God Didn’t Say That: Why We Believe Voices That Aren’t His

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy. I'm Steph Moore and I'm Casey Bryan. And what a week of the first of the year. Yeah. So we have not seen each other since like 2025. That's correct. I do feel like the first week of January feels like a a year in itself.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Well, compared from last year to this year, too, because last year we remember we were in like six inches of snow. Oh, correct. I was already at the hospital because Doug had already broken ribs and it was just it went downhill from there. So it being 50 degrees outside has been amazing.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Yes. I am in the stage of work where everybody's circling back.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

And I'd like to circle. I'm I'm ready to put things into that's a next month problem, but they're not all my problems are here at once. Also, the flu has taken out like half of my my I work in a small office and my department only has three people and two are down.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

So I'll let you do the math on that. You must be pretty busy right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yes, I am feeling a little bit busy. Okay. So last week we talked about imposter syndrome and when shrinking feels safer because sometimes it's just easier to not be ourselves, to not be out loud, to not be as bold, to not ask for what we want, or just kind of accept what people have said to us. And so you had mentioned at the end of the episode, like the words that people have used. Yes. And how the enemy kind of gets a hold of that and how we internalize them and that's all that. And I went home thinking, like, what are some of the things that people I'm like, okay, it's been a lot. So I thought I'm putting you on the spot here. Yeah. Let's play a game. Love it. It's not really a game because it's real life.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

It is, it is so real life.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Where we're gonna go back and forth and we're gonna share things. We're not saying where they came from. These could come from work, these could come from friends, this could come from family, this can come from other women, this can come from your worst enemy or your best friend. Yep. What are some things that people have said to you? We're gonna do one, you're gonna say one that I'm gonna say when we're gonna go back and forth. Okay. And then I'll and then I'll cut it when it gets too traumatic. I'm just gonna know.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Okay. So do you have one right off the bat?

SPEAKER_00 2:22

I do. Okay, go ahead. And this has been said to me multiple times is are you okay? And it's because I'm not wearing makeup. Legitimately because I'm not wearing makeup. And I'm like, and I say that, I'm like, I'm fine. I'm just not wearing makeup today. Are you okay? I'm like, do I look that bad without makeup on?

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Okay, I have also been told that, but I will, I will, I will this wasn't the one that I was gonna say, but this was told to me today. And to be fair, where I thought it was going, I thought it was gonna be a compliment. Uh-oh. So, I mean, I've shared that I've been on a weight loss journey. I've lost 50 pounds in five months. And so I'm walking, and she goes, Well, I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I'm thinking, oh, she's gonna say I look good. She goes, You look tired.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

That's the other one. Are you are you you look tired? You're like, no. What'd you say? I am tired.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

It's true. I am tired. I'm tired.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

But yeah, anyway, I was like, oh, okay, I get it. All right, no, I'll I'll give you one of mine now. And you witnessed this once. I did, I you witnessed one of these. Yes. Oh, how far along are you? I didn't know you were expecting.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

But she said that because it was a female, which which I'm sorry. You should know better. As a female, you should know better. You never say that. Oh, yeah. You never say that. And until that baby is crowning, like that's when you find you you might be like, oh, you're pregnant. But no, you never say that. Yeah. I think I didn't even, I think I tried to recover, but I I was You were dumbfounded.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

And you just were like, I don't know how she's gonna say. And I was just like, Nope, I've I had my baby like 13 years ago, but thanks so much for asking. Um I don't even yeah, I don't even know what I said. I think I panicked, but it was like I didn't want to be rude. She was that's happened to me too. It was a woman, she was a little older than I was. I was trying not to be rude, but also I'm like, damn woman, like every woman knows this.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

That's um that's what because someone said that to me too. Like, oh my gosh, congratulations. I hear you're expecting I hear you're expecting. And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Oh, one time I actually was expecting, and this woman, I'll never forget, I was a Hallmark. It was with I was pregnant with Elena, and I was I was big, you know, but honestly, not as big as I got later in like when Abby was the biggest I ever got. But this is when I was pregnant with Elena, and I was towards the end, and I wasn't feeling real great about myself, and she goes, Oh my gosh, you're pregnant. This is someone I don't know, by the way. Already like touching me, and I'm like, this is not this is not great. And she goes, How far along are you? And I can't remember how how many I said. She goes, Oh, twins. I just can't, you're so lucky. And I'm like, it's not twins. And then she looks at me and she kind of cocks her head, she goes, triplets? No. And I was like, Did you just double down? She's making it worse. I hightailed it out of there, and then I cried. And then I think I probably ate some Chinese food. That was kind of the running theme of that pregnancy. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Okay, your turn. I had a man say to me, your outfit, horrible, and your hair was a mess. We might talk, we might talk about that story. But that was a male said that to me. I'm like, oh.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Okay. Okay. This is well, I'm not gonna identify who it was, but I'll say this was a female and this was a friend. You know, sometimes you're really just too much to handle.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Oh that that that took us to a sad spot. I know. Well, I mean, I honestly that's what it is. Like words, and no matter if they're directed at you or or in a in a setting where you don't know how to respond, they they kind of stick with you and you're like, I is is that normal behavior? Is like is that is is that what I should expect? Or it sticks to your heart and you're like, man, I don't know if I can if I can come back from that.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

