The Good Was Still Good

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore. I'm Casey Bryant.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well, we were unexpectedly off last week. Should we talk about it? Of course we should, because the pictures were amazing. You were in a little cabin in the woods.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Wasn't a little cabin in the woods? It was not. It did not. Okay. So we have had our friend Nidra, the adventure mama. And so when Adventure calls with her, it's like you just drop everything and you take it. So it was proposition to me that we would kind of have like a fun-filled weekend, and then she had a conference to go to. And I, as I have said before, I'm studying for an exam to get it's coming up. My insurance licenses. Yes. The exam is coming too. Yes. So I was like, you know what? A couple days of fun. And then a couple days like hunkering down and studying is probably like exactly what I need. But as is per usual with her.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

It is so full throttle. From start to start to finish. It's like you pack a week's vacation of what you would do like in a week's time and you pack it into two and a half days.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

I mean the including travel time. The one picture I saw was I don't know if it was an outdoor or full it was maybe enclosed glass enclosed like bathtub that just looked into the woods.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Okay. So this was a soaking adventure. What does that mean? Not anything we've previously talked talked about when it comes to soaking. If you've been a long-term listener, you know what that means. You know. Uh not that. Not that.

unknown 1:45

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

So we started our day. What did we just start? I mean they all run together. Elk viewing. So we went to the national park. We saw a lot of elk. Okay. Are they huge? Because that's what I pictures that I see elk. Okay, so we saw some that were like, oh, you know, that's like big deer size. Right. And then we saw some big ones, and I was like, wow. And you know what, to be honest with you, we took some pictures of the ones that we saw were really large. It's one of those things you had to see it to totally understand. It was in the national park. So no hunting. No hunting in there. In this park. So yeah. Yeah. We went on a train. We went on a boat. We did all the things. So that, but this morning we started elk hunting. Yeah. Not hunting. No, just kidding. You said hunting, and I just got we did not elk hunt in the national park. That is illegal and wrong. Yes. Did not do that. Nor do I think you're a hunting kind of a person. I what pardon me does not give that off. I don't know. It's it's a hundred percent true. But we And then we went to this thing, this outdoor soaking adventure, where you each get this individual cabin. Okay. And it opens up to the wild, and it's like this beautiful, like kind of like claw foot tub that you fill up with like bath salts and hot water, and you just stare out into nature. Yeah. Which I think it was Fontana Lake, is I think what we we oversaw in North Carolina and it was beautiful. So is this really like a place for like a couple or I think you could do it as a couple. I mean, obviously, we did not do it as a couple. We had our own individual things and we were, you know, also, I don't know. Do people get like naked in these top? I don't know. I'm assuming most some like they do. But I was like, no, I've seen all this wildlife swimsuit a must, because what if a a bear comes? I mean, a human's not gonna get in the locked door, but I don't think that's any match for a bear. Right?

SPEAKER_00 3:36

There was no bear spotting, by the way, but I was I mean, I the the bears that I've now seen in Gallenberg, Tennessee that apparently can get into bathrooms and so I wouldn't have to be.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Yeah, they can get into your cars, you know, like they're all the things. So I was like, no. When I say bathrooms, outdoor bathrooms. But part of my job when I go on one of these trips with her is I'm taking B-roll. I'm snapping pictures in the background, I'm doing all of these things. Yeah, making sure like thing that her things are charged, trying to help navigate directions. But on this particular one, for the activity you just said, I was her bathtub photographer. Oh, you were. We were all clothes people.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

But you can't take pictures of yourself that way. No, I mean it would be awkward, I guess, if you just uh did a selfie, but you couldn't get the whole experience without you couldn't get the whole thing. So I we laugh.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

I mean, I bet you were we laugh so hard of just the whole the whole thing is ridiculous. Um but anyways, we had a really good time and I thought, hey, maybe we could try the whole Zoom thing. And I was so exhausted. No, we didn't even try. That I she was like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I can't. I'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Which is fine. You know, and that and that life happens.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

I know it happens.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

And that I think that's the beauty of of our podcast is you know, we try to be regular, and I think for the most part we do are consistent when we're in season, but then life happens, and when something exciting like that happens, you gotta take it and go with it. You do say no because of the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

I know, and yeah, so that's we're pretty authentic to who we are, and yeah, if it just doesn't work in the schedule, it doesn't work. So, and then we normally record on Saturdays, and then my daughter had her bridal shower yesterday. It was it her first one, right? Yeah, she has one more small one that's just kind of you know, like kind of some older ladies are having a brunch for all that's sweet. I just shouldn't say older ladies, I'm just saying it like my mom's friends, like their generation, so it's going to be more of a that kind of a shower, like not once with her friends. But anyways, it was very sweet. She was very well loved, and I have to tell you it was an out-of-body experience because I have been so wedding focused. Wedding focused, but in the way of I am like I'm writing checks, I'm paying deposits, I'm making plans, we're doing like checklists and RSVPs and all of this stuff. But what and I know it's real. Like we've been talking about it. I can see it. I can see the ring in her finger, I can see all the things that she has done to move forward with this, but there's still one of these things that like until you see your baby in all white, opening all the presents.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Oh my gosh. Because she's getting like the the typical, right? The stereotypical wedding gift. She's getting the wedding gifts.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

It's like this is like clatters, her washcloths and you know, her kitchen aid mixer, you know, like all this like really fun stuff. And I'm like, I have a vivid memory of being gifted the KitchenAid mixer by my aunt. Oh. And watching her get hers. It was just one of those things that I'm like, oh, and my husband kind of came at the toward the end of the shower and because he was gonna help haul all this stuff out because she was so well loved. Just overflowing. Is she coming back to your house or is there a house that they already no, it everything came back to my house. Okay. He is moving into their apartment next week. Okay. Um, she will not move in until after the wedding. Yeah, but a lot of the stuff will move out of like we just put everything in my garage for right now, and then we'll move on to the to their place. But yeah, so my husband came to like unload, like, watch or load up the stuff and take it back home. But I saw him and I said, Why don't you just come watch look at your baby for a minute? And he had to step out of the room because he was, you know, getting a little misty. And then we had some family in town, so we had dinner over there, but there was a big UK game last night. And were any of your kids at the game?

