March 15, 2026

Community Isn’t Automatic; Finding Your People Again

Community Isn’t Automatic; Finding Your People Again
The player is loading ...
Community Isn’t Automatic; Finding Your People Again
Community Isn’t Automatic; Finding Your People Again

Send a text After talking about church hurt and the temptation to just skate by spiritually, the next question is obvious: If community matters… how do we actually find it again? Rebuilding community after disappointment can feel intimidating. It’s easier to stay guarded, keep things surface-level, or convince ourselves we don’t really need it. But following Jesus was never meant to be a solo journey. In this episode we talk about what healthy Christian community actually looks like, why midl...

Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player icon
Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player icon
Season 2

Send a text

After talking about church hurt and the temptation to just skate by spiritually, the next question is obvious:

If community matters… how do we actually find it again?

Rebuilding community after disappointment can feel intimidating. It’s easier to stay guarded, keep things surface-level, or convince ourselves we don’t really need it.

But following Jesus was never meant to be a solo journey.

In this episode we talk about what healthy Christian community actually looks like, why midlife makes meaningful friendships harder (and more necessary), and how to take small, brave steps toward belonging again.

Because you don’t just stumble into real community.

You awkwardly out yourself out there and build it.

WEBVTT

00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:06.959
Hello and welcome to Kind of Preachy.

00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:07.919
I'm Steph Moore.

00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:10.240
And Oh, she's on the jump.

00:00:11.359 --> 00:00:12.160
She's excited today.

00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:12.960
I was really excited.

00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:14.080
I'm Casey Bryant.

00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:15.279
I was on the jump.

00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:19.760
Maybe because it's Saturday morning and I'm more awake than We are we are awake.

00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:21.120
We are having coffee.

00:00:21.359 --> 00:00:23.519
Is this your second coffee of the day or is this the first?

00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:24.399
This is my second.

00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:25.280
This is my first.

00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:26.640
I'm gonna be brutally honest.

00:00:26.719 --> 00:00:26.879
Yeah.

00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:30.480
I had a coffee because I had a weigh in, so I was trying to poop.

00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:33.600
Come on.

00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:35.520
I'm not the only person who thinks about that.

00:00:35.759 --> 00:00:36.399
You are not?

00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:37.600
But it did not work.

00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:40.079
So all I did was drink calories.

00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:40.719
Oh.

00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:44.640
So I still lost three pounds this month.

00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:46.079
I weighed in today as well.

00:00:46.240 --> 00:00:46.640
Yeah.

00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:48.240
I gained a pound.

00:00:49.359 --> 00:00:50.000
I don't know how.

00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:50.640
I don't know how.

00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:51.359
But you know what?

00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:52.159
It ebbs and flows.

00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:52.560
It's all good.

00:00:52.640 --> 00:00:53.119
It's all fine.

00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:57.840
I and my three pounds was the two pounds that I gained, and then one pound that I lost.

00:00:58.000 --> 00:01:00.880
So in two, in two days I'll probably lose two pounds.

00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:02.399
It's it's not the end of the same thing.

00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:03.119
It's fine.

00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:04.799
But yes, this is my second coffee.

00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:06.079
What does it say?

00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:07.280
You shine.

00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:08.959
Oh, I thought that was a W.

00:01:09.120 --> 00:01:10.560
So I thought You whine?

00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:11.760
You shwine?

00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:12.719
You shwak you.

00:01:13.680 --> 00:01:14.799
But I think that is an N.

00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:16.239
I think it's a you shine.

00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:16.719
It is.

00:01:16.959 --> 00:01:18.159
And I'm I'm a star.

00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:19.359
Oh, isn't that nice?

00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:20.319
Thanks, Starbucks.

00:01:20.560 --> 00:01:20.959
Yes.

00:01:21.599 --> 00:01:23.760
I've heard that they have to write something on everything now.

00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:25.359
Oh, that would annoy the crap out of me.

00:01:25.519 --> 00:01:27.120
I mean for them, like as a worker.

00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:27.680
Yes.

00:01:27.760 --> 00:01:29.680
Mine has always been like enjoy.

00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:30.719
Like it's been nothing.

00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:32.560
This is the first time I've had like actual.

00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:35.120
Which is really kind.

00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:42.079
I I would say that I am not qualified to work at Starbucks, not based on my coffee making ability, because I make really good coffee, but my handwriting is garbage.

00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:43.760
So no one would have any idea.

00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:44.400
Same side.

00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:46.799
Someone would say you're a swine instead of you shine.

00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:51.200
This lady's handwriting is not good.