Yeah. I had another one. This was in a a workplace. Okay. On identify which one I wore a v-neck. Oh. Which I in the early 2000s, everyone just dressed business casual. It was just, I don't know why that was the look, but that was the look. I was wearing a v-neck and I had leaned over for something, and somebody, you know, apparently just it was loose-fitting enough that another coworker brought the attention to my male boss. And my male boss came to me and said, You should dress like that for your husband. But you need to keep it classy at work. For a V-neck. For a V-neck. Um, this was like New York and company. If you're I don't even think that's a brand anymore, but I mean like it was like I remember New York and company, yeah. Honestly, I've never dressed inappropriate a day in my life.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

No.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Maybe a c maybe a club day or two in college, but I mean like ever in the workplace.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

But that was a different that's a different story.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

And actually, I edited that comment because it actually came across dirtier than what I just delivered. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

All right, you have one? Oh, I'm I'm thinking still. Because you we we kind of talked about this, but I didn't know we were gonna do the the Spitfire. So I have to ask. I thought it'd be more fun. It would well, it totally is fun, but I totally draw in a blank. So if you have another one, keep going. Oh, great.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Let's just keep going. All right. This one was said by an older male.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Who I was in zero relationship with, other than he was in a position of authority.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Not a boss. Let me just, you know, just an elder person. You'd look better with a bigger rack.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

I I was told that I uh this was with a trainer. Not my not my trainer now. It was a male trainer that I had a long time ago that I went to once. And he looked at my stomach, which I have an emergency C section. He's like, There's nothing I can do about that.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

I said how encouraging when you just got the like, I'm gonna go and take care of myself. Like I'm gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Nothing I can do with that. Thanks. He's like, You you need to go perceive professional help for that one. And I'm like, okay. Like I he's he was telling me I need plastic surgery, which by the way is not cheap to have a a tummy tuck. So yeah, that was fun. That was a fun one. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

You ready for another one? Oh yeah. I mean, this is just no wonder I've always been self-conscious about my appearance.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Isn't it crazy?

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Most of it is about another. Well, yes. Okay, so this one was this was said to me in high school. How does it feel to be the ugly one of your friend group? Oh I had beautiful friends, by the way. So I mean I did already feel that way. But yeah, yeah, that was that was how how does that feel? Not great. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Well, one in high school is I really wanted to take a psychology class, and I was just told you're it's probably not the right fit for you, Casey. It's just you're you you probably need to take a a different route. Which they weren't saying that in a I took it as a negative way because I already had issues with you know everything that I have with with my learning and and everything else, because I had to go see a tutor and all the stuff and and kind of learn how to learn. But at any time like smart anyone said anything, I just it just killed me and just reiterated what I thought about myself. Especially when it comes from a teacher, which I know they were not thinking that. I mean, my mom also told me, you know, when when I got her when I was in her class, and I gotta show you that, you know, I earned my C. Yeah. Oh. But she was a great teacher. Yeah. Okay. Here's a here's a friend one.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Love this. Maybe you probably don't love it. No, I did not love it. I think I was trying really hard to fix a friendship that I wasn't quite sure why it was gone awry. And so me as someone who is not at well, I don't love conflict, but I also don't like not knowing things. Yeah. So I said, hey, I feel like things have been kind of weird, and just making sure we're good. And I believe the direct quote was, yeah, I just don't think our friendship is something I want to invest in anymore. Ouch.

unknown 11:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Are you you're not friends with them anymore, I take it.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

No. No. No, we didn't continue that friendship.

unknown 11:34

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

It's also a long line of places where I've tried to fit in where I probably knew I wasn't fitting in, but I was, you know, like how you try and make yourself fit into things, you know, when you don't find the right fit, you just you just keep trying. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

