Called to Hard Things

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Well, hello there. Welcome back to Kevin of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore and I am with Casey Bryant. And we are at the end of another work week.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

We are, yes. I I know, kind of like a half work week. Did you have to come in the office on Monday and Tuesday?

SPEAKER_00 0:21

I I did not on Monday.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

For those of you snowmageddon.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Yes. Well, if you're from this area, yes. We talked it. Well, we talked about it. We talked about it. If you listened to last week. Well, we went along or else. Thank you. You need to have those episodes every once in a while. You made it through that. You know, we hope we gave you a laugh on your snow day. If you have it, if you're on the e on the west coast, you're probably like, these girls are crazy. And you would be you would be right. 100%. Yeah, so I did not have to come in on Monday. I came in the rest of the week, though. I did I did work from home today, but oh that was nice. It was nice. It was nice to to work in my jammies. I don't do it very often, but I enjoyed it. And now it's like, okay, so you all get to hear this on Mondays. And so this might be like the beginning of your week. So you always have to give us a little bit of grace. We are at the end of our week. Yes. We record.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Every time. Every time. And always going into like a for me, like a busy weekend.

unknown 1:16

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Because I signed Faith up for a cheer camp can at univers at University of Kentucky.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Oh, how fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

We have a dance competition this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Oh, yes. Those are like for like the next few weeks, dance competitions.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

We are only signed up for two. I'm pretty thankful for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Because she competes on a school team. It's not a competition like studio team, which I am ever so thankful that that is not our life. As I've been like, we've been having to like go and watch her perform at basketball games. And I've shared, well, maybe I haven't shared, but my son, he's 16, but he's never been into sports, like not his thing. But as I was watching these people take sixth, seventh, eighth grade basketball so seriously, I was like, you know what? God knew better. I was not built for this. Would you have been the parent screaming in the stands at the ref? I don't know. I don't know. Because I've just never had that. I grew up with that. Like my brother was really good at sports. My parents are very sports-minded. Yeah. And I was very much not. They I can't tell you how many things they put me, enrolled me in. Like, she just hasn't found her sport yet. Yes. And it and I think it turned out that I never had a sport. So it was difficult to find. I did dance my senior year. Oh fun. I moved across the country and joined the dance team. Because that's what you do. Well, you know, what else? What else? When you're 17, I mean, like it was, you know, it was gotta meet people somehow. And anyway, it would it all turned out well. And my girls both followed in that and went dancing, and I still like to watch dance. So all good. And anyway, that that's a wrap-up of what our weekends are gonna look like. So we're we already don't have time for anything. We're done. We're done. It's nice to look forward to that. Also, I have to go buy a car this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Oh, that makes me want to throw up for you. I want I very much want a new car. I want to be out of the minivan stage. I've been in it for a very long time. And I'm ready, I think, to move on. But just thinking about car shopping makes me want to throw up. I think the worst part is it's not for me.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

It's for my son.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Oh, that's really hard because you don't want a very expensive car.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

No, and we he and you know, he already wrecked the first one. Yeah, I remember that. And you know what? He's a better driver because of it. Uh-huh. You know, I think they they have to learn that, which is why we bought him a pretty older crappy car to begin with. Absolutely. But he has been saving and he is, you know, he's putting his own in there, money in there. So either way. He's gonna take care of that then. It's just not yes. It's his car. Yes, but either way, not my favorite thing. So all right, let's get into this. You all don't care about all that stuff, so maybe you do. Hey, it's real life. Yeah. Anyway, so I have to tell you that we came in with an idea this week. Like we did. I guess we would have to tell you sometimes we're like the night before.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Or sometimes or sometimes it's a day of like, what are we gonna talk about?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

I don't know. I think this is what what I'm supposed to talk about. It always works out, but I mean earlier this week, you know, we kind of chatted and I was like, How do you feel about this? And we were talking about and I had kind of pitched it as I think we need to talk about doing hard things.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Oh yeah. I originally it was difficult conversations, difficult conversations because you just you had multiple I had multiple difficult conversations, difficult conversations, and I don't know if you're a fan of like you you live for difficult conversations, or if you're like, hey, I I'm somebody who's eh, I can do them. Or you're like a shark, meaning like you you swim around it, you you you're trying to avoid it as much as possible. Just curious. What do you think I am?

SPEAKER_00 4:56

I'm just out of curiosity, just based on what you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

I think you're head-on. Like I'm maybe not my favorite thing to do, but I have zero issues of going in and having the conversation because it needs to be done.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

I this will surprise no one. I am someone who sees things very black and white. I don't see a lot of gray area. If I had to be preachy, my highest gifting is discernment. Yeah. You know, so but to be fair, when I see things, I have a really hard time when I see injustice.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Anywhere. So especially if I'm seeing it's something in my own home, in my own family, and my own friendships, in my workplace. And I yeah, I had to have a workplace conversation this week that was not pleasant.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Oh, that sucks.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

It did suck. I think my coworkers may listen to this. So you know you were there. Oh. I don't know if that means it got loud and heated or if if it was in front of everybody. Listen, it did get loud because I'm a passionate person. Yes. And you know what? When I've listened back to some of our episodes, the more passionate we get, the louder we get the louder we get, the closer the mic gets to us. I know, because Stephanie, last week you were like, Casey, push back the mic. We did. I mean, you were feeling it. I don't know. I don't even remember what part that was, but I was like, oh, she's she's she's getting a little loud. Definitely on something that was. It was something. Something. But yeah, okay. So yes, I'm not afraid to have difficult conversations, but I do worry about them. I make sure I don't like to go in, I don't like to come in passionate and hot.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

I like to come in prepared and that I have analyzed it. So it's not I'm not afraid to have the conversation, but I'm not one who jumps in like, I get in just because, you know, I'm mad. Because I can be mad for a long time and really think about things before I come to you.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