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Oh, yeah, I have videos of of Torin on the field. Oh, I can't wait. He was one of the students who stormed the field. Yeah. And then I have Belle pictures of her on State Street, and well, I think both of them ended up. That's where they okay. We'll talk about it later. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Obviously, University of Kentucky fans, that's where I I went. That's where your kids go. Yeah. And then you get back to what I was saying. Yes. Matt comes and he brings all the gifts in, and um, one of her bridesmaids gifted her this beautiful custom tote bag with her new monogram on it. And Matt pulled it off of the his truck bed and he was pull you know bringing everything in, and he looked at it and he said he just had a moment in the garage where he just started to lose it. And he's and he texted me, he goes, You guys trying to kill me with a new monogram? Like, I'm dad's not ready for that. So yeah, these these things are just I didn't see the light first time.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

I see the light. I was like, no, hold on, it is still recording as of right now.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

He's gonna record. Given our history, like I you never know. You do have to check these things. So anyway, it was very sweet and it's all becoming very real. I texted a friend at church and who's kind of helping me with some of the wedding planning, and I was like, I'm freaking out. Like I didn't know. She told me not to worry. Because I said, like, oh, you had two months, and she's like, No, we have seven weeks. I'm like, Oh my gosh. Yeah. So there's just, you know, there's like the whole all the things that happen at the church, things that like are a little out of my control because it's just I don't know what things look like or where you and you're where things you're such a planner. I am. So to like trust someone when they say, Hey, like, I'm gonna help you and me not actually do everything myself is first of all, I'm so freaking thankful. Oh, yeah. Because I need that, I need to like relinquish that control. But also you have to delegate it and be willing to delegate it. Terrifying. Terrifying. Delegate. So people keep saying, you know, like, oh, it's a what's kind of the funny.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

You know she's gonna be able to do that. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Yes, but I mean, like, but I also don't want to make it feel like pressure, like, but it's also at the same time, this is your baby's wedding.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I know the first wedding of the family. Yeah, which is weird. I get it. And she's gonna go through the same thing, our friend in a couple of years. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

In a year and a half, so but yeah, anyway, but you know it's common, Marcusine. I but yes, I I my my very dear friend, her daughter got married last year. So I kind of saw her walk through a little piece, but it was, you know, far away and different. I didn't get to be there for all the things, and so I didn't get to see like there's emotions you ride with somebody as if you communicate with them, but like until you go through it, it is it is something different. It yes, and I've been able to really compartmentalize my feelings of logistics, logistics, logistics, logistics.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

And so the shower was the first time. The shower, I think. This is like your daughter is getting married, and she is going to be leaving your household and starting her own family.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Yeah, well, when we were out shopping for something over the week, Abby, I think we were at Costco, and Abby saw these pajamas, and she goes, Oh, these could be our matching Christmas pajamas. And it hit me, and not like I haven't, it hasn't like occurred to me, but it hit and hit me in Costco to the point where I started to cry.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

I know. She's not gonna be home on Christmas morning. She'll be there eventually. I know, but the whole thing and Abby, you know and I hope if they've had those discussions too.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Like how they'll get those, they'll get in those, they'll get in their rhythms of things, but you know, you don't realize like holidays when you're a married, newly married couple until they first hit, and then you're trying to figure out, oh my gosh, what do we do?

SPEAKER_01 11:15

I know. Well, there was just Abby, you know, said, I guess we're not gonna have our siblings sleep over on Christmas Eve, which is what they do every Christmas Eve, is they all sleep in the same room, camp out in each other's rooms, and like so then they all come out together, you know, to see if Sanch came. And I don't know, just had I would have known last year was the last one, I maybe I would have savored it a little bit more. I mean, I guess that's just speaks to everything. Like if you if you you have to live things and appreciate them in the moment because you don't know when these things are your last.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

And that and that's gonna say that. You you most likely you never know when it's the last one. You never know when it's the last one that they're gonna call you mommy or hug you.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

I know. Have you seen that one meme or something? It was or like, I don't know, I saw it on Facebook a couple years ago. It was like, you never know when it's gonna be the last time you pick your child up.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

And I was like, What?

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Or you know, like I always my son was a huge Batman fan, and like we're talking like seven years, this kid like would come home from preschool, dress, put his Batman costume on, or Batman pajamas. We're talking like years, and then one day, you know, I'm just he never put it back on. And I'm like, had I would have known documented the entire but you just don't, you don't know. And it is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

And that's you know, they they grow up and Isabel is in an interesting point. She came home for a night because she had a wedding to go to and she ended up at our local watering hole. Okay. And she saw my sister ended up being there too, and uh she kept getting the question when are you and Evan getting engaged?