So this is this is not this is an indirect because it's not really me. It's my sister, and she's gonna be okay that I shared this. But it it it affected me so so much is when my mom, my dad left and he was married to another woman, his stepchildren went to the same school as us, and one of his stepdaughters came up to my sister and said, He's my dad now. Oh, oh, I know. Talk about trauma. Holly moly. I know. And it just for because I never saw him, even though we, you know, he lived within three miles of me. I never saw him until my parents got back together again. Like that that statement, even though it wasn't said to me, was so real. Cause I'm like, oh yeah, he's not, because I don't see him. Well, that makes sense. But it hit my sister, I'm sure, completely different than it hit me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Okay. I will end mine on Okay. This one came from somebody that I love dearly. Okay? And it wasn't meant to hurt me.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Okay. I I feel like it has to have like a little bit of preface. Okay. I was sharing a really big, like, god-sized dream with somebody.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

They looked at me and just said, I don't really know if that's in your wheelhouse. So I know. Okay, go, go.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

I don't want to think about it anymore. So I will I will end with what kind of started this for us was when I talked about it last week, which was at in a previous position, I was told that, you know, if your position was open, we would never even consider you. And it went on to say, you know, you just don't fit with the with the people. Yeah. That gets in your head. Yeah. And then that's anything you just compare yourself to that. Oh. Or you try to overcompensate.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

I said I was gonna let you end on that one, but then I thought of one more. Okay. Are you sure you didn't provoke it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

And I know that there's so many more that things that have been said to me, but I know.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

But I mean, some of this, like, even like I would have I could if when I was by myself and I thought, oh, I should write these out. I'm like, no, but then that's not fair to Casey because I'm gonna bump, I'm gonna ask her, like, just say it on the fly.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

And I I guarantee I'm gonna be sleeping at night and I'm gonna wake up and be like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

And it and here's the thing, it doesn't matter because there's a lot of labels that we wear that we did not choose.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

100%.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

So whether somebody said it first, it we it doesn't really matter how we heard it, who said it, it's what we do with that. And I feel like oftentimes, and now some of this stuff was totally untrue, and some of it probably came from a place of insecurity. Yeah. And that's what the enemy does best. He uses half-truths, he uses lies, he uses any sort of insecurity that you have. He's like, Well, I see an opening. And let me just make that a lot larger. Let me just wedge that open so you're super uncomfortable. So yeah, I think a lot of us have felt you're too much or you're not enough. Yeah. You're too emotional. You should just get over it. My mom's favorite thing to tell me when I was little was build a bridge and get over it. Suck it up. Can I just tell you though? I mean, my mom, such a freaking prayer warrior for so many people. She just, she was the person, if you had an emergency, you called. Yeah. And she handled things with such grace, such care. But she looked at me and she goes, the only way I can do that is there's times to separate your feelings. I'm not saying you can't have your feelings, but you have to have a moment where you take that up to the side and you put your logic brain on and you can't think with a full emotions. So she was teaching me how to like navigate life. But I'll tell you when you're 12, I didn't feel like navigating that.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

No, I just wanted to cry in my corner.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

I did. I think many times I said, I just want to jump off the bridge, mom. Yeah. So I guess really some of the most powerful things that have been said to us have not been in the most kindest way. So things that hold power are not always positive.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

No, I think I believe the negative ones I have hold the most power. Because we believe that's true.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

And whether I I would also add to that that whether that person says that to us multiple times, yeah, we repeat the lie in our head. So we the repetition of a lie that is told to us is not just because you're hearing it from everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

No, because you could hear, you could you could hear someone say to you, Oh my gosh, you look so good. You have lost so much weight. And then 30 minutes later, someone come up to you and say, Yeah, you're looking tired. You're looking tired. Well, you're the the weight loss is gonna go right out because you're gonna be like, Okay, well, that's easier for me to believe is a lie. It's easier for me to believe that I'm tired, I look tired. Yeah. Than it is for me to say, Oh my gosh, yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

Yeah. I mean, so I mean, in the end, it's like, you know, some of the stuff was said to when we were little, some of it as teenagers, some as we were professional adults. You know, I think the last one that you shared of just, you know, leaves you feeling well, I guess I'd just be grateful to just to be here and I'll just, you know, do my best, you know, to stay in line and fall in line. And I think a lot of the things that I have fallen in line with is well, God can use you, but just not like that. Yes. Whether that is in a relationship, a dream, or any of these things, it just it doesn't take a lot for someone to squash something. I I I will be really honest with you. I've written a book that is 287 pages. You're further along than I have. And when someone said, I just don't know who I just I just don't know if that's the route for you. Yeah. Without ever reading it, I close that Google Doc and I'm like, I I never want to see it again.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