I've had to, especially if it's via text or email, like someone and it it's I've had to go through Chat GPT with my text message or my email and say, I need you to take the emotion out of this, if there is any, and be very straightforward. Because I can get I can deep dive into emotions and bringing back feelings, and that doesn't need to be said in conversations. It just needs to be the facts.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Well, and and the way I approach you is probably different for the person. True. Oh, we've talked about before when you and I had a little bit thing. I emailed you because I felt like you needed time to process. Yeah. And I could have approached you and just, but that I felt like you would have felt ambushed.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yeah. Well, I'm a processor. Like even when Doug and I, when we first were married for the first seven years of our marriage, when we fought, he he was a yeller and the loudest one wins. And that's how his family grew up. And my family grew up where we were all runners. And you know, my dad ran, my mom, when she was upset with one of us, she would run away. And when I say run away, she would go shopping and then she'd bring us back gifts, which is fantastic for us. Um, but that's how she that's how she would cope. And so that's how I learned too. And so I and when Doug and I in our marriage, when we had to learn how to fight, we had to learn how to fight.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

So he had to stop yelling and s and take a step back so that I could process because I legitimately need time to process. I I am not a quick on my feet thinker when it comes to a heated argument because I will, after the argument, I will go back and I'm like, man, I had all of these amazing points, but I just couldn't say them or think about them so much.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

And hard things aren't necessarily always conversations and you know, arguments, but I will tell you that when a man yells at me, oh, I do not take it well. My lip starts to quiver, I shut down. It's like baby stuff comes out. And I'm not saying I was yelled at, like, you know, like dealt with that on a rate, like, but for some reason, my job has a massive element of customer service. And what I work in is essentially claims adjusting. So people are not calling me because they've had a good day. Yeah, they're they're not happy. They're not happy. And so they are often calling from passionate desperate places. And so some, you know, if there's a payment not being made or something of, you know, things are not going fast enough, they're coming from desperate situations and they will often take that on me verbally because I I don't deal with them in person. It's all over the phone. Oh, yeah. But yeah, there's been a couple men who have yelled at me, and I, when a woman yells with me, I can go toe to toe. I can handle myself, there's composure. There's something about a man yelling at me that I am like, I am taken to a weird place that I'm like shut down.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

But there are some, I've you know, there are some not just men, women too, who thrive, love difficult conversations and thr and thrive on it. Because I know you've dealt with some and I and I have definitely dealt with some.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Yeah. I I wouldn't say I thrive. Now there are people I like to banter with, but that's different than arguing.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

I think so too.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Now, I love nothing more than to get into a religious debate with my dad. Yes. I like to rile him up and he likes to try and shut me down. And I love when I can and I don't let him do it. So for me, like that to me is fun. I wouldn't do that with everybody else.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah, I had a former coworker who who would always very proud that every interview that they had, they would make people cry.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

And that was like a badge of honor.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Like an emotional story.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Being harsh or, you know, not really harsh, but trying to pull out information because, you know, with role playing. Have you have you ever had the that? Have you ever had that with, you know, in meetings or in a job interview where they pull out the roleplay? Meaning, not sexual people. I wasn't there. I swear by my no, but meaning, like, hey, so this situation happens and I'm let's just go ahead and act it out. I'm gonna be the person and you're gonna you're gonna respond.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Oh I've brought up how would you handle in almost everyone was how would you handle this, but not let us role play it.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Yes, no, that 100% let us role play it. Okay, that's interesting. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

Mm-hmm. Just know we both come from ministry backgrounds, I'm just my mind is now role-playing about these situations.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

I just lost my glasses. I just lost my glasses again. It's all good. You guys can't see that, but it's all good. I mean, I I did, I honestly did role play like the first time I had to have a hard conversation with a volunteer.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

So you role played how you thought it might go?

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Uh-huh. Like I was so I would I was me and I was having someone else be them, and I'd be like, okay, these are hey, you know, so and so. So we need to have let's talk. We need to have a conversation about X, Y, and Z. Can you kind of tell me, explain what you know what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Can I ask, did you role play how our conversation would go after we had our with you?

SPEAKER_01 12:05

I did it. With you, no. And and and that was really early on in my career because I had just not had those comp difficult conversations.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

I no, I I understand. I understand and I do see there's value in that because you need to be prepared because in in that the line of work that you were in, it's you're not just representing yourself. Absolutely. And you're not just representing a specific church, but the way that you are coming at something is like you're really representing an honor code. You're representing what, yeah, how we feel Jesus would treat the situation. Yeah. So if you handle that poorly, as we have said on this podcast many, many times, it could be a significant place of church hurt. Oh, absolutely. I I'm sure that I have hurt people, not meaning to. Well, and church hurt can also come from we just didn't want to hear that. True. Which I think happens a lot. Yes, that is very true. So I get that too. But what was interesting is so this morning we we've been talking about, we've been doing the Bible, we do we follow the Bible recap plan. So we just we finished our second book of the Bible. I know. Job and Exodus Genesis. So now we are in Exodus. So we were in Exodus 1.3, so we're kind of like intro to Moses, and you get through Moses like in the first three chapters. He is he is born and he is now he's it's quick. It goes fast, like he is born. So but he is he is in Pharaoh's house. He is born, he is adopted, he's a murderer. He's a murderer, and then all of a sudden now God is here and he's by a well again, then he gets married. Yes, oh yes, yes, married. So he's rocking into adulthood now, and then in chapter three, you know, God finds him at and he is appears as a burning bush.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

I don't know why that always makes me laugh. I can I I just picture Moses walking and all of a sudden there's bush that's and we're it's in Egypt too. I'm like, where are there bushes?