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Yeah. So she's a senior this year, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:58

She's a senior.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

She's getting that ring by spring kind of uh pressure. No From others?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

From others. Yes. She is not her and her Evan, her boyfriend, who've been dating since they've been 16, so for six years. They're not talking about it, maybe loosely, but not really, because you know, he's hoping to go to medical school, she's hoping to go to dental school, and so they're in their minds, they're like, we still have so much school left. Yeah. Could it change? I don't know, but also at the same time, I'm not the one pressuring them to get married because they're not gonna live together depending on where they each end up going to school. And so they're just taking it, you know, semester year by year. But to hear, you know, to have people pressuring you, I think because what's gonna happen, you know, with Elena is the next question is when are you gonna have a baby? Because I I think that's like the natural thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

And then the Oh, you're already getting it, which is so crazy. I'm not not pressure, but like just like out of curiosity, like, do you want to have kids fast? Do you want to wait? You know, and I'm like, let us get married first. Her siblings are taking bets on how long, and I'm like, you know, we can wait.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

It's okay to wait.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

It's okay, we can we can wait a little bit. Of course, it did it the the baby topic got brought up at dinner last night, and it was very casual and and in a joking manner because her fiance's mom is a twin. Okay. And and they were talking just loosely about like the story of how you know, like they found she how found she found out that she was having twins. You know, you know, they said could skip a generation ago, so we could be the ones to have twins, and she just kind of gave this look of like, mm-mm. Mm-mm. I mean, my twin. And you get it. I mean, you've you I'm a twin. You are a twin. I don't we don't talk about that very often.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

We do not talk about that very often. I am a twin. So technically And then you didn't have any twins. I did not have any twins. Maybe there are twins in on my mom's side of the family, so twins do exist in our family. So technically, could my children have twins? I guess. That's why they're waiting a long time. That's why they're waiting a long time. Maybe, you know, and for my mom's sake, I think she was, you know, grateful to have the twins. I don't know if you're grateful or she had twins three and four, so we were three and four. Because I think if she would have had twins as one and two, maybe she would have maybe it would have just been one and two. Like one and two and we're done. But you know, having twins at the end. But then again, when you have one, you already know, but I can't even imagine three and four being twins, but I don't know how my mom did it to this day while she did it.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Anyway, yes. There's no pressure on our end by any stretch of the imagination. I dig I'm still of the a friend came to the baby shower yesterday and they she had brought her baby, and I just like I'm gonna love on your baby until it cries, and I'm gonna hand it back to you. And that's a beautiful season to be in.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

I love this season.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

So I'm still in the I love to hold babies, but I also like to hand them back to you.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Me too. So and so speaking of Belle, so she came home and then on Friday night for her wedding, because that's for the season that she's in, right? Friends are getting married, friends are all getting engaged, and she had to go directly back to Lexington because of the UK game. So she did not have UK LSU football. Yes. So she did not have a ticket for the game. Torin, my son, he did. So he was inside the stadium for the for the game. Belle was on the outside tailgating with all of her, with all of her friends. And so after the amazing win in overtime, the family text. And so when I say family text, this is like large, oh, full, yeah, extended family. Full extended family text of like my brother-in-law was like, okay, everyone in Lexington, please be safe. Because I went my nephew, also, he ended up going down. And I was like, I'm sure Torren's on the field. And then we got confirmation, yes, he's on the field. He was sending us videos. Isabel was sending us videos from her being on State Street, because State Street is where the whole student section goes. I was couch burning happening? There was couch burning happening now. I I think you were too. I was there, I was in Richmond, Kentucky, which is an at Eastern, which is an out 45 minutes, maybe 30 minutes away from UK. So when the years that UK basketball went to the Final Four in '96, '97, is that right? I can't remember. I did not live here then. You did not. I moved here in '97. Okay. So I was in Lexington. So we drove up to Lexington to party with everybody when UK went to the final four. Pretty electric. Yeah. Which I still to this day, you know, 20-some odd years later, I still re very vividly remember how much fun it was. And so for my kids to experience that, I just I love it for them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

And by the way, it's not like we are in playoffs or national championships. None of these things. It's just we have been primarily known as a basketball school. So for is this program. So like football to kind of be popping off right now. Very cool, very exciting. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you know, I'm excited for my kids that they get to be there and do it all. Matt was watching the game very nervously, and he was like, I should have paid $350 to ticket so I could be there. And I he goes, I would have been on the field. It would have taken me a half hour to get down there, but it would have been awesome.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

I I mean, it was like, I don't want to say roaches, but you know, watching these kids jump over the the fence line or or the whatever it was to get down on the field, it was crazy. It was like a swarm of locusts, like here they all are. And then two, just to see it was so much fun. Yeah. So it's it's been it's been a pretty fun and crazy week. One of the things that have happened to me is you helped me out with a text message very, very recently.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Yeah. So you sent me a text message that said there was something, you know, you were interested in something, and you said, Hey, just help me frame this text to someone. It's, you know, somebody from my past.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Um where I don't sound what did I say? I'm like, I don't want to sound negative or mean or I don't I I can't remember, but I'm like, I just need you to help me frame this better.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

So without being like too specific, you were looking for there was a a possible opportunity, you know, yes in the outskirts of something. And given your, you know, your previous yeah, I had it had connections with my previous with my previous job at the previous church that I used to work for.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

And so before I kind of pursued that avenue, I wanted to reach out to someone who I was close to, who I'm so close to, and just ask the question, hey, before I pursue this opportunity, it is am I gonna get denied? And I don't want to say it that way. I don't want to say, am I gonna get shut down before because of how I left.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Well, it would be natural to be you don't want to put yourself out there if there's not really an opportunity there for you. So don't you don't want to put yourself out there just to be like Oh, I'm adjusting. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

I'm serious. Yeah, absolutely. Because no one wants to, because you don't want the negativity or or the rejection before it even happened. And so I just before even considering, you know, pursuing this avenue, I just wanted to make sure, hey, am I gonna get if they reach out to you all, am I going to get positive or negative views? Because I it either way, I j I just for my own sake, I need to know because I don't want to pursue it if it's gonna be out.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Does that make sense? Well, yeah, there's enough things that we're disappointed about. We don't need to set ourselves up for automatic. Yeah, so I know there's always like disappointment, like it's a possibility anyway. So you don't need to like sign yourself up for it. But so yeah, you said, hey, help me, you know, like look through this text and you know, tell me what you think. And I really just I I maybe added a line and just said, you know, because I knew your heart is I don't want I don't want to put pressure on you to tell me like to tell me something that I want to hear, and I don't want to put any pressure on you that you have to tell me that.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

So you just kind of asked if that would is this a thing. And not only did she respond, yeah, do you do you want to talk about the the contents of the response?