I have been told by multiple people multiple times that I should write a book. And I have started and then I stopped because I'm like, who who Yeah, you get freaked out. Who gives an F if I write a book? No one's gonna care. Like, why why am I putting all this effort into it when it's not that good and I don't think anyone will care about it? So yeah, I and that's just because I struggle with how I, you know, with with my with my intelligence and because I write very simplistically, very conversational. As do I. So when I read books, I'm like, oh, I can write. No, I can't, because I'm just I'm I'm just a simple, just a simple girl. Yeah. And so I just stop. I I'm you should you write 288 pages. Yeah, that no one will ever read.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Well, I mean, here's the thing, because some of the things that that some of the harshest criticism has come from people who say it very lovingly. Yeah. And who know me and I know love Jesus. Yeah. And so I think sometimes when criticism comes from, it's really easy for me to kind of like brush something off that's trivial. Okay. Someone wants to ask about how far along I'm my pregnancy, I can say honestly, I'm not in my best shape. Yeah. Okay. Like, I I didn't like that. Like, give me a break. I didn't like it, but you know what? I could, I could do be doing some work there. Okay. That's that's okay. I mean, like, there's things like that. But when someone you love and you trust gives you something that utterly like breaks down your soul, that is a whole different thing. So, like in your case, you know, you shared some things and like, you know, former roles that you've had, you know, when when someone's correcting you, but it now all of a sudden sounds like they are trying to control who you are.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah. Man, can we go into stories? Yeah. Love stories. I will go into a story, and you've heard me share this, and I and I talked a little bit about the but about my outfit and my hair. And that was, I was doing a I was talking in front of a bunch of people, and I found out that I was going to be talking two weeks before it was gonna happen. And I was asked to do it, and I knew I was asked to do it to see if I would rise to the challenge. If I'm you know, are are you a game? Are you are you are you in? Are you in? I mean, that was sad to me. Yeah. Are you in? Can you do it? Oh yeah, okay, let's do it. And so during that time, and this is gonna sound like a bunch of excuses. I'm not trying to put up excuses. So two weeks. I have spoken before, but I've always had multiple times, multiple people who have uh walked me through it, uh, you know, helped me, guided me, and I have two weeks. My son Terrace is ACL. So uh I the two days before I'm to speak, he has surgery. And so I am on mom duty because you know, the day after ACL surgery, you know, they're not sleeping, you're changing out all the water, whatever, ice machine. Oh, yeah. Ice machine, that's what I meant to say. water from the ice machine. So it was I it was a crazy, crazy two weeks was going on me personally. And so I was so freaking exhausted. And I was wearing I was similar to what we have on today. Excuse me my outfit. I was wearing a all black like black pants, black shirt with a jean jacket on. And I had my hair in a bun. And after it was after after I spoke, I sat in a meeting and watched it and every three minutes it was paused to tell me everything I did wrong. Oh your your opening statement was wrong. This makes no sense. It's not concise. Your your references which I reference Rudy because it was a start of football season. Yes. So I referenced Rudy. No one knows the movie Rudy anymore.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

Like that's your reference I think if you're listening to this podcast you probably remember Rudy because we're all in the same generation.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

It's okay. Your references are old and at one point stopped and said your outfit is horrible and your hair is a mess. But I held I'm gonna cuss I held my shit together and I did not cry. I don't know how you did an hour long every three minutes stopped tell me everything I did wrong and then of course would would correct me on what they would have done to to make it you know how they would have how they would have proceeded and I at the end of it I said thank you very much for your feedback. I appreciate it. I walked out the door walked my car and bawled my eyes out. But I was so proud that I did not cry at that point. But that was the harshest harshest criticism feedback that I had ever ever received and I wanted to scream like you don't I had two weeks to prepare I didn't know I was doing this my son had surgery I'm free I was so proud of myself that I even got up you got to that point yeah that I was able to deliver something.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

