Assessed, Blessed and In Some Areas Still a Mess

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore. I'm Casey Bryan. I swear I'm not adjusting to sit upstreet. But I felt like I was for a second.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

For those who are generally listening to us in your car. We also have a video going generally. Yes, we do. Most weeks. You know, when I remember to bring the battery.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Whoops. Which last week. Whoops. Not a guest. Sorry, Lori. But man, that podcast was awesome. It was so, so good. Yes. And if you didn't listen to it, definitely go back and listen to what Lori has to say because she's just so wise.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

It truly, it was, it was really, really great. I was so thrilled with what she had to say. And I'm excited. I hope she wants to come back. Because I feel like there's so many more views.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Well, I she is coming back. She might not know it yet. Lori. But you are coming back. Get your schedule ready.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Poor Lori.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

So this week we so we were kind of chatting about upcoming topics. And it's like we want to be able to have our full personality. Yep. We also want to have it have, you know, be serious. We don't want to be all funny all the time. Although I think naturally, like it's hard to not make fun of ourselves. Not like we're trying to be humorous. That's just who we are. It's just who we are. We make fun of it. I mean, I think I'm funny. Oh, I well, I think you're funny too. Oh, I think you're funny. Notice how she didn't say that back to me. You are funny though. You know you're funny. I find I find myself funnier, I think, than most people find me funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Well, it's same. I mean, same, D's, but not to you, but to me. Like I think I'm funny. Nobody else thinks I'm funny. But I really do think you're funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

But I'm probably more funny in like the whole self-deprecating thing. Oh, yeah, that's that's they are. But there was a really funny thing that happened at work this week, and she did say that I could say it. Oh, yay, I love this. So she her husband had gone hunting and had come back, and she I was hearing doors slam, okay, at work. And I'm like, what is going on? And all of a sudden I get a phone call. I'm like, Stephanie, we need you to come to my office. So I come in and she has like pants down. She has a tick on her leg, and it's like tick removal. And she is mortified, and we're all we're all trying to like get the tick out. And she's like, I was so embarrassed. I the first thing I had to do was call my, you know, like text all my friends of like, my coworkers just had to see me with her pants down. And I was like, Well, that's better because first thing I would do was put a microphone in my face and tell everybody.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

I'd be like, first, oh my gosh, guys, lesson would happen before I removed the tick.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Did you remove it? We did. Well, yes, but then uh maybe I had like a leg or something was still sort of stuck in there. We weren't sure anyway. She's she's okay now, but she was So we're saying the husband brought home the tick. We think he brought it home because he had been camping there, you know, like he had been camping. He'd got he'd just got home from camping.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Okay. Another reason why I don't camp. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Well, anyway. I also sneezed this week at work and wet my pants. So are you even things? That my allergies have been. I actually feel pretty good today with my allergies. I'm still stuffed up, but but this whole week I've had a headache, like my like my face has hurt, and I had an unexpected sneeze, and it was like, there we go. There we go.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

This is go why you have to have extra pairs of undies and pants on hand at all times. Yeah. My I'm totally gonna call on my sister. She totally had that happen to her.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

It's not the first time I've done this, by the way. It's just usually I can contain myself. But yeah, big sneeze comes, like or big, I mean it could be a big laugh, it could be, but an unexpected sneeze, that'll do me in. Yeah. Every time.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Like the like the the Kegel exercises. Like I don't think about it until someone says, like, I just sneeze and just totally peed all over myself. I'm like, okay, Kegel exercise, Kegel.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

I feel like I do try and do them, but uh either I forget all the time. Well, I'll think about it when I'm sitting at my desk. Oh, really? This is an interesting topic we just got. Yeah, this is not our topic for the week, but you know, pelvic floor and exercises. All the things listen, if you are post-40 or have had children, uh either one of those categories, you've probably wag your pants. I mean, it just is what it is. Which is so frustrating.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Because what I don't wear all around all the time because people are like, just get like those little, you know, the pads or the whatever you want to. I'm like, I hate them. I do not want to wear those.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

It feels diaperous and I don't want to. I mean, there's been times that I have. I will say in losing weight that has helped, I haven't had as many of those occurrences, which is why it caught me so off guard. Generally, if I see feel a sneeze coming on, it's like I don't care where I am. If I'm standing, it is like cross my legs. Same. I stop, I stop, I cross my legs. And I feel like if this happens at Costco, like a woman's gonna be like, no biggie. Like I know what's gonna happen to her. Um my husband's like, What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm gonna sneeze. Oh, Doug laughs at me. If I'm at home, I just sit down. Yeah, I just run and I just try and sit down because I'm like, okay, I'll have better control.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

So yes. Doug laughs, like if because normally if I sneeze and he hears me say, Oh shit, or I'll damn, damn it, he'll be like, Oh, you gotta go change. Yeah, I gotta go change. I gotta go change. Yes. Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Well, my kids will every time they look at every time I sneeze, they're like, Did you pee? And I'm like, I didn't this time, but this, but this week I it it was a it was a recall to the past.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

But you totally also embarrass yourself just to make your coworker feel better.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

