The one where we PIVOT!

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome back, everybody. It's week two. We did it. We made it. We made it. There's a song, I think, right there that I can't think of the name. Looks like we made it. Come on. Oh, wait. We come up, baby. We have to stop before people like cheer. This could be the end. They're done. But week two, hey, I'm Casey Bryant. And alongside me is my good friend. I'm Steph Moore. And this is your week two podcast of Kind Preachy. And so we just want to kind of go. I guess right now we're going to talk about our weeks, highs and lows. Is that what we're going to do?

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Yeah, let's do a little high low action here. Um what was your high? This is sad because I think my low for the week is a lot more obvious to me than my high.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

So I 100% agree on that. 100% agree.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

So let's do low high first. All right. So go low.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

My my low. My low is um my youngest daughter, Faith. She has her very first cheerleading competition this Sunday. And so she had her last practice before the competition on Thursday. And I um go pick her up and she says, Mom, where were you? And I go, What? She's like, Parents were allowed to come back to watch the last half hour of practice to see our full out for our cheers. Worst mom ever. So then I'm scrolling through to figure out what did I miss? What did I miss? Oh yeah. At the end of the email that we got, it said, parents can come at five o'clock to watch the last part. So total mom fail. I felt horrible. And she kept saying, I can't believe that. That's so bad. Mom, you're a bad mom. You're a bad mom. Oh no. She knows how to lay on that guilt so thick.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

I feel better than any other kid. Oh, yes, it is. So what was yours? Okay. My low was I don't know if I was a rock star wife this week. Actually, I know I was not. Very clear that I was not. But um my husband and I we kind of got into a little argument today and my kids overheard. Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Which are you do you try not to let your kids hear you guys fight?

SPEAKER_02 2:13

I don't mind if they hear us banter and disagree. I think that's healthy.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Um, we generally don't raise voices when we fight. I that's just not even generally who we are. Okay. Um, but we had an argument. Uh he said something, I disagreed, and um I should say he has a high stress job. And I and when I do know when he gets upset sometimes that he's really not upset at me. Yeah. And so I can take it. Um, but my kids don't understand that. And so I walk back to the hallway and I was checking on Abby and she just has tears streaming down her face, and she's like, Are you guys gonna be okay? Which in one And Abby is your youngest. She is my youngest, she's 13. Okay. And uh That is such also, I think, like a third child. I check on her, I go downstairs, I check on Elena, and she is also Oh my gosh, um, like they don't like to hear us fight, and I should say that's just not a normal yeah. And what a blessing that in like we've been married for 23 years that my kids, like, we have one argument and they're like, oh my gosh, house of cards fallen down. And you're like, no, we're fine. No, no, no, we are fine. We're fine. Um, that was that. But I I hated that they heard it. I hated that it worried them. Um, but also I was really thankful that they I'm not thankful they felt like we were getting a divorce right away. But it did make me think like, wow, like there's so many kids in families that like this is this is their norm. This is an and and what we did was so minor, but that that's not what they've experienced, that they were so worried by it. So I had to have conversations with my kids this week all separately of like, I promise we're okay. Anyway, that was my low. I don't like to have to apologize. I mean, I will apologize to them. Yes. I was in the wrong. We're both in the wrong. So there's that. So what's your high? Oh gosh. Okay, I'm gonna say the high of this week was all of the reaction to this podcast so far. Yes. I I I mean, I'm gonna have to agree with that's my high. Because you and I were texting day of. So we would kind of release it on Sunday night, and we are both nail biting, you know. And she sends me a text, did anybody listen to it? And so I'm logging into honestly, we still don't know. We still don't know. I logged into Apple and it says it will be available in 24 hours. And to this day, we are almost a week in. It's still not available. I know how many people listened on the website. So thanks for those 20 people. It is 54 at this point. 54 people. So whether this is for fit the 54 people that listened, thank you, or if it's been 154. I we don't know. And I just think, wow, that is probably a God thing because the whole point of this is we weren't supposed to focus on numbers.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Yes. Because I I I get stressed out for even from my from my job, my working in ministry, like I would get totally stressed out about numbers.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Well, data was important. Our output, you know, like we owe everything had an instrument of measure.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

And not even that, like, I think we can even get, I don't know. I can admit that that even likes on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok, like how many people are liking my videos or or my picture or my my content, whatever I'm putting out there.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

