Like A Girls Night, Except We Have Microphones

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome back to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

I'm Casey Bryan.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

And gosh, it's okay. It's a Saturday. We're recording on a Saturday. We are recording. Yes, we are. And I feel like I have had a very busy week. Okay. Why? Nothing. It's just been like such random things. Nothing like of my routine. It's been a lot of out of the ordinary. Like my my nights haven't looked this like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

It's just been busy. Okay. Well, no, like what do you mean by you've been busy doing nothing, but nothing?

SPEAKER_00 0:36

It's like, okay. So we have I mean, like, we've had two car repairs we've had to do this week. That sucks. Both on my son's car. I mean, nothing crazy. I mean, but yeah, I had to take his car for new tires this morning. But that's the worst. New tires. His are all we're not as mad as what I was expecting. So I'm not super mad at it. I'm just super mad that I had to pay for it. Because tires aren't cheap. No, no. Kind of the thing with it is I'm like, okay, you're like your car, your maintenance, and that has not been the case. Yes. As of recently. Oh, you guys have been paying for that. I have been paying for I've been paying for the maintenance. And he's been keeping up with some of his things. Such a good mom. Yes. Also, I got like no sleep last night.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Oh, I got amazing sleep. Why couldn't you sleep? Were you ruminating in your head or you just couldn't fall asleep?

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Okay, so I generally can't go to sleep until my people are inside my house. Everybody? I'm not as concerned about Elena anymore because I'm she's 22. Yep. She still lives at home, but she has never taken advantage of the or not communicated anything like that. She's pretty quiet when she comes home. But like where Sam works is kind of out in the country, you know, works on an ice cream shop. So I'm like, I like to wait till he gets home. And they have later hours now.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

So because it's summertime.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Because it's summertime. So I'm waiting, it's like till 10:30 till he gets home. I'm not thinking about anything else. He gets home, I fall right asleep. But one o'clock in the morning, I realize I have let's just TMI it. I have started my period in the middle of the night. Oh, it's the worst. And I'm like, did I wet my? I'm like, what is it? I just wasn't, I wasn't ready. I probably should have been ready, but I I wasn't. Yep. So get up at 1 30 in the morning and I'm like, I should just check and see if Elaine's home. You know, so just look at life 360 from like my phone. She's not home. And I'm like, where the heck is she? So I text her and I don't hear back right away. So now I'm wondering, you know, like because she's at a location. I can see life, I can see where she is. I know you're not a life 360 person. I am not a life 360 person. But I am, and I have not experienced the send them off to college and let them do their own thing. I've let her do her own thing, but generally, like, she comes home. Yes. So, but she did not come home. So I get a text back, I don't know, like a half hour later. So sorry, we were baptizing somebody. That's amazing. So I'm like, dang it, I want to be mad at you for not respecting me. But that's a good reason. I don't know where she was baptizing somebody at, you know, 1:30 in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Fascinating. Yeah. Fascinating. My kids when they starting pretty much a senior, their senior year of high school, my only request was, you know, if you're not going to be home, just send me a text because I'm going to fall asleep and let me know what you're going to do. Or send me a text and let me know you're home. Otherwise, I'm going to walk in your bedroom door and wake up, wake you up. Yes. So we have never had curfews for our kids. Never had a curfew for my children. Because they've never needed me. They've always respected. I just be a good communicator.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

So I just I want to know where you're going and an approximate time you're going to be home. If it changes, just shoot me a text. Same. I did not get that from her yesterday. And like I said, she's 22. Like she's full adult, but you're in my house. You know what I mean? So when you come home in the middle of the night, you wake up the dog, which then wakes up me. You know, like there's like a whole there's like a whole thing. And she didn't have her keys yesterday. So she's like, because she'd gotten picked up. And she's like, I need you to unlock the front door. So like there were things that I needed to do in the middle of the night. Oh, yeah. So she could get in. Yeah, yeah. So I was irritated. Yeah, I understand that. I'd be irritated too. Yeah. So anyway, I just didn't get a lot of sleep. And then by a time, then the dog did get up several times. And anyway, I just didn't get all asleep.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Yeah, I don't like when the dog wakes me up in the middle of the night. She did that this week too. We're at 1 30, 2 o'clock in the morning, she started barking very loudly. Which I'm grateful for because then she's not gonna poop in the house. But I'm like, seriously, couldn't you not hold it for like three more hours?

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Now I'm curious if your family is like my family. Are you the only one who magically hears the dog that's barking that's loud enough to wake me? No.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

If Isabel is home, Isabel will she wakes up Isabel normally. And Isabel was home, but I think she had just taken her out because I think she has had barked earlier, and and Belle was like, okay, I'm I'm she just wants to play. And so then I came downstairs and took her out. And she's like, Did she have to poop? I'm like, Yeah, she pooped. She's like, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, it's fine. No big deal. Oh, no. No, I'll go back to you.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Nobody hears my dog but me. And I'm convinced they all hear it and just choose to ignore it. Yes. But I was wearing a robe outside in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

It's all good. I'm like, no one's gonna see me.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Well, the well, I'm very into pajamas right now. What do you wear to bed?

