Hosts with Hot Flashes
Welcome to the long awaited launch of Kinda Preachy! Listen to find out what Kinda Preachy really means and get to know your hosts Steph Moore and Kacie Bryant as they laugh their way through learning how to podcast. As two perimenopausal, former church staff who still feel called to share truth while healing, feeling and listening to those around us, we are ready get Kinda Preachy with you!
Hello and welcome to Kinda Preachy. My name is Steph. My name is Casey. And this is a brand new Faith Bathe podcast about hope, humor, and hot flashes. Yes. So we say all that because we are two women of a very certain age. I'm sure people can guess what that is. You can guess it. You know, we are in this perimenopausal state of life. But kind of preachy, the name of the pod is because it's a little bit of a double entendre. Because while we're always seeking Jesus and everything, let's be really honest. A lot of the trauma that has beat us up has been things that people have done in the name of Jesus. And uh that's rough. So when let's be honest, broken people hurt others.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Jesus does not hurt us.
SPEAKER_00No, Jesus does not hurt us.
SPEAKER_02No, but when it comes from people or places that you know we consider the church, I mean it's like a whole new level of ouch. So Casey, Casey, I just gave you a new name.
SPEAKER_00I I'll take it. Okay. I've been called all different types of names. So that one's not not by far the worst.
SPEAKER_02Casey and I have both worked and volunteered within churches for many, many years and can attest to the feeling of being alone and hurt at the hands of someone being a little preachy with us. So we're gonna get into that so much more. But if you struggle to find your place in church, strengthen your faith in hard times, if you've ever walked into a women's mom's club or thought, I do not fit in here. If you've already carried shame that you can't move past, I'm telling you, we are your girls. We're your imperfect secret of Jesus and we struggle hard. And if you don't know him, yeah, this is still a place for you. Absolutely. Because we can definitely definitely tell you we all need Jesus. So whether you are in a place where you're like, I don't know if that's it for me, or I have been hurt in the past, either way, I'm telling you, we can be your girls.
SPEAKER_00And I think it's all of the above. Like if you if you've known him, if you walked away from him, or even if you don't know who Jesus is, this is the perfect place for you to be. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I I agree. So I think what you'll get out of coming into this little community with Casey and I is that we both have been through the ringer, personally, professionally, spiritually. And while we know God is good, and above it all, it doesn't mean the process of hurt, missed expectations, and hard experiences, well, they they suck. So kind of preachy is this place where we can have hard conversations, laugh when it gets uncomfortable, not be afraid to say that was not okay.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02Above all, not just share our stories, but wrestle with pain. We're gonna celebrate good stuff and find humor, grace, and peace in what we ultimately know is his plan, even when some of the days feel real bad. So that's the heart of who we are and why we're here. And uh, Case, why don't you tell us a little bit about you?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, great. Hey everybody, as I said, my name is Casey. I'm at the fun stage of life that when I cook, I end up stripping and taking off layers. I feel that. I mean, I sent you a picture the other day where I was making a crock pot meal and I ended up in a tank top because I just get so hot so fast and so easily. But besides my hot flashes, I also am a mom of three and been married to my amazing husband for 23 years. Yeah. And can we talk about the spread of the aged kids? Oh, yeah, it's a great question and a great point of I have children who are um I have a good two girls and a boy. My boy's in the middle. My oldest is 21, my son is 19, and my youngest daughter is 11. So yay for me. I'm in a fun stage of life.
SPEAKER_02Okay, and somehow I'm also in a similar stage of life.
SPEAKER_00You are so which is kind of crazy. Right. Now we found each other.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Not most people don't have college-age kids and you know, still navigating middle school. Which, you know, middle school. We are. We are totally gonna get into this. Um, but back to me. And I have also been married for 23 years. I also have three kids. My I have two girls and my boy's also in the middle. My oldest is a college grad. Um, shout out Elena. She's also the one who edits this podcast.
SPEAKER_00Make us sound good, Elena.
SPEAKER_02Yes. And so my son is in 16. He in 16. 16 in high school.
SPEAKER_00Did he pass?
SPEAKER_02He yeah, she's talking about his driver's test. Yes, we're gonna do it. He is a driver. He isn't he is a new driver. Um, watch out road people in Kentucky. But yay, that means no more carpool for you. This does mean I have um gotten a little out of the carpool uh game. Uh still there a little bit. It's a hard to like kind of give up all the stuff.
SPEAKER_00No, going back to it after being gone from it for so long, now that my two oldest are in college, now that it's brutal, but I get it.
SPEAKER_02I I digress, keep going, I'm sorry. You digress, okay. I said I think I said I was married for 23 years, and my only other long-term relationship is with my tweezers.
SPEAKER_00Well, and you and you said tweezers as in plural. So how many tweezers do you have?
SPEAKER_02Oh wow. Okay, so there's my car tweezers. Okay. There is two sets of tweezers in my bathroom, you know, like the pointy kind and the one more blunt, you know, different kinds of issues. Um, and then I have a pair in my desk at work. Which one? Which one's like the most important? Like you have to have that tweezer or you would the car tweezer.