SPEAKER_00 14:07

It's burning. It's a burning bush that's not actually burning because nothing like the leaves are not like it's not like disintegrating, you know. So yeah, every time I hear this story and I and I look at the logistics of it, I was like, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

And he tells, I mean, and God says, you know, you're on holy ground, take off your shoes. I mean, it is very, very sacred. Burning bush that speaks. Can you I I just still in my mind, I'm like, God, you're calling you're talking to me through a bro through a bush. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Listen, you know, that's on fire. I but I would I would love it. I mean, I would love it.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

I would love for God to talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

I mean, honestly, to hear God audible would be amazing. Not just like, yes, amazing, but also like when I feel like I hear from God, the impression in my heart, my mind, my soul, where I feel a shift, I feel a nudge, I feel an idea that I feel like didn't come from me. Yes. Like, if I could have some sort of physical component of like, yeah, that was me, girl. That was I I'm all for it. I'm like, I'm all for it. Yeah, let's let's burn some bushes.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Let's do it. Hey God, we'll do it just so he can see me laugh. That's all right, Casey. You want you wanted to laugh.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

If you want to let something on fire and not let it damage just to speak to my soul, I'm here for it, God. I'm here for it. Let's bring this back because I feel like there have been things that I I mean, and kind of the thing that we talked about before, and before we get too far into like the Moses thing, is I feel like when you get to a certain age, it's like nothing but hard decisions. Yeah. I feel like in my 20s when I first got married, and I'm like, well, in five to ten years, we'll have our starter house, and you know, we'll have our 2.5 children, and we'll have, you know, like we'll be established in our careers and we'll do well.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

I think you think those decisions at that time, you probably, and I know I did, thought those decisions were really hard. Yeah, I did. And now, I mean, we can say that about everything. Like now looking back, you're like, man, those those are not nearly as as hard as No.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

I think you just think you I thought we were making these really hard choices. Like, what is my major gonna be? Yeah. What's my job gonna be? Well, I don't know where this voice is coming from that I'm using. By the way, I think that's my inner whimsy voice of like it was, you know, what just what I thought like was going to happen. And I thought those were all really hard choices. Okay. And they don't compare at all to the choices that I've had to make as I have gotten older. The choices and the decisions they keep getting harder. The relationships that I invest in, they get harder. The deeper and more intimate I am with someone, the more I care about someone, or the angrier I am wherever the emotion leads me, like it's just harder.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

And our hormones don't help the situation because they make us way more passionate about certain things. Like there, there are certain times, and I said it last week where I'm just like, whatever, like I just I'm chill, but man, there are things that fire me up, and I'm and I think that's what I mean, we're going into with Moses because I I relate to Moses so much with with God saying, Hey, you're gonna do this.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

And he's like, Well, yeah, okay, see, because he says, Okay, this is what I want you to do. And Moses is like, not only just well, like, let me just tell you why that's a bad idea, God. No. And instantly I was like, Oh my gosh, this is you know, like, this is the crux of difficult and hard decisions and hard conversations. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Well, maybe I can wait on that. Or oh, procrastination or avoid well, that's still procrastination, avoiding procrastination. Or saying somebody else can do it better. Somebody else can do it better. Somebody else is gonna step up.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Or it and in my little today, and our little what we call our today's hit, which is just our it's kind of like what Terry Lee Cobble has her God shot, you know, but we're not just looking at what who we see God is. It's kind of like, where do we see ourselves in the story? How do we relate to the story?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

It's always like what stood out to me.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

What stood out?

SPEAKER_01 18:16

What stood out to me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

And that could be small, it could be, you know, whatever it is. And we both had the same one where God basically says, He Moses says blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I am who I am. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Well, because he asks, he's like, who who should I say you are? Who should I tell these people you are? He's like, You tell them I am. You moron. And sometimes I feel like God's saying that to us too. Like, God, am I supposed to, am I supposed to to to leave my job? God, am I supposed to do this? You know, all these things. And sometimes I'm like, He's, I don't think he's answering. And sometimes I'm I think he's like, okay, I'm sitting here waiting for you to make the freaking move. Yeah. How much more of a push do do I need?

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Yeah. So as I'm like, so when I'm reading about, you know, when he, you know, Moses starts kind of going off of like, well, there could be somebody more qualified. Or do you see have you seen me, God? Yeah. My tr my track record's not great. All I could think of is there have been times where God has, I feel like inspired an idea, or I get a wild hair and I feel like it's not from me. And my first thing after I get excited for a few minutes, and then I'll take it to somebody. And maybe they'll they'll question it a little bit. Maybe they shoot it down, maybe they question it, but all then my insecurities set in. Like, these are all the ways I could screw this up. Yeah. These are all the ways I'm not qualified. I am my own worst advocate as far as like if you want to ask me how great of a person I am, I'm I can't even take a compliment. Somebody asked me, like, oh my gosh, I like your jeans. Well, I got them at Walmart, they were on clearance. Immediately we justify or we try to size higher than I'd like to be.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Justify what why somebody is saying something nice to us. Like, we just can't say thank you. No, it always has to be thank you and or thank you, but I I mean I do that too all the time.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Yeah. And I think uh you have been we've both been on the kind of like this kind of weight loss thing or trying to take care of ourselves. Our body is basically betraying us in our 40s. Yes, and we're trying hard. You know, trying hard to work on these hard bodies, which mine is just really there's nothing hard about my body like at all. And I learned that going to a 6 a.m. Pilates class this week. I know. I saw I saw the Instagram picture. That was impressive. Yeah. Marcy, my friend who invited me, she's your friend too. Yes. She texted me later on that night and she's like, How are you feeling? I'm like, I'm not too bad. I texted her like six o'clock the next morning. I said, Everything below my chin is in pain.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

It's the worst when you have to go when you have to sit on the toilet. You can't, you can't, because your thighs are shaking to squat down.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

I am, yeah. It's horrible. And as someone who doesn't like public toilets, and I'm always I squat over them like I'm a hoverer at a public toilet.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

That's when you hold everything in until you get home.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

No, this is a full seat moment. I'm gonna get real close to my coworkers today. We are gonna we're gonna touch toilet seats.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Luckily, there you're there's not very many, many women in No, no, it's a small office.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

But all that being said, I just yeah, it was a it was a thing. Uh yeah, I was uh I could not believe how sore I was.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Because you normally one, do you normally work out?