It's the kind of friend I am. It is the kind of friend you are. Self-deprecating at best. Yeah. So, well, anyway, so we were talking about having uh topics that were, you know, like we still want to inject kind of everyday humor into it because that's just who we are. But we want to have like semi-serious topics because the whole purpose of this is to move closer to Jesus. But we also don't want to have I I think part of the things that we don't want to do is be so churchy that people are like, it feels yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Because I my my well, once again, I'm calling on my sister today. She's calls me, she's like, Oh, that one was very that was very that was very preachy. I'm like, uh, name of our podcast, dude.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Sometimes it is, sometimes it is. And you know what? Listen, it's also super reflective of where we are. I think you'll notice of places in our life where, you know, I mean, hey, there was a C we started this for you in a total season of heart. Yeah, of heart, yeah. So you were going to have more serious topics. We're coming up on a year soon.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

I thought about that. It's crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

So time. But on the sort of serious, but but also kind of going along with what we were talking about last week about transitioning.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Transitions, yes. So one of the things that Lori mentioned last week.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Well, working in hospice when we say that someone's transitioning.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Oh gosh. In many settings, the word transitioning means very different things. But for our purposes, we are not talking about gender. We are not talking about death. No. Casey works in hospice care. Yes. We are talking about just the life circumstances of we may be like moving somewhere in a relationship, our career, uh, a desire, a hobby, like something's shifting. Children out of the house, like oh they're all types of things. Yeah. So, but we thought it would be interesting because Lori mentioned specifically like our gifts can change over time. Yes. So she said that, and I was like, while I knew that, I'm like, I have not taken a spiritual gifts assessment in a hot minute.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Mm-hmm. And typically there's only like when you take a spiritual gift assessment, there's only five main ones that give me. But there's more. I mean, there's obviously more. So, okay, let's help if we if we can remember the five main ones. Apostle. Okay. Pastor, teaching. Shepherding. Okay, yes. Evangelist.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Discernment. And prophecy. Yeah. And then I think there's also acts of service, wisdom.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Yes. And then there's like additional. Yeah, there's additional ones. But I mean, those are the right. Am I am I correct?

SPEAKER_00 8:48

My in my biblical studies.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

My main ones? Mercy, service. I think we might have said that. Anyway. So so listen, we took some free gift assessments. So I cannot. So we did two. The first one was like, maybe we should not do this one.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

The last one was such geared towards I felt like working in the church. In the church.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

I I agree. So I was like, let's scratch this one, although it was interesting. But it was really hard for me to take. Yeah. Well, I told you not to take it. I said, I'm working on this one. Hopefully it's a good one. I thought you'd wait. And then you're like, I already did it. I was like, wait, okay, the little announce, do another one.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Those questions, like how I had an answer from now no longer working in the church, to it, it was that one was like, yeah. I agree.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

So that was a bad one. If you did, I will link the one that we did, the second one that we did, so you guys can you can do it too. Because I do think it's interesting because I have done spiritual gifts assessments and well, I've done lots of assessments. Same.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Oh, all the th all the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

And I actually 100% think all of my stuff has changed in the last five years.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

I yeah, same. Not all of them, but I mean like But even like mine have changed from where I was like my whole career. Yeah. From where I was because when I was not even at the church, but when I was working in other jobs, I was more of like a helper. And so that's what it kind of always focused on. And then, you know, it turned into more of like a leader when I became more of a leader. And so now it's been interesting to see where it is now that I'm none of the above.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

So we thought we would uh so we don't know what each other's are, but we thought it would be fun to Well, I would love to know what yours were in the past.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

What what were your two dominants? Mine two dominants were always typically always the same, they might have reversed.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

My uh number one dominant has been discernment. Okay. And the second was leadership. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

I was teaching pastor. Third would have been shepherding. Yeah. Or shepherding.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Shepherding, pastoring, yeah, yeah, same. Same. So that would have been and one remained the same.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah, so mine was always teaching, pastoring. Sometimes those would flip depending on the season, and then discernment was always third.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

So yeah, so those were those had those were what my those are what we had been. Yes. But I have oh, that's my color analysis. Oh, I just did it on ChatGPT. Um, I was showing somebody earlier because she was mentioning my outfit, and I was like, actually, I shouldn't wear this anymore. It says I'm a true spring. Oh. I don't know if that's right or not, but okay, here we are. Okay. If you had to guess on mine what my top one was. Did I Okay, so how many of yours stayed the same? Of your top three? Because this one gave us our top five.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

None. None?

unknown 11:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Okay. Unless it's unless we'll see.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Okay, well, in my top, okay, so in my so in my one I've never had before, which I was like, what Okay, this isn't my top one. But I got exhortation. I did too. The gift of divine strength to the ability to strengthen comfort or urge others to action through written or spoken word and biblical truth, which my husband's like, you don't do that. And I'm like, We get on a podcast every week and we encourage people. Yeah. And I was like, it's interesting because in my mind, I thought this wouldn't this is not what I thought would come up. I have never had this even be in my top ever. Yeah, it's my second one. It was also my second one. It was. It makes sense though. Yeah, it does make sense. But I I I hadn't ever put what we are doing here in that boat. Yeah. But it is interesting because this has always felt like a calling that we were supposed to do. It was like one of those things, like once we were like, we put it out there, it was like, uh, I can't ignore that. Like, I think this is something that we should do. So it does totally make sense that that would be in line with that. Okay. Yeah. Let's see. So yours yours was exhortation.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

My second one was exhortation, yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

I think you should I think so. None of yours were the same?