SPEAKER_00Because why?
SPEAKER_02Uh there is no light like car light. And so at every stoplight, I am aggressively feeling my chin um plucking. So you need to mind your business if you pull up next to me. Because what happens with my car and my tweezers in that good sunlight is it's up to me and the Lord, and he's fine with it.
SPEAKER_00Should we warn people like TMI, like this?
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think what comes with being in your mid to late 40s, which we both are, um, is that we are a little bit unapologetic. We have lost a lot of our filter. To the depth, along with some of Casey's clothes while she's cooking. I know, I know. Uh, we have weird brain fog where we just have to look at each other and be like, we just practice this. What the heck are we saying? Um, yeah, all of the above. We're in this really weird stage of life now where we are, um, well, we're gonna talk about the kind of stage of life we are now. So uh we're gonna listen, we're gonna get into a lot of things, but I want to tell you a little bit about kind of the stage in life we are now. So I'm gonna have Casey go first because she's kind of in a unique place in life right now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm in the stage of life where I stepped out of ministry after nine years of working for a church and I am searching for a job. And it's a lot of faith and knowing that I a job will come in the job market right now is very, very scary. Um and when I say that I have um a muster seat of faith right now, uh, of of the decisions and um stepping out away from from ministry and trying to find a new job, it's my my muster seat is legit. It's it's hard. But I still believe, I still believe that this is what God's called me to. And that's my stage right now. It's not one that I've have I've never been really in this stage before. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I'm not in the exact same stage of life, but I completely empathize with where she's at because I stepped away from ministry about a little over 10 years ago. And what I mean vocational ministry where I was working, you know, full-time in it. And being called out of ministry is one of the strangest, hardest walks because all of a sudden you start to wonder if everything that I've worked for has been invalidated.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it it is. It's uh I question everything. I question, am I still a pastor? Am I still, you know, um following what God wants me to do and and um uh bringing people and telling people about who he is. And um I I'm struggling right now. I'm struggling that does it mean that I can only be a pastor if I'm working in a church, or can I still call myself a pastor outside of a church? And I I know the the logical, like I know the answer. The answer is yes, I'm I'm still a pastor.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, pastoring isn't necessarily within those walls. Yes. Um but I think that's what we but it gets tied like too. Like yes, yeah. So when I left, I knew um, I knew the roles were changing in the church that I was at. And I should say Casey and I never worked at the same church, although we have attended the same church. Um and she was actually my pastor. Uh I was fun fact. Um so when I kind of refer to the what I was going through, I've worked at a few different churches. And the last one I left, I knew the roles were changing a little bit. I knew things were just, you know, which is totally normal. Staff changes, roles change, things get kind of shuffled around. I knew things were changing. I was getting ready to have my third baby at that point. And I just I knew I had to stick take a step back for my family. My marriage needed a lot of work. Um, and I needed my kids were kind of like really super spread out. I had a newborn, I had, you know, an eight-year-old, and I don't know, not that these people have people haven't navigated this for many years, but I mean, like, I didn't know how to do it. I just knew that like I needed to take a step back. And in my mind, it was like you get through the newborn stage and you go back.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And not one part of me thought that I was going to not walk back and fully employed at a church again. There was just there was no part of me that thought that's not what my future was.
SPEAKER_00And you started working at a church like right away, right after you graduated from college. Yeah. So that was your first job was for and yeah, pretty close.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Yeah. A little some odd jobs in there. Shout out Target. Um, but yeah, I pretty much went directly into ministry. Um, youth, family, kids, um, kind of, you know in that arena. Um, yeah, I just I there was just no part of me that thought that just wasn't the driving force for here on out. Like that's what I was going to do. Um so when I started getting, I want to call it the itch. Um, and what I have to be really careful is the itch isn't me, just wanting to be a part of something again, or is it truly a calling? And I would say about three years ago, not only did I not just have the itch, I was like, the Lord was saying, it's time. You have been in the shadows for a little bit. It's time for you to start making connections with people again. It's time to start serving, it's time to come back into the fold. And like I said, and I can't speak for you, but I will say, when you're kind of called out of things, like sometimes it's like, I gotta take myself fully out. Like going to church was hard. It was like walking into it, leaving a church, walking into a new one. I wanted nothing more than just sit in the back row and cry. Yeah. Because my entire life, my small groups, like everything was tied into this place. And all of a sudden, I'm a stranger with n felt like no purpose in this strange place. And it didn't matter how good the music was, how good the message was, how I felt really disconnected. And I don't know, how do you feel? Like kind of in this because you're going through it. I know I've been through it.
SPEAKER_00I I can't I can't walk into a church right now. I I have been invited to, and I keep saying that we're going to go um church hopping and or church shopping, whichever way you want to say it. Um, and every Saturday night I have every intention and Sunday, I just can't do it. I I I am I just right now I just can't walk into a church. And um but I still believe. I still have faith. I still listen to my Bible because I I'm I'm a big listener for all books and everything. So I listen to my Bible up every morning. It's the first thing I do at 5 in the morning, 4 30 in the morning, depending on what time I wake up. And yes, I still keep that routine even though I don't have a job because I was God was very clear of like, don't disrupt a routine. Like keep keep doing that. But yeah, I can't, I can't walk into a church right now.