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I work out every day. Okay, but when I say I work out, it is a treadmill, it is a walk, it is I do my kettlebell swings. Okay, so you're doing something. It's but it's mild. Okay. It's mild. I'm not doing the hardcore things. I know that the body that I have now is gonna require more than cardio. Yes, which is just a different. Difficult shift for me because I have not had to do that before. And even though I've worked out in the past, I have it's not lifting and that kind of it's all brand new to me. I and I've completely gone away from cardio. And they say people of our age should. And I'm strictly strength training now. And they say that's the most transformative thing that we can do.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

Yes. I'm waiting on it. That's not true. My husband did grab my butt the other day and said, ooh, look at that. Look at you. Thanks. I know what you want.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

I know why you're doing that. Can I say that I I well, I've been, you know, working on everything and you know, the midsection where it likes to hang on the most is obviously like not great. I mean, there's other not great things, but I got out of the shower today and I looked down and I am losing, but I have what they refer to as the apron belly now, like where it just kind of like hangs a little bit. Oh yeah. I've always had that though. Yeah. Well, I mean, yes, I have, but like I haven't been able to really see it. I'm just I don't say I was pretty sad. I don't know how we went from Moses Burning Bush to this. That's pretty sad. I'm moving back. I'm we're moving back. The re okay, the reason I brought up this is because I think one of the things that in our 40s we get control of our bodies because it's the only thing we can see tangible results with. Yes. There are so many other hard conversations and hard things that we're we mentally prepare ourselves for, but we have zero control over how it goes. There is nothing tan we may never tangibly see something from a hard thing we have to do.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Yeah, I I mean I had a hard, not a hard conversation. It was it was very blunt and honest conversation with a good friend of mine where we met for lunch last week. And she said some interesting things to me that I've been really, really pondering on. One of them being, do you think everything happened because God was you would have never left without a nudge? Wow. And I I've been sitting on that, and because I am six months, seven months later from you know my my previous job, you know, I there are still things that I'm upset about, and there's still things that I I'm having a hard time getting past. And she was said to me, I think it's time you see a therapist. I was like, oh like that bad. Like and I'm like, man, I I thought I was processing everything just fine. But but maybe yes and no to all to all the things. And I it's it's hard for me to admit that I probably do need professional help to get over, you know, the the emotional stress that and sadness and all the all the things that I have gone through.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

I would be interested to know, and I don't know if there's any way to get this, is that what she planned to talk to you about when she got there? No, I don't think so. I think Or that was a prompting that she got after spending time with you.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

I think that was a prompting because it was later, it was towards the end of our lunch. Oh, okay. And so we we stayed away from everything prior, and then things got brought up and because one thing that that she said was don't you feel lighter though with the less stress, the less, you know, everything. And I'm like I do, but I will what it comes down to is it's very similar to Moses, is what it comes down to is you know, I want people to like me and I don't want you know things to be said. You know, so it's it came down to am I holding on because I'm so fearful of what what what people are saying about me or what people think about me, or because of because I I I was gone just so abruptly. So that's me processing my hard conversations.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Well, because not only was it a hard conversation, it had there was a call to action there that you weren't ready for. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

And it's very, very much, I feel like Moses is like, you know, God's call to action. Moses' like, I'm not ready. I'm I want to process this, and that's where I am. I'm like, Oh, I think you did the same thing, and you're like, well, I don't need that. I and she's not the first person who said that to me. I know.

unknown 26:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Like, have you thought about seeking, you know, talking to somebody about this, like professionally?

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Well, I was also gonna bring it up. If three people bring it up, they're gonna tell me, they're gonna tell me that I need to. Well, I do think there is a relatable hesitation in putting yourself out there in a therapy way. Yeah. Because even in this situation where we, you know, we joke that this is kind of like public therapy. Yes. We have control of the of the edit, which is shocking to some of you with some of the things we put out there that we didn't edit it out. Um there's a lot we do edit. But it it's revealing even more insecurity.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Well, that that's a hundred percent what it is. It's insecurity. Yeah. A hundred percent. It's it's me being insecure about who I am, who God created me to be, and now second guessing who I am and who God created me to be, being very firm and having a clear understanding of what I thought this was going to be, and then it totally being wiped away, and then it just totally rearranges my whole entire thought and be like, oh, wait a minute. Maybe, maybe I wasn't called. Maybe, maybe I'm not. Maybe I am, maybe I am Moses, and being like, God, maybe maybe not. Let's because later on we'll hear, like, where he he's like, I I can't speak. Let my brother Aaron do it. And God's like, Okay, fine, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

He doesn't say it like that, but yeah, no, I I think relatively and we didn't have the same situation, didn't come from the same situation, but I think leaving in any capacity, uh whether you leave on your own, not on your own, if you're leaving for from conviction or you're feeling you're trying to move on, like whatever it is. And not even just in ministry, I think when you're called to do anything. Oh, I believe that moving on from a position, a friendship, uh, when something is no longer serving the purpose that needed to, or you are no longer the effective conduit for whatever the purpose is. And I think that's hard when something has to move on without you, that you felt, and I think that's probably the larger issue there.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Probably yes, absolutely. That is definitely the the the biggest issue. And you know, being forgotten because I'm like, oh, I don't want to be forgotten. I remember and I also have to realize I'm in in the grand scheme of things, I'm it's not about me.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

It's not, and you know that, and you know that when you're in it. I do. And I and I and I volunteered under you, I work beside you. So I knew your heart. So I know when when we would say like it's so hard and I feel forgotten or my feelings are hurt, like I know that on the other side it can sound like, well, man, you thought highly of yourself that you were not replaceable or not, you know. I think everybody thinks that. But I don't think that that's truly what your working thought. It's when you take it out of the situation when you feel like, man, I was doing something really good, or I fought really hard for this, or I felt like God put me in the situation for it to when it that's when that's no longer the the card you get to play. Yeah, you're blindsided.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

Yeah. But the reality of it, and this is what I've learned, which is also hard, is we're all real we're all replaceable.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

In all in all of our jobs.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Well, did you in one of the ministry ministry catchphrases that I've heard is like you want to basically like give out your oh gosh, what was it? Like, you want to give away your job, you know, like away your job, yeah. Like you just you hand out that you just dull stuff out, you just dull things out to volunteers or other people, people who work under you. Like, so you that opened yourself up for new things, and so there's growth and there's place for vision that you you're multi to multiply other things, you have to shed things. Yes. So there's new, you have capacity for new. But you don't ever think about when like they don't need you at all. When they're like, oh Lord, this mission is done, I gave it away. I gave everything away.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

And that is really hard when you give away your job. Yeah. Because then you're like, what is my purpose?