And I will say that one of the things that a friend texted me and she's like, Well, how's it going? Are you having listeners? And I was like, Well, I don't know. Um Maybe. We think so. Um and I said, but I said, I would appreciate shares. And she took that as um, I was looking for someone to share the podcast like publicly. Oh. And I thought, oh. So when we say share this, if you want to share public, that's fine. We realize that a lot of the stuff that we talk about is of a nature of that maybe you don't want to share right now. And so if you want to just like share this in a text message, if you want to DM somebody, if in a personal conversation, like that is also sharing.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Oh, I agree. And probably even maybe a little bit better. We're yeah. So a little more comfortable to to share with a friend than it is to your whole entire Facebook friend list.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Which let's be honest, not everybody sees, like, you only see a handful of people, I swear.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

But we got such really great feedback. There were people who put reviews on the website already. I just approved another one this morning. Did you see mine? Casey reviewed our own podcast. Are we not allowed to do that? Five stars. I did, of course. I agree. I'm gonna go do it too. I as we should. We should be able to. Somebody else joined that so we don't want the total loser.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

But I did have a question. Okay. Somebody, I was having coffee with one of my friends this past week, and she she's like, I was laughing, you know, things that you guys talked about. I was like, oh my gosh, maybe not in the exact same way, but I I I've been through that. I identity crisis of leaving a job and am I still, you know, that that position because that was my identity for so long. But she did have a question. Okay. Her question is she wants to know way more about Utah because this whole Christian, she's like, is it was she in a cult? Like, was it cultist church? Like, I I don't know. I need to know more information about this whole Utah.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Okay. I well, what I would love to talk more about Utah, but I will address the two questions. I was not in a cult.

unknown 7:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

I was in a Lutheran church and I went to a Lutheran high school.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Okay. Um, so I'm pretending I know what Lutheran means. It's just a denomination, you know.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

I mean I know it's a domin denomination. Like what what Lutheran would be diet Catholic. Okay. Okay. So we pray directly to Jesus. And we uh so there's a little bit of difference on the sacraments. Okay. So that's you know, we always say, you know, diet Catholic, Catholic light, you know, there's so no drinking? No, no, very much there is drinking. Oh, there is drinking. There is drinking. Okay, okay. Um, yeah, the only difference is really the difference in the sacraments um and our uh not so into the saints and Mary.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Okay, great. So that would be the um bottom line, not a cult. Not discounting my Catholic friends, by the way. No. That's just the kind of delineation of trying to like explain m what that denomination was like. Um yeah, so not in a cult. However, um, cults are my favorite subject. I mean, I feel like maybe we have to go down that. So here's okay. Road sometime. Uh, I'd love to. If you've been a cult. Can you can you hit us up? Because we would love to hear your story. Actually, uh speaking of hearing stories, yes, uh, we had a few people reach out to us of like, we have stories to share. Or I don't know if somebody would want to hear my story. Yes, yes, they do. Yes, they do. I we want to hear their story. I don't know if I touched on this. We practiced an episode. Yes, we do. So I don't know if it was on our practice or if I covered it last week. Um, to be honest, I almost like put a bag over my head and my hand over my ears because I was so terrified to listen. Um, I did, but I was I was nervous. So if you have gone through something, if you're going through something, if you're still searching, your story matters. It's not just for you. I d honestly believe that we go through things to be something for somebody else someday. Not and the divine appointments that God sets up to me is crazy. Because I guarantee you you will run into somebody and there is a place in your life that you, man, has just been the Ross of hurt, but it will be used for the good of somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

No, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

So not that he causes, you know, the things, but all the things are for his good. Yes. So if you have a story, if you have a comment, if you have an encouragement, if you have a uh just anything, agree with us, don't agree with us. There is um on our website, there's a place for you to contact us. There's a place to register as a guest. And I really think the coolest thing on there is there are a little, there's a little microphone in the bottom of the website. If you click on that, you can send us an audio message. Which I love that.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

And so how do they find our website? It's on it's kinda preachy.com.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

That's it. Oh, okay. And then I guess I should say the other two. I do know that.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Okay. I I just sounded like I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

