More Precious Than Rubies, Less Petty Than the Internet

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore. I'm Casey Bryant. And well, let's see if technology likes us today. We're gonna try. Really? It did not like us last week. It did not like us last week. That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

It sort of liked us the week before. It did. But last week did we get anything? Because I never even heard. Not nothing.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

No video. And what we did get was more of like blooper stuff. And then I got frustrated and I said, Nope. No. Okay. No. Anyway, you know, sometimes that's what life is like. You work really hard on something and it doesn't turn out the way that you hope. So yeah. My bad, but also I don't know what I could have done to you. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

I know I'm I'm already playing with my hair because it's wet, because I actually washed my hair and I haven't washed my hair since Wednesday. Okay. And so I had to wash my hair. We're recording on a Sunday, so now people know really how long that went. Oh yeah. I I go, I only wash my hair twice a week. Twice a week? Twice a week.

unknown 1:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

How often do you wash your hair? Maybe three times, two, three? I don't know. Okay. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. Like I've heard both ways. Like it's healthy to wash it every day. It's healthy to wash it every other day. It's healthy to go as long as you can. But I I'm about every every two. Well, yeah, every three to four days.

unknown 1:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

No, that's that sounds about right. I just have very short hair. So I feel like it's very noticeable. Like I can't. And a fun fact, I'm allergic to a lot of dry shampoos.

unknown 1:41

Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Yeah, they have gluten in them. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, I found out when I put it on and my scalp felt like it was absolutely on fire. I saw this tip that you like you put you you use like dry shampoo like early, you know, like not necessarily like when it's necessarily dirty. It was like supposed to help like give volume. Anyway, so I kind of put the dry shampoo on and I did all the things. And I had to get up in the middle of the night and go shower because my scalp was absolutely on fire. Now I don't think they all have it, but well that is a fascinating tip that I had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I don't use dry shampoo.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

I I just I just roll with it. I also found out I can't use Bath and Body Works hand sanitizer if it has like the little like the little pocket back things. Yes. Because it has the little beads in them. Yeah. Guten. That's gluten? No idea. I know. The things that you didn't care about, but maybe there's one other gluten-free person here that was like Don't use that stuff. I feel you. I feel you. Yeah. Actually, so my youngest is here. Like she in the in the building. In studio. That we don't really have a studio. But we just went and had her fitted for her point shoes again. So this is her second pair of point shoes. Now, if you are not a ballet person, which I was not, and I'm a new, I'm not a new ballet mom, but I'm new to a child being on point. Yes. These shoes are very expensive. They are not cheap. They are not cheap. And you have to get the right fit. And they, yes. So she got refitted again. I just found out the average life of point shoes is like seven to nine months.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Well, I did not know this. Unless you're a professional, then it's one time.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine. But if you're a professional, you also get them for free.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

They just have huge Well, we are not a professional and it was $125. But that's still expensive.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Especially with a child who's still growing.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Knowing that you're gonna have- I feel like her, she's I feel like she may be done growing. Oh, okay. She's 14. Maybe. I think she's had like a lot of tremendous growth. But yeah, interesting. Yeah, I did not know that. But it was very I did not get to see her be fitted last year for her like first official one because I didn't really let parents in for that. The studio took care of it. Because they did it as a like all the girls in a group.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

And because it was a it was a the whole group first time going on point. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

I think some of the moms were able to stay, but it was like encouraged that they not stay. So at any rate, it was really kind of fun to see like that process. There's a guy on TikTok who I follow. Love him. He shows up and he's like, go sou. I don't even know what this means, but you know. He's the best. Like fitting all of the anyway. Oh, I love it. If you have encountered this on TikTok then or any of these um, and he can tell you exactly like how the width, the like which shoe you should go to.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

And there's so many different versions and types.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

And I was fascinated. In fact, so she brought her old shoes in and she was like, Oh, you've broken the wings. And I was like, Okay. Didn't know it had wings, you know, but with wings. My mine went somewhere else. Okay, well, yeah. Well, anyway, so she was like, She's like, I'm gonna break the the shank and I'm gonna pull this back. And she gets all these like little things out, little lotions and potions and glues, and she was like, Okay, I fixed them, you know, you're gonna get more wear out of them. And I was like, it reminded me of that scene of I don't remember which Toy Story it was, but there's the guy who like fixes Woody. Oh, yeah and he he gets all of his stuff out. Oh, that's the second, second one. Is that the second one? Yes, it's like my favorite scene in it because I was just like, it's so satisfying. But watching her getting fixed, yes, was I don't know. It was it was cool. So anyway, so she is in the building, and I was like, Abby, what should we talk about today? And she was like, Let's talk about you being gluten-free. And I'm like, no, nobody wants to hear about me gluten-free. And then I did it anyway. You did. I know, I didn't. But I'm also the one who brought it up. Ish. Naturally, everything leads to my dummy doesn't like wheat. Apparently, top of my head doesn't either.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

No. I mean, my guess it's your whole body. I know it happens.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Well, okay. Speaking of TikTok, yeah. Like your algorithm did something weird this week.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Uh my algorithm is all over the place right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Between crock pot meals. Okay. Which I just tried one, Mongolian beef, delicious. Love. Love it. It was awesome. I know, it was fantastic. So crock pot recipes, dogs, of course. Taylor Swift. With the new song. With the encore, yep. And wives bashing their husbands. I don't know how. I don't know how I because I don't bash my husband, so I don't know how I got on that that algorithm. Okay, but you know what?