SPEAKER_02Someday I will get there. You'll get there. I mean, I remember I had uh my youngest was a toddler when we kind of like really made the switch and we would go and we would try and put her into like the kids' area. And I would look at those numbers popping up and I'd be like, please let my number get called. I just wanted to walk out.
SPEAKER_00And I Okay, you might have to explain what that means. Like some churches have a system where um in service they will have numbers and each kid has a number that you have to um well, one, you have to show them the number in order to get your child back for safety reasons. But also if your child is having is crying or having issues, they will pop your number up in the middle of service to let you know instead of the pastor coming up and be like, hey, hey Steph, your child, your child's having issues, you need to go back there.
SPEAKER_02You know what? Honestly, that has happened at I have been at really small churches and I've been at really big churches. And uh yeah, that has happened to me with all of my children. I mean, uh can I just say one time when I had my oldest, I was working at a church and she was the church baby. Like it was a pretty small church. And my husband had handed her off to someone, and which for me was weird, you know, because I really didn't want her passed around. And all of a sudden I am working and I look around and here's my kid with somebody I have no idea. I have no idea who this person is. No idea. And all of a sudden I see her getting passed down the row, and all their their faces, I'm like, she's had a blowout. I knew my mom's face was like, she's had a blowout. How do I? I am at the pulpit, you know, doing a reading, which is strange. Um, I should say that we came from a really non-denom church, a larger one that's kind of like it's where I currently go still. Um, but this was a very small denomination church, and it was very different than what I'm used to now. But I was watching my baby get past and I'm seeing all of their faces and was very well aware that um I'm going to have to go rescue my baby because she's gonna stink up this very small church um very quickly.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh. Sidebar. Okay, back to that. I yeah, I get it. And and there was, I just I looked, I wanted that number to get called because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin because I just didn't know my place. Yeah. So I relate to this so hard for you right now. It honestly brings up a little PTSD for me.
SPEAKER_00It does. And I remember walking into um the church, and we have different different backgrounds too, because I I I grew up going to a church, and it was um UCC United Church of Christ. And once I was confirmed, I I stopped going to church. So at 13, I stopped going to church altogether because you know, I did the thing that my mom wanted me to do, and I was done. And then I went downhill very quickly and had a I had a lot of fun. Lot, a lot of fun in high school and college, and through part of my marriage. And um, I came to faith later, and it was because of a my marriage was falling apart, and someone recommended, you know, this church to me. And I walked in and I was greeted immediately by somebody who walked me back to um take, you know, to check in my children, and then this person sat with me the entire service, never said a word, but man, I felt so comforted and so safe just that one time of going to church. I'm like, man, is this is this what church is spotted.
SPEAKER_02That is what it's supposed to be. That is church done right. That is yes, that is church done right. I came into faith honestly as early as I remember. I mean, I don't really remember not being a part of church and kind of getting into youth groups, being leaders in youth groups, yes, going on trips and mission, you know. Your whole life. My whole life was this. But with that, I mean, we've already identified how old I am. So I'm gonna tell you that I grew up in the 90s, and if purity culture trigger warning, um, this is I was in church and growing up around the time where we all wore rings and basically married our purity and virginity to our dads. Yeah, it was a whole ceremony. My eyes, I wish you could see my, they're so big right now. I know there are some people listening here that uh that know what this is. If you have ever sat in a room and watched a flower get crushed around and talked about if you have been with more than one person, then you are handing your future husband.
SPEAKER_00Meanwhile, I'm broken drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. So same age.
SPEAKER_02And and I that's why I love about us we're so different. We are, we totally came to this different. So I grew up of like, I just can't make any mistakes. I can't make any mistakes. I went to a Christian school um for most of my schooling. Um and I don't know, I just I felt the pressure of getting it wrong all the time. And the people that I were around were not afraid to tell me when I was wrong. Which listen, uh, conviction is not bad. Yeah. But when I'm talking about kind of preachy, it was Stephanie. Do you think that's appropriate? No. Are you showing your shoulder? If you're wearing a bathing suit, you need to wear an oversized t-shirt above that because we would not want you know you to call the cause boys to sin. This is the kind of stuff that I grew up with. So that was like 90s, normal. Nine in where I was, I should say I grew up in Utah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you did?
SPEAKER_02I did. I I did not know this. Okay, okay. So I grew up in Utah from the ages of 10 to 17. So, yes, I'm like Northern Ohio, born and bred, but that being said, like my really formative teenage years were in Utah, which is a totally different culture. Um I grew up Lutheran. Uh, there was not a non-denom church to be had at that point in time there. Um, obviously, Mormonism super huge there. Um, but this tiny sect of, you know, like there was just this push to be perfect constantly. And it's not just because of who I was then. I mean, I've talked to lots of people who kind of grew up in the same kind of movements of this age, and it was like, listen, I mean if I didn't, I wasn't even allowed really allowed to listen to uh like contemporary music, like secular music. Uh listen, I'll tell you how far what goes back. Um, when Amy Grant had an affair, this is going way back, okay? I mean, we got rid of all of our CDs. Oh, wow. Um, it was like we this is cancel culture was like super prevalent in Christian culture. So I had this thought of if I make one mistake, I am not worthy. And here I am going to absolutely everything, uh, every Bible study, every rally, every event that I could possibly go to. I'm seeking every leadership opportunity. And all I can think is I'm one step away from being invalidated with Jesus. You know, like if I make one misstep, I am not good enough to do to work for him anymore. Like I just I was so nervous constantly. And spoiler alert, I've made mistakes.