SPEAKER_00 31:25

Give it away, take it away. I remember the second church that I left, which I have boldly said has been my favorite job that I've ever had.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

When I felt called out of it, oh, man, I was sad. Yeah. I love these people. I loved everyone I worked with. It was a but leaving, I basically had to cut ties because otherwise I wasn't gonna leave.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Yeah. Oh, well, I think that's that's the same. And it until that was brought up to me of saying you were maybe this was wasn't the right place for you at this point in time in your life anymore. Yeah. And that's okay. And sometimes, and you probably weren't going to see it until God pushed it and like nudged you.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Yeah. And if you look back, did you feel nudges prior to that? Like had you had, I mean, if you if you were to take that, was there anything that you can look back in hindsight of like maybe he was preparing you for something?

SPEAKER_01 32:23

Of course I could. Yeah. I could I could always look back and see different things and look at it. But you know, everything is so that's what's so hard is I'm trying not to make anything emotional, but it is so emotional.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Well, I went back, so I years after I left that job, and I feel like sometimes it doesn't feel as far away because you have social media, so you have these kind of parasocial relationships with people that like you're still like knowing what's going on. You're still seeing like this is what's happening, or you knew their calendar of events that come up all the time. Like, so you're like, well, this is this is what's happening this weekend, or this is their annual event. So you're not like super removed from it, but like, but you are. Can't really ask about it. Can't give you a put in on anymore. But I had a former coworker from that church who passed away. Oh. And I hadn't been in the building in probably at that point, I'm gonna say five, six years. Yeah. And when he passed, they were having a memorial service for him there. And I felt like God said I need I needed to go. And I was like, I kind of don't know if I can face these people. Like, I mean, it's one thing to see them on Facebook, it is a whole nother thing to see them to your face. Yeah. And here's the deal. This is gonna sound so petty because this is just a weird place where we are. Have you ever noticed that somebody's unfollowed you or unfriended you? I never pay attention. For whatever reason, I saw a comment with something and I was like, Oh, I don't ever see this person come up in my feed anymore. This is years ago. And so I clicked on her name and said we were no longer friends. Oh. And this was a spouse of a staff member, and I was like, Wow. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened? So then I started clicking around on all the staff people, and I realized there were several people I was no longer friends with. Oh, I I'm sure that's probably happened with me. I but I have not checked in. Now I'm not saying I burned bridges or any of that. I think it was a smooth of pretty much a well, not all smooth. I also had just had a baby when I left. So yeah. If I say hormones were part of today's life, they were definitely a part of like postpartum stuff that yeah, when I walked in that building and the person who un had unfriended me, and for whatever reason, she might have just started a new, I don't know. I don't know the reason, and I never asked. She said, I haven't seen you in so long and embraced me with the biggest hug. And I had harbored so much ill will towards her. Like, how dare you unfriend me? Yeah. How dare I in my mind, I had really built a well, I didn't need to be your friend anyways. Yes. I built a whole thing in my head. And she gave me the loveliest hug and embrace, and it just didn't match the story I'd been telling myself in my head.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

No, I uh we we go to the extreme.

unknown 35:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

We we go to the extreme, we go right to the negative. Always. So I think like when there's decisions to be made now, when there's hard things, when there's dreams and goals that God sets on our heart, and we're like, I don't know if I can do that. Yeah. I am looking now, like if I am looking at if I look at kind of that situation of like, is it as bad as it is in my head?

SPEAKER_02 35:45

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

Am I even and one thing about Moses is at least he's telling God the things he can't do. Up front. Because right away. I am like excuse after excuse after excuse. I use excuse after excuse, but I said it to myself. True. I psych myself out. I'm not even going to the Lord and petitioning him with my inadequacies. I'm just, whoever's me. Yeah. Sorry, I suck likes me. I suck at everything. You know, you know, but when I, you know, you have these things and these these dreams, and or maybe it's just like you want newer, nicer things. Like I don't know what it is. Yeah. Whatever the goal is, whether it's yours or one that God has given to you.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

Well, you know, my Doug, my husband, always says, you know, you better listen to God's nudges before it comes full-on ass kicking.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

Oh, that's so wise.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

It is. That's really wise. And and and and I have a and I'm the person who will ignore the nudges and nudges and nudges until it becomes full-on ass kicking, where I'm like, oh, I do have to. I have to change. Say I mean, this totally not related to work, but that working out. Yeah. It was, you know, of I finally reached, I think what, 217 pounds where, you know, I didn't realize that's how heavy, you know, I was. Wow. And it was that I don't think God totally kicked. Well, I think it was a wake-up call for me of like, you know, we always say your body, your body is your temple. Yes, 100% true. And it doesn't mean you should always work out, but I was not in a healthy place at all. And I'm like, okay, if I'm not in a healthy place mentally and not physically, something has to give. And so I'm always one person who has to like start with one thing first. Yeah. So I'm like, okay, let's fix, let's start on on the physical aspect of it. Yeah. And so, you know, that's why I started working out four days a week at 5 30 in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

I know. And that's why I said I think a lot of times when we're feeling out of control, we do something that we can't have control over. Yeah. Now, it may not be the absolute results that we want, but we have the control over what we do.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

And because I I the results you want. I mean, I've been doing this since July, working out roughly three to four days a week, every morning, watching what I eat, doing all the things, and it's taking me since July to lose 20 pounds, which is great and also extremely frustrating. Yeah. And we and I've talked about that. And so when you don't see the results you want, but you know that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, it is it's so hard because what you want to do, I want to quit.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

I just want to be like, screw it, what's the point?

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Well, so I mean, and kind of like going, you know, back to, you know, when God says I am who I am. Yeah. One of the things that I really liked about that, that it really was like, ooh, kind of a wake-up call to me today was God didn't tell when Moses is saying, Well, this is why this won't work, or this is why I suck, you know, these kinds of things. God doesn't argue with him. No. Like, he doesn't like like so. I thought like that was a real wake-up call to me of like, wow.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

There's a little bit that I'm like, if God wanted me to do it, then he would make me better in this area or more talented or the best speaker, the most attractive person. Everyone would automatically just come to me and want to follow what I'm going to do.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

Like, well, okay. I mean, I'll say one of the things that I like, I had a, you know, had a little thing of like in reference to this podcast. Yeah. I haven't brought this up to you, so this is this will be fun to do this right here. Like I said, I love to process things with a microphone. One of the things that I had thought, and I didn't, well, because I know it's not my thought because I don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Which is uh video. Oh, I know. It's been in my it's been on my mind.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

And I got the camera, I got the thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

Why isn't it here?