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I mean, in in a in a broad in a broad way, it was so positive because in in my mind, I think sometimes we think how we end things overshadows the good that we do. Oh yes. And and because for and also uh for a year and a half, or has it been a year and a half, roughly a year and a few months, I have you build up things in your mind and You also think you've healed through things. So I think I have processed and healed through everything that, you know, of how things ended. And so when I get this text, which was extremely positive, of like, yes, pursue it. And yes, you know, your your equity here is good, is is good. It honestly made me cry. And I didn't realize that I put so much value and so much of myself identity, I guess, and in myself and how things left that I didn't realize that I was still holding on to it. So to receive that text that your equity here is still good, it just floored me. And I I sent it to you. And I it was like I just I cried and I wasn't expecting to cry over something as simple as that.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

My eyes got a little misty when you screenshotted it to me because I was like, I knew, regardless of anything that ever comes from any of the the words of affirmation that whatever happened, you put in so many years of incredible work. And maybe you weren't in the best fit. Yeah. But that doesn't mean you're not in, you're not capable of a better fit somewhere else. Yes. Within any sort of a network. It just didn't like you're not just like your your value is not disqualified just because something had an ending.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Especially if the ending wasn't positive. Yeah. Because the ending, no, we always don't get the ending that we want or we hope for. And I think that I've been holding on to this for so long. I honestly thought I'd heal from it. I honestly thought that I was over and in this great place because we've talked about it. I'm good. I'm I, you know, I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

We all knew you weren't good, by the way. But even like most recently.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

But most recently we've talked in episodes where you've said to me, like, Casey, you there, you seem so different. Like you're you're you're lighter. And absolutely I am. And I and I think there's this interesting, you know, feeling of still feel like you're fully healed, and then also realizing maybe you're not. And maybe you won't ever heal from that, but it's also it's okay. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 24:27

I think there I think there's all like there's a a lane of healing, yeah, and there's a lane of growth. And I think that they can, you know, it they can feel like they're the same thing for a while. Yes. And what I think you have experienced is growth. Yes. Not to say that healing isn't part of that at the same time, but there is an element of healing that takes two parties. Yes. And what you experienced was this tremendous growth because you had really worked on yourself. And there's one thing of when like you separate yourself from a situation and you have to take yourself and grow and plant yourself in new places and just like this is my new reality. And in the same token, the other train keeps moving.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Oh yeah. And and and the other train keeps moving, and you feel like was it worth it? What what I did, yeah, did it did it matter? And to hear uh over a year later that it did matter and I did make an impact, yeah, but it's huge. It was it was so good for me to hear.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Yeah. And I think one of the things that I had said to you was regardless of anything that happened, yeah, that text was worth its weight in gold.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

It was worth more than any future opportunity. Because it was an endorsement in just who you are. And I think when you something ends, your character takes a hit. Oh, of course it does. Regardless if you did it right, wrong, or indifferent. Question everything about yourself. I I yeah, anytime you make a big move, anytime you're like, I'm leaving a job, or I've gotta back out of a friendship, or I've gotta back out of a relationship, I need to, I need to shift my priorities because it's not aligning with where I see God putting me. But anytime you have to make any sort of a shift like that, man, even when it's the right move, it hurts. Oh gosh, yes. So to shift out of something and it and in your case, yes, some relationships lasted. But you have been honest of the majority of them haven't.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Yeah, oh yes. The majority of of my relationships for where I worked previously are are all gone. Which is but it's not, and those things are not personal, yes. And that and I will say that that is not to be negative, that's just life. Yeah, that is a hundred percent life because when you remove yourself from a place, a lot of those relationships are are based around that place. Again. Because you you live, breathe, and see everything within within that with where you work, or you know, even we've talked about this before, even similar to when your kids are in activities, like all of a sudden your friends are parents from the same thing. And then when your kids grow out of that, you just don't see those kids anymore. That happened to me with Faith. You know, we were part of a a dance community, and when she danced, we were with these parents all the time. And I would hang out with these parents, and then when she stopped dancing, I just don't see those parents because we're in two different situations. And so when I decide to step away from my old job, yeah, those relationships are going to falter and probably not see anymore because we're in different just different areas of our life. And it's hard, and it's really hard to stay connected when your lives are going in separate separate directions.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Yes. And because the commonalities are they're not there anymore. Yes. And your your schedules don't align, like, and then it even if you want it to continue sometimes, it just feels weird. It does. It just feels weird.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

People don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

And you know, I and sometimes I don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

And so and everyone is trying to move on into a good spot. And I thought, as I said, I thought I had moved on. And honestly, I really had moved on until I received that text. And you know, was just this another part of me that something that I was holding on to that I didn't realize I was holding on to was it worth it? And did I make a difference? And to hear I did.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Which what I think is interesting is that wasn't your question. No, that wasn't my question at all. The qu and go ahead. Nothing. Nothing of that. And your answer was this. It does remind me sometimes of like when we look, you know, like the times that you know Jesus spoke, and they're you know, they're they're asking these questions, and the Jesus gives the answer. It's like and it doesn't answer their question at all. No, no, but it is, but it's not the quite because the questions that we have are they're nothing compared to what you know, the plans that he has. And so, like when he many times when he you were like, But Lord, you know, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, let me tell you a story.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