SPEAKER_01 13:20

My top I well, because you have to yeah. It's hard for me to uh to explain. No, it's not really hard for me to explain. I don't think so. Okay. Is your top one faith? Yeah. Okay. Is that your top one too? It is not my top one. It isn't. No. It was my s it's my third one, actually. Okay. My yes, my which faith is the gift of faith is divine strength or ability to believe in God for unseen supernatural results in every every arena of life, which totally makes sense for me right now. Because that's what I'm just depending on God with everything that's going on in the last year. That, you know, it's not surprising, even though you can struggle that your faith becomes stronger, stronger during that time. I'm gonna go with stronger. That word. So okay, so what was your number one? I know you have to guess. Leadership.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

No, not anybody in my top five anymore. What? I know. I was shocked. Okay, what is it? Discernment. Oh. It's always been my top. So that one has never changed.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

That one has never changed. Okay. No, it has never changed. So your discernment exhortation. Exhortation. Yeah word. Okay. And I am And then faith. And then I'm faith.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

And I did give four and five, which my my fourth one was still teaching. Okay. Which teaching has been higher in the past.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Yeah. Teaching isn't even online. And then word of knowledge. Interesting. Okay, so that's yours. Yeah. Leadership is number three for me.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 14:54

I was shocked.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Shocked. Well, I think that just goes to show you, even when you're not actively working in something, doesn't mean you're not gifted to do it. I yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Still, I was shocked because even when answering these questions, I thought that because sometimes you think you can manipulate the question, which shows you how funny God can be sometimes. That I'm like, no, no. And when I saw leadership, I'm like, okay, God, that's pretty funny. That is funny. That is funny. So number three for me was leadership. Four was prophecy, which prophecy is always up there with me. And then fifth was discernment.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

I I kind of thought prophecy might show up on mine. Yeah, I'm actually kind of shocked it didn't. And it didn't. Well, it only shows me five. I mean, it's not to say that there's not other things. Things that I did not get.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Patience.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Teaching. Pastor Shepherding was not on mine. Yes. Always my top two.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

I can tell you one that I've never gotten was, you know, the what is the one that is Evangelist. I have never gotten evangelists. What's the one that is like you are burdened to like financially give? Never got that one.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

No, I I did not give that one. To go above and beyond giving.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Yeah, so it was like, do you just feel I'm like, no?

SPEAKER_01 16:19

I'm like, I feel sorry for it, but I also am in the same situation, not totally the same situation, but yeah. My husband starts stops getting paid here soon, so it's a worse with with this position.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Now in the past, has he has this has that always been the way that it's been?

SPEAKER_01 16:40

It used to not be when he first was hired on R. But then they switched it out. So I think it's similar to teachers. I think teachers don't get paid. So does he get paid through he is a school resource officer?

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Yeah, so he gets paid through the school year. So does he does his paychecks come from the school or does it come from the county. The county. Okay. But the school, I believe.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

I think it's a it's a combination of both. But it's all confusing. So he doesn't get paychecks. So now we're like, oh crap. Oh it's all good. As we talk about money and trying to when we say that we don't give go above beyond giving. Okay. Sorry, sorry, God.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

I well, in our poor season of life, and I mean like couldn't rub two nickels together season of life when we first got married. I I remember there was like a tithing sermon that we had heard, and they were gonna do a giving campaign, and I'm like working at actively working at a church, also actively taking a bag of groceries home from our food pantry.

unknown 17:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

And if you work at a church, it is you you have to. Yeah. I mean, it's not that I wasn't giving, but I was like, we were nowhere near what that tent was because I was like, I I just I can't even Matt was teaching, he was coaching during the summer to try and like, you know, and coaching looks like in case you think coaches make a lot of money, you know, teacher, you know, like they didn't new teachers make nothing either. But the coaching he would make, like, I think at that point that many years ago, it was like twelve hundred dollars. Oh yeah, it's it for the whole year. And they're like, Would you like that in one lump sum, or would you like just to spread this like extra four dollars with HHS? And I was like, Give me that lump sum, baby.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Yeah, give it to me, give it to me.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

But yes, I remember thinking, like, oh, well, I give more with my time and talents than I do. Same. Because it's what I had, it's what I had, and I did I never felt shame. Yeah. Um, obviously, we have given more as we have had more, but the people who feel that absolute calling of like wherever they were, you know, the the widow giving up, you know, like she definitely had that gift.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Oh, she did. Uh-huh. But and and I I would say there are seasons when Doug and I were amazing at tithing. Yeah. And uh did go above and beyond a tithe. And we're just now at a season where, you know, I think God will be like, it's okay.

unknown 19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

And right now we're not at well, one, even though we did start going to church, we it's we haven't really officially called it, you know, our home church. And until I feel like it's my home church, I'm not gonna start tithing.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

And I get that.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Yeah. Sorry. I don't know. It's not sorry. I'm not sorry about that. Sorry about that at all.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

It's all good. No, I think it's a natural reaction, especially for women, just to say sorry for things that they're not really sorry for.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

I'm trying not to I'm trying not to to to do that, to say sorry. Sam's girlfriend, she's 18 and she says sorry more than anybody I've ever met. And I told her, I said, if you say sorry again, you owe me a dollar. Like every time you say sorry, you will be broke when you leave my house. Good for you though. Because I'm like, girlfriend, like you are a wonderful, wonderful girl. Like, like, do you want me to pass, you know, I try to like pass her a napkin or something and she doesn't grab one and she's oh sorry. I'm like, no, we're not sorry for this. We're not we're not sorry for this. We are we're we're gonna teach you how to be more self-confident of uh you're good with your decisions. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