I I really did know that. She knows. I know. Um, but I appreciate you like deferring to me. That was so nice. Um, but if you go on there, there's lots of places to communicate with us. And I guess I should also say, you don't a lot of people listen directly on the website. You can do that, you can continue that. All of them will end up being up there. But if you go on, if you normally listen on Apple or Spotify, um, we're not all of these things. I don't know how to you can actually subscribe to our You can. Because I did. I was so I was so excited when I did that. I'm like, oh my gosh, we can do that. Yeah, we can do that. So you can subscribe. Now I I can't tell because we can't view the analytics. I don't know if you're listening over there, but um you yeah, it's available. So yeah, so wherever you listen to your podcast, we are available. That is such your radio voice right there. Did you like it? I did like it. Okay. So we thought today we would talk about pivot stories. Yes. And by pivot, I the first thing in my head, and if you are around our age, you are probably thinking of Ross and Rachel and Chandler. Um Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. Um, with a couch and a stairwell. And I don't know about any of you, but God speaks to me in the honestly the craziest way. So every time I see that episode in a repeat, I'm like, how many times have we thought we are going for something? We are well prepared, we are planned out, you know, and at this point, like Ross is buying this couch and he was like, This is the couch of my dreams. This is this is what is going to work. And you've planned, you've saved, you've purchased, you've done all the things to prep for this. And all it's just need to move it in. Yeah. And the whole thing ends up breaking.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Well, and he did it on purpose. And sometimes we do that. Sometimes we we break ourselves trying to fit into a different mold.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yes. Welcome to our next podcast where we find the spiritual meaning of friends. Uh, just kidding. But I was thinking of just stories in our lives that we have been well prepped for something. We feel like we it's going in a certain direction and roadblock that there is something has changed and we have to pivot. It is not what we saw coming. Yeah. And what do we do with that? So I'm gonna let you want to go first?

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah, I can go first. And I think what we were talking about before is because we kind of mentioned part of our stories and just kind of expanding more upon them from last week. Yeah. So it it made the most sense for us. And for for me, it's um because I talked about last week about my marriage and why I ended up going to church. I went to church just because my marriage was falling apart. And all of that is true. And um, I I will say I want to start off with, you know, um, my my family, actually, my my dad's side of the family has this history going back generations where the um dad will have an affair, cheat, leave the first wife, marry the second wife, and start over and forget the first family altogether. And so we call that generational sin or um strongholds. There's there's many names for it. And and the and uh probably every family has something, but that's just so well known and so well documented in my family. And um, so when my marriage came to to blows when it when it was blowing up and my husband had said to me, you know, um, I want a divorce. And how long had you been married at that point? Well, that's a great question. We were married, I mean, six, seven years. So right at that itch, right at that, you know, that turning point, we had um bought a house because we were living with my parents. And so we thought in our minds, if we buy a house and get out of my parents' house, because that's a whole different situation. It's I mean, I could write novels with my family, but at that point in time, my parents were remarried after 16 years of divorce, and so we were living with them because my dad did have an affair, he left my mom, married another woman. We didn't see him for 16 years, and then he came back.

unknown 15:30

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

And so I didn't see him until after I graduated from college, or actually, my graduation, college graduation was our first family picture with my dad in in the picture. Wow, that's heavy. It is, and I'm probably laughing about it because it's just it's it's really a story for another time. Yeah. But so glossing over that. And now people are going, wait, I want more information about that.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

What do you mean? Unfortunately, unfortunately, our stories of pain are never ending. They really aren't, and they're ongoing. They're ongoing. Yeah, never ending, ongoing. I promise. We're not done with our stories. No.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

But so um, so we were about seven years in, we we it was not easy having two kids, two young kids, one under one, because I just had torn my son, and then Belle was two. And so, you know, we made a huge financial decision and just moved into bought a house. One that we really couldn't afford, but we did it anyway. And so when you move problems from one problem to another problem, it just it just keeps going and going and going. And so he literally said, I want a divorce, and he slammed the door and walked out the door. And I was relieved because I was like, Man, I get to start over. I saw my mom do it, and I've seen, you know, my dad's side of the family, you know, I knew they did it, so I get to start over, and I can raise these kids on my own, I'll be fine. But out of desperation of not knowing this is really what I want, I had a friend who said, Why don't you come to church? And so I did, which brought me to the church that I attended for the last 18 years. And I remember that it was this moment because my very first service was a baptism service. And when I'm talking baptism service at a large church, it is like a giant pool on the stage.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Wait a minute, can I interrupt this? Yes, you can for one moment because I want to share my f we'll just make this really quick. Um, I visited this church when I was in college, okay? Uh-huh. And uh in the original building before it had all before it had all the bells and whistles. Um, and it was a baptism service my very first time I visited it too.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Really?