And it's like, wait, uh, about the about the seeds.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Let me tell you a parable. And you're like, okay, yeah, answer my question. Because the point is, is like the questions that we had were not, was not the important one.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

And whether or not you go into other opportunities or not, that really wasn't it. What God wanted to do in that moment was to rectify something you didn't even know was still broken. And that's he really I think he restored a part of your season. Because he put a beautiful ending onto what you thought wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

It was it was the text I didn't know I needed to have. Yeah. And what I loved, uh you said it to me, was it's not about the the possible opportunity that you might pursue. It was a hundred percent about God showing you the your value via this text. And I was like, oh my gosh, it was. It doesn't matter if I if I even, you know, if this opportunity happens or not, it was all about I needed to know that I did not leave badly, that people don't think of me negatively, and that I still hold and have value.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

Which I would say if you asked, you know, if you went and you lined up a bunch of people, they all would have said that I know, you know. But it's hard because when you get you remove yourself from a situation, you don't, you know, you don't even get to see what it looks like after that.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

And there there is one scripture that I I've been looking at my phone because I've been searching for it. I'm like, oh my gosh, what's that strict scripture? Because I'm always great at like, okay, it's somewhere in the Bible around this area, but I can never tell you.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

I have so many verses memorized, I could tell you not what where they come from at all.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

No, I'm like, was this New Testament or Old Testament? But this was New Testament, but it was in Hebrews, and it says, God is not unjust, he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. Oh, and I was like, It's a good one. It's such a good one, and it was what I needed to hear. And we have read through the Bible, of course, we're not in Hebrews, but thank goodness we're in the New Testament. Amen. Thank you for being in the New Testament for those of you who are doing the Bible in the year for for 11 days now. We have been in the New Testament so grateful. But we're but to really focus in on that verse, because I read it last year at the at the same time that I've been going through that I went through this, but I just you're always not in the right frame of mind to hear the verse that you need to hear. Or to hear from God that what you need to hear. Because I am positive that I have probably heard this throughout the last year and a half, but I was not in the right framework to hear it until I got that text.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

But isn't that the beauty of like going through the Bible of it, it that's why they call it living word. I mean, like, you know, like that it has that's breathed by God, you know, because yes, it's written by, you know, the whole thing is written there, but the way that it speaks to you individually in your situation that I may have nothing to do with what is written then is still applicable to where you are now.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

Because this verse, he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you've helped his people and continue to help them, is exactly what that text it was was. And so to whether or not my friend who sent it knew that she was that those two things combined was this just this, I mean, man, it hit me and I cried. And I still am grateful for for hearing it. Even days we a week later, I am still grateful that I received that text.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

I think and I we haven't talked about this previously, and I'll ask you if this is I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I think you you you kind of spoke to you had done good work, you know. I th I I was wondering if when things kind of came to a halt, yeah, did you did it sour? Did you kind of feel like everything you'd done had been soured? Uh yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Yeah. And yeah, it was negative for me because all of a sudden I was there and I was gone. And then everything of mine was gone. And so then it became a rush to make myself feel valuable in, you know, God's kingdom of like, okay, well, let me start writing again. Let me get my, you know, let me go on my own webpage and let me get my own my own works up because I need to make sure that people still think of me as valuable.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

And to be fair, like nobody in that arena was telling you weren't these things. It's just the value that we put on ourselves when things shift.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

Yeah. This is because you start creating your own story. Yeah. And you and when we start creating our own story without hearing the truth, it tends to go negative. It w on ourselves. We tend to think the worst of ourselves. And we then hold on to that and then just build it, build it, and build it and build it. Yeah. And so what this did was just crash every single wall that I had built of trying to, because we try to protect ourselves. Yeah. And so in the in the instance of trying to protect ourselves and building these walls of saying you're fine, I'm fine, I'm healed, I'm great, you know, and then realizing that you built a picture that was a hundred percent incorrect.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

Yeah, I think it's so wild that, you know, just whether you not you in particular, but I mean like anyone, either we're removed from something or we remove ourselves. Instantly, as soon as that happens, our narrative changes of everything that went prior to that. Yes. And that's that's kind of bananas because truth is as it happens, but our memory can shift so suddenly based on, you know, however our removal went from it. So whether you had an amazing relationship and it broke up, I'd be like, man, that was a bad. That was bad. No, it could have been bad. But what I'm saying is like our memory quickly shifts to comfort what's inside of our own spirit of what we think we need to heal. Because we can always heal here.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

We like things are hard. What is that? I'm sure you've heard that phrase, like the beginnings, we remember the beginnings are always good and the ends are always hard. Yeah. And it's the middle that's the good part. And so you forget the middle when it ends. And you forget, you forget the good. And I've but I've always said that I am so grateful for where I worked. I am so grateful for what how it changed my life, my family's life in the trajectory that we are going on. Because, you know, if it wasn't for that for for this church, Doug and I would be divorced. And tomorrow, when this airs, it's our 24th wedding anniversary. And so to all that to come full circle and and to hear everything and to remember that nothing of it was how it ended was bad, but it does not overshadow all of the good that God did.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

So in this process of kind of just kind of after hearing that, did the good, the middle start to flood back for you?