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Nothing. It's brand, it's brand new. I used to sleep Lucky Doug. I know. I I used to sleep and I I used to wear nothing when for a very long time before we had children. And then when we had children, I wore when they start walking in on you. I started wearing pajamas, which I don't even wear pajamas. I wear a pair of his boxers and a and a tank chopper t-shirt. That's what I would always wear.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

I would always wear like I had like a lot of like pajama or like flannel, and I I used to run cold. So I mean I would like have like a switch. I mean, like always would run cold. And now I'm very into Walmart pajamas. Oh, specifically Walmart. I don't know why they're soft. They're joy spun, I think is the brand. It is it is so nice. So now I have I've never worn matching pajamas my entire life. And now I have, yeah, I've got like five or six pairs of matching matching pajamas, and I feel it makes me feel like a very put together lady. Oh, I love that for you. I don't feel put together in many other areas of my life. In your bedroom, you do. But I'm like, in my bedroom, like, okay, I remember matching pajamas, and like, I mean, there is nothing that makes me feel more put together than when I remember to take my makeup off.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Oh, same.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

And then I put I make sure I put my eye creamer on so I don't get the dark circles. So when I when I wash my face and I've got all my creams on, I'm feeling like a glazed donut, and I've got my matching jammies on, and I was like, I am a put together lady. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

That's amazing. Yeah. I is just within the last two months, I started like, you know what? I'm just gonna go back because for me it's the most comfortable. T-shirts always, no matter what, I they get twisted in the middle of the night, or you know, I just end up having to redo it. I mean and then I started seeing all these videos about how it's so healthy for you to sleep naked. And I'm like, Yes, it is. I don't know why. Well, I can't say But I'm sure there's videos saying you should be wearing clothing.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

I don't generally get hot flashes during the day. Yeah. And I actually generally go to bed feeling cold, but I will wake up somewhere around 3-4 and maybe start stripping. So the put together lady that goes to bed is not the one who wakes up. She wakes up in a uh like our typical self. Sweaty, nasty. Sometimes I've lost clothing. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, any I this is a new little thing that I don't really know if this is a perimenopause thing or I don't know if it's a symptom of anything I'm taking. I've become hyper aware of like my skin. Like felt touching, like yeah, like every once in a while, like I will just become hyper aware of a spot on my skin. And like I can't. Like I saw I used to wear a ring on this hand, and it's not bothering me right now, but like I was just I was not in pain. I'm just saying I was hyper aware to the point where it was uncomfortable of certain things. A couple weeks ago, it was like the like my inner thigh. So like underwear was like, I don't want to wear it. Then don't wear it. Yeah, so well, you know, sometimes you're not. Yeah, anyway. I get it, I get it. But I've become hyper aware of certain things, so I'm like things that I would normally have worn in the past. I'm like, I can't. And I don't know if that is a if I'm further on the spectrum than I thought.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

If this is perimetable, I don't know what it is. It's a great question. I have just started my boobs itch like no other now. Like underneath, I'm I swear I'm just scratching my boobs all the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Now I would say that was like when I would like that was like, okay, they're growing, but that can't be the case now.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

No, mine are definitely not growing. No, I'm definitely shrinking. That's like, of course, the the first thing that tends to go or okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

So my boobs are what's shrinking now. I felt like I had not lost them. Did you have to go down in size? I have not bought new bras, but there is I could stick a whole hand.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

That yeah, that's when oh, yes, you sure can. You definitely need new bras.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I know, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

I am like that with my sports bras now. Like where they do not they do not fit me.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

I hate buying sports bras too.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

It's just one of those things that like a I was like kind of happy that they they hadn't lost, and something I'm like just you know, Lord, you know you made our bodies. Yes. I don't know why you choose for this, you know, belly area to be the last thing to let us lose.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

I know. But why we were talking about that at work, and not that oh uh one of my coworkers was because I was talking like, man, I would love plastic surgery. And she's like, Why don't you just love the body that God gave you? I'm like, way to throw that to me. Like, way to make me feel and she's she's significantly younger than me. She's like in her 20s. I'm like, man, you're so put together. Good for you that you love your body. And I'm over here saying, then trying to justify it, but I'm like, but I have an emergency section cut, and so it just hangs over. She's like, but that just shows you had a baby. I'm like, has she had babies yet? No, okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Well, we'll just see how listen, no, she's not wrong. She's not wrong.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

No, she is not, she is a hundred percent correct, and I'm very grateful for my body. I just want to like for parts of it to not be there. And there's nothing like being smacked down by a 20-year-old who is much wiser than you at that point in time when you're complaining. I'm like, oh, fine, fine. Thanks, God. Thanks for that lesson. Very true.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Well, okay, so as we do sometimes, we don't have any communication during the week of what we're gonna talk about. We we did not. And then we both came in today, and I do think it's a God time, like a god thing when he we don't make a plan and we both come in and we're like, guess who I talked to this week? I yes. So I thought, like, I was so and I probably should have just told this yesterday, but I was thinking like, wouldn't it be cool to kind of talk about some of the feedback and the conversations that have arisen from people that we know, that we don't know, that has stemmed from this podcast. So anyway.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah. Um some of my my favorite are people are women who I have zero clue that they're that they're listening. And and would never expect them to listen because maybe we were acquaintance from something, and then I ran to them, they're like, Oh my gosh, I listened to her podcast. I'm like, You really? Thanks. I mean, shocking. I love that. I so much appreciate it. It makes me happy.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah. So I I guess like maybe like the first few months, you know, I people started stopping me primarily at church. Yeah. And and I thought, well, this'll die down because they just want the scoop on Casey. Why I no longer work where I used to work. So I thought maybe that's why it's never gonna be told, people. I thought maybe that's like, okay, they're they're just curious. And I'm like, I get it. I probably would too. I probably would too. And then I started hearing from people of like, so I and I think we said it in like a former episode that made me laugh. Someone said, Are you famous? I recognize your voice. Oh my gosh, you do that podcast, and I had no idea who this person was. Oh, yeah. And um, she knew who you were. Oh, fantastic. That was the ones who ended up we ended up running into at church. Oh, yes. And it made me laugh, and I was like, Oh my gosh, that's so funny. But then we have just run into other and actually, I think I forgot to tell you this. There was a a woman, she told me to tell you that Donna said, Hi, Donna, hi, you're like dinner. But she said that after she retired, like she was looking for places to serve, and you got her all plugged in. I know.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