Well let me just say this like I'm not taking away adding or anything to what you're saying on there. But what I'm saying is you are a woman you are a wife you are a mother you were a leader you were doing all the things like I'm gonna call my husband on here for a minute he has a very high stress job and he has to take a lot of feedback from a lot of people okay when he has a bad day okay and he internalizes all of that he will often come home not I mean I'm just saying often if that's the situation not that he often comes home and this is the situation, but if this situation arises where he has received feedback that he feels was either ill deserved or maybe it was deserved he just didn't want to hear it. Yeah. Okay. Either of those situations when he is left with feedback he comes home and he has a terrible mood. Oh I get it. But he gets to have that terrible mood and go off and do what he needs to do to decompress. He's gonna sit in his chair he's gonna watch a movie he's gonna watch sports he's gonna play on his phone he's gonna just like go into the state he needs to to do what he needs to do. Now when I come home and I'm I've had a moment I've had a comment I've had something that has eaten me alive I and I would say probably like lots of women my kids still need me. The things that need to make the household run still need to happen. I'm still doing the carpool I'm still doing the things I'm still making everything else. I'm not discounting what my husband does or what other people do but I'm going to go out on a a a limb here and say a lot of that feedback came from men. Oh all of it okay all of it this is not a man bashing podcast by the way no but there is and I have been told that I in oh this is yeah well talk when you're spoken to oh yeah okay in a professional setting just because I gave feedback to a man yeah I mean what that it's it's okay for you know and this is not all happening now I mean like I do think sometimes it's it's it's come a little bit better but not always yeah I think a lot of times with women we're we're held to a level of we expect you to hold your own against a man or the expectation of a man but we're also gonna penalize you for all the things and I'm I'll just say right now any man who ever wants to comment on my body my hair the way my clothes fit respectfully you can suck it I because I I have shared this story multiple times and the and the person who said it to me actually came up to me and said can you can you stop sharing that I go no oh why why like no I'm not gonna say listen I what I'm gonna say is if you feel embarrassed about your behavior being you know talked about in any maybe not necessarily on a podcast but maybe just in real life um maybe you shouldn't have had that behavior to begin with. Absolutely because as a woman I've been held to I mean my mistakes have been held up to the wall you know scarlet letters of what I have worn.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

And I think honestly that's why so many times I self-deprecate and I and I I it the first to say when you're wrong because you're kind of trying to to beat the punch. Like okay I I would rather me say it and say everything that I did wrong before it comes from somebody else. So I'll self-deprecate and say how horrible and it was and then you know oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Well I would just say if somebody's discernment silences you should probably you know look and see where that comes from true story. And if someone is using faith language and it brings out fear and insecurity in you you need to look at the source and make sure that is and I would just say not every spiritual sounding voice is God's no I agree I I agree with that. So and I sometimes I look I I I think about this podcast I'm like okay I'm kind of preachy you know we'll say things and I'm like I am so happy to shoot the shit with you constantly okay but I never want to lose sight of losing the point of why we say these things. So we could have an entire podcast where we go back and forth about just how horrible things we've been said you know yeah as women as just people of all these things but man that enemy he's a real jerk. I mean and he's so sneaky and I think the biggest thing why it's so hard to recognize it in the moment like if you don't nip it in the butt immediately it's because his lies are not loud. Go more say more it's the things that something is said and then that just whispers in your head. Yeah. And then all of a sudden like like then all of a sudden you're beating yourself up over something that like that wasn't even what was necessarily said at first but you it you have just gone way down that you know slippery slope because there are things that have been said like in like an offhanded like in a not really offhanded but in just very conversational one comment. Yeah and and it just keeps going you know like but I'll take that one comment yeah and I will spiral a hundred percent because he whispers familiar things he uses half truths digs at old wounds picks at old scabs and honestly will use voices that we trust. Yeah because a lot of the things that have been hurt have been people that we love respect you know most of the time a stranger says I'm gonna be able to brush that off yeah but if I have any ounce of respect for you and you say anything and whether eat let me just also be clear it's not even something that somebody's always said bad. It's my interpretation of it. It's the mood I was when I received it and it's how I replicate that and restate it in my brain.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

When it's people you trust you always believe that they have your back. Yeah. And so when a comment is said or it's said to somebody else by that person where it kind of goes against what they said you're it you're just like wait wait a minute I thought they I thought I thought they had my back.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

I thought this person was in my corner was yeah and like I said it's not even necessarily what they say it could be delivery. Just I mean sometimes it's just what I believe it's what the enemy wants me to hear. Because he doesn't need to tell me new lies. He just needs me to keep believing the ones that I already believe about myself. And they're all the same. Yep. Always the same. So okay how and this is I something that I I wanted to ask because I don't want to just live in this is just who we are, you know. So how do we kind of reclaim identity because we were talking about you know like in the last week and this week of just kind of feel like imposters, you know, what's our identity? So how do we shift into more truthful statements when things have been spoken over us or we have continued to spiral in lies how do we kind of reclaim that truth how do we name it and be like that no that's not it I choose to not to believe that.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

I I don't know you can you tell me because I'm I'm still I'm still I'm still spiraling I'm still spiraling okay I did write some notes here. Oh I thought that you did I mean some of it is like my sister listened last week and she sent me a text saying you're not the dumb one and I'm like well neither are you I don't even know her. No she's not she there might because she's like you said all of you know everyone in your family's smart except for you. And I'm like oh thank you I I will take that I am not the dumb one.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

She's like you're just smart in different ways that is a sibling thing to say such a sibling you know where you are so here's some of the things that I've tried and let me be clear I have not mastered a dang one of these no but clearly I think I need to put this out there because these are tools that I've heard and I think we constantly need to retell ourselves these. We have to name the lie. Okay. It doesn't heal us instantly but I think when we name it's a lie then when it gets triggered we can come back no that that that's not true. That's rather than spiraling of how did they get to that point or is that what they meant? It's no no that's my interpretation and was it really my interpretation or is that Satan's interpretation?