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Yes. Wouldn't it be funny if it was the same one? That'd be crazy. Um, I don't think it is, but I went with my friend. We came, we drove up because we're like, man, God's really doing something here in Cincinnati. Like, let's let's go, let's go check it out. So we go, we we come up, it's a baptism service, and uh we just really hadn't had a lot of large mega church experience at this point. And two people were being baptized together at the same time, which I had never seen. Oh yeah. And all I thought was log flume. That was not what was going through my brain. No, no, no, no. I just it's so when you say you mentioned that the the like the the hot tub pools, things, it would look looked like a feed trough at that point. Like kind of like that oval, like that's what's what the baptismal font sort of font. That's not it, that is so not what they call it. No, baptismal. That would be my Lutheran upbringing. You know, I grew up in a sprinkle church, not not an immersion church. Yeah, this is immersion full-on dunking, like you're full-on getting wet. Yeah, oh my goodness. But anyway, log flume was what came to mind. Um, go on.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Well, that was not my I I did not. When I saw the baptism, I was not thinking log flume. You were not. I was not. I one, I saw these people, and this was my very first experience of seeing a full immersion baptism in a period. Like I had no idea. So seeing a giant pool on stage, seeing people going underneath the water and coming up. But what struck me the most was when they were coming up out of the water, they were crying, but crying full of joy. Yeah. And they were um pumping their fists in the air and and you know, saying, you know, thank you, Jesus, and you know, just tears of of joy, tears of happiness. And you could see the transformation on these people. And I remember sitting there, because this is a service where the the woman, you know, took my kids back and sat next to me. She never said a word to me, but I just felt comforted. I remember thinking with this woman next to me, like I could go down there and and get baptized, but I have no idea what what that means. I like I I want that, I want that joy, I want that feeling in my life, but I have no idea how to do it. And so I just kept coming to church. And my husband at the time was on um third shift. He was a police officer, so he was working third shift. So the kids and I would get up on Sunday morning and we would come to church. I would sit and I would listen. And it was the first time that church made sense to me. Because right, I went until I got confirmed, so I went until I was 13-ish. But all these stories were always so disconnected. Yeah. Where they were talking about one one service, they were talking about David, and they were talking about King David, you know, and then David and Goliath, and it like my brain exploded because I was like, What? That's the same David? Because I just had no idea. Because for me, they were always just separate stories. I had no idea that it was just one continuous story, and most of these people, actually, all of them, are connected somehow. And so it was just this, you know, fire hose of just learning and wanting to get more information. And for six months, it was just me and the kids until my husband woke up one day and he's like, Yeah. He's like, I need I need to know what you're doing. He's like, I I I I'm pretty sure you're going to a cult. He did. He he he said the C word, he said the cult word. Yeah. And so I remember because I was so afraid that he was gonna say you can't go anymore. So I was like, You keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself until we walk out the door. And I I don't know what was said in that first service for for Doug, but I looked over at him and he is crying. And he was an a atheist. Uh to to to the core.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

And um when he was in his marine days, I'm going to tell on him, but he shared the story, so I feel like I can do that. But when he was a Marine, he would see street preachers, you know, the ones that are raising, you know, fire and brimstone, you know, hell's coming. You know, repent and and be saved. And he would punch them.

unknown 22:29

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

I don't know what I thought you might say a triple sentence.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

But was that that?

SPEAKER_01 22:35

But that's I mean, that's that's who Doug was. He did not have great experience in church, and so he went to the far end. And so now he's coming to this very large church, and all of a sudden his his his guard's down and like and and like his everything changed for him. And he the next baptism, he got baptized.

unknown 22:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Which was crazy. Wow. Crazy. And I was freaking pissed when he got baptized because I I wasn't there yet. I'm like, how he's been coming, I've been coming for six months. He comes for what one time, and all of a sudden he's all in. He's all in reading the King James version of the Bible. Because you know, if you're gonna read the Bible, you gotta read the King James version. Oh, is that what he thought? Yeah. Oh, I'm an NIV girl all the way. But um I'm an NLT girl right now. How are you? A little bit. A little bit. Okay. And um whatever version is the best version for you. Is what I always say. Whatever version you like. Sometimes it's a message, sometimes it's we're just happy you're reading. Really, really. I well, I'm happy.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

Well, I mean, obviously the Lord's happy. He wants us, yeah, he wants us to be in on it. But I mean, if you want us to co-sign being proud of you, we are.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