SPEAKER_00 6:36

It's interesting that you said you had the Taylor Swift and the women bashing their husbands. Ooh. Because I do feel like there's a a little bit of a correlation there because listen, if you're not a Taylor Swift person, that's okay. Yeah, it's fine. You have to be. I like her music. Atheni was very into her music. My 14-year-old. My oldest one could have cared less. Both my girls are. But she got really into her like during the Aeros tour. Not to the point where we were able to see you took a daughter to the you had to be. I took brothers. And and your youngest slept through it. Yep, that was the most expensive nap I've ever paid for. I've ever so I mean it's never like I've never like not liked her. I mean, but I I would not have said I'm a Swifty. Yes. Same. But I enjoy her music. Enjoy the music. Also, I have never seen people more passionate about hating an artist. I know my life.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Especially now that she's married and like her songs are well, the one song Cleveland, right, is is if you've heard it, it's Oh, I've heard it. Of course, we've all heard it. It's very much like my husband likes what my husband, you don't have to like me, but my husband likes me.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I yeah. There was a couple things that just like one of the lyrics was, you know, the taste of me is acquired, but my husband says I'm his favorite dish. Yes. And then at the end of it, she says something of the nature of, of course, like I'm not gonna get this right. I never know the lyrics of things. But it was all about, you know, you only have to find one person who doesn't find you insufferable. Yes. And I found my person. Uh-huh. Or something of that nature. Yeah, absolutely. You know what? I think Taylor sounded better when she said it. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

But also at the same time, I, as for both of us, you know, who have young girls, and to see this star who has so much influence being proud of her husband and and singing about her husband.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yeah. So you had okay, so the dichotomy was a bunch of people hating on Taylor Swift for being like very like.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

A traditional like I don't want to say traditional wife.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

It sounds so, but a traditional she's she's in her wifey era. Yeah, she is. I don't know if I'd call it a trad wife, but I mean I maybe, maybe she is. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

And then people bashing her for saying, pointing to her ring and saying that's my husband.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

I'm like, Well, people really were like, we like longed for these other, this other kind of music, and I was like, let a girl be happy. I know. Let a girl be happy. Yeah, I think we can all like draw like the things that make us sad and like bring us into those places. And I think that's what really captured a lot of her audience of they all had these times in life. But I'm like, listen, if you're a miserable person, you're probably not gonna like her new music.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

You're just not there.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

No, go go listen to Alanis Morissette. That was our music when we were upset.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I know. Wait a minute. Okay. We can't say something about Alanis Morissette without saying, like, who some of her like her jagged little pill. Oh, like when they're saying Do you know who like they say she's singing about? Yes, it's it's Joey. From Full House? Yes. Like when I learned. What's his name? Uncle Uncle Joey? No, Uncle Then they called him not, yeah, they called him it was Joey. It wasn't Uncle Jesse and Joey. Joey was not the uncle, but he was Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

I if I'm remembering Full House, it's been a while since I've watched Full House. But yes, that's about him. Never those two together, never in my wildest.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

It just like no part of me, like no, as someone who like was an avid full house watcher growing up. Yes. I mean, obviously born in, you know, because he's 80.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Yes. Because he's he's goofy. And when you listen to Alanis Moore sets, especially Jack Little Pill, she is not goofy bananas.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

I'm gonna throw it. Did you ever watch How I Met Your Mother? Uh yeah, ish. Okay. Well, there's kind of a parody of this where one of the characters, her name was Robin. Yes. Like she was from Canada, and so like they said like she had this secret, you know, and so they were like bound to term in these friends of hers. And New York, like, I'm gonna find out your secret. And so they get this videotape, and she was like, I just never want anybody to find this out. Of course, they're thinking that she is maybe some sort of an adult artist and adult artist and an adult. And she they found out she is Robin Sparkles, which is she's a pop star in Canada. Yes. Okay. Well, then there was an episode of like where she was, it was Robin Sparkles too, and it was where she went through her grunge era. And she was kind of parroting Alanis Morissette, and they had like the I mean, you have to go back in time here. We had like VH1 and MTV, and then we had like the VH1 like behind the music. Do you remember that? Oh gosh, yes, I do. Canada had much music, and they were like, and it was and they were parroting her this descend into this grunge thing. And so they actually had, I don't remember what his real name, Dave Coulier, that's his name. Yeah. Oh my gosh, the fact that you just pulled that right out of your butt is amazing. Uh I will forget something else later because I have that knowledge. That is but yes, that's accurate. He was like, I don't know why everybody says this is about me. And I was like, oh my gosh, confirming these rumors, I'm like, it was it was Chef's kiss and also like Wow, I still, I still don't get it. I still don't get it. I loved Alanis Morrisette. Me too, I do over the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