And embrace them instead of saying sorry. Or if you walk by somebody or you know, like we say sorry for the stupidest things. I know. Somebody books into us and I'm like sorry. I'm like, wait.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Well, you know, there's things that we put weight in certain words, and then there's other weight, the words that we use so flippantly now that it's like they don't have the same weight. No, no, and that can go in many, many directions. Like, I love this, or this is amazing, or you know, like buzzwords like that.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

And so awesome. Or awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

Awesome sauce.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Oh, well, and this also goes in the other direction. Like, I always tell my my kids, like, you know, I don't like when people use bad language all the time. Like, I'm just I'm not a big swear. I don't, you know, like there are people who like, I love Jesus, but I cuss like a sailor. I'm like, there has been seasons in my life where I have probably been more apt to use that kind of language. Yeah. But now I'm like, a well-timed cuss word is Yeah. If you can nail it. Yeah, I mean, I would rather use it for when it means something, not when people are like F and everything, and I'm like, I just it just makes me think you're lazy and you have bad vocabulary if that's like it's in all of your all of your sentences. True. I I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

But also my spiritual gift is not using the F word. It is not using the F word. I'm kidding. But so speaking of spiritual gifts, yeah. So okay, so now that we know like we took this test, it kind of revealed for me, it revealed all different uh a different spiritual gifts for me. So what now what?

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Well, I I I think okay. So I think there's some surprises in there. And I'm like, am I using this well?

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

And the ones that I don't have now, I'm like, is it was this a I'm changing and you're gifting me different things, or is it like you didn't use it so you lose it? Oh. Because I've heard, okay, like I don't I don't know the biblical accuracy of this, so please don't quote me on this. But I heard a teaching on this that, you know, if God calls you to do something, yeah, and you feel like this, this nudge over and over again, like, you should do this, you should do this, you should do this, and you choose to say, like, I'm scared, I'm not confident, I feel unworthy, or I have shame. Whatever the reason that you're like, I can't step into this thing, where you're like, I feel like I should maybe do it, but you choose not to. The way that it was explained to me and makes sense is there's something that God wants to happen. And if you're not going to be the vessel for that, he will eventually move to another vessel. Yes. Because God wants to accomplish what he wants to accomplish. So something that may have been on my docket, if I choose, because we do have free will. Yeah. He's not a puppet master, but he also compromises.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Because I think of I think I think of Moses who did not want to be the speaker. Moses did not want to be the person, the main person to lead the people, and he begged God.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

And I don't think this is like you, if you don't use it, you will definitely lose it. I'm sure it's not.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Because Moses did not, he, you know, he talked about, you know, my speech is not eloquent, but it's not what he said in the Bible. But you know, that's what he said. And so it was Aaron who went to to the Pharaoh and said this for a while. And then all of a sudden, you kind of see the switch where Moses, yeah, you know, it doesn't say he grows and straight, but in my mind, I'm like, oh, he becomes way more confident in who in who God has made him to be. So sometimes I feel like we we say no, but God might give us a little compromise or a little boost until we can get to that point.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Well, you know, what's interesting is I I well, I haven't thought about this in a long time, but many years ago, in the beginning of kind of my when I first left ministry and I was doing entrepreneurship, it was around the same time our church was really like doing, like really supporting entrepreneurs, and there was a conference that they had put on. Oh, I remember this. For entrepreneurs. And there it was a few days where you would gather and you would, you know, you'd have big speakers, you would break out into small groups, and there would be all these resources and like market sort of a things. And at that point, I had done some little hustle sort of things, and I we knew I was a creative person, but I really wanted to, I really felt this calling to be like come alongside of supporting people in that role, not just being that one. Although I was more comfortable in being the maker. Yes, I kept having these inklings of you should be coming alongside and supporting and encouraging others in that journey. Okay. And I remember thinking, hey God, I need money. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And that doesn't the journey, and like when I make something tangibly, I can sell that item and then I receive money. And I've done several iterations of that over time. But I just I kept having this thing. I had this thing. And so I would go and sit down and I'm like, this was the first book. So I I wrote, I wrote, I wrote, and I I I made graphs. I hired a graphic designer. Like I did all of this stuff. And when it came down to it, there was something that I felt like God was trying to have me put in the book, was that it was also something that was not reflective in my own life. Okay. And this was more organizational. Like this wasn't like a like a necessarily like a major flaw that I had had, you know, of like this this didn't make me spiritually unfit. You know, like I, you know, I don't want to be like, oh, well, she was had a double life. It was just like, how can I encourage people to be organized when this is something in my life that I'm so deeply unorganized? Yeah. That I was like, I just they'll think people will think I'm a fake.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