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Oh, yeah, of course. You start remembering all the good things. And once again, because I live in the community, and I will always be in the community where I where I led and where and where where our church is, I still see people. And so I received a text message last actually last Saturday because our we were playing, my husband was coaching a team, we was coaching against another team, and one of the one of the people who actually she works for the for the church, she was like, Hey, are you here? I would love to see you. And I'm like, actually I'm not, because you know, unless faith is cheering, I don't go. But the fact that I haven't talked to her in a while and she reached out to me hoping I was there. I was like, oh my gosh. So it's it's remembering that even though I don't always have connections with everybody anymore, I still see them and they still will reach out and I will talk to anybody and everybody.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

To be fair, when I run into people out and about, yeah, maybe people who are not necessarily connected to me, but they know I'm connected to you. Um people ask me all the time how you're doing. Oh, great. It is, and I generally pass that on to you. But I people will say all the time, like, I listen to your podcast. And I was like, I don't think you don't have to whisper. Yeah, you don't have to whisper it in secret. But they'll oh gosh, it was so funny. A few weeks ago, I'm going into the volunteer room at church and I pass somebody and she goes, You're the girl. Oh. I have no idea who this person is. I've to be fair, I don't think I've ever seen this person. She goes, I've been watching you. And I'm like, what is happening to me? And I'm like, I don't even know what this means. She goes, Are you the girl? Which girl? I know I'm like, I don't, I don't know what this is. She goes, I watch you and Casey, and I think you're the girl. Oh yes. And I think what she meant was I see the clips that you share. We do share clips. We do made me share clips on social media. But she made me laugh. She goes, You're the girl. And I love that. And then I kind of looked at her quiz and she goes, I think you're the girl, uh, which made me laugh. And then she went on to say Lo Catella. But then again, I'm so bad. I have the memory of a goldfish sometimes. Me too. And then she told me her name. I instantly was like, because it was like kind of an out of the way. But don't you character?

SPEAKER_00 39:54

See, now we're going off topic a little bit. That's all right. Whenever some like yesterday, Isabel sent me a text, like, hey mom, do you know this person? And immediately I'm always like, oh crap. And then I go to all my social media and I start and I type in their name to see which crowd I would know them from. And would I know them from high school? Would I know them from, you know, my form, you know, from church, would I know them from, you know, my work here, my new work to make sure that I know. So this person was from high school. And I'm like, I don't think they graduated with me. She's like, oh no, they were uh younger than you. I'm like, okay, whoo shoo.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

But I can never remember. Oh, yeah. It is the memory game of how bad is my memory right now. And how do I know them? That's what I always wonder. How which group do I know them from? Well, before I go, we go veer off anymore.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

Based on the text that you that that text exchange, how does that change how you might interact with somebody and telling them? Like, does that prompt you to want to share? Like, should we want to share like things that I mean, clearly, she also let me just back up for a second. She did not hesitate. Like, she did not have that text from you for hours. No, she did not. So her response was it was it was quick and swift. And so it was from the heart, it was off the cuff. And so, like, there was no hesitation of like I can tell her how I feel. How like going forward?

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Sometimes you have to humble yourself to get answers.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Like, what's the thing?

SPEAKER_01 41:34

Like, do we ask? Do we like do we go back and ask for the feedback? I that's I'm making it like a total cringe face because asking for feedback is rough.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Because it's scary.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

And humbling yourself and asking for somebody's opinion about a situation that was hard for you is really scary and really hard. And well, I anytime it comes from God, it's never easy. Yeah. So clearly this was a prompting. And I would say this whole situation was, I believe, a prompting from God so that I could hear what I needed to hear so I could fully just move on. And I think sometimes when there's a hard situation and a prompting for somebody to to for us to receive feedback or to look back at a negative point in our life, whether it be from you or somebody else, and and having that question of, you know, can I fully move on without hearing the answers that I need to hear? Sometimes you have to be willing to humble yourself and ask. And it's not easy, which is why if you're going to do it, talk to somebody first. Why went to went to you? Because I needed to, you know, have help tweaking a message that I knew could leave to pain. It could have been. Because it could have been I appreciate it, but yes, at this point in time I would not pursue that direction because of X, Y, and Z. And that was not what I got at all.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Yeah. Well, yeah, I asking for that feedback. But I think one of the things is also be careful who you who you talk to. Who you yes. I definitely need somebody who who can be neutral. I think when you have like really deep feelings or deep connections to things or just who you allow access to give feedback in your life is it's hard. Especially like in the like the arena that we are in now. Just I mean, this is like the silliest example, but I put a bunch of Mother of the Bride dresses on my Instagram. Okay? Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay. Like I said, this is not in the same genre of things. But what I am saying is I put something up there and I got and I said, let me know what you think. Oh, okay. People were so when you have thousands of people who follow you, and then all of a sudden, like in my mind, usually when I ask for feedback of something, I may get, you know, 15, 20 like DMs, da-da-da, you know, and it's usually the same people. I was flooded with feedback of people who I did not know. And so my feelings were getting hurt by a question I asked. Yes. That maybe I was like, oh, well, you know. So then when I found, you know, so the next round when I tried other things on, I was like, I've got like a handful of people whom I love and I trust, and their opinions mean something to me. Now, granted, this is about address. So, in the grand scheme of things, this is not the same thing that you were going through. But who we ask the questions to, who we allow access to speak into our lives, it does make a difference. It does. So the fact that you were able to humble yourself because you knew this person is trustworthy. Yeah. And that you trusted them to be honest with you. And that's, I don't know, it's big. So I think who you allow to have access to your life to give feedback is as important as being brave and humble enough to ask for it.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

And one of the interesting things is I went to one friend first and I started typing out, hey, I I need you to help me with this. And it was and I just got this prompting that's saying don't go to her, instead ask her, tell her you're praying for her.