And so you know what you Donna said. And I'm gonna I miss her and love her so much.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

So she stopped me and she was like, I think I know who you are. And I she goes, Do you do you do the podcast with Casey? And I said, Yes. She goes, Oh my gosh, I love this. Just tell her how much I miss her. Like, I miss you too so much, Donna. Anyway, she just said, There's just there's so many things, even though that we're at a different stage in life, there's still many things that I'm gleaning off of you guys sharing things. That's pretty awesome. That is something that I just keep hearing over and over and over again. Sometimes people were like, Oh my gosh, you made me laugh. I can't believe you said that.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Sometimes we can't believe the things that come out of our mouths, too.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

It it it it happens when I was getting ready to MC the thing, the dance competition last year.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

You MC'd a dance competition, which is your first time. Well, not a competition, it was a oversight. But it was your first time MCing in this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

You've been doing MCing for a while now. But I looked at it and I was like, I'm gonna try and not say girth. Or spit on the mic, which is I was successful at. Good for you. Thank you very much.

unknown 14:47

Good for you.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

But, you know, I I think, and we even like tried to kind of give like a little bit of intro last week, but it didn't work because it didn't record. But one of the I mean, I think the biggest thing of what we wanted to do with this podcast, besides just chat, is that there is not a lot of Christian circles in which we can authentically be who we are, which is not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

No. And especially at this stage in our life.

unknown 15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Or a little unhinged. It feels like we run in circles so that where we can run into the people who can speak into our lives, it's not necessarily the places that we can feel like we can be the most authentic or unhinged. Yes. Because sometimes I think that's where we need people to meet us.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Yes. Well, I feel like there, and this is no knock to anybody else who who who talks about this on our, you know, the stage of life, is a lot of people try to I fix or tell you all the things that you need to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Maybe. I feel like that. I feel yeah, I feel like this is not gonna be the podcast that's gonna say These are the steps you need to take to make your life a little bit better. One, two, and three.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

These are even though next week we might have we might have to. We'll talk about we'll talk about that later.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

I think we the desires to bring on people who even if that's sometimes just ourselves, a lot of times we want to bring in people and conversations and topics of hey, that's something this is what we're struggling with, so we can't possibly be alone, right? Yes, like we can't possibly be alone of like, hey, my friendship's changing, and this feels weird. Why all of a sudden, when I've been so good at this, am I all of a sudden so not good at it? Yeah. Or why is marriage tough all of a sudden, you know, or we we're done, you know, like and it just personality-wise. I mean, I know we're both like we've changed jobs, and you know, there's different career paths, and it's like for many, many, many years, I've been okay just doing what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. And all of a sudden, like in this stage of like now, I think we're both, I don't even know if we can say mid 40s anymore. Like, no, I'm I'm I am we're we're not encroaching, we're not just in the 40s anymore. We're we are now past. Um I am close to 50. So there is something where you become really unapologetic about who we are right now. I don't know if it's like lack of filter, if there's increased confidence. Yeah. But there's topics of things that like we have never been clearanced to have in workplaces before, to be kind of unappot unapologetically who we are. I'm gonna say a woman because Yeah. Yeah, no, no, you're right. So anyway, I just thought it would be kind of fun to talk about. We're not giving any of the things away of people who have reached out to us. But what are unless you have given us permission.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

I have had people, I have had some friends contact me and we're like, was that story about me? And and honestly, they have no, it wasn't. And then they're like, Oh, okay, shoo. I'm like, but it doesn't matter, which is hilarious, just goes to show how many of my friends can be a little like me.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Or or just not only a little like you, like how many of us are in sim similar places in life and have you feel alone. Yes. You just feel like I don't know. I just I think we set out to be like you are we're not drinking on this episode, by the way, or any episode. We have so far. So far. So far, we have we have never brought mimosas or margaritas in.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

I have been asked that we do host a ladies' night, a ladies' night with mimosas, where we have our friends with us.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

I think that would be good.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

But I think generally what I was gonna say is I hope I would hear from I definitely we would hear screaming from the peanut gallery.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

But my hope is that we do a good job of authentically being ourselves that you might get in a regular situation after a few drinks. You know what I mean? Like we are just like who we are, who we are.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

I that that is one reason why I had to I stopped drinking is because I my inhibitions were lowered so badly that things coming out of my mouth or things that I did were that were hurt randomly.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