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Yeah. Because what happens when you embrace a lie I mean I'm asking you personally when you when you embrace a lie because I know what happens with me I will then do everything in my power to try to conform to what they what people I want people what they think they should perceive of me. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 33:05

I think earlier in life I would have tried to conform. Yeah I feel like in my 40s especially in the last two years something has really shifted in me that I've been okay with letting a lot of things go. Yeah. It doesn't mean I'm not feeling it. It doesn't mean I'm not but there is not an effort to conform but there's a place in me that wants to prove them wrong. Oh I don't know if that's a good thing or not but there's a place in me of like I don't want that to be the narrative I don't want that to be the story. I don't want necessarily to be part of your story anymore but I will prove you wrong. Yeah so whether that is gently getting myself to new places trying to tell myself new truth because listen here here's the deal if God didn't tell tell it to me why am I living it like it's true? Because it's easier. Yeah but it doesn't mean it's so that's what I have to keep telling myself like who said this?

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

If it's my interpretation if it's some sort of translation from the enemy that I have picked up on and just a half truth that I've repeated to myself over and over again, I am trying to pavlov dog myself of relearning when I get the negative thoughts creep in like I cannot stay there. I can't because I I know how quickly I will spiral. Yeah. Which is I think one of the other things is when I start feeling really insecure of for whatever it is, I and you've experienced this with me, whether you realized it or not when I started spiral about my worth and our friendship and where I stood with things I was like okay these are things that you said this is how it made me feel I don't think this is actually your intention but if I don't tell you these things then we can't fix it. And I want, I think we're worth fixing, even though you're not aware we have any problems.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

No, I I I remember this conversation vividly. Yeah because I I think I felt so caught off guard. Like this came out of the blue for me.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Yeah. But I'd stewed on it for a few months. Yeah you did. And it was one of those things like I can't walk into a building where I am going to see her and pretend like we just wave and it's fine because I'm I knew way before we ever talked about a podcast way before honestly way before we'd really even really learned I felt in my soul yeah that God had big plans for us and our relationship which I can't I can't tell you why I thought that I just felt in my spirit like this is a connection that is worth having and it's worth fighting for so as I saw us drifting I felt God very much in my spirit say you need to fix this. And I didn't know why. Because at that point I did not know why. Yeah I just was like this is worth fighting for even if she felt the friendship wasn't deep at that point. And maybe it wasn't I think we'd shared a lot of things. Yeah but I don't think we were at the depths of where certainly where we are now but I knew like there are a lot of things that are not worth fighting for I knew in my spirit you and I were worth you specifically were worth fighting for.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

No thank you. But I I I am so grateful that you had that awkward conversation that threw me through me. I know and I feel bad I like I said don't ever feel bad for for what God is calling you to because I also at the same end I know that I have said stuff to people that have hurt them oh my gosh I we we could go back and forth with ugly things too but I won't do that. But I there's there's one story when you were talking about this that popped up to my mind that was like my 10 year class reunion and we were all you know my whoever came to it and a girl came up to me and she's like you know if you if you weren't so mean we could have been friends and that was like a big ouch moment because I didn't even realize that I was being like being mean to her honestly I didn't remember much of her from school and I think that's probably her point was I just ignored because it wasn't in my my circle it wasn't in my friend group and so that act of of of just not talking or ignoring her hurt her to where she said something to me. And it it was that was a crushing crushing blow to me. So I remember so I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