SPEAKER_00 39:53

Because my first thought is I don't like the way I look. Oh. Or, you know, what if we're comfortable and you see my big giant, you know, apron belly fat roll? Like, is that gonna turn somebody off from hearing? And or honestly, it's my double chin the way that I'm sitting. There is literally nothing about my body that would ever stop somebody from hearing that God cares about them. But but it's barrier. It's a barrier of, or like I am not fancy with editing. Like, there's things that I knew technology years ago, I don't know how to do that now. Do and then there's the other part, the enemy part of me is like, why would you invest in something else when you're not, you know, like like this is just costing you money. You're not making money. Yeah, it's one of those things like if this is a hobby and a passion pro, you know, like what what's your focus? This isn't gonna go anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Yeah. Is anybody really even listening? But that's that's that's the whole point of my workout too. We've been we've been doing this for how many months? I don't even know. Four, four months-ish. Three, four months. And we're we have we have amazing results, but probably not the results that we want. And we could easily say, Okay, well, it's been fun, God. We tried. We tried. But he's actually saying the exact opposite of saying, Okay, yeah, well, now I want you to do camera. We're like, wait a minute, wait, whoa, well, hold on, God. We haven't even gotten the subscribers.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Yeah, haven't mastered this part. You know, how in the world would you want me to move on to something else? And that's a point.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

God is just telling us to obey, to be obedient.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Just obey, be obedient. But I think the thing that I loved about, you know, Moses or, you know, God not telling Moses, like, it's all right, buddy, I'll I'm gonna increase you over here. You know what I mean? Like, he doesn't anchor him in himself. No, that's the I am who I am. He anchors them in his own identity. Oh, yeah. And gosh, it's sometimes it's really hard when you feel like there's an ask on you, you automatically want to do it because you can do it.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Which is not the case, and that no, you're right, never, you know, God's like, you don't need to be the most eloquent speaker, you don't need to do it because guess who is? I am. Yeah. And I'm gonna be there.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

Yeah, I mean, it's just crazy. The call isn't about who Moses is, it's about who God is. Yep. And I would say whatever the hard thing that you feel like God is nudging you, it really isn't, it's it's not about you.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

And once again, it's the most imperfect person ever that God uses. Always, always a murderer, like all the things.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Like I know just when I go back and I think about I'm like, and I as a I gosh, the old testament's great for making me feel better. Like, well, at least I didn't murder anybody. I know. Well yet. Yet just kidding. Please, please, Dateline, don't clip this song. They will.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

And everyone's gonna go like, she was just the most wonderful person. I don't understand. Her smile lit up a room. Her smile. I don't know if you've ever seen the the well, I'm gonna digress, but the is a there's a TikTok of a guy who's saying, If when I die, do not lie about me. Don't no no no don't lie about me.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

I want you to be real honest and say she had a resting bitch face. She had a bad case of RBF. All day, all day. All the time. Actually, if anybody was honest, they'd be like, Stephanie has her body has never lied. No. Her face said everything.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

That is that happened to me the other day when we were working out because I we we we call this person by their middle name. I had no idea we were calling her by her middle name, and then someone said her first name, and my face was just See, this is why we need video.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

People need to see that face.

SPEAKER_01 43:55

They're like, Casey. I'm like, I'm sorry. Wait. Yeah. It's too early. It's 5 30 in the morning. It's way too early for me to try to think about not having shock face. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

I, my best friend, like we there's a we've had a running joke for years as we're as we've kind of like, I guess maybe she and I have role-played con conversations for many, many times, but there's been times when we know that we're stepping into something and I'm like, all right, what's your surprise face? And she's like, Thank you. I need to go ahead and like practice this because I know I'm not gonna like what they say. So my face needs to have practiced. So when I hear it, I can reflect in a not necessarily positive, but you know, negative, but like in an appropriate way. So I was called present face.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

I was told in in one of my meetings, my I was pulled aside and said, You need to smile more. I go, I go, why? They're like every time someone t talks, you're just sitting there with a straight face. And so I'm like, oh, okay. So the next meeting, you can't see me, legitimately smiling, which is so unnatural to smile for a full hour, two-hour meeting. And then I'm looking around, I'm like, no one else is smiling. So why am I getting called out? Because apparently my my I'm very very apparent on what I'm feeling via my face. So a fake smile is supposed to be better, which really is not. Now it looks like just a fake smile.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

I don't know. I don't know if I have a fake smile. I think I I think if you see both sets of my like my upper and lower teeth, that's not real.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

I definitely have a fake voice. My my family used to call me out on it all the time. Stage voice.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Stage voice.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

Oh, I got much better, but I used to. Oh, you you're you're in your stage voice, Casey. Oh god, yeah. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'm doing that.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Yeah. Well, I mean, I think the reason we brought well, moving back, the reason we brought up like kind of like physical discipline is because I I think it's easier for us to choose physically hard than to do things that are spiritually hard.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

Yes. I said that I yeah, it's easier for me to fix the physical. Yeah. Even though I'm not where I want to be, I'm still doing it. And then still getting caught out on mental.

SPEAKER_00 46:26

Oh no. There's nothing worse than conviction.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Nothing worse when someone shows you all of your cuts and bruises and be like, it's maybe it's time for you to heal.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

I remember going to this. A speaker came to a church that I was working at, and one of the there was some prophetic things happening. And if that makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Yeah. But you know, these things don't happen, and this was a safe place for that, you know. And I remember a guy was sitting behind me. I knew him very well, and he he got his mail read. Like he just said, I this is just kind of what I feel like God's saying to you. And all I can think was like, please don't say that. Please don't call me out. Like, oh, you could do it privately. Yes. But like, oh my gosh. Like when somebody calls something out in you that either you know you've pushed down or you've ignored, yeah, or you've done the whole Moses thing, like, maybe I'm not so qualified, God. Yep. I don't know. I think it's really scary. Oh, it is scary. I actually think it's scarier to know for somebody else to recognize something about you, positive or negative. Yes. If you have if you have already known, you've already pushed it aside.