And so he's reading, you know, he's reading his Bible. He's, you know, we're it he's just he w he jumped all in, and I'm just so upset. And so then in my mind, I think the best way to get to to God and to understand and to get to Jesus, to get to more knowledge and for for Jesus to be, you know, in my heart is to do the work. And so I start volunteering, we start volunteering, we start tithing. Well, I wouldn't say tithing, we started giving because, you know, like hey, one percent and then two percent. We slowly until we got up to a tithe, which took for us for a while. And then um we started volunteering in a marriage class, and then we started leading a marriage class, and that's when, and this this was going on for for years of just trying to earn my way into um into God's heart. And I remember when we the first time that Doug and I were asked to teach at this marriage class, I just felt this overwhelming fear, this overwhelming guilt of you're just an imposter. And because what um I didn't tell Doug, and what no one no one knew because I didn't tell anybody is when our marriage years ago was in the it was in the crapper, and he was saying divorce, and then we started this process, I had had an affair, but I was able to suppress it because you know our marriage is good, and now I want to fight for our marriage. And so we the but the closer we got to God, the closer our marriage got, man, it was coming back up. That affair kept coming back to my mind. And I remember the um one time I heard from God, and it wasn't even it wasn't me. Like I didn't hear from God. It was actually Doug heard from God, and he said, Hey, I was praying, which still for me was still weird that we were still rocking your world a little. Still, like even doing this years, it was still kind of weird because we were still kind of new to all of this. And he was like, I was praying, and I heard very clearly that God say that you need to quit your job.

unknown 26:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

And so I did. It was the first time that I obeyed God, and it wasn't even something that God said to me, it was through Doug. Because I I probably wasn't ready. And so the next day I put in notice and I knew exactly what God was saying to me, which it's time to deal with the affair. And for the next year and a half, I would hear every day, you need to tell Doug. And I would get down on my hands and knees and I would pray and I'd be like, God, I'm begging you, please forgive me. Please don't make me tell him. Don't make me tell him. And he would and I yes, and I would hear God say, I forgive you, but you have to tell Doug. And I'd be like, No, I can't do it. And he'd be like, Okay. I would do that for a year and a half. I was reading books because I had to get over my own, my own mind. Like it was so bad. I couldn't go to bed at the same time as Doug. I would have to wait for him to go to sleep, and then I would go to sleep because I just couldn't get rid of the shame and the guilt that was so overwhelming. And then it was one night in April 2013, and I was laying in bed, and I heard God say very clearly to me, now is the time. Now is the time over and over again. And when I say I hear from God, I don't hear this Morgan Freeman voice, even though that'd be freaking fantastic. But you know it's God because it might as well be audible. No, in my br in my head, it was very audible. Yeah, it was very audible. It it wasn't, it was just like this thought of just this voice thought that I could hear over and over again saying, now is a time, now isn't time. And I knew what God was saying. It's like today's tonight's tonight, you gotta do it. And I um and I would get up and I would go to the bathroom, I would throw up, and then I would come back down, lay down, and I would hear it again, now is a time. And then I did the stupidest thing that you could ever, ever do, which is bargain with God. I know you shouldn't do it because if you bargain with God, you gotta be prepared. You gotta be prepared that He is going to answer and He's gonna say, Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

And I think we've all probably said, God, if you just do the, you know. Yeah. And I said, God you let me do this or you do this for me. Uh huh.

unknown 28:29

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 28:30

Yes. We've all done it at the end.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

We've all done it. And I said that night, I said, God, I said, if Doug wakes up right now, I will tell him. Did he shoot straight up? He yes. I thought he was so funny. He is so funny. I hear Doug say, what's going on? What's wrong? And I said to him, Um I go, I'm sorry, I had an affair. I I mean, I just I just spit it out. It was two o'clock in the morning. And he looked at me and he said, Okay, I forgive you.

unknown 29:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

And I go, what? I go, what do you mean you forgive me?

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Not knowing any details. You hadn't even like, I mean, it could have been Tuesday. Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

He didn't he knows nothing. Wow. Um, he's and I said that. I'm like, how how how I said, you have every reason to divorce me. It even says so in the Bible. Like, you have every right to divorce me. And he's like, No matter what you do, I will always run after you. Oh. And so then he prayed for us. And so he said, Um, God, if I forgive her and you forgive her, you know, no one has the right to hold shame or guilt. Please, you know, let all of those things be released. Um, and thank you for my wife. She's she is a gift to me. Oh my gosh. He says that, and I still doubt him.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

And you hadn't released yourself of all the shame and guilt.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

No, of course I didn't. Of course I didn't. And so I rip off my clothes. So I am in my bed, in my bedroom, completely naked, looking at Doug. And I am physically naked, spiritually naked, emotionally naked, like everything that you can think of. And I look at him and I said, How can you still love this? And he said, Let me show you. Oh. I know. Well he did. Go, Doug. I know, I know. That's that's the the I mean, honestly, that that's that's God.