But okay, all that to say off the rails. But in our mind, like for our generation, if you're angry, you've listened to Alanis Moret. Yeah. And to, and it's I it's just so interesting to see how much she's get Taylor Swift is getting bashed for being singing these songs about how much she's in love, her how much her husband loves her, and uh for you know, saying that she's proud of her husband. And people are angry about it.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

They are well, angry, and it's women, and it breaks. Yeah, but what's interesting is I there there does seem to be a movement that to be an independent woman, like you like that you can't have this pride in your man. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like this dichotomy of like I I don't know, like which is probably why I got on the algorithm of angry.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Of why I don't know even though they're angry, they're just getting on, you know. Oh, my husband brought me home flowers, which is amazing for for no reason, but she was bashing the flowers because they were just carnations. And I'm like, ouch, that's that's that's rough. Like he goes out of his way to bring flowers, but they're not right flowers.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

There does seem to be And why go on TikTok and bash your husband for stuff like this? Yeah, I don't know. But there does seem to be a thing where Now listen, we are the last people to like get on about people but oversharing.

unknown 13:39

I know.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

He overshare so much. And you know what's really funny? Oversharing got brought up in church today. Oh, James.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

And I wonder who they were talking about.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

The pastor said, listen, not everybody has access to you or deserves access to you and your stuff. And I was like, wise. And then he said, I'm paraphrasing again, but it was like, if you don't know who the if you can't think of an overshare in your life, like you're probably the overshare. I'm raising my hand. Yeah, they can see. Oh, you can see. I know I'm an overshare. Which makes me laugh because not only we're like we yeah, we definitely overshare, but there's so much we actually don't share. I wear it. I know people think we're just total, absolute open books, but um we really aren't. Not everything is not everything, because we're still not allowed to talk about sex. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

I brought it up, but we're not talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Well, because there is something that okay, but that but listen, okay, we were talking about bashing husbands. I this was I'm not bashing my husband about that. No. But what I'm saying is there are some things that are maybe not public support. And I would you're respecting your husband because Matt asked respecting like that's because Matt said that's my line. Yeah, which is great. Now, would I be open to having an expert coming in and talking about that? Oh, of course. 100%. Of course. Me bringing up my own stuff, not about that.

unknown 15:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Now, will I have a girlfriend chat with you? Like, yeah, absolutely we will. Yeah, we will. Yeah, we will. Sorry, Matt.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

I'm not so sorry, Doug. We gotta talk about it. Your body changed everything when you're everything changes when you when you get older. So it just becomes different. But not talking about that topic. So we so we don't so we do overshare, but we don't overshare everything. And we do and we do respect our husbands regarding what they what their boundaries are and like yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Well, my husband just set a new boundary for me. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Is it about the wedding? It's about the podcast. Oh, great. Uh oh. I can't bring up his mom anymore. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

You know, just in case. We're not bringing it up, Mac. No, no. And to clarify, if you listened last week, or maybe it was before, I don't know. He says the dress is slightly different colored. Oh, okay, great. So just you know, correction, and now I will be done with great. We're done. I don't have I don't have the that problem.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

No, no, it's not that Doug doesn't listen. It's all all parents are gone. They're all they've all passed away.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

So I guess I could talk about them because they can't talk back to me, but there's no reason to.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Well, no. No, I'm still, but I'm still very much living these. Yes, you are you are still living in it. I did. But yeah, I there's I it's very interesting of what people are willing to share. And I think that people now we talked about that we are very willing to like self-deprecate ourselves to say something because we kind of want to get like it out ahead in case yeah, in case somebody can't because it happened all the time. But like if there's like a funny element, it's like complete open door. Yes. But I am not a, hey, this is rough, let me get out there and share that. Yes. But I do feel if you're watching things like it is very easy in this kind of influencer era that people are putting their negative stuff.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

And then it becomes a trend. Yeah. And so I once again, I was watching another video or popped up on my feed where I don't, I can't remember if it was like, you know, am I the a-hole or that somebody was reading a story or that person read doesn't matter, that all of her friends who are married were doing this trend where they went to their husband and said, you know, I want a divorce to see what their husband would say. And and and they're like, Oh, you and telling this, this, their friend who is married, oh, you need to do this because our husband was begging, and our husband was, you know, you uh did not was saying, please don't divorce me, please don't divorce me. So I guess it makes them feel better because of how much they feel wanted because the husband. And so she said this to her husband, and he's like, Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Oh, geez. Which there was definitely something else happening.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

If there yes, and also why, why and and she was like, I feel I felt pressure to do it, so I did it. Why? I don't know. Why would you do something when there when that is nowhere on your radar and you don't give your husband and then you're saying no, it was a joke. Well, why are you gonna joke about that?