SPEAKER_01 47:52

Well, because I don't want to deal with it. And I and well, in my mind, I think I have dealt with it, but clearly I have not.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

Yeah. But I think the you were willing to a expose that conversation here. Yes. That tells me that you are you you're acknowledging and you are thinking and you're making progress on moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

Which I'm I'm kind of also bummed that I did because I feel like I'm always whining, like whining. And I think maybe that's why I don't want to, because I'm like, am I whining? I don't want to be a whiner. Does that make sense?

unknown 48:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:37

No, it makes sense. Okay, so I so I guess maybe I we were gonna talk about like, you know, what's the what's the big thing? You know, what are big things that you feel like or what are things that you feel like you could share publicly of the hard things that you may be feeling nudged to do right now? So therapy would be for you like the big thing right now? Probably.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

Yes, maybe. See, I'm even uh right now I'm even I I'll give you all the excuses why, because financially probably not the best thing in the world. Why am I gonna have time? Because, you know, I don't I mean, I still have some flexibility, but not nearly as much as I used to have. Like I will be I will be Moses and I will give you every single excuse why I shouldn't do it. And I think God is just gonna sit here and be like, okay, okay. And remind me who He is.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

One of the things that I felt can I told Dad I I actually had several hard conversations this week. Yeah. But they were one was a work thing, which honestly is like, you know, that it is what it is. You know? It what yeah, move on. I'm not mad. It needed to be said, and now we move on. Yeah, I'm not I'm not mad. It was I didn't enjoy the conversation, but we move on. Yeah. And I don't have any ill will, like I love these people. Like it was it was meant for the benefit and betterment of all of us. I had another friend who was talking about a difficult situation, and I felt like I was supposed to lean in with some uncomfortable truth. Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 50:24

I don't want to say brutal honesty, but I want to say brutal honesty.

SPEAKER_00 50:27

And it wasn't as brutal as it was in my head because I just kind of tested the water.

SPEAKER_01 50:32

Okay. You were able to discern.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah. It was shut down pretty fast. Oh, okay. I oh I open. Okay, I shouldn't say shut down.

SPEAKER_01 50:47

I mean it it uh And if for anything like me, it might be like, okay, I know, or I'm not ready to hear or deal with it.

SPEAKER_00 50:56

I think I think it was that, but I felt like plant the seed. Yeah, sometimes that's all you can do. This isn't the first time I've done it. Oh but I got further, you know, this time and it didn't go very far. But that's okay. Yeah. That's okay. Because God just asked me to say it. That's all you can do. So that's that's where that was. And I'm really good about doing things about like three-fourths of the way. Yeah, and then you give up. Like you wrote your we wrote three-fourths of a book, and then you were done. So I've had a couple people reach out, being like, Why don't you just finish it? Oh. I'm like, because I'm scared. You're scared to finish it. Oh my gosh. I yes, yes, I'm absolutely scared. As vulnerable as I am, and I feel like I'm a pretty authentic person, you know, like bearing my soul that way, it's it's a lot. It's it's one of those, I'm very much Moses. I feel unqualified. Who wants to listen to somebody who just used to work at a church? Yeah, you know, like it's it honestly, it's my biggest thing. It's my biggest insecurity of like, what I'm not anchored into a place that backs up my authority somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 52:26

So hearing God say I am who I am, yeah, and do it because you trust me, or do it because you how many things, and I'm sure a bunch of people are the same way of like, how many things in our life have we felt the nudge to do, but we're too afraid to even take the step, so we don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

Yeah. Or I just get far into it and then I'm like, and then I abandon ship. Yeah. I mean, crap, this is version 2.0 of this podcast because I and that was the right choice, by the way. You know, abandoning ship. The first time around. Because I knew it was supposed to be with you. Oh yes. So, but I'm but I'm glad, but I, you know, I'm glad I didn't give up on it completely. No. I'm glad all the the infrastructure was there for when it was the right time. But today, like I said, I've been praying on it, you know, like the last couple of weeks since I I said that. And you know, I've had a couple people say, you know. So are you finishing it? Well, I I said the same things. They said those things to me, and it those didn't feel like God nudges when I heard them. Yeah. And that was because I was just in self-shutdown mode. And I was like, you're just being nice. And no. So today I got like an email pop-up notification where I had bought like the domain. Oh, yes, for your a couple years ago of the book. And it said, Do you want to renew? Did you? I just got it like before I came in here. Oh, talk about and I was like, Talk about that speaking to you right now. Listen, because I was like, what hard things like you know, like can I can I talk of, you know, like, and listen, there are some things that are not part of there are conversations hard, like as vulnerable as we are with things, there are things we don't share on here. No. And there are also things, like my friend sent me a text, or maybe she had a conversation, I don't remember. But she had said, it's interesting because I know so much of the stories behind what you're saying, because she and I have, you know, that kind of a friendship that, you know, she knows when I'm talking about past things. Yeah. And she said, What I love about what you're doing is you're not just trauma dumping. No, that the things that you choose to share are because you're hoping it will help somebody else move through a difficult transition, or like there's there's good in the story. And I appreciated that so much. And and I had another friend say to me, like, Well, I don't know if I'm gonna tell, I don't want to be on your podcast, I don't want this to be on your podcast.

SPEAKER_01 55:06

Oh, my sister was like, Thanks for calling me out last week.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

Love you. I would like anybody to know who shares things with us. Just because you shares doesn't mean we're gonna talk about it here.

SPEAKER_01 55:20

Not necessarily. And we I think brother-sister things are probably very different. But I I I think I love that you're trying the book. I love that you are that is somehow.