SPEAKER_00We've made a lot of them. You are human. We're not perfect. We are one perfect person.
SPEAKER_02We are, yeah, very much not perfect. But what that caused me to do was live with crazy guilt and shame. And it didn't matter how many times I asked for forgiveness. It was like, if I don't do it absolutely perfect, well, how in the world could God ever use me? Which is crazy because we read the Bible now. Who does God pick? Every person in the Bible that he has picked is people who come from crazy backgrounds.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Who feel generally ill-prepared. Oh, uh uh yes. And I think it's it's hilarious that our backgrounds, because in in a world you would think it would make sense for you to be the pastor. So it's it's fascinating that it kind of uh leading a church because you're still a pastor, you're a pastor of of um I mean, my gosh, you are a pastor. And I was just a pastor of of overall church at one point in time. And, you know, with my background, that is not what I thought was going to happen because, you know, when I say I had a lot of fun and you know, Stephanie's doing her purity, I I I I was not, I I was drinking at a very young age and having sex at a very young age and smoking cigarettes and other things that I shouldn't be doing at a very young age. And, you know, it was, you know, I I I didn't get baptized until I was in my 30s because it was for me um understanding who who God is. And so when I started going to church and realizing that God uses n all Broken people. Yeah. All broken people. And um, you know, even Rahab, she's one of my favorite characters. Not characters, she's actually a real person. She's a real person, but one of my favorite women in in the Bible because she is not of you know the Israelites, she's not in the line of Abraham, and she comes in because she just she's um hiding people, hiding who came in to see what you know this town was going to do.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, essentially she, you know, she was a brothel hosting a brothel. Well, I can't really say she's a prosthetic, but she is. She's a prostate. Well, that is, you know, that's you know that's who she is.
SPEAKER_00That's who she is. But for me, I was like, oh my gosh, if God is using her, Rahab, who is not from the lineage of the Israelites, of his people, yeah, the ones that he's called, but he grafted her in. And if he's using her, and she's and once again, I can't say this enough, a prostitute, and then she's in the line of Jesus. Yeah. She's they actually say her name in his lineage. I love that you said grafted in. Grafted in.
SPEAKER_02Because that's the way we all are. We are. That's the way we all are. And you know, it's funny is because you know, we're we're saying this, and it's not like I didn't read the same stories. It's not that I wasn't taught the same thing. It was like, here I'm taught this one thing on Sunday where it's like there's grace and there's forgiveness. And here's a story of uh, you know, an ill-equipped person who was able to come in and help plant seeds and you know, disciple people, and then the very next day, you know, or as soon as we leave church, it was like. Did you see that? What she was wearing? I so it was like this dichotomy of like, I'm hearing one thing, but the way I'm seeing people who say they're Christians react, yes, made me feel like I maybe I don't understand this grace thing because I'm not feeling very much grace. Yeah. Um so that's I I don't know. So I have kind of walked this weird line of like, I just can't make a mistake, I can't make a mistake, while continuing to make mistakes and figuring out like how, and I think what it was, it's not like I wasn't asking for forgiveness. It wasn't like I was not trying. It was it wasn't until I feel like I attended the church that we were at and heard people like you and stories like yours that made me think, I have always felt this need to be super authentic and vulnerable and transparent. And that made people I grew up with really uncomfortable because I would want to share the things that I have done wrong, things I've struggled with, the things that like, man, this is this is hard for me. And yet I'm still trying.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But it didn't feel acceptable, and you know, like to say like I don't have it all together. It was only the the polished version of church is what was acceptable.
SPEAKER_00It's the Instagram version. That's what people, that's what you're nowadays in this language, is it's the Instagram version. They wanted the filters. Yep. All the filters.
SPEAKER_02And I have always way before Instagram have wanted to be a different kind of person. And I didn't know how to do that. And I didn't know how to flex myself back into those places. Um, ended up at lovely, wonderful churches. Um, I will say we're gonna share stuff about churches sometimes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And um people, and we're not gonna say names of places, people, no, but we will share stories that have impacted us personally. And we will share times we've done it wrong in those places.
SPEAKER_00And and I mean, you're gonna hear church hurt, and that's really not a word that we even like to use because people hurt people, the church doesn't hurt people, and in in our world of Christianity, and when we talk about the church, the church is actually what God has created, what Jesus has created. And um, so the however the church is run by people and people are broken.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So I I just think that's really important for us to just kind of touch on that, you know, when we share these things, this is not a knock on church. No. When we say we've been hurt by church, that doesn't mean we've been hurt by Jesus.