You know, like how can I encourage people like they need to do this? And I I'm not doing it well in my own life. But I I I had all the social handles, I had written, I had done all the things, I had let a very specific few read parts of it, and they're like, this is really good. Yeah. In fact, I talked to somebody else and they're like, not only do I think this should be a book, I actually can see this being an app. Oh, wow. And I'm like, I don't know anything about an app. And so I'm talking to you, but you get put in these places and they're like, you you creative people meet with like technical people, and you know, it was like, okay, like, okay, like this is like going to be the app for creative entrepreneurs. Yes. And was called Pray Create Hustle. And it was basically where you're blocking your time off of things, and it would be like, okay, like it would you had these blocks of creative time and blocks of perform, you know, performance time, but it would make sure that you don't get so stuck in those places that it would send prompts to of your schedule. Really? To to make sure you're praying for these things. Okay. And I was like, Yeah, these this all sounds so great. But I'm like, God, I'm not, I I'm not a leader. Yeah. I you you called me out of leadership. How in the world do I do this? And I just got scared. I just got scared. And so you didn't do it? So I went through this whole process of working with things. And there was also a financial commitment to this of like, you have to go out and you have to raise capital. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't. How would anybody trust me with their finances?

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

When I am like, can't this is not a this is not an area where we're thriving, Lord. Yes. To be able to to ask for significant things. And so I was like, okay, I'm gonna put it on hold. Like the whole app thing was really scary, but I'm like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna write. And something happened in my personal life that I was just like that needed just needed more attention. Okay. It was called my marriage.

unknown 28:44

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Sometimes that happens. Needed needed a little more attention. I was like, I'm gonna come back to this. Okay. But when I say when I had gone down the rabbit hole of things, I mean like I had nearly written in the entire book. I had gone in and designed the design part was my favorite because I'm a creator.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

So you have almost written two full books. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Where is that book? Sitting in a Google Doc.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Oh, why don't you why don't you publish that one? Because I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Well, I'm gonna tell you in a second, actually. It's not an I don't know. I actually do know quite a bit. So I put it on hold, but when I say like the design, everything I had found a piece of fabric that I was like, this is what the cover of the book should look like. I was so inspired by it. It was like on like a little board in my little craft room of like, this is it. I'd kind of put it aside, working on things. And when I say I put it to side, like I kind of forgot about it. Like it became not, there were other things that went up on the board that became more pressing. I was making, I was becoming successful in other entrepreneurial avenues, and I'd really been like, okay, well, God, when you want me to come back to this, you'll really put it on my heart. Yeah. And I'm scrolling through Instagram one day and I'm like, is that my book? And I I was stunned. The book, I don't remember who wrote it, forgive me. And it's not exactly the same, but it was really very, very similar. She wrote a book called Holy Hustle. And it was like the creative like hustle for I'm I don't remember all of the things, but I mean the cover of the book was that dang pattern from that fabric. No, it was yes, yes, yeah, 100% yes. And I'm like, So do you think that God said, okay, well, I'm gonna give this idea to somebody else? Yes, there is part of me that it was like, yeah, that's yeah. Also, nobody ever made the app. So if you're really good at that, you should maybe do it. Yeah, great. There's there's an idea. Yeah, I I don't know. I know I never did it. I still think it's a good idea, but I also think uh hustle culture's kind of gone away a little bit of people are like they want that, you know, like into for me, hustle was just like not like be on the go, go, go. I think really the what I wanted to do with that was make sure that it what's the the right, you know, that you had you had balance. I mean, the part the the beauty of that was you have to hustle. The part of entrepreneurship is hustling, but you have to have that balance. And for me, I thought, you know, the missing piece for a lot of that was really covering every divine appointment that you had with prayer. You know.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Because I think it's the like you can start things out, but like if you're not kind of doing it on the regular, like I think prayer is a it's a muscle that you have to keep using. And when you're not using it, it's easy to forget that you have it. It's easy to think it's not at your disposal. Or you or you just use it in crisis. And I didn't want to do that, but yeah, I the dang top book cover looked exactly. Exactly. And the title was so close, and I was like, Holy bully. Okay, I guess that one's not that one's not just for me anymore. Yes. But yeah, if you've been if you've been my friend for a long time and you were in that season of mine, then yeah, maybe this some this will be a familiar story. Freaked. Oh, oh my gosh. Yeah, a hundred percent. I I and then I was so mad at myself. Oh yeah, because you're like so mad. Now, was this a hugely successful book for this person? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

It would, but for me, rather that was the whole thing, it was I it was that would me seeing that, you know, in the algorithm of all the things because it was not somebody that I followed. Interesting. But I think God maybe wanted you to see it, be like, it was someone did it for me. Hey, you know, like if I'm knocking on your door, answer.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

And let me in, and like I'll if it's something that I want to help you accomplish, then I'm gonna make it happen. Like, stop thinking like you were not good enough for for all of these things. So yeah, so I I was kind of surprised. Was there a gift that you were secretly hoping you still had? Was there one that you were hoping was still yours?