You and I have talked about this, but I don't think we've run it out, like neither of us are really drinking anymore.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

No. I went to a a graduation party and it was a it was a brunch and they had mimosas. So I had a mimosas and that's all I did. Is it mimosas or just a mimosa if you're having one? Oh, I guess it's just a mimosa because I only had one. And then another graduation party, I didn't even drink, but maybe a fourth of the beverage that I grabbed, and then um Bell grabbed it and drank it for me.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

It's nice when you have a daughter who's I think I have had uh maybe one drink in the last nine months.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Yeah, I just I just don't drink. It's just and and it was nothing well I my 30s, late 20s, early 30s, late 20s, it was uh drinking was a mess where I was drinking a lot even though I had children because it was I still thought I was supposed to be partying my ass off. And then, you know, you meet you meet Jesus and things change. And I just realized it's once again that I when I'm drinking, I make the worst decisions above all. And my inhibitions are so low, it's just ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

I don't think I I have never been a big drinker. Um I've been super honest in past episodes that there's a lot of alcoholism in my family. Same. There's a lot of alcohols in my family. There's stuff that reaches I'm not calling people out, I'm just saying it's there. All that being said, is I realized early in my 20s that I had I had a pretty high tolerance right off the bat. Really? And that was just, you know, you know, like a little bit in college, you know, and it was like every time I was like, why, you know, like and I didn't feel good afterwards. Yeah. And then I kind of had a moment in college, not that I haven't been honestly a lifelong Christian, but we all have moments of where we take steps back and in things. And I wasn't taking a step back from God because I was still going, but I mean like I wasn't I wasn't on fire. I'll just say that. I wasn't living the same on fire way that I was living. And I was like, I just don't think this is who God wants me to be because I don't feel good about it.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Same. And the last time that Doug and I were out with friends and we had a little too much drink, and we weren't actually out, like a friend hosted a bunch of us, and you know, when you're with your when you're with your good friends and you know it's flowing and it yeah and it's easy. It took days days for us to feel normal again. Like that hangover is not like I used to when I could in college when I was drinking till three o'clock in the morning still got up and and functioned and went to there are many, many many many people who do it absolutely responsibly.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yes. My husband loves bourbon he collects bourbon you know like three to four nights a week. He's you know has like a little you know one yes one and it's fine and I think that I just know for myself I'm like I don't need to put myself in a situation where I'm like I already think I know that yeah I would I just I I have the sense of my body that I'm like that's one would not be enough for me.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

No and I'm telling you hangovers suck now. That's why it's I haven't had in a very long time years since I have I have drank that much where I was hungover that bad. Yeah with in it with Doug and I both so when it's the two of us it's and Doug I my husband when he drinks he is hilarious. He he's like we be talking we say he becomes fun Doug.

unknown 23:15

Fun Doug.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Because he's just he becomes bigger than life like the of the party he's hilarious. Where I am fun and then I hit a point then I become mean and I'm like let's go. Oh I'm done which is one reason also why I stopped is because I don't want to be that person. You don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the mean person where like I'm not done let's go.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah well yeah I get it. Yeah we weren't I don't think we plan on talking about alcohol but here we are I I don't even know how no my whole point was just that like you know like I think you get to like the real stuff with your girlfriends after a few drinks. That's where that's where we started. But you also could the fact that I recalled that is like is that's impressive because I don't remember what I'm saying. Miracle beyond miracles. My whole point was I hope that this podcast lets you into circle it back. Circle it back yes um I hope it brings you in when you put your headphones on or listen in your car or wherever you're listening of like you're sitting in with that with us and you're feeling like okay these are real people and they're having real things and there's just like there's no holds bar. Yeah because these are real people real Christians like we all have real problems. We do. And we all have real insecurities and I just anyway I keep hearing from people of like oh my gosh I so related from that episode you know like just and you can always it's always funny to hear where people are in which episode which episode they're on so a couple of weeks ago I got a message from one of my best friends when I was growing up yes and she said I started listening to your podcast I binged like three to four episodes. I love it. And she just started from the beginning and I knew that she had listened to from the beginning and I'm like okay so if you've listened to all the episodes there is an episode pretty early on where we're talking about friendships. Oh yeah yeah and I referenced that I really didn't have any communication with my bridesmaids anymore and we had a whole conversation about it. Do you remember this?

SPEAKER_01 25:26

I yes I do.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Okay. And I had said Because we were on the opposite yes spectrum of that one. And I had said that I I have nothing but love for all of them. There was no falling out with any of them I just didn't really talk to any of them anymore like different stage different seasons different states anyway. I'm gonna fix your hair yeah I can feel it. Thank you so much. You're very welcome um so I got another text from her this week.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

So me and you did ask so she's so she's on the episode.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

So she reached the episode.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

So she reached the episode that you talk about her I didn't say her name no you just talked about how you are not friends with your bridesmaids.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

