know, good friendship.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in church, outside of church, you know, but I looked at him and was like, we need to do something different. And I don't know how, you know, like I I don't necessarily feel called to do like a small group that's going to last a few weeks. Yeah. Not to say they're no, those aren't good and helpful and wonderful. I'm not discounting any of that. Yeah. But it it I was like, how do we find something new? And I said, well, what if we find a place to like volunteer for like a common thing we both care about? Did you find something? No, I'm looking. If you have suggestions, please let me know. I I I don't know. I don't, I'm just I'm I'm I'm I know we need to challenge ourselves and put ourselves out more.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

I just I don't know exactly how to do it. So what I'm saying is I I'm up for challenging myself to move into new places. Yeah. And I don't want to put it on the I need to be invited by someone. No, you you have to make a step. I have to make step.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

There's trails I have to blaze on my own. I mean, that's the big thing that I think a lot of us, you know, we're we're waiting for God to show us. We talk about show us a plan. Yeah. And God's like, you gotta you gotta, this is a leap of faith sometimes. You got you gotta make the leap. At least make the first step.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Well, for sure. I mean, like, there was not one part of me five years ago that was like, you're not gearing back to go into vocational ministry. Yeah. Like there was just not one part of me. Everything felt like it was going in that direction. Even the answer prayers that I had, you know, the opportunities that were coming, like everything felt like it was going in that direction. Can I tell you I'm so glad that's not what happened? Yeah. But not for what I not for any reason you may be thinking. It's just I feel so. Well, you said you feel content and things. I feel content that my calling right now is to talk to people who are confused. And I may not find them in the church. No. I hope I'm there. I'm coming through to the people who need to hear that now. I want to talk to the people who are confused. I want to talk to the people who feel slightly disconnected. I want to feel I want to talk to the people who are like, man, I really want to love this, but these people keep pissing me off.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

You're gonna find that everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

You're gonna find it. But I mean like But I get it. Yeah. But I want to find the reason and talk to the people of like, this is why I'm staying away from the church. Because you know what? I have such a deep, deep love for the church. And a deep love for people. The thought for one second that the church could be the source of the reason why someone doesn't want to have a deeper relationship with Jesus just breaks my heart on a level that I can't even describe. Yeah. I've always said watching people fall through the cracks is just like so hard for me.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

I mean, there isn't a perfect church. No, no, no, no, no, no. Shoot, I'm I because we're all made of humans and humans, we we do human things.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Yeah, and I'm and shoot, I've done many human things. And if you're looking at me to not disappoint you, I'm sorry in advance. Oh, I know. I will disappoint you.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

Including my children and my husband. I've disappointed lots of people. But we we talked about it. Well, I think I well, not we talked about it. You I we we were texting earlier this week and talking about mainly me because I have not gone to church, and you said I think you're being a good friend, saying, you know what, I'll come with you to try. I know. And so I'm gonna I'm gonna actually hold you up to it because I know that if I don't go with somebody, I probably will not go to a church. So yeah, I would like to go church shopping if you're willing to come with me.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

I will, I will. Because here's the deal. I'm just because you are a part of a place, that doesn't mean that's the one that you're gonna stay at forever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

Doesn't mean you're necessarily not going to go back because I know people who've who've who've done this, you know, started one place, went somewhere else. And any church worth a lick. And that's great. I sure worth a lick. Where did that come from? Kentucky.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

I yeah. Okay. I don't even know a way to rephrase that. Worth a lick. My gosh. I don't know if that does this come from. I don't even know if that means anything. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Or if that's like just an old version of I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

I'm sure I know. I don't even know if it's the right version of something in my head. I'm like, that came out. I think that's the correct version. Okay, all right. My certified version of that is if you have to move on from a place, if you look around and if you aren't accepted back, yeah, you weren't in the right place to begin with. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

I I I foolheartily believe that too. So And I and I I don't know, but I do know that I do need to be in the church. So come along with me.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