SPEAKER_01 33:12

No, not necessarily. I was way uh once again, I said it before, I was way more shocked that leadership was still in there. More so than any like that, like legitimately, I laughed out loud and kind of blew my mind. Because I'm like, okay, what what is what is that, what am I supposed to do with that God? Like you had me in a place of leadership, you had me in a place of of leadership over a lot, and it was it's now gone. So it's comical that you still well, clearly God still sees me as a leader. I don't necessarily, and maybe that's the struggle that I'm doing with right now with Moses. Me and Moses struggling on the struggle bus of just owning it up and realizing, but what am I supposed to do with it? That's what my whole thing is. Like, what am I supposed to do with this leadership? Because I'm not work-wise, I'm not in a place of of leadership. Yeah. Which as I said before in many podcasts, I'm totally fine with.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Ah, and I was disappointed that leadership was not in mine. I was shocked that it was not in yours. I wasn't, and I was disappointed, and I think and and one of the things that you know that Lori touched on last week was she was like, Do you still, you know, like you felt like you were being led in a certain way, and then all of a sudden, and I was like, Okay, well, I'm not now.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

And clearly I'm in a job that has zero leadership opportunities. And it's been bothersome to me. And I thought, well, maybe I'm not saying this online quiz is determining whether or not I'm a leader or not. No, but it to me it was interesting, and I won and I wondered if I'm not using these skills, like it doesn't mean they're not available. It doesn't mean I, you know, and just because you had something in your top three or top five, they could have, you know, doesn't mean you don't have any of these other gifts, or you know, but anyway, I I admittedly I was a little disappointed.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Because I'd like to think that there is a so I want to read the what the with how they defined leadership. Do it. It says leadership. The gift of leadership is the divine strength or the ability to influence people at their level while directing and focusing them on the big picture vision or idea. So I I get it. I mean we're laughing because our video we just lost our video.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Man, we tried. We tried so hard. I don't know why. We were actually going to actually let you watch this whole podcast and we are watching it going to turn off. Clearly, we're that's not gonna happen. And oh no. So you're gonna guess the memory card didn't get fully cleared off. We tried. One of these days, yeah. One of these days we're gonna get it. But well, I I I think well, how do you use the okay, so let's use your leadership because you're not feeling like you were in a place where you are leading. How do you use this gift in places where you don't feel like it's not showing up in your job? Where else in your life can this show up?

SPEAKER_01 36:38

I mean, family, friends, you know, here. Mm-hmm. So I like reading reading the definition, because we you know, I think that's what we have to get out of our heads is like what we believe leadership is and what God believes leadership is. And, you know, do I have the ability to influence people for a bigger vision for God's vision? Yeah, I I I think I I do. Clearly I do, because it's there. I'm just using it differently than what I thought it was, than what I intended it to be originally, if that makes sense. But so that was my shocking, like discernment that never shocks me. That's always there. I believe that I I have an ab you know, this ability, because you're discernment too, right? Yeah, that's my number one. You're cause okay. You want to read that one? Did you already read it?

SPEAKER_00 37:32

I don't know if I did. I don't think I did. Okay. I'm trying to find mine, but by the way, I was my mine's in my camera role, and it just brought me back to 2015.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

And I'm like, so if you I'm like furiously scrolling and I'm like, Okay, so discernment, the gift of discernment is the divine strength or ability to spiritually identify falsehood to distinguish between right and wrong motives and the spiritual forces at work in situations, which I I mean, have you ever gone to somebody or talked to somebody and you're like, ooh, man, I something something's off with them. I that that happens to me a lot, like where I can talk to somebody and I instantly know, like, man, I can discern like there they don't feel some something's wrong. Okay, I've got to be really careful here. How you are you sharing a story? Uh yeah. Oh, I was going to. Okay. Can you share a story?

SPEAKER_00 38:24

I think so. Okay, great. I can share probably share many, but okay. Let's okay. One, I was working at a church. Okay. And I was involved in an interview.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Where they had already interviewed. Okay. This one particular person. And I think they were calling me in just to make me feel good about it. I don't think I actually had any say.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

It was just, hey, this is this is happening. This is happening. But we're gonna make you feel like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

And I walked in there and within like 10 seconds, I was like, nope. Mm-hmm. Nope. Which is interesting because if they were down the path of hiring that person. And do you know what made me so mad? I was like, I'm sorry, where's the discernment in the rest of my staff?

SPEAKER_01 39:08

Oh gosh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

That is what hit me more than anything else. And I've had many friends who I mean, and this is just this was out of church, you know. So I I instantly knew. I I instantly knew. And it came to fruition that I was right later on after they had gone through the process and hired the specific person. I was like, I told you so. I knew. I have been yeah. Yeah. I I joke that I don't see a lot of gray area. Like when I'm having conversations. And I think I'm a lot like Which is probably why this is number one for you. My dad in this area too is like, which is why I love arguing with him.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