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Why would you ever joke? Now, one of the rules that Matt and I had when we got married was that divorce was the word divorce was never to be brought up in argument, never like that word was not on the table unless we meant it. Yes. That was just one of the hard and fast rules, and to this day, it has never it was brought up once in our marriage.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

When our marriage was uh on the brink.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

And that's and we had the same rule, and since then it has never been brought up, nor will it ever be brought up. Like we're we're in it. This this he he's my he's my forever 24 years in a couple weeks, and that's it. Yeah, no one else.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Well, hold on. If you have made it through 24 years of marriage and you haven't had a rough patch, like kudos to you to be commensurate. I would actually I I'd have lots of questions. Uh yes, like lots of questions. Yeah. But I mean, even when we were at our lowest point in our marriage, we'd gone through infertility, yeah, we kind of went through that roommate phase of life. I don't, I it never really crossed the idea of divorce never crossed my mind. I don't know if it ever, I mean, obviously it never got brought up, but but there was I don't I just I can't imagine bringing those kinds of topics to the table for for show.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

So so question for you.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

So of course we're not gonna bash our husbands on you know, on the internet on social media, but do you bash your husband to friends? I mean, bash is a really strong word. It is. And I I I don't. I'm I might have every I really don't. And I think the reason being is because I don't want people to have a negative attitude of Doug. Like if we're fighting because be just because we're in this, you know, we're upset with each other, we have this little tiff that's going on that typically lasts less than 24 hours, even if that if I were to reach out and you know, phone my my friends or my siblings or my sisters and and start, you know, bashing Doug or saying, you know, all these horrible things about him because I'm so frustrated with him, well, they're gonna have a bad. They're gonna side with me no matter what. They're never gonna side with him.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Okay, so it's really interesting that you say this because Matt and I had a conversation once where I separately, we each had a friend, same gender friend, but her our friends were married. Yeah, my friends were married. Yeah, okay. So the wife is coming to you, husband's gone. But no, but not like they're not married to each other. These are two separate totally separate like couples, and both of them struggling in their own ways. And what was interesting is I and I don't know what made me, I probably asked him because I probably did it. And of and what I mean I did it is when my friend was complaining about her husband, I found myself in a way of trying to empathize her with her. Yeah, complaining about my husband to make her feel like she was not alone, even though that wasn't necessarily like I see what you're oh, yeah. And I so I But I think we probably do do that, right? And so I asked Matt if he ever did that with um with one of his close friends. Yeah. Because we knew that there, you know, she was in a tough spot, and the teenager just walked by and gave me the look. I don't know what that look that was.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

I don't know, but it totally distracted me too. It was like it was like a ghost that walked by, but it wasn't. It was the ghost of a teenager.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

The ghost of a teenager, and that's kind of what it's like. You just kind of see they give you a look and then you don't have them for several hours. And then you have to ask where all of your silverware is because you can't find it anymore. It's it's Cops in Our Household. Oh, Cups, yes. Cops in our household. Anyway, get back to where it was. Yes. And Matt told me that he did the same thing. There were times that he may have empathized to the point where making a bigger deal about something with me because it helped his friend connect with him. Yeah. And so I do wonder if maybe that's like the start of what people start doing. But when you throw the internet into this, it was like we just didn't have that.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

No, thank goodness. Nor I think, do we because we didn't grow up with it, so therefore we don't, I don't think we feel like we have to put everything out there. Where we have generations where that's all they know is cameras in your face, cameras in your face, cameras in your face. So we must talk about and everything must be out there. You know, and just hearing, you know, I heard at the football game a couple of girls are like, oh, let's see if our video went viral because they did a dance video. And they're hoping, and they're like, oh no, but so-and-so liked it. This person, and like they're listing everybody who liked it.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

I'm like, oh my gosh, we are getting obsessed with if you know me kind of from you know the last 20 years, and if you don't, it's fine because it's hilarious when I talk to people and I'm like, okay, what stage of my weird life has this been? Yeah. But I before people were influencers. You were an influencer. It's a that's I don't love that name because that's not where I blogged. Okay. So I did was more of a writer who wrote about things, and this influencer culture started to emerge because brand deals started to become a thing. Oh yeah. And so, but like what I would have, it was like like I worked with destinations, like I got to go to like to Disney. I got to go, you know, like vacations where they would give me perks in exchange of me writing for it. Or I did, you know, so it's it's the precursor to influence. So kind of precursor to this, okay? But we we weren't really creating our we were putting our spin on content that brands provided. Yes. Okay. And content doesn't look like that now. It's like creating new trends and this kind of stuff. Now I do know somebody who I have a zero relationship with now, but I do know them personally. I know a lot of their history are attempting to make a big as influencers, doing like skits and such. Oh. And the cringe. I cringe when I see it. Oh no. Secondhand embarrassment. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Now, I'm not mocking or putting down what they're doing. I think it's really vulnerable to put yourself out there with anything. But like this whole like, I'm pranking my husband, I'm pranking my wife, this kind of thing. Oh, yeah. That I'm like, hey, I just don't know. Now, listen, it's really rich for me saying, like, I don't think everything needs a microphone as I'm holding a microphone.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Microphone, and we talk about a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