No no no no it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

No no I'm I'm apologizing to her I'm very sorry that I was in forever so I was in high school so I remember being in middle school years and I was really mad at somebody.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Oh okay and so but I wasn't gonna say anything to their face they had really hurt my feelings and so I had scratched out like calling them a nasty word in a note that I was never gonna deliver but I put it in my lunchbox and my mom found it. And she was like what are you gonna do with this? And I said well I was really angry I wrote it out I was never gonna give she did not believe me. Truly I was not going to give it but she said Steph, I'm gonna be really honest with you you are going to remember every hurtful thing you've ever said to anybody and you will never be able to take it back and you will always remember it. And I remember asking I I remember thinking like did you just curse me woman because I'm gonna be so for real with you right now I remember everything horrible I've ever done in my entire life. I could bring it to you like to the surface like that. Yeah. Thankfully I have not been an overly mean person my whole life but there are a handful of you that I have been inexplicably horrible to so when I yeah listen I when I talk about being in the hands and feet of Jesus and I love the Lord with everything I do and I have messed up bad. But yeah. You know I have been the proprietor proprietor of saying the ugly things and I have such massive regret and I have gone back and I've apologized to some of these people that I've been able to find I think that's the difference between some of the stuff that has not always because I have not been able to always go back and apologize.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

I did apologize to her there.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Like when when she can't and and I guess that's another thing of you know when we get heated it is so easy to respond with and and I do think culturally now especially you know keyboard people you know the things you can say behind a screen oh so easy when texting you don't understand tone.

SPEAKER_00 39:52

Oh texting is the worst with yes you will take that and completely think it's it you're they're saying this in total anger and you know they're being passive aggressive with this text and and conversation is not even in real time.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

No. So it's yeah I I so I when my mom said that you're gonna remember every you know mean thing you've ever said I don't know if that's true for everybody but it is certainly true for me. So let me just say this if your name is Amanda and we went to high school together I'm not gonna say what I said because I it was horrible. I'm really sorry. I am I I'm 45 years old. It has been 30 years since I said something horrible. Just know I hope you don't have never dwelled I ha I pray you have not dwelled on it but I have dwelled on it every year for 35 years. And I don't live in the same state as you I have zero way to get into it. I have no way of getting a hold of you. But just know I hope somehow this sound wave finds you and I I don't need your forgiveness. I don't need any of these things I just need you to know like that was ugly and it was unkind and I'm sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

Well and I know that that's not probably what we were thinking we were going in the direction that we were going in but I also love that we kind of did because it's a reminder that you know we're not we're not always the victim of receiving the the the the bad comments sometimes our our mouths can be the ones saying it.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Yeah so I think it's easy to hear voices and start believing them. Yeah. And when you ask like how do we you know like move things around naming the lie relearning it over and over again you know the truth of the situation. So then immediately when I feel offended I have to take a step back. And sometimes I'm able to do this in the moment. Now if I'm coming in hot like I can't no and I'm gonna remember this you know as I'm reliving this conversation you know for the next eight weeks or eight years um or 35 years. Or yeah or longer or longer or longer but I just want to say that you know the enemy can flip truth right he can he can get his hooks into things and the half truths and make you believe things. But God's truth is consistent. Yes it's not manipulative it's not twisted it's it's and it's able to be backed up by scripture. If something has said been said to you or you have said something else and that character can't be backed up by scripture then you know you're in the wrong yeah or they were in the wrong so I think that's freeing whether we need to ask for forgiveness or we need to be the one who's offering it. Absolutely God's true God's character is is breathe through scripture constantly so if they can't be backed up through that then you won't have to believe it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:51

Well sometimes it's truth I was taken to standards by my sword because I was having too much fun well okay well no that's true well that was that was a hundred but also people can tell listen and people can tell you truth and you just don't want to hear it. That that yes and I think that's the hardest thing to discern is you know when somebody is giving you feedback or they're speaking truth to you you're and you have to discern is is it real or or is this a lie? Is this is this true or is this a lie? In college when my freshman year when I was taken to standards by my Swervety love them all that was 100% truth. 100% needed to go to standards because I I was I was yeah having a little too much fun. But did did I want to believe it then no yeah because you know when you know and sometimes in the moment truth can hurt yeah and and you're not we're not ready to see that and and sometimes that you know that's the lie that we can can perceive or you know take on is the the that we don't want to hear the truth and so we're like well they then they're the you know they're the liars. Yeah. So it's always I think always has to be said in discernment. And you know, if you don't know whether it's truthful or not, you're having a hard time discerning it. Then that's when you have to go to your close friend.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Yeah. And I think that's where you need to be like, okay, so when you hear something that's either hard to hear or has been hurtful, like the first thing is okay, who told it to you?

SPEAKER_00 44:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

Okay. What place do they live in your life? You know, do they deserve a place of authority? And sometimes the answer is yes. Yeah. And a lot of times the answer is no. And I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

Because it's was it was it truth or wasn't it inappropriate? The comments.