I in a bantering fun way, not in a we don't agree on everything. But he's not backing down on his stuff, and I'm not backing down on mine. But yeah, there has been many, many times where I've come up, you know, engaged somebody's introduced me to someone, like, and I'm like, I just instantly get the pit. There was one other thing that I when I had just stepped out of ministry and I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. A friend of mine had a friend of hers that had a business, and they were like, Oh, you can come alongside and work with her, and she needed help. And I was doing it for, I don't know, maybe like let me like two months. And one day I walked in and it was like the Holy Spirit gut punched me. Oh. And it was, you can't come back here. Like you you can't you can't do this anymore. And I it was so very specific and so like it was scary, honestly. It was one this was the first time that not like, hey, maybe this isn't a wise choice. Yeah, it was get out. And I didn't have any bearings of what I didn't understand. I because I was like, I didn't, because I didn't, I didn't have a bad feeling about this person. Yeah. But how do you explain where God's telling me I have to leave your house immediately? Yep, and you have to do it, and I have to do it, and I'm like, I'm disappointing you. I am like, and I and I don't have an explanation other than God told me not to do this anymore. Knowing that this could be a detriment to you personally, to your business, and I can't give you anything other than I'm gonna keep praying for you. I wish you the absolute best, but I got a piece out here. Yeah. And I felt like the rudest person on the planet. And this is also this is like more of an acquaintance of mine, and this is truly a very good friend of my friend. And long many months, years later, there was something that this person shared that they were going through something. And I think had I would have stayed and come along and helped the the project that I was on to survive and yeah, hopefully sometimes thrive, that's not where her attention needed to be either. So there was a reason for it. Yeah. But it didn't stop me like from knowing I was gonna end up running in circles around with these people and like running into them. And I was like, she's gonna hate me. Yeah, she's but there's I mean, but you have to listen to God. I did, I had to listen, and I do I I know that I made the right choice, but yeah, that's probably been the only time where I have walked in that was like not that I can't work around people, but like this was one of those things of like Stephanie. I love this person and I love you, and you gotta be done. Yeah. And it was I honestly was I was heartbroken. I was heartbroken because I it was like, I'm giving you the discernment to say, like, get out, but I'm not giving you any reasons. And you just have to trust that this is this is for them and this is for you. It was really more, I knew in my heart and in my spirit this was for them. This really had nothing to do with me. Yeah. I just could not prolong whatever I was doing because it was going to be hindering something there. I'm not taking any credit in any of this. It was just, hey, you I need you to step out so I can step in. Yeah. And not that this person wasn't a Christian. I'm very, you know, like, but I didn't know. All I was told was get out. And I'm like, I just I will never forget because Abby, oh gosh, she was tiny, she was a tiny toddler at that point, packing her in my car and just I cried the whole way home. Oh. I'm like, uh how do you how do you even tell somebody this? How yeah, how do you how do you deliver that kind of stuff? Because people don't when you know right from wrong, people they don't like conviction generally. No, they do not. I mean it's not a gift that people have really enjoyed in my presence.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

I there are like so one of the most obvious times for me is when I was praying for a couple, a couple came in, asked for prayer, and when they weren't from this area, they had just friends of a friend of a friend, their marriage was going through something, and so they were they asked if they can come in and receive prayer, which is great. And you know, I was going to pray for the wife, but met them together at first before we kind of separate them. And man, when I looked into the man's eyes, it was the immediate like, oh, something, something, something is not right. Something's you get that feeling of okay, this is this is gonna suck. And then what how do you, you know, pray over the wife, other than pr you know, protection and truth to come out and all all of those things that God, you know, reveals, you know, what is dark and pr you know, I don't want to say hedge of protection because we always joke about that, but legitimately protecting over her. But those like type situation when I can see somebody and look in their eyes and you know right away that it's evil, that that has happened to me a lot. Of like, oh, you're a liar. They start talking, and you're like, and in in in my head, I will hear liar, liar, liar as they're talking to me. So stuff like that. So it's not my strongest, but I do have discernment. Because does that happen to you where you'll be talking to somebody and you'll hear something in your head being like, Oh, they're lying to you, or man, they're untruthful, or they're they're they're fake, or they're not as they're not who they say they are.

SPEAKER_00 45:44

Okay, yes. I will also this is okay, this is gonna sound out there, and you're in but this is part part of it.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Part of what we know, it's part of our podcast.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

Their face will change to me. Really? Yes, like contort almost. I I'm not saying their face is physically changing, I'm saying there is a veil that I'm able to see differently. Yes. Of they look monstrous to me. Yeah. Darken the eyes, like something like it's like I'm looking at somebody physically different. Yeah. I know that they don't look that way, but my perception of them is that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

And it is it's terrifying. It is. And and knowing that there's probably nothing that you're going to say to to change them.

SPEAKER_00 46:45

No, and I mean unless they accept. And I could let me also say, there's been very few times where I have looked at somebody and seen absolute darkness. True. It's only been a few. I mean, I mean, we're talking a handful of people. I mean, yes, I get I get the thoughts in the back of my head of like I get the alarms and the dings of, you know, of like, okay, you know, like but somebody who is pure evil. But there have been a couple of times when I'm like, I know I need to shift gears, and there's nothing that I can say to this person that's going to change.

SPEAKER_01 47:25

And I think a lot of us have this gift, but we call it intuition. Sure. So those who don't believe will be like, oh, I was I was at a bar or I was hanging out, and like all of a sudden I have this feeling of like, man, I I need to I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. Or I oh I need to stop talking to this person, or you know, you know, we call it intuition, but it's also, you know, biblically.

SPEAKER_00 47:51

And I think intuition is is one thing, but I think if that is something that you naturally lean into, yeah, start praying for discernment. Like start praying that he would use you more in that way. And I do believe that when you start praying specifically for an increase of any area, you know, that he wants you to be in, he's a good God. I mean, like because it goes both ways.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

Like, not only do you feel discernment of somebody who is who you feel like, oh, I think they're lying to me, but you also I have discernment of God like this is a person in peace. Like you need them in your life. Like these like put the people in your life.