But I think it's also really important that just because you put yourself on a podcast on a video and upload something, amplifying your platform doesn't make you an expert.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Yes. It and it reminds me, oh my gosh, the verse of you know, how much our words, you know, iron sharpens iron and how much our words can hurt somebody or build somebody up. So if you're putting stuff out there and you're doing it on to trash somebody else to boast you, so far, a lot of the times that doesn't work out too well for people.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

I would say the majority, at least long term. Maybe like you gathered attention in short term, but I think long term, when you make that your game of tearing other things down, I don't think that that's something that is long-term sustainable.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

And for some influencers, that's their whole, I think their whole niche is to bash a business because they didn't get this, or you know, to maybe not. But I maybe that I'm on the wrong algorithm. I need I need better algorithms. You need to switch your stuff. I need to switch it up or I just need to get off of it.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Well, you know what? We all probably could.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Um I know, we probably should. But we probably won't. But we probably won't. We probably won't.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

And you know, can I bring it back a little bit to last week when we talked about because Abby, who is here somewhere over here? Oh yeah, we talked about we talked about middle school. Yeah, we talked about kind of her middle school stuff. And then she and I were kind of talking about I said, Well, you know, Casey and I kind of talked about some of the struggles that you were feeling and kind of that, you know, that pendulum between grace and truth and things. And I said, Do you feel like you put yourself at arm's length because you don't want to get hurt? Oh, what'd you say? Well, like a tear just r sh came down her face. And she was like, Yeah, that's what I do. I just I don't want to be hurt. And so we really focused on I was, you know, showing her the verse, you know, in the Bible where it talks about that she's more precious than Ruby's. Oh, yes. And I'm like, you are just my my children are my most precious gifts. And so when I look at you, I can look at you like a God the Father looks at you. You know what I mean? I can look at you and just just have this abundance of love, despite I can, you know, I can look at you and not think about what a tornado your room is. No, but I can look at you and just see, I can just utterly delight in you. Yeah. Oh. And I just you can't do that with children who aren't yours sometimes. No, no, you can't. No. Um and maybe you can, maybe you can, but I am looking at her in this just absolute delight of who she is and this maturity that she's showing, and just how she was just talking about how these boys want to follow her on social media, and she's like, I just don't think that's wise, and you know, I just don't see, you know, like their intentions. So she goes, I just don't know. Anyways, she's just kind of going through all this stuff, and so we kind of get into this thing. So we we're landing on, you know, I just I tell her, you know, like the Bible says you're more precious than rubies, and the way that I view you is that way. And so in my mind, and I'm sure I've heard this somewhere, so I'm not claiming to be the author of this. I'm just saying, yeah, wherever this came from, it it was recalled to me last night. I was thinking about a rock tumbler. And when you have like right now, wherever you are in life, whether you were in middle school or a 40-something, 50-something, you know, maybe even more in a stage where you're like in a rough spot where you're either trying to reinvent yourself, you're in a rough spot, rough spot in your marriage, rough spot in a friendship, rough spot trying to like just kind of figure out who you are. Yes. I was, you know, I said, Have you ever seen a rock tumbler? And she was like, No, I've never seen a rock tumbler. And it's all like I'm pulling up like what a rock tumbler is. And I was like, you know, here's the deal. You put this in and it's rough. There's maybe glimpses of beauty in it, but like you just you can't see it. And I said, The point of a rock tumbler is you can't just stick it in a tumbler and it works. Yeah. You have to throw other things in it with like you have to put put something in it that's gonna cause friction. Yes. And so, and the process of time with the friction is what is going to bring out the beauty. Yeah, it is what's going to refine you. And and at the end, you have this beautiful smooth thing. And I said, But you know what? No one is gonna appreciate this beautiful smooth thing. I'm like, because I'm telling her, because you know, like your kids always like see gift shops and just want everything. Oh, yes, absolutely. You know, I'm like, you go and like any little gift shop, it's like, oh my gosh, these are so pretty. And you're gonna pick that up and you are never gonna care about it again. No. Okay. I said, however, if you took this from the process of where you found this, you mind it, and you watch the process of being in with something, watching that whole refinement process, when you come across that smooth skin stone again, you're not just going to admire it for the beauty. You're going to admire from where it's been. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's that's life. And so I told her in any relationship that's worth being in, friendship, relationship, uh, all of these places. You want somebody who's not only able to refine you, yeah, but appreciate your refinement. Because the refinement process, like, and I think it's been a surprise to me as I've gotten older, it keeps happening. Because we think we're done. We think we do it all. I think like, okay, I'm through this. I've been through the rough friendships, you know. We're done. We're done. We don't have to do this anymore. Oh, yeah. And you know, like I said, like I, you know, I remember telling my oldest, and I'm sure you've done like middle school's rough. Yeah. You know, you you tell your kids middle school's rough. But when you say that, it's like, okay, middle school's rough, and then it gets easier after that. Well, holy crap. I have had some tumultuous, hard friendship, relationship moments with a multitude of people.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

I mean, middle school, elementary school, high school, college, and beyond.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Yes. Like, I just people are messy and things are tumultuous, and the refinement process will keep happening. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