unknown 30:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

And I remember waking up the next morning, and I woke up and the this boulder on my shoulders, and I remember, oh my gosh, I had an affair. And then I remember, wait, he knows, he knows, and he forgave me. And it was finally what I understood that I didn't get trying to earn my way to God's heart, was there was nothing that I could do to earn my way. It was by the grace of Jesus, it was by his grace, and it was um understanding that I just had to be willing to run towards God, to put myself out there, and it was nothing that I could do to earn it, I just had to be willing to accept his love. And that night is as we know, is when we conceived our last child, which is why she's named Faith, because it wasn't total faith of Doug and um God that we have her. And after that, after that night, there was only one question that he asked me about the affair. And the only question he asked me was, he said, Did it happen on this date? And I said, Yes, why? He's like, Don't you remember? That's the night that I had that dream. And I don't know if you've ever had dreams where you feel like you're being held down and you can't, you're like you feel paralyzed in these dreams. Yeah. And he and he had this dream where he felt like he was being like something was holding him down, he was paralyzed, he couldn't move. Um, and it's like that weird state of like, am I dreaming? Is this real? I don't know. I feel like I'm in my bedroom. And he's like, Well, there was something and it said to me, I heard it, I've got her now. Oh my gosh. And he's like, and then I woke up, but I woke up on the floor. There was sweat and spit everywhere in our room. It was crazy. So that's part of part of his his story of what happened. But for me, it was like that's total guilt that I caused that. But honestly, that's the only thing he's ever asked me. And people always say, How can he forgive you so quickly? Like that's the number one question we always get. And he always says that, you know, if God can forgive me for all the stuff that I did, and he's like, I did a lot, a lot of bad stuff, then what right do I have to hold anything over Casey? So that was our like our big pivotal moment. And one reason why it's a big pivotal moment, because soon after I confessed to Doug, I met with my dad. And I went to lunch with my dad, and I um we were sitting at Panera, and I told him the whole story, my my the whole story that I just shared with you. And I looked him in the eyes and I said, It ends with me. I messed up, but I I I it ends with me. Like this will not happen with my children. They won't see, they won't go through what I went through. So that was for us was like the big pivotal moment of for generations that were, you know, of just breaking that, of staying together, even though, you know, in all reality, looking at it, like we should never, like, if if it wasn't for God, if it wasn't for the grace of Jesus, if it wasn't for us fighting for our marriage, we would be divorced. And he says that all the time. It it took years for me to confess because any earlier he would have divorced me. Because the gr the grudge, the anger, the he he wouldn't have been able to get through it, but he had to go through his own stuff for a while to get to that point too.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Which is I'm when you hear people say, like, God's timing is perfect. I know. You're like, no, it's not, but really it is. It really is. It really is. I should say I've heard you tell versions of the story multiple times.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

You have heard the story multiple times.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

I I still get goosebumps. Um, because he's the king of restoration and like of redemption.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Blows my mind every time. When I turn 40, I have on my foot a tattoo that says Redeemed in Love. Because it's just for me, just a reminder that every day that I walk, every day that I put my foot forward, that God has redeemed me and He loves me. Oh wow. That was thank you for sharing.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Of course. Um, I think we're just gonna share your story for today because I don't want to follow that.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

No, no, that's not true.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

But can I ask you like a couple follow-up questions? Because I didn't really want to interrupt you.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Um Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

So in this kind of restoration story, yes, you know, we know that obviously you're still married and you know, three years he's done miraculous things. Um, how does that story fit into your your marriage now? How does Doug feel about you sharing this part of your story?

SPEAKER_01 35:45

I would he's he's used to it because I share it, I actually haven't shared in a long time, but we we used to share it together for for a while, and we've shared it multiple places. And for him, um, I mean, it's really a question you're gonna have to ask him, but also at the same time, it's our our marriage story, and anytime we get to share it, anytime that um somebody hears for hears it and helps or saves their marriage, and people, because that has happened to us multiple times where we have shared the story and people have come up to us later and similar situations, and or or a confession has happened out of it and um and then restoration happens with them. And so it's it's just for us, it's just an opportunity to hopefully help and heal other marriages and let them know that an affair doesn't necessarily have to mean it's the end all be all.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Now, I don't think necessarily that all, you know, an affair is not everybody's story, but I think anybody who is in a marriage can say uh they identify with struggles, that there's secrets, there's things. What would be like your top advice to someone who has a secret in their marriage?