I wouldn't say we're not friends just that we just don't talk oh yeah yeah that's right yeah yeah yeah you know what I'm saying you're helping me helping me remember it more okay but I asked if I could if I I could bring this up so now I can say this is Michelle. Okay hi Michelle thanks for watching I want to see how f how fast it takes you to get to this episode because she's listening in order so she says well shit I was like oh no oh no I just finished listening to your podcast on January 19th so that's where she was at okay I listen for hours I mow our five acres it's my favorite thing I want to call in and chime every other sentence which hold on pause before I get on I feel like I don't remind people enough that where it says send us fan mail which I'm horrified that that's the language that it says ew I know I can't change it. It's on Apple and Spotify I don't know if it's on the other ones but I know on those two specifically there if it says send send us fan mail it's a hyperlink where you can send us a message. Oh thank you we would love a message especially some ideas on what we should talk about. It is you can either leave us a voicemail or an email anyway you can say whether you haven't plugged that in in a while love that you did. I just I always forget about it. I know same so anyway there's that so if you were like okay I want to contact these people I have thoughts there's that so she ch she wants to chime in or you can just send an email that says well shit oh my gosh. Okay. It says I almost burst into tears for this one. You were talking about your bridesmaids and does anyone still talk to theirs and I was 100% convinced that you were going to say we don't talk but we can fall right back where we left off when you do and how I was your longest friendship and you said the opposite and it broke my heart to hear that you had fallen apart and you were sad we didn't become closer when I had and she used her child.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Oh I remember this now.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Gap keep going okay I I'm gonna take out other identifying information yes yes yes yes even though we just said her name no where she's talking about her children's name of course she said but you're right I got busy and I never reached out either because I had to also said this is a not all on me you know or all on her or all on me just anyways. She says I'm really the worst person at reaching out even with friends even in my own city to be honest I had felt I'd already been replaced oh and I knew you had other friendships that you were closer with and I didn't because you needed me anymore. Because you just moved away from each other. Yes. Okay. To be fair we moved away from each other in high school but we had continued to be you know close for quite a while and then she says if I'd only known I would have called you every day oh I know I never knew you felt that way it took me 14 years to learn there was a proverbial hole in my heart and my life when we didn't talk oh my gosh this is making me tear up I I did I yeah I would have been bawling. So anyway I sent her a long text back. One of those things you can pause to read just kidding well because at this point like I didn't I I didn't know where when so anyways I send this within maybe 30 seconds of me sending it she starts she calls. Oh and we have not talked in I don't know the last time we talked years years years years years. She has twins that are I don't know so her oldest is around the same age as Abby okay so she started a little bit later than you did with children? Yes. Okay yes anyway it doesn't really matter but anyway she's got so Abby's gonna be 14 so her daughter's probably in the 13 yeah for you know 14 range maybe is already 14 I think she's a couple months a little older. Anyway all that to say I probably have not talked to her since she had her twins. Oh wow which you know they're probably in upper elementary now you know so I'm like it's been a if we have talked it's pretty much been text. We used to do like a birthday phone call. Yeah anyway all that to say was she and I chatted like no time had passed. Oh I think we talked for two and a half hours. Holy moly to which I then found at the end she lives out in like a crazy like ranch in Texas and she has to stand at one spot in her house to talk. Oh I was walking around my neighborhood and had done like probably four miles just walking and talking and she was apparently like holed up by her window for three and a half hours talking for two and a half hours of like that's some commitment to talk to me because I cannot stay still that long.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

But it made me think of how many conversations are we not having I not just she and I but like that's what I'm I'm thinking because was a conversation not had because assumptions you both made about the the other person.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah a hundred percent and both assumptions were completely wrong yeah she had thought that I that you moved on I had moved on in friendships and that I didn't have a need for her anymore because I had you know and what did you think? I thought she got wrapped up in having kids and maybe didn't like the way I parented these are she has never said this to me. No these are by the way these are assumptions that you made in your own mind. I assumed because I thought we'd be closer when she had kids. Yeah. So in my thought in my mind we separated when she had children and so I thought like well maybe she doesn't want to talk about the whole kid thing because we're doing it differently. Did she ever say this to me? No she didn't are these holes and blanks I filled in myself so in her mind we didn't talk because I had moved on with other friendships and didn't need her. And I'm thinking well she just thinks that I'm such a type B person that I'm a crappy parent and doesn't need my advice of you know like what it looks like even though I've been a mom longer at that point. Like she doesn't need that. And I just thought okay she doesn't need me and she was also and it continues to be incredibly in shape. Yes. And this was in a place where I was she was working on a farm she just moved there but like she's like always been incredibly athletic. Michelle you're amazing. Yeah and I would get her Christmas card every year and I'm like she just had twins and I think I just counted eight abs. No wonder she doesn't want to be my friend. Oh like we don't have anything in common anymore because at this point in my life I am struggling so silently with my body to the point where I'm like ready to give up. Yes. Because nothing is working and I had done so many things and I'm like I get it. I get why in my mind I get why she doesn't want to be around me because I we probably parent differently and clear I d you know like she takes care of herself better than I do. And at that point like I didn't really understand all the medical and hormonal things that were going on in my body. I just assumed like there's something in me that's broken and I can't keep up with things. Anyway 14 years later you guys are finally talking we are finally chatting again.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

I don't you think that's very typical with us sometimes that we just make assumptions. Yeah not not just about friendships just about in all the time that our because we I I it's either we go to the worst case scenario and we just assume that's what it is. And so I mean it happened to it happened to at work this week where it wasn't me but there was a a problem happening and my boss went right to oh my gosh this is because we did this wrong or what do we do wrong you know why why is this this facility upset with us and finally they're like okay we're just gonna call a facility and it was nothing to do with us. But that but honestly but you had done all the but you but you go right to the assumption that everything is my fault or I did something wrong and so they must not like me or clearly I've done but also I realize that I sometimes I do take the blame even though it isn't my fault because it's just easier to oh for sure I do the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