SPEAKER_01 45:23

Well, that's the other thing is you may have a prompting, but like you may not want to like get somebody involved with something. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

And and so not that you don't value them. No, and it wasn't. And so I ended up sending her a text saying, Hey, you're on my heart. I very because when I started texting or feeling to text her, and God said, No, not that, tell her you're praying for her, you're praying for X, Y, and Z. And I said that, and she came to me saying, Oh my gosh, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that. I'm, you know, life is really hard for me right now. And I was like, Oh, okay, because not all of our problems need to go to everybody. And sometimes we have to decipher and discern, okay, God, I think I'm supposed to go to somebody, but you have to stop and listen. Yeah. And hear. And so this is what I want, this is what I keep coming back to to kind of wrap all this up. I thought I'd heal from a chapter in my life in a lot of ways. I I honestly had. But the one expected, this one expected message revealed something I realized I was still holding on to because I think that's part of it. We still hold on to things, even though we think we've moved past it. I just wanted to know that the good I did mattered. And I think we all do. We all want to know that we make a difference and we matter in this world. And I wanted to know that the years I invested weren't reduced to the way that I ended things. And I take responsibility for the way that I ended it. And that the one assessment of me wasn't the only one that mattered, of of my opinion of myself. I can only own we can only own what we do right and what we do wrong. And we have to own it.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

As as humans, as people, as you know, I think we always like to own our right, but we don't always like to own Yeah, because it's a lot easier to take the accolades than the kind of deal with the confronting the shame we feel when we were in the wrong.

SPEAKER_00 47:20

Yeah. And so maybe that's something that, you know, we need to hear today, maybe something that, you know, people listening need to hear today. That, you know, maybe it was a relationship we talked about this, it ended badly a lost job, a mistake that we made with, you know, family, friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Anybody. Well, the list of mistakes we all make on the daily is is large, and some of those impacts ripple small and some of them ripple a lot longer.

SPEAKER_00 47:43

You know, it and it's always, you know, changes that change the direction of your life. And sometimes it's because someone you respected question your abilities. And we've had that happen. People who we trust all of a sudden question us, and we immediately take that questioning or that feedback and put it right into the negative. Because it's so easy to. So we need to take responsibility for our part without letting the moment become your entire identity, because that's what we do. Oh, that's big. Yeah. And maybe the words that we need to hear will come from someone we never expected. And maybe they'll come from scripture. Or maybe we've been waiting for someone to say something that they never will.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

Ooh. Okay, that's big because you know what? I think there are a lot of times when I feel. I'll say I feel, because I don't know if we all feel, but I think there's a lot of times when I feel like somebody needs to like stand up and take responsibility. If they won't. Or or just like I fell, feel like I have. I have done as much as I could. I mean, I yeah, there's been definitely times when I've gone through and I've it's been easier just to say I'm sorry. Yeah and like take my part of the blame to move on to get things moving. And then I think that will prompt them to say, Oh, you've taken like your responsibility role in this. Now I'll take mine. And that never happens. And they don't. And it is like, I it not only, but oh on. It shocks me every time. Yeah. It shocks me every single time when someone doesn't meet me in the middle of like I've got to be like, okay, I've taken my response.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

I hey, I've taken I've ownership of this.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

I need you to take ownership of your part. And they're because sometimes, many times, I will maybe even take more of the ownership of the fault. Just to end it. Just to end it to move forward. Even though in my heart I'm like, oh, I just I don't want to feel as hard anymore. If I I will take more blame just to keep moving. And then I don't hear it on the other end. And gosh, sometimes that stunts it even worse.

SPEAKER_00 49:55

And so if you're waiting for someone to say something to heal, and they they never will. And I'm not suggesting that, you know, getting this text or you know, or receiving a text, or he even hearing a word from somebody is going to heal it, but I do believe God can use it.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

I do believe that. And I think you said earlier you said uh and you may find it in the word. I just want to encourage you, if you were in any sort of a season, and like I'm saying, it could be good season, bad season, the way that you said that you, you know where we are in scripture right now, like you you've read, you've read this before, and it didn't pop out and stand you like keep going in. Keep trying.

SPEAKER_00 50:36

Because there's reading, because it will it there will be a time when it will make sense.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

And there have been seasons of where there have been books and chapters, and there's been entire seasons of my life where getting into the word is actually really difficult for me. And either I'm distracted or I I'm letting worldly things irritate me to the play point where I am putting other things in the priority above that quiet time. If you keep going for it, he's gonna reveal it.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

He was because God can use He used those unexpected moments to reveal his word. And you're worth. Yeah, I And especially in places where you know you need his attention. Clearly, I needed his attention in this area of my life. I just didn't realize it.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

Uh yeah, and it's crazy how much you can like when you're reading scripture, like I sometimes I read scripture and it's like conviction heavy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get that, but I am a we have talked about this over and over again, like we are have both have personalities. It's very easy to find our own faults. Yeah. But it is harder to receive grace. And so to read scripture and receive grace, yes, uh, at least for me, is much more difficult. Because sometimes holding on to the the parts of us that are a little bit ugly allows us to hold on to some of the anger time. And when you when you truly receive forgiveness, grace, yeah, when you accept the accountability and let it go and you you give that to God, then that stuff starts to dissipate and melt away and it changes your perspective. And sometimes we're not ready to let go of it. We're not.

SPEAKER_00 52:19

So this is this is the question that I have for everybody. Oh, okay. Oh, we love places, we love questions. Okay, what have you convinced yourself that you've moved past, but you're still caring? And what would it look like if you invite God to take its place? And then the big thing is she should have given me a heads up on this one. And I I think this is for everybody. We think that we've moved past something, and then we realize uh maybe we haven't. And to also understand that redemption doesn't always change the ending of the story. Oh yeah. It just changes. No, but it does change what you believe the ending.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

I don't think it necessarily changes the ending, but it doesn't I think it helps us remember what what the journey was.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

Yeah. I think you know, it it what it does is it it changes what you believe the ending says about you. Oh, yes. Yes. So maybe it doesn't change your ending, but it gives you a new understanding and a new focus of that you maybe took negatively that really wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 53:33

Yeah. And oh when you said that, I did have something pop in my head. But uh, but I'm gonna keep it private for right now, and we can talk about it in the future.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 53:45

Because I am learning that not every thought that comes to my head is something I need to publicize right away. I love that for you. I mean, we're learning. We're learning. We're learning. Yeah, because I'm st it's something that, you know, it occurred to me, and I brought out to my husband the other day, and he just he was like, Oh, you yeah, well, that's something to think about. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna pray about that before I I kind of put that out there more.