SPEAKER_00And even though I'm still struggling walking into church, doesn't mean I'm not gonna walk into church someday. I will absolutely go to it because I know the importance of it. I, for 18 years of going to the same one, I know how important it is to be in community, to be surrounded by people, to um just don't cry. I'm trying not to cry. Man, it's actually church family, yeah. Church family is important. And not just church family, because it is your family. It is truly your family. And I that's why it's so hard for me right now. It's like why, why I am, I am struggling right now. I get it. But I will go because I know how valuable and how it is needed.
SPEAKER_02So I I one of the things about why we wanted to do this podcast, I should say two years ago, maybe even a little more than two years ago, we came up with kind of like the very bare bones idea of this. And Casey was getting ready to well, we didn't know she was getting ready to step into a new position. And it just was like not possible. Yes, because with with with the job, you couldn't. I yeah, with my new role, I could not, I couldn't do a podcast. And makes sense, but I will tell you that I was already very far down the rabbit hole.
SPEAKER_00Because you are somebody like once you get your mindset on something, like you feel like that calling, like I this is what I'm supposed to do. You're all in and all in very quickly. I am all in.
SPEAKER_02I don't half ass anything. No, I am like researching website bought, equipment bought, um, all the things. And then when it was paused, I actually tried to do this by myself maybe 18 months ago. And I produced the saddest podcast known to man, where I basically was on the verge of tears by myself because I knew at that point, I felt so strong that God was asking me to do this. And I just kept telling, I just kind of went back, Lord, like I don't want to do this by myself. And I thought, well, I'll just talk to other people. It'll just, I'll just talk like different people will share their stories. And every time I came back, of like, I'm supposed to do this with Casey. I'm supposed to do this with Casey. And at that point, like her job changed, and our relationship changed a little bit. Oh, yeah. And we will talk about the scathing letter I sent her. What?
SPEAKER_00Stephanie is also a person who is not afraid to tell you how she feels.
SPEAKER_02I am not, I am not. And I'm grateful for it. And I don't regret sending it to you. Oh no. Um, but I also realized I'd been thinking about it probably way more than you had been thinking about it.
SPEAKER_00Well, because when you approached me with it, and this is no excuse, like you approached me with it, and I was very excited, and then within months, not even months, I think it was very quickly my job changed.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, job, yeah, job changed, all those things changed. Um when the job changed though, um, our friendship changed, had to change a little bit because she kind of went into a position of authority. Yep. And not kind of, I did. Kind of, yes. Um, and while she was my friend first, um My name is Stephanie and I struggle with authority. I think everybody struggles with it, but I had a hard time figuring out what pocket um our relationship fit into anymore.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um so when I am crying out to God, and I really was, because I was so sad, um, which seems so silly because it we we hadn't really gone that far down the rabbit hole. I just was I felt so oh I'm yelling. I'm so sorry. Um I felt so strongly about it. I just felt like there's been so many times that God has asked me to do something. Um I want you to share your testimony, I want you to speak at something, I want you to speak up, I want you to share your story, I want you to write a book, like all of these things, and I have gotten to like three fourths on it, and I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna tap out now because this gets scary. And this was like the first time that I felt so bold to be like, okay, whatever you say, Lord. And then I felt like that's gone. And not that my platform, I don't need Casey to have a platform. Casey does not need me to have a platform. I just felt like God was saying, like, wait for, wait for. And here I am just trying to prove to God, like, okay, I'm listening to you, so I'm just gonna go ahead and do it. Um, so that's kind of I that's where this kind of started. So I produced the Saddest Two podcasts on the face of the the planet.
SPEAKER_00Do they still um they still exist somewhere? They exist.
SPEAKER_02I feel like they are not hosted anywhere anymore, they are down now, so you cannot hear them. However, I think I I can't remember. I think I had like 200 listens. So I that's that's amazing. I think I owe a huge apology to the 200 people.
SPEAKER_00But I think if we had 200 people, I'd be super excited.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. Yeah. So when I came, so when I say that the Lord asked us to do this, and when I came to Casey, two years later, you know, and be like, Hey, do you remember that idea we had? I think we should do it. And she was like 100% yes, which I was shocked. I kept trying to be like, okay. And she's like, I already said yes. Did you not hear me?
SPEAKER_00Well, because one, you had so this is in the last two months, right? Two two to three months. Well, two months, because it took me, you re you had reached out uh a few times. As your friend, not about the podcast. Yes, not about the podcast, as my friend, checking in on me, and you know, you would say, Let's get together, and then I would say no. Yes, she cancel. I did.
SPEAKER_02Actually, we would make the plans and then she canceled.
SPEAKER_00I did, I did. And and the last time that one of the last times that I canceled, I um I I think I even texted you um saying that, hey, I I was going to lie to you and say that I don't feel good, but the truth is I'm just not ready to see people yet.