To take the blame because I'd rather just why is it that we are more wired to like feel shame and like exit like so one of the things that I told her I was like I admittedly I probably backed out of our friendship faster because it's easier for me to remove myself than you say something that's gonna hurt my feelings. Yeah because we don't want to deal with the pain. No. It was hard enough to see us like drifting. Yeah it was it would have been harder for her to tell me why we were drifting of course to what I thought we were I thought why clearly we were not on the same page.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Because we don't want you know we don't want to be get hurt so it's rather we'll hurt the other person and and not really mean to hurt them but we'll just quietly go away. Yes than to talk to one another and hear and nine times out of ten when we actually have enough balls well we don't have balls but you know what I mean to go talk to the person we're always we tend to be wrong and it's never what we thought it is. So just okay I'm like don't want to say this publicly or not uh that has nothing to do about friendship but I was just saying I I you and I have both been pretty clear of like there's probably more to life than the positions and jobs that we are yes that that has been that has been one thing that has been very clear with me.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

And I my whole life has been ministry and entrepreneurship. And even during all the entrepreneurship I still so heavy handedly like was participating in ministry that even though I wasn't being paid for it, it didn't feel far away from me. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it never felt like I had walked completely away from it. And then a couple years ago when I started I'm gonna use the word corporate but it's not corporate. I'm just saying it's a nine to five eight third anyway it is a job where I come into the office and I'm doing things that really have nothing to do with my wheelhouse desires or I would even say skills. That being said I am I'm actually really good at my job. Yeah same okay I'm really good at it. I don't enjoy it at all. Yeah and I have been really thinking of okay I probably have 20 more years of professional work in me which is crazy. I know I know it sounds still sounds like a long time. It does especially when my husband is like uh has three to four years left of his professional work he's already retired once and he's gonna go back into like a whole nother job anyway anyway. But he's in education so at least in the state of Kentucky it's 27 years of you know and when you start when you're young it it goes fast. It does anyway I so I started thinking about like is there 20 years left for me in the company that I'm currently at even though I like the people I'm good at it. It's not difficult. Yeah I don't take it home with me but there's no room for me to move up here. There's not there's nothing I don't think there's an advancement in money. I don't think there's an advancement in a a position a role I think it is what it is and if I'm gonna stay here I just have to be happy with where I'm at and your girl's restless. Oh you're you're already itching I'm itching yep so I kind of started playing around with things and I'm like okay if I'm going to be what's the right word this is where this is where perimenopause comes into play and I forget words that I've used my whole life. If I'm going to be marketable this is probably the time to do it. Yeah I don't know I agree with that I you know I am the age that I am uh it's only it's only gonna get worse it's only gonna get harder to find new things now new jobs yes I uh I put out an application for a job oh and immediately got an interview you did to which I immediately declined the interview like what was I thinking why I freaked out I freaked out of oh my gosh I have told nobody in my I felt bad because I'm like I this is and haven't told anybody in my current job like yeah I don't want to put my current people in a bad place in a bad way and I'm thinking we've got one out on maternity leave we have one who's gonna go have surgery if I go out and leave I'm putting them in a really bad position and I'm like I want to be loyal and I want to be honorable to to that and then at the same time I'm like are you ready to do like something totally different? Yeah are you I don't know and there's still that piece of me that as much as I try and tell myself like you're not for ministry yeah you feel like you're still it still breaks my heart on the regular that I'm not now I believe what we are doing is ministry. Is ministry it doesn't look like conventional ministry we're not working at churches we're not doing the things I I wish there would be a day that I'm like I tell God all the time I'm like just take this desire away from me. Yeah oh if you're not gonna use if you don't want to use me for this just take it away because then I can move on and do something because I know I could be really good at many many things. Yeah but if you don't want me to do this like just just take it away from me or tell me how you want me to use this.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Yeah not that we're not using it here but not for me thinking I was not going to be emotional like what in the world I like pain sorry it's hitting you hard and if the desire has not gone away I mean have you that was not what I applied for by the way that was a question that I had but why did you did you were you scared or do you feel like the the interview the job you're like no it's just really not me I just did it just to see I think it was part of me testing the waters to see if there'd be in any interest.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

It was in a field that I have never worked in before. Oh wow and you got an interview that's pretty impressive it was a sales trainer job oh which to me sales is about personality it's about connecting with people. So while I don't currently do sales but you have I'm a people person.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Yeah but you I mean with all of your entrepreneurship you're selling yourself. Yes yeah have I trained others to do the same under me maybe not yeah can I figure it out do I feel like I could yes but I also have realized that as women we do never apply for a job not never very unless we feel a hundred percent confident we have every skill set that they say. Yes where where and I've and I've heard this multiple times where men will have like one you know they're the where they're like oh I can do that one thing everything else I I've never done before but they'll still apply for it because they just yeah and so Matt said they look at your resume and they're like there's enough that intrigues them.