SPEAKER_02 44:54

I was just thinking that could be our tagline. Is this truth or is it just inappropriate sometimes? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Because I like going back to my story, some of it that was said to me was truthful. Yes. Some of it was 100% inappropriate. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

So I think in as we kind of wrap it up, you know, you have to identify who said it. Yeah. Are they in a place to even give feedback? Not every voice deserves authority. No. And if if it doesn't it's not backed up with the character of God and who he designed you to be, then you need to let it go.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

And I know I listen I know that is so much harder to do in real life as someone who will take a conversation and I will think about it over and over and over again. Shoot we have recorded episodes that you're like yeah let's do it and I'm like yeah we're not gonna do we're not gonna put that out there. Yeah we have and there's been times that I'm like okay we're putting it out there and when we didn't you're like I'm so glad we didn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

Yeah that that one of them being the Christmas episode because there are things that I thought were funny that yeah like I like looking back on it I was like oh man that probably came across it would have came across wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:17

Oh I was gonna do this at the top of the episode but here it is now. Listen, as we wrap things up one of the things that we started in the beginning of the year we have said we will we have done the Bible recap. I think we're both on our fourth year. We are using the Bible recap plan again, but in our stories on Facebook and Instagram it's kind of preachy on both places you can get what we are calling our today's hit. That's not to take away from what Terra Lee Cobble's God shot. No, not at all. Because I think one of the things that we're doing that's just mildly different, she is reflecting on the character quality that we saw in God that day. We are yes sometimes that's what we're looking for but sometimes it's just what we're internalizing about what we learned about ourselves, what we learned about God, how we saw ourselves in the story or how you know whatever we're learning about has affected us. Yeah. So one of the things that we are in right now is the book of Job which before I get into that let me just say it's in our stories every single day.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

I I'm it's making me really pay attention to to what I'm reading and to which for me is great. Yeah. Because I'm like oh I I have to to put a story which I don't have to do and it sounds horrible that I said I have to do it but it's really making me listen to to the Bible and and clearly hear what God's saying and sometimes it's funny.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

Sometimes it's funny sometimes it's discipline and anyway we're sharing it on our stories so you can find it at kind of preachy. So if you want to engage with that in any way the or just keep up with what we're reading you can share yours. We'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Like I said not taking away we're just kind of talking about what our hit you know like how it hit us.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:55

And it's been neat because she and I have had several that have been like right along the same lines. Yeah. And some are very different.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

Like today's today's were were very different.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

I you know what to be honest with you my day has been so crazy I haven't even read yours. I did mine super early.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

Yes I haven't had a chance to read it mine I mine was when Job was telling his friends that was horrible advice and I said man I love that his his boldness on telling his friends but that's kind of what I wanted to say.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

So we're talking Job right now and so if you have read the book of Job or I mean you know these things you know that Job was afflicted by everything horrible that can happen to a man short of death happened okay happened to him lost lost everything and he had these friends who in the beginning were sitting with him in silence and just crying amazing amazing friends and then they decide that they are going to get on his ass and just say like you this has to be your fault in some way. And you see Job just wrestle wrestle wrestle I I love God you know I trust him to to the point now he's like you know death would just be such a relief right now. And so and his friends are currently in where we are reading right now of just really getting on him of like repent, repent repent like you clearly haven't repented the sin that's causing all this downfall. So I don't remember if it was today or yesterday. I'm telling I feel like I've lived a million lives this week but one of my my hits my thought was dude we have this place this podcast where we can either sit with you or we can preach at you. Yeah. And I've always thought the name kind of preachy was kind of funny from the day that I thought of it because sometimes it comes off a little too preachy and sometimes it's like nope you needed to hear it. Yeah. And I hope there's times that you're listening to this it feels like as you're just sitting with us that we're sitting with you that you see yourself identify yourself in something like that. And I also feel like if there's gentle correction that you need to hear that the spirit uses our words for whatever you need to hear. And in the same way I hope there's never words that we are using that cause you hurt or pain.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

I agree that is never our intention.

SPEAKER_02 50:07

It would never be our intention. So know that everything that when we are talking it's out of love it's out of man sometimes what we talk about's been out of our own hurt but we share it because we love each other, we love Jesus and we know getting it out is the best way for us to move forward with things. So we are gonna end it here today because we are recording a night after work and we'll both have to go home and make dinner now.

SPEAKER_00 50:37

I'm hoping that dinner will be made for me.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

I know 100% that my husband's not coming home tonight. He's got other commitments tonight. So it's all on me. Okay so yes we need to get going we love you thanks for listening we'll see you next week four three two one shit you go five four three two one and pick it up where you where where we're going from here well we haven't had a blooper in a while there it is there it is blooper there it is oh and now I'm singing terrible