SPEAKER_02Which it it's true. I mean, that is not feeling good. It is not feeling good. But I appreciated because I understood. Yeah. Because I like I said, I've been there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I mean, it's it it took me a while to start seeing people in, you know, from the community that I used to be part of. And, you know, and I want to say wow, I guess two months isn't really that long, but it sure felt like it. And I know originally when we finally did meet, you did not talk about the podcast at all. It was all, you know, checking on me, my family, how we're doing, how you know, how my kids are doing, how my husband Doug's doing. And um, and at the very end, she's like, hey, I just just want to put this out there. And I jokingly, but seriously, I'm like, well, my schedule is wide open, so I am good to go. Let's do it. I got nothing else going on. Yeah. She's I got no job.
SPEAKER_02She was like, yeah. But the funny thing is, is that like when we started this like two years ago, or the whole process, this is where we were in life. She was in a different position. I was actively trying to get back on church staff. And um I worked for myself. Like I was an entrepreneur. I had all the time in the world. And now she has what she refers to all the time in the world. And I went back to work full-time in like a corporate-ish-ish job.
SPEAKER_00We keep switching like our career paths.
SPEAKER_02So we're just kind of swapping. So I think what this all like comes down to is can we both be in pastoral still that doesn't exist in the church?
SPEAKER_00Because the whole part of this is God called you back to ministry, which is and you have you started applying to different roles at at church because when you're called to ministry, that's immediately what you think. That's what you think. That's what you think. Like, okay, God has called me to ministry. So therefore, that must mean I have to work at a church.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So I think I I yeah. So I thought that I immediately started praying, and I'm like, okay, I kept getting like green lights, green lights, apply, apply.
SPEAKER_00And but not just apply, like you were being approached for jobs. Like, hey, we we we want you to apply for this job. She can say that because she was one of the people who approached me.
SPEAKER_02I did. And then I didn't get it. It's like But the truth is that nobody got it. The job just kind of evaporated.
SPEAKER_00That is true. That is true. And that's actually what happened to the city. And I mean, honestly. And I think for yeah, well another story for another time. I don't think we can talk about that so much. No, no, no. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_02No, but truly, like everything that I was going for over the course of 17 months just kind of um it just kind of evaporated.
SPEAKER_00And you can be pissed at the church. Yeah. Or you can be like, okay, God, clearly this is not where you want me.
SPEAKER_02And I in the midst of this, we're gonna get into this in future episodes. I'm not gonna give everything away. I found out one of my children were going through some horrific abuse during not during that time, she actually came to me later. And I did ask her about this. Can I mention this? And she gave me full permission here. Um so I found out in the midst of applying for these things that my child had gone through something really horrible. And because of that, somehow I was in a place where I had favor in an ear with a lot of church staff who walked with me during what I would say was the hardest season of my life. I could tell you that leaving the church was hard, I can tell you that going through infertility was hard, I can tell you that challenges in my marriage was hard. Um, I can tell you all of these really hard things, but w when it's your child. When somebody hurts your kid all of that time of calling me into this place was so I could be in a physical place with people who could surround me and walk this horrible season with me.
SPEAKER_00For did you realize that, or is it like after the fact you kind of step back and were like, oh, that's why God was so I was after the fact. So the hurt of not getting these roles or the roles disappearing in that moment feels like okay, why you know this is what you want, God. Why, you know, why why do you keep turning him down?
SPEAKER_02And then now later you can step back and insight is so true 2020. I mean, like it is so true that you see things later on. I I yeah, I was pissed. Yeah, I was oh so I know you weren't mad. I was so mad. I don't think you talked to me for a while. I well, I feel like you weren't talking to me. Oh that's really where it started from. It was like here, it was like we had gotten so close, and it was like I want you to have I I think it'd be great for this job. This job just it kind of evaporated. It just they basically just kind of flexed somebody else into the role um that was already there and it just didn't exist anymore. Um, and I understood and I was fine. I just and I told her, like, I'm fine with this. Yeah. But then I felt like Casey didn't talk to me. I actually felt like a lot of the church people didn't talk to me. And whether that was in my head or was a real thing, it was a lot of people knew. And all of a sudden it was like I had been in this like inner circle, and then I felt like I wasn't.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I felt like what I was doing wasn't changing. I felt like the way I was being received or approached had just kind of also evaporated, like alongside the job that people did too. Um, and that precipitated the the email that I sent to Casey where I was like, hey.
SPEAKER_00Which is gonna be an amazing episode about friendship.
SPEAKER_02Oh, we'll get there, we'll get there. We'll get there. Um see how he brought us back in. Oh, you're so good. I think sometimes. So uh I yeah, that's where I talk, yeah. That's where the whole point of talking and chatting and wanting to do this is because our stories are not unique. No, they feel unique, they feel like we're the only person going through this. I can tell you that we're not. We are absolutely not. Casey and I lived completely opposite lives, leading to where we are now to have been through so much of the same stuff. Yeah, not all the same, but a lot of the same. Yeah. Um, and I know I have been privileged to have a personality that people feel like they can tell me things. And I'm same. No, you're the same because you've been that person for me. I well, yes. But like strangers will come up to me and tell me their life story, and I'm like, okay. It just happens. It happens at restaurants, it happens at stores. I was actually working this morning, and a customer is telling me her life story, and I just we chatted for 20 minutes, and it was it was she was telling about the loss of her husband. It had nothing to do with what I do for my work. It just she needed to talk, and I happen to be someone who could listen. Yep. And this happens to me over and over and over again. And I can't tell you how many times people said, I've just never been able to talk to somebody like this. And part of me is like, oh, I feel honored, but then I'm pissed. Like, what do you mean? The church is out there all over. Why are people uh feel why does sometimes Christianity feel unapproachable?