And I just but when you can find the person who is honest, and so when you can find the person who can say to you, hey, maybe maybe you need to look at yourself and not just your husband. Yes. That's that's a friend. Yeah. Instead of a friend saying, Oh yeah, my husband does the same thing. Or yeah, your husband's a total ass.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Uh I and you may think that.

unknown 32:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

I can't say that I have not done that. I have had times where I have had to say to friends, like, uh, uh maybe give him a pass at this point. Yeah. And I've had friends maybe tell me, hey, give your husband a pass, you know, on this, you know. And I've also had to have the unique conversations of your relationship is exhibiting things that are not healthy. And I'm concerned. Oh, to your friend. Yeah. And this friend specifically, gosh, I mean, one of the hardest conversations I've ever had with someone was to share my concerns about her marriage. Ooh. Yeah. It was it was Rocky. In that, I don't know how many more years it's been since then. They are divorced now. It wasn't it was not a healthy situation, and I won't bring any of their personal things into this. But what I want to say is X amount of years later, she's still my friend, but we actually talked about that initial conversation. Oh, really? Recently. Fascinating. And she said, I just I don't she said, I don't think I've ever been able to say thank you for being able to tell me the truth. She might not have been happy then. No, and I wasn't happy either. There's only been a couple of times. I mean, there's only been a handful of times in my life where I have had to swallow absolutely everything in me to say something that I thought was for somebody's betterment, but I also knew in saying this, I could change the trajectory of whatever relationship we have. But in the end, it was worth it. Yes, I believed it was that important to have that conversation. And 'cause you're willing to sacrifice your friendship for the betterment of her health. And it was yeah, it was really, really scary. Yeah. But I do think back of what you were what we were talking about, just kind of this, you know, quickness to tear down. Oh yeah. It's easy to tear down. And yeah, sometimes you have to. Sometimes you have to get into those. Yeah, and that's all we see is tearing down. It should never be our first go-to.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

No, it shouldn't be, but that is a first go-to. And it's a first go-to all over social media is to tear people down. Tear the other side down.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

You know, I don't care. I don't care what again how thankful I am that I didn't grow up with any of this. I don't know how I don't know if my frail self-esteem of a young person could have gotten through these years with that kind of an audience. Because you know dang well I would have been on it. Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

So why do you think people are bashing Taylor Swift for being in her wifey era? Kind of bringing it back. Yeah. As somebody who's also been married for 24 years and very proud of her husband. And your husband's very proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

I mean, I'm not singing about him, but you don't have to sing about it. For your all's benefit, then I'm not. But you show it in we we, I think, you know, we show it in different ways. Yeah, I do think I I think the go-to is because now I think everybody feels they have a right to an opinion. And I'm not saying that you don't, but an opinion on things that really don't affect you. I know.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

And your opinion is not going to sway somebody one way or the other. No, I have no peop people still don't understand that.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

That being said, a couple episodes ago, we had real strong opinions on somebody's marriage. We sure did watching that Netflix. So I get it. I think I That's funny. So I get it. Like there, I our first reaction is to kind of look at things and pick it apart.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

And I think But I also love that the following week you kind of back backtracked and said, you know, we're not sometimes we get so involved in an opinion that we don't look at the whole picture. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

It's really easier to laser focus on on the stuff. Especially when it's happened to us.

unknown 36:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

Yeah. So I yeah. So I I really think that I think people are getting bent out of shape about things because they just feel like they have a right to do it. And I think when somebody I think when we put ourselves out there publicly, people feel like they have a right to speak into it.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Yeah. And I think people thought maybe she was going to be the single working woman. I'm, you know, doing it all my own. And she, but she does. She she has a career. Her husband has a career, and they both support each other.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

And like I said, I'm I'm not in their their closed doors. I'm not in their bedroom. I'm not in their sheets. And it's really none of my business. I can enjoy her music one way or the other. True story. I can be in my reputation era and still. It's my favorite. Mine too. But you know what? I also I vibed with life of a showgirl. Like it was. You know, I found myself around to it. So like I feel like you can appreciate all of the things. Now, I can appreciate all of the eras of my friends too. And the really tough spots and the places that they're really relishing in life and being happy. But I also know like what people put out there is not everything. I know.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