I'm totally going back.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

Sharing would take you away from your family from going to church for a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Hey, one of the things that I loved most about when I was younger was my dad exposing me to all the things. So I found the place that made it fit because I believed it and it made it fit for me. That's actually really amazing. I not only would I be happy to do it, I would be honored to do it with somebody else because who knows what God is called. Who knows that people were going to interact with them were going to meet.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

And maybe that is my like legitimately, maybe that's my step. I believe it is, is just to walk into it, walk into a church.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

I have been praying every single week before we came and record started recording of like, Lord, I hope this is the day that Casey feels not only just welcomed, but excited at the fact that there may be another place for her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

And it might be going back to where I was. I don't know. I don't know. But until I actually step out and go, I'm never gonna know. And so, and in that aspect of me being content, I know a hundred percent God is not happy with me there. Being content.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

That is oh, that was a weird noise, too. Oh my gosh. You are full of them. I I don't know what's I don't know what is happening. I I don't know what is happening.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

So for the next couple weeks, we're gonna come back and give our reviews on all the different churches in this area. I'm just kidding, we're totally not gonna go rude.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

No, no, no, we are not gonna be able to do that. Never do that.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

I would never do that. Because people, no matter what, I might not be my thing, but for somebody else's, they love it. And I would never want to say anything harmful about a church that somebody loves. Because it and I've said this every single time, even when people came and visited the church where I was leading, I it if you don't like where you if you don't like this place, that's okay. I have so many different other places in this area that I would love to point you to. Because to me, it does not matter as long as you're hearing about God in a voice that makes sense to you, then that's where I want you to go.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

And a place not only that for that, but a place that you cannot just hear him, but feel like you're growing. Yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Because if you're feeling stagnant, yeah, you you definitely need to go I mean you need to be pushed somehow. Yes. And sometimes that's just you taking a step within, you know, and I'd say that, you know, going to church I sat in the back for the very for a very long time in the dark before we made a move to join a group, and then you know, slowly, but you know, you you yeah, we said this, you have to make the first move. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Well, uh, this honestly flows beautifully into what I love that and I don't even how that happened because well, that's a god thing. That's a god thing. But listen, if you're not sure of what place you're in, I I just I kind of came up with some things that like signs you may be skating by in an area. Oh, am I gonna be a check off of all this check check? Shoot, uh, there's probably something we can all do. This great, let's hear it. Is your faith feeling a little more passive than active? Okay. And I told you God called me out like of being a passive prayer, yeah, you know, recently. But I'm like, I've probably been passive in other things. But then of course, I'm a huge self-analyzer. So I'm I don't necessarily think I'm a bad person, but I'm so hard on myself. So I am very often coming up with things that I need to improve on. But I have not been I have been letting life happen in faith in a lot of areas. Yeah. So and I would say that's probably I'm not alone. Oh okay. You feel fine, but you're don't feel like you're growing. She's a pizza.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Is that what's Casey's issues? No, this is not Are you sure?

SPEAKER_03 37:51

Because that's what it seems like to me. Okay. Keep going on your list. That's all about Casey's issues.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

This is everybody's issues, by the way. This is everybody's issues. Okay. But I think it's a highly defined. Okay, the word fine usually means you're not. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

That's why I changed to content. There is no difference between content and fine. I understand. But is there? Well, yeah, if if you're fine, if you're content, are you growing?

SPEAKER_00 38:28

But yeah, faith is a trajectory. And I mean, like, I I I don't know. I I wouldn't not even necessarily say it's like going up, but I mean like, but you're going deeper. Yeah. So if you're not feeling like you are growing deeper, that's uh it's a it's a problem. So I'm sorry if I just called you out on that. Yeah. Not just you, anybody who's listening. Oh, here's see, you thought it was just about you. I just danced too. Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me today? I forgot like music in my brain. Avoiding deeper community because it feels complicated. Oh, that's you. That's me. That's me.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

It is complicated. But relationships are complicated. They should be complicated.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

Yeah. Anyway, so that's me. Okay. Uh, sensing God is inviting deeper growth, but staying comfortable where you are. To be fair, I didn't know you were gonna say these words today. I wrote these before.