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Oh my gosh, that's that's a great question. And it's a scary question because not everybody is comfortable going right away to their spouse. Well, clearly you weren't. Clearly, I was not. It took me years. Um, and I would even say is is talking to somebody who is a person of that you trust. And probably even I would say going to a to a therapist to ask for for advice and steps, because there are there are many situations where um our our our forgiveness and us coming out of this is unusual. And I know that. Like most people do not forgive their, even people who who believe in God and have their whole entire life and and something like this happens, whether it's an affair or financial struggles, or you know, they had a gambling addiction or alcohol addiction that they hit, or you know, porn addiction that they've hid for years, and the spouse they confess and the spouse doesn't know it's like not always comes out well. And most of the time or some of the time can't end in divorce. I know that mine and Doug's story is really rare and really different. And um, but also um if you keep it secret, if you keep it hidden, it festers and it grows. So it has to come out. It has to, you have to speak it out. I uh and there's people who will say, if you confess to somebody, then you confess. And I heard that because I um, you know, when I was confessing to God, God was very clear with me that I had to tell my husband because that was just our our path. And I don't know the right path, but I do know that you a confession is needed. You can't hide it. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 39:04

Uh that makes total sense. And and honestly, as I as I'm hearing you say these things, I know we're in reference to your your marriage story, but also there's been so much that is um, I think that's just unique to all stories with sin.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

Yeah. Well, because we want to hide the hide the stuff that we do. We don't want anyone to see the crap, the the bad stuff. You know, even even for myself, I wanted to hide it for myself because uh like all of the names that people want to tell me that of of who I am, I've said them to myself. I've called myself a whore, I've called myself, you know, all of the all of the things, a slut, a horrible person, you know, I'm all of those things, I I've said them to myself.

SPEAKER_02 39:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

And um, I mean, I I know I know why. You know, it doesn't take a genius to to figure out one, why I married a man who is because Doug is older than I am, why I married and he's a cop is because I didn't have a a father figure in my life. So of course I married a a you know a big strong man who's a protector. And you know, when things fail, it's not takes a genius to why I ran out, because that's what I that's what I was taught. Yeah. But for to to break that pattern in in my family, one, I had to have God in my life, not just my life, Doug's life. Yeah. And we had to we had to talk to each other.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Yeah, I think that's one of the the parts of your story that I mean I think just aligns with so much, is that you were making things right with God. Yes. You had confessed, you were forgiven.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

And there was still that element of the you couldn't let it go until you had been, you could to fully release this, you you had, you had to tell. I did. And I don't I know this is gonna resonate with people, and maybe not on an affair, you know, but I think we all have places in our lives where we've had the come to Jesus moment, but maybe the next moment, but we're still harboring the shame.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Uh shame or guilt or whatever, what have you.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Um I'm and it and that's it's it's it's just not an affair. It can be conversations that you had with your friends or your mom or you know, something that happened at work that you're just hiding and letting it fester. And man, that festering is the worst part. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

Um, I I I was doing my um my study time this morning, and um I do a couple. Um, I don't know if we touched on this or not what we do, you know. We both do um the Bible recap every day. We do love some TLC. We do. And um I uh also do um a few church things. Um, but one is the the U Version Bible app, which I I love. And the there was a prayer that came through today. And I just got it so funny the way that he does things, you know, those the whole thing about was you know having to die to ourselves. Yeah. And, you know, I think as a younger Christian, I thought, you know, we had to do that once when you accept the Lord. You die to him. Like, I don't know if I realized um in this walk how many times and how many situations I would have to die to. Yeah. Like every uh every time. Yeah, on the daily, you know, just having to put it down every single day. But I just want to read this prayer that was in there today because it's just yeah. God, my life is yours. Please take every part of it, every area in my life that doesn't honor you, take it. Every insecurity, fear, sin, selfish ambition, and past hurt. I give it all to you. Do your holy and mighty work in me and through me. I'm yours. In Jesus' name, amen.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Amen.

SPEAKER_02 43:19

And I just I don't know. I was thinking about that this morning and knowing that we were gonna come in and record. And what a gift it is to feel transparent, the call to be transparent and vulnerable to share these things because I know how hard it is.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

It it's not easy. And and I really don't like it's not even for myself. It's mainly for my children and my husband. That's like when I share my stories, that's who I'm more nervous about, more so than myself. Because I for me, I'm like, I don't care. Now my husband he'll say he doesn't care. He'll he'll say like he's he. He's he's got a big enough backbone and he loves me. Uh uh he loves me so much.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

But isn't it true that often chronic overshares are partnered with people around them who don't want them to share anything?

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Yes. Um but I I will say, you know, I did finally get baptized. And Doug was the one who who baptized me. Was it a log flim? It was not a log flim. It was in the it was not a very large pool, but it was an individual.