And it's not everything. No. And typically it's a glimpse of one or the other. A glimpse of really good, really high stuff, or a glimpse of really, really bad stuff. Oh, for sure. Never the mediocre in between my average Joe life.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Well, I admitted like in our first season that I watched The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, and we should not like talk about this pull again because hopefully you all forgot. But I watched Dancing with the Stars last year. Now, I also saw something that's saying, like, is Dancing with the Stars becoming more popular, or I'm just of the age now that I enjoy Dancing with the Stars. I I'm enjoying Dancing with the Stars. So last year, I I don't know if you watched it last year, but the one of the Mormon wives were on it. Oh, her name, Whitney Levitt. Okay. So she was on Secret Lights and the Mormon Wives, and she was really portrayed as the villain. Okay. She was kind of the villain of that show, and they had two cast people from that cast on the Dancing with the Stars. Yeah. And one went off early on the other, and it was clear these ladies were not getting along. Oh, okay. Whatever. In the end, the one went on to have well, is still having a moment. She went on to like kind of like headline a Broadway show. Okay, good for you. Um, she seems to still be, you know, her trajectory still seems to be going this way. And it doesn't really matter what the other one is doing. I'm just saying, like, but people, the reason she got voted off was not because she wasn't probably the most talented dancer on there, probably given the chance to have me like go through, could have won the whole thing if it was just based on talent. Okay. All that being said, the reason that she was getting so much hate was that like no one could get over. She's like, well, she's the villain, she's mean. And I'm like, dang, everything you put out there is an edit. Yeah. It's an edit. There's a filter. No one, unless you get to be one-on-one with somebody, like, and even then, like if you tell me a story about your marriage and I tell you a story about mine, I'm telling you my perspective. Yes. Unless you are my therapist and you have Matt and I both where we could get to both speak into the same situation, it's an edit. Absolutely. So when people are like, I just, I just, I don't like this person. I don't like this person. I'm like, you're watching a reality show. And you know, like you had your producers and have all of these things.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Because somebody has to be the villain, so they're gonna find make one make one person that yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Someone we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, everybody. Who is it? My alarm.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Oh, it's your alarm.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

It's three, it's three o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Okay. Why can I ask why you have an alarm set for three o'clock?

SPEAKER_01 40:16

So I don't forget to take a pill. Smart. Because I have a I have four alarms. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

You have to take my like your mental.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Not not for like four alarms of bedtime, don't forget to take a pill. Don't forget shot today.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Okay. So I have alarms that go off. So I You know what? I probably do need because I have never been on a regular, not never been, but I mean in many, many years I have not been on a regular medicine. Yes. And they put me on an anti-inflammatory. Oh, that's right for your shoulder. Which by the way, they say it's not what definitely my rotator cuff. Oh. It is definitely my scapula. Okay, what does that mean? I think that's just your shoulder. Great. That's a fancy word. If you were in orthopedic medicine.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

But what does it mean? But like it hurts. Is that it?

SPEAKER_00 41:11

Like just PT? PT. This is the most sporadic episode ever. I'm so sorry. What they said. Our ADHD is coming kicking in. What they said was I still have strength, and generally, if it's a tear, then I wouldn't have the amount of strength. They can't rule out that, but let's try PT and anti-inflammatories for a little bit. And if it gets worse, I come back in 30 to 60 days and we reevaluate and do the MRI. Okay. If not, if I'm getting better, then it is what it is. Okay. Well, that's good. Yes. But still in pain. I forgot to take the medicine last night. That's where I got. I'm like, oh, I probably should set an alarm. You should set an alarm to take a medicine.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

I that's the stage of life I'm in. I have alarms set for medicine. I love that. I do you really? I do. Yes. I would be great if I could just remember it. I think finding the case. But that's not where that's not where I am anymore.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

I just don't remember things. Can I tell you something that about the like memory and that kind of stuff that I've done? Please do. So I touched on that things in my job were like maybe slightly changing. Oh yeah. And that I am having to take a course, which You got a couple weeks before you take it. Yeah. So I'm having to do my property and casualty license. I took this test at 24 years old. So over 20 years. Over 20 years ago. And in my mind, I was like, surely, this stuff is in here. Nope. Two thumbs down, zero stars. Do not recommend trying to learn new things. I know in the end I will get it. But I am racking my brain for where this information is. I am reading the material. And it's like, I take it in, and then I go to take the quiz, and I'm like, I got nothing. I got nothing. So the way this is you read the material yourself, and then there's like a like a maybe a two-minute wrap-up video. So at the end of this, it says, here's what we should have learned. Question for you. And I'm like, am I supposed to know that answer? Now we get to the quiz part, and I'm doing okay on the quizzes. You get to get a 70 on this. You just have to pass. You're gonna okay. So the lowest I've got on a quiz is 85. Okay, great. Okay. But that is sheer luck and the grace of God. Okay, something that's all you need. It's because I think I have learned some test taking techniques where I'm eliminating things, but not because it's all up here.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

That's all right. I think as long as you sometimes you just have to do the test taking techniques that help you just to go. But I bet, because this happens to me, where a song will come on that I haven't heard in years. And I can sing it verse for verse. And I'm like, oh, but yet I can't remember basic math. Oh. I you should ask Abby about Hey Abby. Because I've been singing Alanis Moret in my head in my head this whole entire time. She's not she's too far away. She's too far away. Oh, there's a lot of people. Oh, there she is.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Okay, come here.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

Come here. You don't have to be in the video unless you do want to.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

You can stand right there. Okay. So she was just talking about how she knows all the lyrics to things. I'm gonna hand you my microphone, and you can be super honest about my ability to remember lyrics. Say it. Do I have any ability to remember lyrics? You just put your daughter on the spot and she does not want to be on the spot. She makes fun of me. No, I can't.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Do you make them up? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