SPEAKER_03 39:31

It's almost like God's speaking to me directly. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Oh, well, here, here, here. This is why I wanted to kind of come up with these because listen, if you're skating by on certain things, A, you're not alone. We're all skating by in something. Yeah. Okay. But it's not God's best for us. Yeah. And let me just be like super, super clear. If you're feeling any of those things, consider this your challenge to move.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

Is it, you know? I'm trying to, I'm trying to think of my my thought is that I'm gonna get there. No, that it's interesting that we we live in a world where, you know, you the American dream is, you know, to have your white big offense, your house, your 2.1 kids, and to have a a gr a great life, but never talks about growing and and honestly, you know, I guess that is probably to have a good life, which doesn't mean money, doesn't necessarily mean the the American dream. It just means that you're growing in a relationship with God.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

Yeah. Well, then I was, you know, like, okay. So if I say skating by is not God's best, these are the points that I came up with.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

I like that you're defining this.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

You're like, I know. Well, keep on. God's plan is about transformation, not maintenance. Drinking my Diet Coke. So I have been in maintenance mode for a long time. Yeah. And I don't want to stay there. Okay. To be fair, I don't want anybody to stay there.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

No. I just got into maintenance mode. Can't I just enjoy it for a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 41:21

Jeez, a beats. No, I'm just kidding. Keep going. I I'm just saying my dash lights on my car. You know, if I'm my car and my dashlights are coming on, I'm like, I I've shown you some warnings. Like, please stop ignoring them.

unknown 41:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

I'm laughing because my oil light has been on for about three weeks. No. Like it's fine. I it like I hate getting my oil change as much as I hate getting gas. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

So I I will make you don't do it. I tell my husband, I'm like, when these things light up, this is your business, not mine.

SPEAKER_03 41:59

I just said that. So I'm like, I'm gonna have him take my car and then he's gonna see it.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

And I'm afraid of the oil change place.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

Someone said it's like this is like my imagination of like going down an airport runway or I don't know what it is, but one time, and I don't like the automatic car wash. I love how we just went off rails again.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

Okay, but let just go with me for a minute. I'm afraid to get onto those ramps, like of, you know, like we're and I'm like, am I gonna fall through the thing? It's my tire. Yes. I huge fear of that. I just I can't.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

Especially when they start like doing like no, no, and then they're doing this.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

I've never been more unsure of left from right.

SPEAKER_03 42:40

Mike, like mark, mike, mark, mark, Mike's car wash.

SPEAKER_00 42:43

No, it makes me want to feel nervous too. I will not do it. I will not the uh the automated one of where you are because then I've gotten yelled at like put your car neutral. I'm like, what? I know. I just I start panicking and I just it's it's not great. Right now, my my tire light, like I mean, because it's been winter and it's like hot and it's cold. It's 75 degrees here in Kentucky and we had snow like a week ago.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

So I mean, like there was one day where we had all the all the seasons where we woke up, it was snowing.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

There was like Yeah, we got like two inches of snow and then it was like gone by two o'clock. Yeah. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

Okay, we totally digressed. Okay, so all of you. Wait a minute, hold on. God just told me something. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

Okay. So I just said I have Okay. Let me articulate my thoughts because I feel like God just put something in my head. We were talking about the signs on our dash, right? And you and I both said that's somebody else's problem. We did. I said, I'm gonna give it to my husband. I'm gonna give it to my husband. I'm gonna let you, I'm gonna let you take care of that. And the same way of I feel like there's been things I'm like, well, God, if you want to do it, you do it. And I just felt like God just shared, like, I'm giving you these mornings like. For a reason. Because you have the ability to take care of it. I do. I know. Even if it's scary. Like, listen, I'm not saying I'm gonna get my own oil changed. I'm not saying that. But we can. But we can. And we have. And but there's other warning signs, I'm sure, that I am ignoring.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

So God's clearly saying, I'm giving you the warning signs, don't push it off to somebody else when you can do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

It might be a little bit more. Don't wait for the invitation. Don't wait for somebody else to do it for you. If you are feeling a nut. But it's even okay if you get if you get corrected in that time.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

Because God corrects us. Yes, he does. Look at us pulling all this with cars. I feel just I can't even explain it.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

Can't explain it. Okay, so growth happens through honesty, courage, and connection. Yep. And we can't have honesty, courage, and connection if we're by ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

Because whatever we do is always right. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

I mean it's hard to argue with yourself when you're only do we when you're like if you only speak for yourself, then it's really easy to have an audience who agrees with you. But that's not necessarily the thing. So one of the other things is if we're feeling passive, I feel like it should be.