SPEAKER_00Because there's so much shame that can go with because uh we all man, our b our backgrounds can can hold us up in knots and shame and guilt, and um we can put on a brave face and say that everything is okay, but we're dying inside because we just are too afraid to admit that we're struggling or that we've had a past. And I mean, honestly, that's why we are so open about our stories, about why we um why why we're we're here. And when I say that we're open, I mean we are very, very honest about things that have happened in our lives and things that I have done, you know, to friends or to my husband and or things from my past or ways that I've m messed up my kids or we we've messed up our kids. And it's because we don't want people to think that they're on an island all by themselves. Yeah. And when I started um writing, because one thing that I do is I I write, I write articles or blogs, whatever you want to call them. And um my mom, who is my English teacher, was very proud because she as my English teacher I got a C in her class, which is kind of crazy. But she would tell me that um, Casey, you did not, you I did not give you a C. You earned your C. Oh, such such an English teacher. Yes, such an eighth-grade English teacher. But and you talked about this earlier about this generation of not telling things. And my mom was very much like that, where you just put on the spray face and you, if everything on the outside looks perfect, then it doesn't matter what's happening on the inside. So now here I am, you know, ripping open that band-aid and bleeding and sharing all of the junk that his that I have done or things that um have happened to me. And my mom said to me, I'm so proud of you, but do you do you really need to to say all of that? Do you can you just can you not? And I'm like, no, I I have to. And it really was when you say that itch, it really was that itch of like, I have to say this. Like I have to be open and honest and share these stories because I don't want anyone to live in the shame that I lived in for so long.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Same.
SPEAKER_02Same. And so that's why we want to open this up to you. Yeah. Anyone who's listening, um, if you have felt like you can't walk into a place and be exactly who you are, if you feel like you have walked into a room and can't share your stuff, if your kids are going through something, you and your spouse have gone through something, like you are not alone. Yep. Not at all. But I get why you feel like you can't share it. Yeah. Because you're afraid of being judged. And why are you afraid? Because people have probably judged you.
SPEAKER_00And I think for us, even at our age, as we get older women, women of a certain age, we feel like we're discarded. Yeah. We feel like they're always looking for the younger, the prettier, the skinnier, the smaller version of who we are. And, you know, when we struggle with things in our lives, we look to the Bible. And when we look to the Bible for women of our age, there just isn't very many examples of that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, we see, you know, Elizabeth was infertile, and while neither n neither of us want to go through the Elizabeth stage again of finding out we're pregnant again. No. Um, no, I think I probably relate more to um the woman who was reaching for Jesus' robe who bled uncontrollably.
SPEAKER_00That I understand. But I love what you said when we were talking about this before about all the different women, because you do have the woman who who is, you know, who is bled, and the women who were infertile and the women who um were called to lead, the women from all different stages and hormones, and God was there with them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And we don't necessarily see the subtext of all of that, but we know this stuff existed. Yes. And we are, at least Casey and I, we're not living under the generation where we sweep things under the rug anymore. No. We are beating our rugs out the front door, and like our husbands and our children might not be happy about it. I know.
SPEAKER_00We're sharing all the Stuff that we have been through that we will say we ask permission from both of our from our children and our husbands before we share. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um when we say that we want to hear your stories, yeah, it's because they hold value. Yeah. And you didn't walk through what you walk through to hold it by yourself and to hold on to that hurt. I can tell you that when I started using my voice, things started to change. Um I'm not gonna tell you it's always easy. We are not promised um perfect, easy lives. No, even though the Instagram filters of, you know, the perfect kids and the perfect staged family photos and all of these things, like real life, just that that's hard. And those are super manufactured. We have not taken one family fi family picture that I am like, wow, we are we've got it together. Any picture of all five of us smiling, there has been curse words. Oh, there has been threats, um, there have been bribes, um, anything to kind of just get that, you know, like that Christmas card photo, you know what I mean? Like, you know, like this is what's great. No, I mean, like we've argued, there have probably been near tears um to get that. And that is just so minor in comparison to the things that we have been through. All in all, just life is not easy. And we've been through stuff. I mean, listen, um, can I say we've been through some shit? Can I say that here? Sure can. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um I'm more impressed that you cussed and not me, because I'm the cusser and I I have adorable. I'm I think I actually did drop something before I didn't.
SPEAKER_02I didn't hear it. Great. But I will say, I will tell my kids this. Listen, sometimes a curse word is the most appropriate word. It's not usually, it's not even often, but sometimes that is the most appropriate word. And I would tell you that going through some of the stuff and some of the seasons that I have walked in myself and I've walked with my friends with, there is no better word to describe it than we've walked through some shit. Yeah. And who's walking alongside of us? Jesus. Whether you believe it or not. Whether you believe it or not. And he is there, he's in the thick of it with us.