SPEAKER_00 48:33

Yes, yes. I, yeah, definitely. There have definitely been people in that I have met, and I'm like, I magnetically feel like I'm attaching myself to you. I felt that way about you. Same sees. I because we had met each other for years prior, but it we really probably just never had like conversations. But I think the very first time we had a conversation, it was like, oh wait. So it's some some thing was like, okay, this is someone who I'm gonna be drawn to for a long time. But yeah, that yes, I I agree. The discernment's not always a bad thing.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

It is not, it's actually a great thing.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

It's a it's a great thing, but I mean like it's uh yeah. So what was your shocker as we're winding down our time? My I was happy to see discernment was still there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Exhortation was yeah, that's it. Oh that was an interesting one.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Because of all the ones, my husband was like, it's that's definitely not yours.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

You're like, wait a minute, but it says I don't know how that is number two.

SPEAKER_00 49:42

What do you do with it when you're like, yeah, it's not your gift, but the divine strength or ability to strengthen comfort and urge others to action through written and spoken word and bible biblical truth. Uh which we talked about before, but yeah, it's what we're doing now. It is, but then I I told my husband that and he was like, He was like, I don't think that's what that means. I was like, okay. Husbands. It's all right. But teaching was still there. I guess.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

I was shocked it wasn't on mine.

SPEAKER_00 50:14

And I thought I thought leadership would be over teaching. I I I was just surprised because I'm like, I don't have any more avenues t to do that on right now. So yeah, that that was But you are because you are we're still teaching. Well, and I also well have I told I I I think I shared a couple weeks ago that I was like, I told my husband I was like, I'd really like to find a place that we can volunteer together. There's something we've not made any progress on that, by the way. Oh I'm gonna bring it back up. But yeah, there has been like I feel like oh, we should I don't know, but it makes me wonder if there's a place somewhere. Wouldn't it be so funny if all of a sudden I got like you should go serve in children's? Oh, that would be hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 51:01

I don't feel that, but one of our friends who's listening, who's part of it, she's gonna be like she's gonna text me later.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

I'm like, I'm ready for you.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

That's exactly what she's gonna say. I can even hear it in my head of her saying those exact words.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

I know I actually got to give her a hug this morning. So she's back. She's back. Oh, yeah. She was on a little bestie vacation.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

She was. Uh we had Doug and I had dinner with her and her husband last week was awesome. I know. It was so much fun getting together. Because I don't like to go out. We talk about that. I don't like to go out. So when I get to go out, it's so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 51:36

Well, isn't that one of the things now, just being this age of like it is so easy if somebody cancels plans on you? You're like, I know God, I didn't want to go out anyways.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

Because everyone keeps asking me what are you gonna do today? What are you gonna do today? I'm like, the sun, the heavens opened up and it just started.

SPEAKER_00 51:50

Oh, we talked uh prior to being on the today's Casey's birthday. I know, I'm officially 48.

SPEAKER_01 51:55

And she was like, two years to 50. Two years to 50.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

I was like, that's not that she's like, what do you want?

SPEAKER_01 52:01

I said, I want nothing. The realization that it's I am two years away from 50. And in my mind, I don't think I look 48, but the reality is I actually really do at this point in time look 48. But also understanding that what 48 was when we grew up is different. Like the housekeeper from the Brady Bunch, like she's our age. Alice? Alice was like in her late 40s, early 50s. Oh, and there's something about like the golden girls were like 50s. In their 50s, and I'm like, what? Jeez, yeah. Which uh clearly I don't think I look that bad. No offense to Alice from the Brady Bunch, but they did not make her look no make her look good. But all I say is birthday's a birthday, it's just another year. I went to I went to Starbucks to get my free coffee, and it tastes so bad. Oh, I hate when that happens. I know every once in a while you'll get a bad one. I get a bad one. And I'm I didn't even taste it before I left, otherwise I'd probably get maybe I'd go back in and say, uh, but also it was free, so I can't completely. And my husband also surprised me with a with a Starbucks.

SPEAKER_00 53:17

I'm glad I uh thought about, but it was pouring down rain. I went to go I actually pulled into like the Crestview Hills area.

SPEAKER_01 53:23

Yeah. And like literally opened up and it just started. It was raining so hard that I was like and I joke, I'm like, welcome 48. It's lightning and thundering. I did. I was I was like, okay, my coffee's crap.

SPEAKER_00 53:34

I was like, I'm gonna stop and get her coffee and flowers, and I'm like, I'm just gonna do it another day and I'll feel better. It'll be like it'll be like your unbirthday. No, my husband. Merry unbirthday. Uh-huh. Yep. God love me. Well, I think I'll just wrap this up. Is if you don't know what your giftings are, I think just start thinking about what naturally pours out of you. Yeah. I think linking this test to to somebody who has been taking a test before like this is is a great and I also think if you've taken this test in the past, like do it again because I it to it was, I don't know, it was really interesting. Mine all completely different. And I think because we're in different, and I my guess is if we took it in a year or two or three or five, we're in a different we're for in a different role in life or in a job, it's there's gonna be some people who say they should never change.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

Yeah. Yeah. I can't know one way or the other. I don't know who's right, who's wrong. I don't think it matters. As long as you trust God, you're following God, and you're leaning into the gifts that he's giving you, whether they're always the same and they're constant, or whether they're ones that completely change.

SPEAKER_00 54:38

Yeah. The main thing is that not only you're using them, that you know that God has good things for you. Yes. And he wants to use you to do good things for him. That's that's the whole thing. So wherever you are, whatever gifts you have, changing or not changing, strengthening, or maybe somebody else has done it for you at this point. There's a role for you. We're so happy you're here, and we will see you next week. Bye.