SPEAKER_02 44:31

Oh, can I also just say that uh baptism services are my very favorite thing in the entire world? Um ball my eyes out. Um I love, love, love, love, love them. I don't think but the log flim every time now. But just that first time. Just that first time I saw it, it just was like, ooh, this is this is different. Um, I've also been, you know, I had the full immersion baptism as an adult that I didn't have when I was a kid. Yeah. Um because I felt, like I said, I just felt the call. Like, you know, like I'm so glad my parents made that choice for me as a young child. Um, I wanted to make the choice for myself. Um so I did I did feel a little bit of guilt during some of that sort of like, oh my gosh, here's this beautiful moment for baptism. And I said log flume. But the good news is God is just ignoring the log flume and letting him I think he has a sense of humor. Oh, 100%. I thought it was funny. Uh just kidding. I I I won't tell, I won't say that I know the Lord's sense of humor, but I just know that he has one. Uh yes, he does. Yes, he does. Because he speaks to me um that way uh most often. So again, thank you for sharing your story. Um if it's okay with you, I I'm gonna, I just I think we're at a place that we pause the stories and I share one next week. I I think it's a great idea. Um and again, you all don't want to just hear us banter back and forth about our stories, although we have a lot of them. We do, but we want to hear your stories. We absolutely. And so there's different ways that we can do that. Um, if you're around here, come in, hang out with us, you know, for an afternoon and we can do it together. You want to zoom in, we can do it that way. Um, you just want to write us an email and just say, This is part of my story. I feel called to share it. I don't want my name, I don't want my voice. I just know that God wants to honor this story, but it's just I am not ready to to put my face to it. I think that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

Um And as you said, we're looking, you know, for those stories. They don't have to be these grand affair stories that but just stories that you know, where there was a pivot in your life that you thought you were going towards and God's like, yeah, no, we're gonna go in this direction. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

So I feel like we are probably in a good place to like, this was heavy. Um it was a little heavy, but also really joyful.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

You know, it is joyful because man, God is so good. He is, he is. I mean, that that that little she's now 11 and we're cheering at a trillion competition this week. And you were gonna make it to that next dance. I will make it to that. I am definitely watching. I will be there for the competition. Feel horrific that I did not was that not there for the parent watch. We're not gonna make that mistake again. We're gonna read fully to the bottom of the emails. When I sent her to preschool, I said she's my third child. There is distinct possibilities that I might forget her, and I don't mean to. I I don't. I it's just things, and all of a sudden one day I get a phone call, Casey. Um, are you be supposed are you supposed to be picking up Faith from preschool today? I'm like, crap.

SPEAKER_02 47:48

Um can I do you one better? Oh yes, please. When speaking of the preschool thing, and this is my first kid, so I don't really know what the I don't know what the explanation is here. Um in my mind, I thought preschool just started after Labor Day. She missed her entire first week. No, she did not. I got a call and they said, um, you paid your tuition. We have her enrolled, but she's not shown up. Are you guys okay? And I'm like. I have failed so hard.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

My kid missed her first week of school. It's pre luckily it's preschool. They won't they won't forget. Oh my god. There is an episode of the middle. I don't know if you've ever seen the middle. I have seen. I I don't think I watched the entire thing. Okay, so clearly not as good as friends. Like friends, you know, the middle is hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

Oh, I think I know what you're on your team.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

Because there's an episode where they're sitting in the pool and the neighbor comes by and she's like, What you all doing? They're like, We didn't enjoy our last week. She's like, What do you mean? School started on Monday, it was Friday, and it was like her senior year. It was like the middle, too, of course the middle child senior year. Okay, so I digressed. But to say all that to say, we will make mistakes with our kids. Uh and I have.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

Poor Elena, who's gonna edit this podcast and just now learned she missed her very first week of preschool. Um, my apologies.

SPEAKER_03 49:07

Whoops.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

Oh, goodness gracious. But we do hope to hear from you. We do. We want to hear from you. And um Thanks for listening. Yeah, this is and keep sending, you know, encouraging things. And I'm excited to hear your story next week. Yeah, I I'm I'm thrilled. Um, like I said, I understand a lot of this is sensitive feedback, and it may not look like um the reactions are where you want to share it all publicly. But I will tell you that Casey and I have screenshotted texts back and forth to one each other of the beautiful, wonderful, encouraging things you guys have said. And um it makes the two years of praying about this podcast and putting it on hold and putting it out there, um, it makes it worth it.

SPEAKER_03 49:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

Um, so thank you for indulging us uh and listening. And uh till next week, let's uh say kind of preachy. Keep it kind of preachy. And um again, Elaine, I'm really sorry for missing your first week of school. All right. We'll see you next week. I am so beat red right now.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

I just can't believe you said that on our podcast. With motions. You were motioning me like you were bed.

SPEAKER_02 50:32

I didn't do that motion, by the way. No, like you were like pushing the bed up. I didn't know what motion I thought I was doing.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

Oh gosh, oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. Okay, okay.