What was that noise? Everything. Knowing full well I mumble, I don't know what any of the lyrics are. But you and you don't care. No, no, no. And I don't I there was a song that we heard today on the radio. Like, I my Apple music like brings up this whole song, and it was a Marvin Gaye song, okay? I do remember who it was. So it's old, okay? It's an old song. Yeah. And I told her, I said, I've probably heard this song 30 to 40 times. Yeah. Okay. I don't know a single word. I was vibing, and I'm like, and I just sing confidently. And I said, you know what, honey? Someday I'm gonna be gone and you're gonna hear a song in the right and go like my mom loved this and didn't know a single word. She tried really hard. I do. I I you bang on the steering wheel. I yeah, I the the car is my concert venue. Oh well, same. So yeah, I'm jamming. I mean, whatever it takes for me to feel the feels, it doesn't matter what the words are, it's how it makes me feel. No, she is like, no. Huh? Or she holds your hand. I do hold your hand while I'm singing, and I and I bring her hand to me like it's a microphone. Oh wow, I don't do that. I also will throw it to her, you know, of course that I feel like maybe she should know. Yes. She's utterly embarrassed, like she's being recorded. There's not there's never any recordings in the car. It's just I want to share singing with her when I can't do it at all. I don't have a good voice. I also don't remember any words. You should know you are being videoed rental. They can see your face. I know. My carpool karaoke is with no with lyrics that don't match. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

I just can't believe there are like some songs are so ingrained.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Sure, some are in there. Uh-huh. Some nothing recent. Nothing recent. Or she'll just like get them at the wrong spots.

SPEAKER_01 47:03

Like an instrumental part, she'll just be singing. Oh, so you're you're jumping, you're jumping the gun. You're you're jumping before the lyrics start. You're already in it. You're already singing it.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

And you know what? When I'm feeling it, I'm in it. I'm just in wherever it's at, and it's okay. I'll just come back and repeat it. I maybe I'll repeat what I want. Or sometimes I just make up new words.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

Sometimes I I can't start it, but like I can't remember it, but once it starts, then it'll click in.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

And then I will I will sing it word for word. So she and I were jamming in the car the other day, and a song comes on, and it's don't I when I don't judge my music here, okay, people? Okay. Very eclectic. I just told you like the song that I was jamming to on the way here with Marvin Gary. The other day on the way to school, Chapel Roan came on, okay? Okay. I don't which song was it, Abby?

SPEAKER_02 47:57

Feminine.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

Feminineon, okay. So we're we're going through and it part of the lyrics that and part of the lyrics, I do know this says get it hot like Papa John.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:06

To which I changed the lyrics, and it says, What do we need? And I said, make it gluten-free. And that's what I sing in the car. And she is, am I telling the truth?

SPEAKER_01 48:18

I mean, she almost rolled the windows down.

SPEAKER_00 48:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

Screaming it in the parking lot of the school at seven in the morning. Oh, wow. It was like 6'40 in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Hold on. We used to have a game when the kids were little that whatever the song coming into the neighborhood was, that unless they sang along with me, I would roll down the window and like just start screaming at the top of my lungs, singing. And I did that too, but I did it with thinking and uh I did we I did it with Snoop Dogg and my kids would sing with me.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

Our shoes, we we just we just take them off every week. We don't wear shoes.

unknown 48:57

Your feet are just on the internet?

SPEAKER_01 48:59

Yes. Oh I love that you just said that. That's she said her feet your feet are on the internet. You're welcome. I'm wearing socks today. Is your toes are painted? Always. Always. Don't actually don't don't look at these. Now you're now everyone's gonna be looking at your feet. They are they Yeah. Well I'm okay. What time are we looking at?

SPEAKER_00 49:19

That's one way to end it. Okay, yeah, that is one way to end it. That's one way to end it.

SPEAKER_01 49:24

Snoop Dogg and Toast.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Wow. That's how we ended. And that was the end of Kinda Preachy Forever. This was the last episode. That's all she wrote. This is called Jumping the Shark. Just, oh goodness gracious.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

We tried.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Once again, we tried really hard. We did. But you know what? I think it's still recording. If there's any volume, well, that will be a welcome surprise if I hook this up all right. I think it'll be great. I think it'll be great. So to re and I can't really see your feet. It's okay. Perfect. See, you were all to wrap this up. Yes. Not everything needs to be on the internet. Not everything needs to be on the internet. Our motto of faith, friendship, and a little oversharing doesn't mean we share everything. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

Respect boundaries with with respect. Not just with our husbands, but with each other and friends around us. And dang it, whatever you see on the internet is not always real.

SPEAKER_00 50:24

Nine times out of ten. Yeah. Probably not real. And the opinion you have on it is probably not based on all the facts.

SPEAKER_01 50:31

True story. Nor should you. Always research your own stuff. That's what I say. But also enjoy your life. Like hurting and bashing and and trying to get everybody to follow, you know, a certain point of view or opinion or is really exhausting.

unknown 50:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:54

In my mind. There's too, there's too much more to life than dissecting everybody else's business. I I agree. So I agree. Thanks. Thanks for listening. That's where we are. I just needed to end it up, you know, not on feet. On feet talk.

SPEAKER_01 51:12

Apparently, people make money that way, though. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

All right. Have a good week, guys.