SPEAKER_00 41:59

So like if they wanted to talk to you like you should just do it. And part of me is like okay you have interview like interview experience is always good.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Oh yeah the other thing it was it was quite a distance away it was like on the opposite side of Cincinnati and I was like that feels I know I like the commute part the community commute for me right now is really bad.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

I hate it all that to say of I just I all of a sudden when the and like it was an interview like nobody offered me a job it was just but it imp it made it real to me of is are you ready to go deeper into another industry that brings you further away from where your heart is oh yeah I don't know are you I don't think so okay well they And I don't know what that means because clearly nobody's knocking down my door nobody's recruiting me nobody's saying like hey this is what you should be doing.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

I have I am continu not continuously but you know if a if a job comes across my way that seems intriguing like I I will still apply for it and sometimes I can interview and sometimes I don't so far I've never gotten past the second interview for most of this time. Yeah which is fine you know also what I have realized because I met with somebody recently we had a conversation about you know me transitioning away from industry what that looked like how how did it go and I said the one thing that became very obvious to me working now where I work is it's no longer about my job where before I made everything about my job about being a community pastor and and I said that was first I think above everything else and I said now my job is just my job. Like it's not my identity anymore.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

So that's interesting that you you're saying that because I had a really similar conversation With my husband this week because I think well I I've shared here that he has been working two jobs. Yes, he has been. One as a principal and one as his district job, although he's had help with his district position. Yeah. But now he kind of had the he had to make the decision at the end of the three years whether he which job he was going to keep. And ultimately he was like he gave up the principal job, which was the higher paying of the two. Oh, interesting. And so he loses the bump and the higher, you know, goes back to the salary. And I think we thought when he did this, when he originally took the role that like he was still in power mat mode of like, I'm gonna keep climbing the ladder. I'm probably never gonna go back to his director job, I'll be moving on to the next thing. And something has happened to him in the last six months that his heart has softened in the way of climbing the corporate ladder. Doesn't matter the same way anymore.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

I think, especially when he's looking at three years in, he's like, what's the best for my health? In my mind. I'm I might be wrong, but like the less stressful, the less where I'm gonna have family. And honestly, I for for me, like when I walked away from my ministry job, and and as I said, it was all consuming because that's just what we what we do. Um, and went into a job where I work eight to four and that's it. And on the weekends, I don't think about it. I'm like, my gosh, my health of me, mental health, is so much much better. And I just don't care about my job. And I hate to say that. I work with lovely people, I work in an industry that is very important. I, you know, I get to meet families and and be with patients when they are, you know, at their last moments of life, and that that's important work and it's amazing. But when I leave, I leave.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

And I'm not bringing any of that home with me anymore, which is freaking amazing. And I'm like, oh, this is really how life should be. It should never be your identity, it should be your job. I'm like, it should be God, my husband, and my children. Yeah. And my job's somewhere down here.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

So one of the things that when this is not his first role as a principal, he'd done it in another district. And uh four to five years ago, when he was in a role at another school, I remember him calling me, breaking down, and he was just because this job was his complete identity. Everything was wrapped up in it. And in the midst of the phone call, I'm Googling like, where can I get him mental health help? Because I just think he's breaking something. Yeah. He's something is wrong, and he's not able to take on stress the way like the weight of the community, the weight of the school, the weight of everything had just been too much. Now, in his current role, he didn't make being a principal his identity. He just didn't make of he didn't make it that. So in leaving this role, as he just did uh his last week. Oh, so it's official. It's official. I mean, I think he's in charge for another week, but I mean was there like a weight lifted off of his shoulders? So when he his kids had his last day of school, he went on to do his announcements as principals often do. Yep. And he calls me and he's gonna love me saying this. He goes, and then somebody started cutting onions in the room, and I was like, Oh, was there other people in the room? And he goes, Nope, it was just me. He got started getting teary giving his last announcements because there was a instead of the weight of the role, he just loved the people, but he also was like, I can't take responsibility. He's like, I've done all the things I can do for this. I'm leaving this role way better than what I found it. And I have to feel good about going to the next thing. And he was, but he was sad. He was sad.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

That's not a it's not a it's not a bad thing. Yeah. Um when you leave a role, I was sad.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

So, but it was just interesting to hear his perspective. Yeah, absolutely. Because I often to think like men and women are totally different. Yeah, yes, and in this way, he said, you know, part one of the reasons why it was easier to step away from this role and going into a less paying role and one that has, you know, a different, not maybe not less responsibility, just different. Yeah. He's like, I was able to step away from this, and I'm sad about leaving the people. But my identity was not totally wrapped up in this. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. Why am I still trying to mix up my job and my identity? I don't know, it was just one of those things that like I I don't I don't have I don't have full I haven't fully thought through all the things. But yeah, this week, you know, I was offered an interview, I didn't take it. He left a job, you know, going back into a new one that we'll have new a brand new responsibilities. But yeah, it was interesting of like, okay, I thought I'd move further.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

A lot of heavy stuff and interesting stuff in a week that which I understand why you you had a crazy week, but it wasn't really crazy.