SPEAKER_00 55:33

I like I said, I don't know. I but I'm publicly putting out there that I yeah. Clearly the nudges are nudging. Yeah, and and like about the instant where I just tried to shut it down of like, no, like my circumstance hasn't changed. So why would I do that? And I just I got that, and uh right as I'm getting ready to talk about like hard things, it pops up. It pops up, and I'm like, okay, noted, noted. I don't know. I like I said, I'm but you can you can ask me about it, hold me to it. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 56:07

So I just I think I finally have an idea for a book. So I'm excited about that.

SPEAKER_00 56:12

We can talk about that after like not on microphones. Not on microphones, not yet. But I think when things feel personal and whether like so inadequacy always feels personal, right? Yes, but most of the time the inadequacies aren't somebody shouting those at me, it's just how I feel about myself. Rarely has someone said to me, like, I just think you suck. That's me. That's that's deaf speak. Yes. So right now, yeah, I'm feeling inadequate. I am already afraid of the future failure. And I will will feel exposed. Yeah. And those are all things that I'm afraid of. Yep. And I think I could apply that to just about any hard thing. I those those elements. Yeah. Or I'm or rejection. I'm afraid of being rejected.

SPEAKER_01 57:07

That that is my my biggest fear and probably the thing that has happened to me the most over the last year, which is kind of comical.

SPEAKER_00 57:17

Well, yeah, well, I think if you've been rejected, the fear of being rejected is because it hurts really, really bad.

SPEAKER_01 57:22

And like all all of all of my fears and at and you know, inadequacies of things that I thought. I'm not crying. My my throat just got really weird. I promise. Promise, I'm not crying this episode. Full of tears. Don't believe her. Looking it's actually not. But looking, looking back at you know, this last year, like everything I had a fear of of being said to me, of of things that you know that I was fearful of not being good and were actually said to me. And coming out on it on the other side, I'm like, okay, who do I believe? I know. And you want you because you are if you already have a self-doubt in yourself, uh-huh, and then you have other people who are feeding into that, it's so easy to continue to fall into the negativity of of who you think you are.

SPEAKER_00 58:15

Well, it is way easier to beat myself up than look for any sort of accolades. It is way harder to believe what God says about me. And here's the other thing: there's a lot of times that God has called me to do things, and it's like this has nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_01 58:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:33

This podcast has nothing to do with followers, it has nothing to do with subscribers. If you do an episode and not hear a dang thing from anybody, oh well, that that's that's my business, not yours. No, I know. So if I'm telling you to write something, it's not it's not for you. It's not it's not about you. No, it's not about you. And and there's also probably a place in me that's a little can it be a little bit about me, he's gonna say, no. No, no, but I'm listening you want me to be vulnerable. I mean, yeah, sometimes I want a pat on the back, and that's and I and I understand and I realize like that's a crappy motivation.

SPEAKER_01 59:15

Yeah, well, we talked about that with writing a book. Like, if I'm gonna write a book, I want to, I want a you know, an editor and uh a book publishing company.

SPEAKER_00 59:24

Like I don't want to I don't want to do it on my own. Self-publish on Amazon. Yeah, somebody told me to do that too, and I was like, I want somebody to believe in me.

SPEAKER_01 59:32

Yeah, I think that's what it is. I I want someone to say to read a book that I wrote or read something and say, man, that was so good. And other people should should read this too. Yeah. You want that because I've read a lot of crappy books that are published, and I'm like, man, how'd this person how'd this book get published? I mean, I have stopped books halfway through because I'm like, I just can't stand it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:01

Yeah. Well, I think sometimes I just I keep trying to do the next right thing, and I think what God is saying is, no, I just want you to do something with discipline. And that doesn't mean popping off to the next thing you might be successful at. Well, that's part of this, is it's dig in, be disciplined.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

Why he slowed you down and took everything else away except for Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

You yeah. If I'm willing to put work into my body every day to close these rings on my Apple Watch to show up at 6 a.m. for Pilates. Oh no, you must feel so naked.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

I feel I worked out this morning without it, so it didn't count.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Yeah, it didn't count.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:38

Which means I didn't work out, which I hate.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:42

But if we put the same effort into things that God is calling us to do, the way we're putting this effort into trying to change our our health and our appearance. Yeah to hang. To say, I don't have time or I don't feel qualified. Well, he didn't ask for any of that. No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

This is me gritting my teeth. He did it. He just asked us to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:15

Just do it. Yeah. So anyway. So I guess that's our advice you are. Discipline is trust.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:21

It's trust. So just do it. We have We are a Nike commercial. Oh yes. I don't know. Okay, one of my notes was that discipline is training and it's not punishment, even though it really hurts. Yes. And I think in doing whatever process that God is asking us to do, whether it's writing. Say that again.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

You said it really fast.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

So say it again training is not punishment. Like we're discipline, training, like these things hurt. Yeah. And things that we're called to do, like, just because we're called doesn't mean it's going to be easy and that we're going to be protected from our feelings getting hurt. Or someone saying this is not good. Or therapy saying you're not ready for something.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:12

Or you go out for that big thing you're, you know, you've been excited about, and you get told, no, you're not my first choice. I don't know what the reason is that God calls us to do things that he knows we're going to be rejected from, but that's putting the reps in for whatever the future purpose is that only he knows. So training can be hard. And we have to put that can be.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:38

Training is hard.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:39

Training is hard. Training is hard. So, but it's not punishment. And I often feel like it feels like punishment. And so discipline and showing up and being beat up. Yeah. And physically, mentally, spiritually, in these places that he calls us to be the discipline is putting our trust in motion. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:05

And it's not giving up because it's so easy to give up and you don't know when that breakthrough is going to come.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:12

Yeah. So I think we'll probably end it today with just by saying if God's calling you to do something hard, it's not a reflection of who you are or your worth or how you feel about yourself or your capabilities. It's an invitation to rely on who he is. Yep. Because he is who he is. Yep. It doesn't matter if we are I am. Yeah. The I am of who Steph is and who Casey are. It's not great. It's not great.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:37

But we are messed up people.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:39

We're gonna keep putting the reps in. But you know what's pretty awesome?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:42

We're messed up people, but God still uses us.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:45

Yeah. Well, and then he wants to use you too. Yep. So we'll see you next week. Bye.