SPEAKER_00And that's what I love about what we're doing is it even if you don't believe in Jesus, He's still there. He's still there. He's waiting. Man, you're you're welcome here. I'm super excited for you guys to listen.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So we want to hear your stories. Oh, yes. We want you to be on with us, and we can do things in so many different ways. Um, you may not be the super transparent, vulnerable, want to share your full name, social security number, and story. No, we're not asking you for all of that. First ball. Blood type. Blood type. Um, but your stories, what you've walked through, could be the thing that helps somebody else get through it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So we want you to share what you have been through, whether you're going through it, you've already been through it. I will tell you, we've been a little more somber today. Yeah, normally we're we must be in our feels. We I well, yeah, I cried. So we're a little bit in our feels today, but I will tell you that most of the time we're sharing this because we want to be relatable and we laugh constantly. You say laugh and then we automatically laugh. Yeah. I it's that uncomfortable. Yeah, it is it's that uncomfortable thing of like, you know, like when you say like laugh at a funeral, you know what I mean? Like when things are uncomfortable, like humor is my that's what I go to.
SPEAKER_00I mean, we're we have a whole episode about death and and laughing. Yeah. So Okay, I know that sounds horrible, but it was my mother. It's a whole story. And I know she's in heaven laughing at me right now.
SPEAKER_02Yes, yeah. So listen, here's the deal. If you go to our website, it's kinda preachy.com, there is a little microphone in the bottom right-hand corner. You can send us a message, like literally record on your phone and leave us an audio message that we can. It can be encouragement. It can be something you were like, hey, I want to say something on the podcast, and we will pop it in here. Yep. Um, there is a place for you to say, I want to share my story. And that could mean you come on with us. It can mean we do a zoom, it can mean we can do a phone call. It can mean you can type out your story and we'll share it for you because you're just not ready to say who you are publicly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But can I ask us, can I ask a question, Stephanie? Always. Always. Um, I'm raising my hand. I don't know why. I don't know why. It is it is so ingrained in me. I used to do that in meetings too. I love it. Um, yes, Casey. Thank you for calling on me, Stephanie. Um, what kind of stories?
SPEAKER_02Listen, we wanna we want to talk about everything. Um we pla we plan for this to be a long-term thing. So I I don't think we're out of stories anytime soon. Um, we've both shared, we've had some rocky times in our marriage. Yep. Um, we're gonna share bits and pieces of that as we go. You're gonna learn maybe more than anything you've ever wanted to learn about us. Yeah. Um, but listen, um, addiction, affairs, um singleness, marriage, divorce, parenting. I don't think there is any sub friendships. Friendships, yeah. Um, I don't think any of that is you can even talk about work hurts or a trade. Oh, gosh, all the hurts. All the hurts. You know, but what we're looking for is you've been through it and you've come out of it. Yeah. So when we say the little tagline of hope, humor, and hot flashes, it's like we want to walk through the stages with you. We want to share how you got through things. Um, next week we're gonna share more about our testimonies and how we've walked through some certain things in our lives. Um I can tell you that we have laughed and we have cried. Um we're here for each other. Yeah. And we want you to know that we want to be here for you too. And I don't know the connections and divine appointments that God's making through us for you guys. Um, all we know is that God told us to start a podcast. He didn't say, here's a built-in audience. He didn't say, like, here's a stack of money to help you. There is no money. There's nothing. There's nothing. It's just Casey and I um are hot flashes and these two microphones trying to figure this out. And thank goodness for Elena, who is gonna try and make this all come together so you can actually hear it. Yeah. Um, yeah, they're just gonna be a good one. She's gonna make it sound so amazing. She's so good. She's so good. I'm already so proud of her. Um, but that's that's where we are. So you're gonna hear about our our weeks. You're gonna hear our banter, we're gonna get on side tangents and off track. Clearly, because we've already done that. But if not, we're gonna believe that, you know, there was something that God wanted out of that. Yes. And even if it's just to put a smile on each other's face, you know what? Maybe you need to hear that too. So if you have just felt like you don't have your people, or maybe you have your people, then send it to this, send this podcast to them because guess what? They're probably our people too. They definitely are our people. They are our people. So that's that's kind of where we're at. So this podcast, we are gonna come every Monday. Yep. Every Monday, a new one will be released. And honestly, we're so excited to do this with you for you. Um, all the things. So until next week, let's keep it uh kind of greedy. All right, see you next week. Three, two, one. No, we're not, because I totally lost track. Let's just pretend that again, Lane. When you listen to this, you will be like your mom is so professional. This is why we work with family only. This is fine.
SPEAKER_00A hundred, a hundred percent. A hundred, a hundred.
SPEAKER_02Is it bad when it says keep it at a hundred? I'm like, Taylor, Taylor, new Taylor lyric, new Taylor Swift lyrics.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if you've seen the new Heights podcasts where Jason is like, so would and he goes, I'm worried about you admitted that.
SPEAKER_02No, do not snort in your microphone. Okay, we're serious. All right, we are very serious, Lane. You're gonna skip past all of this.