SPEAKER_00 49:25

It wasn't crazy because things like it wasn't like massive, yes, and maybe massive emotional things were happening behind the scenes, but like like my day-to-day didn't look like of what I thought it was going to look like. But yeah, there's a lot of weight for things that aren't actually happening. Which crazy. You know? Yeah. So I don't I don't know what all the things look like. But all that to say is thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

Oh yes. And thank you all for the feedback and reaching out to us. You know, I think I said at one point, like don't even even the the hard, not the harsh, but even the even the feedback that you know we might necessarily like, but we still need to hear it.

unknown 50:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:10

And I I just I the fact that you all reach out and just say, like, I get it, I've been there. Maybe I didn't leave ministry, but I did leave a relationship. I left a friendship, I left a job, and it's been really hard. Or I thought I would have it all put together at this point, and I don't. And I'm like, I just thought I would, I would be different, be further, be whatever it is. Or man, I just needed to turn it on and I just needed to laugh with you guys for a few minutes because that made my day.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

And speaking, speaking of laughing, I some of my favorite feedback that I've gotten or text messages I've gotten is when we talked about weddings and you talked about your your your your your wedding day and the things that weren't the the greatest. I have had people texting me going, oh my gosh, this happened on my wedding day.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

Oh my gosh, that's so pretty.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

Even like 20, like, you know, no matter how long they've been married. I'm like, that is hilarious. We might have to do an episode on because no wedding day goes off perfectly. There was always something that happens, and some people's are a little bit worse than others. Oh my gosh. But I think that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 51:20

Your wedding day fiasco bloopers.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

What happened? Because I didn't even get to tell talk about mine. Well, maybe someday we'll talk about it. I'll talk about what happened at my wedding.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

Or send us fan mail with I'm just kidding. It sounds so I hate that it says.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

I love that, like when people say, Oh my gosh, same thing. This is what happened. Yeah. But not just wedding days. Like when we talk about, oh my gosh, this is what my husband did, or this is what my children did, or you know, and they're like, Oh my gosh, same Ze.

SPEAKER_00 51:50

And I and I guess I should just also say this. Like, I love hearing stories. A while back, I was like, hey, listen, don't we know we talk about sensitive topics. Like Yes, we do. We we get it. We get like why you can't share every episode. We we understand. We understand that you know, like you're not wanting to put all that business out here. Yes. But if you want to share, I mean, like, if you want to share it, you absolutely can. Don't let me tell you not to share it, but let me just say if you are feeling like you are isolated in an area or you just can't figure something out, or you're like you're identifying with us, let's just have a collective moment to say like none of us have it together. No, none of us. So if you're feeling isolated or alone or just confused about an issue, let me just put it out there. There's somebody else who feels the exact same way. Yeah, there is. And not just one person. And not just one, small. Probably many. Yes. So if I learned anything from this week or the multitude of comments we've gotten or texts we've gotten from all this stuff of just people thinking of like, man, I just thought I was fighting these battles alone. You're not. You are not. You're always welcome to reach out to us. Yeah. Um, if you have a friend you haven't talked to in 14 years and you're not really quite sure why, maybe it's the time to reach out. I agree. Maybe maybe this is your push. Maybe that's your push. I don't know. I I don't know where I don't know where you are in life. I just know that I'm happy you take 45 minutes to an hour out of your week to spend time with us. Yeah. And thanks for being here. And oh, quick tease for next week if you're keeping up with us.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

Yeah, we have a guest next week. We do. We have a guest. She's nurse practitioner. She works with women our age who are talking all about hormones and all the fun stuff. Happens to be my sister. So when when we asked her, when I talked to her about, because she tells me she's like, you talk about me a lot. I'm like, yeah, she's like, I'm like, actually, you probably should come on our podcast because I do talk about you a lot. And and I also said to her, I'm like, make sure you talk to your company to let that to ask them. Because even though we're a small little podcast and you know, we're not very large, you're still coming on, representing. And she's like, okay, great. So she's like, okay, so they said, you know, they gave her some things that they want her to talk about, and they told me that I'm not allowed to cuss by.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

Which is fine. I believe she can do it.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

Oh no, she's no, that she won't cuss. Yes. Yes. It's gonna be hard because we're all we all like to drop the F bomb or or certain things every once in a while, which I thought that was funny. I'm like, well, did you tell them that we sometimes cuss, not meaning to? But we I don't know if there's been an episode we haven't.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

I think this one. No, because I started reading her text that said, Well shit.

SPEAKER_02 54:35

Oh, oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 54:39

Till next week. But I hope you all listen. Next week. Next week. She could we can when we're together, it can get a little crazy. Oh, I'm excited. I know. We might have to put to break out the story of the what because we now laugh about the day my mom died, which is horrible that we laugh about it. But my gosh, that story is morbid sense of humor. Sometimes you have to have one, but yeah, but I'm excited she's gonna come on. I'm talking excited that she's talking about hormones because it's something that we never as women no one ever talked about the importance of like, hey, when you're going through menopause, you're actually losing all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 55:17

And it totally messes you. I feel like the generation prior to us, like perimenopause was not a thing. No, you just suck it up. Doctors even said it's also part of it. But I also think we are going through it younger. Yeah. The same way our our girls are having their cycles younger. I mean, like environmentally, hormonally, well, I don't know if it's, you know, I'm pretty sure it's the what we eat, like things are happening differently. So I think this stretch of time of where we're having hormonal issues goes for a much longer period of time and starting sooner and lasting later than what maybe people have encountered in the past. I don't say that as an expert because I am not one, which is why we're bringing one on. This is why we're bringing one on and why we're talking about it. That's right. Okay. Well, I think I think we're good. I think we're good. All right, have a great week. Bye.