SPEAKER_03 45:30

I'm like looking at you with daggers. I know, I know. Just say it. Listen, okay. I you this is not this is this is like the one above it. This is what you're being what is honest.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

And this is not even about this is this is this is not, I know you're hearing this is all about Casey. I know it's not. And so much of this is not, I wasn't even thinking about you or I in particular. Just our com conversation. But there has, I think if you are spiritually passive, there's callings and opportunities and purpose that's gonna shrink. Or it's going to go out of your like if God asks you to do something over and over and over again, or he's put signs over and over and over again and you've decided, like, not now, God, arm's length, I'm not there, then when you become ready for it, it may not be the opportunity for you anymore.

SPEAKER_03 46:20

Yeah. I would even say that there might be opportunities that you don't even know about because they won't be presented to you because you're being passive.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Yeah. Even like like some spiritual gifts, like if you don't use them, you can lose them. Oh, yes. And I would say if there's anything that God wants to give me, oh my gosh, I don't want to be responsible for rejecting it because I just and also being passive is rejection. Ouch. Yeah. I that wasn't in my notes. That just popped in your head. That just popped in my head.

SPEAKER_03 46:55

But that's a that's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

And I don't I I'm not in a place where I want to be at the end and the list of things is like these are all the ways that I invited you to be a part of this with me, and you chose not to be a part of it.

SPEAKER_03 47:11

Yeah, because you were content.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Because there's nothing in my heart that feels content about saying I don't want to be a part of giving you glory. And if there's any way you want me to step into that, feel like, oh well, that doesn't feel too comfortable for me right now, God. Could you hit me back later? I'm feeling a little more confident. I mean, can you imagine saying that to your Lord and Savior?

SPEAKER_03 47:36

I know I the quote that I pe many people have heard, you know, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I think that's part of the relationship with God is you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

unknown 47:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:46

Because he always puts us, if we're willing, if we're not content, if we're willing to step out in faith, he's gonna put us, he's gonna it there, there are situations that are just gonna be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

So whether your situation is you are going to take steps to find a place where you might find community, if that is finding a group, if that is finding a church home, if that is finding a conversation with a friend, if that is, ooh, I'm feeling my spidey senses asking you to do something new. Yeah. I'm gonna say lean into Jesus, lean into those nudges. And if you're not feeling any listening, start asking for them.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

So what I hear is you're you saying is stop being content. Stop being passive.

SPEAKER_00 48:31

I don't feel like that's Stephanie telling you that. Okay, what you're saying is not no. I And I also don't think that is, you know, me saying Stephanie has this together. No, oh no. Because I don't, yo. No. Where is all of this stuff gone from?

SPEAKER_03 48:47

I'm I I'm for the seeing. Because normally it's me. But what I hear God saying is it's time, it's time, well, it's time for me to be uncomfortable and step out. So we're gonna figure out what church we're going to on Sunday. Did you know Sunday's my birthday? I will now. I do now. So come up with somewhere good. Oh, we don't how about next week? No, I don't know. I want you no, I want you to be with your I want you to go to church with your family on your birthday.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

Fine, I'll spend time with them. I'm just kidding. Yes. Well, listen. I feel like we've made some progress today.

SPEAKER_03 49:24

We have. This is this has been a good episode. We say that every week. We say that every week.

SPEAKER_00 49:32

We do because you know what? Honestly, anytime that people can get in a room and talk about growing closer to to others, to God, pushing and shaking off what the world has to offer and saying I want more, these are always good things. I think so too. So, all right. Have a great week, and we'll see you next week. Bye.