SPEAKER_00 54:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:13

And yeah, I do think we have to learn that.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

We do. And I think we have to I love the fact that you that you are holding your tongue because that's once again for us, it's growth because we are we are very much people who blurt out what it is.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

Because it's so easy for me to like to blurt out things that are about me, but when things involve other people or my reaction to something, I have to remember that not everybody wants to be platformed. And that's okay. Yeah. Because not everything does. And not everything needs a platform. No. Some things need to be dealt with privately. Yeah, but that's it. I'm glad that you phrased it the way that you did. And I know you took notes this week, and I appreciate that because sometimes I forget sometimes what I need to say. Well, I well, yeah, also I told Casey I was like, You're on this week. You, you are on because I feel it has been heavy on me. Well, you've had a lot going on in your life. You haven't, it's not that you had a lack of that.

SPEAKER_00 55:18

No. No, not at all. It's that you've had a lot where where it's great topics for what we can that we can easily relate to others. Yes, also I But you're also in a brain space where your brain is totally I don't want to say fried, but you're studying all the time. You have a wedding, there's a lot going on.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

So I Well, we'll just uh let's just end this on a something I have learned about myself recently, which is in not a formal diagnosis kind of a way. Oh, I love this. I was chatting with my husband, this is a few weeks ago, and he said, I listened to the podcast this week. And I said, Oh, okay, you know. And he goes, Do you know how many times you start a story, you get sidetracked, and you never go back? Oh. And I was like, What? Because in my mind, we always we always we always circle back, okay? But we don't. Yeah, there's been some times where we've started something and we've never circled back.

SPEAKER_00 56:14

Even though when I listen to it though, I feel like we do, but maybe I get so involved in what we're I know.

SPEAKER_01 56:19

And then so we he said further, he kind of pushed me on something else, and he was like, I don't know what kind of like the spectrum of the ADHDs, you know, you are, but you are there. And I said, No.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

I think though, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:40

And I'm like, okay, this makes sense because I'm doing all the studying. I'm trying to like make things stick in my brain, and I'm like, the whole studying thing is not happening the way I remember, like the way that my brain learns is very different than what it what it used to be. On top of that, I am obviously I told you with we were with I was with our friend Nijra this week, and we were having a conversation, and she asked me to ask my husband a question, and so I asked him, he didn't respond back to the text for like 20 minutes. And then amidst the rest of the question, he responded, and I just put it back out there like we were in the middle of the same conversation. She goes, What are you talking about? Like that's but in my mind, we're not gonna be a little bit more than I talk in loops.

SPEAKER_00 57:20

We have whole conversations in our head that we are think that we're talking to somebody, and so we start halfway through that conversation.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

So I came back and she was like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back like go back up, and I was like, Oh, now I do have another friend. We do talk in circles that way, and it is like it just makes sense. But then let me I'm trying to decide. I said, you know, my mother-in-law threw this shower for my daughter yesterday. Yes. And I said, We need to get her a gift. And I said, Elena, I want you to get her a card and I will pick up a gift card and a bouquet. Oh. Okay. To give to her because I knew it was a lot of work for her to put this on. So we are putting, you know, I'm we're kind of going back and forth, like who gets what, like what makes most sense. And so I'm talking to my husband, and I said, Do we need to like is it just a bouquet or would she get one that has a vase? Because we're gonna be at the shower for a few hours. And then I said, You're right. We don't need a vase. And he goes, Stephanie, I didn't answer you. I said, What are you talking about? And he goes, You just answered for me. Oh my gosh. And I'm like, This is a new brain overwhelm that you that you're doing. That I'm doing. And I'm like, I think I've hit capacity. I think my brain has done something different, and I don't know if this is a perimenopause, brain fog or mix of like an adult onset attention issue. I I could This is not news to any of you who listen. You're like, okay, yeah, Stephanie, we know.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

I I have lived in the speaking of brain far. How many F words can we get there? I have lived in the same city for all my life. And our park is called Tower Park. Yeah. It's a very large, very nice park. I could not remember because I was meeting someone yesterday to walk, and I could not remember what it was called. And I wrote, I will see you at the fort park.

SPEAKER_01 59:22

Did you play that off as an autocorrect?

SPEAKER_00 59:24

I just totally ignored it. Because then she sent me a screenshot of the location that said, Do you mean here? And it said Tower Park. And I was like, Yes. Yes. That is what I meant. I have lived there my whole life and I could not remember what it was. And I didn't even realize that I couldn't remember what it was called. I was so convinced that it was called the Fort Park. That's that's where I am in my stage of life. And to circle back. Is what it is. So we can have an ending for Matt.

SPEAKER_01 59:58

Oh, goodness gracious. Yeah. Well, you should be so happy, Matt.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:03

And I mean, honestly, you should be so happy. So this is this is what the the big thing that I have God has taught me. Yes, the ending does not erase the good. Yeah. Oh, that's big. That is huge. That and applies to so much. Applies to a lot in our life.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

All right. Why don't we think about that all week? I know. I think I think there's a lot of things that I've erased in my in my head because it did the ending didn't go exactly the way I wanted.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:34

And we have to remember there's a lot of good still left.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:39

Oh, absolutely. All right, guys. Have a great week.