00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:52.000
It's horrible.

00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:53.120
There's gonna be a lawsuit.

00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:56.879
I'm I'm trying to give compliments and you're it's actually backfiring.

00:01:57.120 --> 00:01:57.599
I know.

00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:00.079
Well, you pulled in this morning, you're in a different car.

00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:01.359
I am in a different car.

00:02:01.519 --> 00:02:12.960
I am in a different car because my son took my van, my minivan, to Florida, and he is driving him and four other guys, and they're meeting a bunch of other people.

00:02:13.199 --> 00:02:16.879
Okay, and can I just I let me just tell you why I was in a full panic mode for her.

00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:19.680
I was breaking out into a sweat because she is not a Life 360 mom.

00:02:19.919 --> 00:02:21.439
I am not a Life 360 mom.

00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:22.960
Not even a find my iPhone.

00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:24.240
Not even a find my iPhone.

00:02:24.479 --> 00:02:26.560
So my I know yes.

00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:34.560
In the in the day and age when, well, you know, we always joke about we we grew up with a commercial at the end of the night that said, you know, parents, do you know where your kids are?

00:02:34.879 --> 00:02:35.919
Do you know where your children are?

00:02:36.159 --> 00:02:38.879
Go look that's that's where that's the age we grew up in.

00:02:39.199 --> 00:02:55.520
And you would think that I would be the exact opposite and and stalking, but I couldn't be more thankful that nobody knew where I was, even though I I don't really think I got myself into much trouble, but I did love the freedom of it, the anonymity and not no, that is not how you say that word.

00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:56.479
It's a big word.

00:02:56.719 --> 00:02:58.080
Anonym anonymity?

00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:00.400
I'm not even gonna try to say it because I know I'll butcher it.

00:03:00.639 --> 00:03:03.520
I am just again, words are hard for the five.

00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:09.520
But yes, so I so he is on his way in my van to Fort Lauderdale.

00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:18.560
We did have to clear out the car of alcohol because I had some alcohol in my car, and he thought I was going to forget about it because it was in the backseat that we just had received, and I just put it.

00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:20.400
Received, not because she carries alcohol.

00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:21.599
Not because I carry on the wrist.

00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:33.439
It was a gift, it was a gift, and it was just in the in the trunk of my car, and I just hadn't gotten it out yet because it was you know, not it in a place where it was safe.

00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:35.360
And Torin knew that.

00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:41.120
And so when I pulled it out, Isabel said, Oh, mom ruined your plans because there it is.

00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:45.039
Because it was like moonshine from from Tennessee, like the Oh, yeah.

00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:48.879
So yep, I'm like, yeah, you're not I'm not that stupid.

00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:52.400
I I was the mom, yes.

00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:53.039
I was the mom.

00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:56.560
Oh yeah, I was the person who hid all the alcohol to try to get out of the house and did.

00:03:56.719 --> 00:03:57.919
So I know all the tricks.

00:03:58.080 --> 00:03:59.439
I know how to get it.

00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:01.039
God love them.

00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:03.199
But yes, I still don't do 360.

00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:05.039
Yeah, that's wild to me.

00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:17.680
Okay, so building off of you know, another week, I have really enjoyed the last few weeks because I feel like there has been some like internal progress being made for us both personally.

00:04:18.079 --> 00:04:18.639
Absolutely.

00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:20.399
I said I was gonna go try church.

00:04:20.480 --> 00:04:22.160
I did not try church this weekend, though.

00:04:22.399 --> 00:04:24.000
This past weekend, really honest.

00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:24.879
I am this weekend.

00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:25.839
I am tomorrow.

00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:26.399
Yeah.

00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:27.519
Going to try church.

00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:28.319
Very excited.

00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:28.720
Yeah.

00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:30.079
That was some more progress.

00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:30.959
We're gonna do it.

00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:31.279
Yeah.

00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:33.199
So how was your birthday speaking of that?

00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:34.160
Oh, birthday?

00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:35.120
It was fine.

00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:38.000
Have I ever shared no, you probably wouldn't know this.

00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:39.519
I do not like my birthday.

00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:40.079
Oh.

00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:42.639
I'm someone who does not enjoy celebrating my birthday.

00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:45.279
Like, you know, like it's my party, I'll cry if I want to.

00:04:45.360 --> 00:04:45.600
Yeah.

00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:50.079
I feel like there are some people who like get like birthday blues, and I don't really understand why.

00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:51.439
I am one of those people.

00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:52.000
Oh.

00:04:52.720 --> 00:04:54.319
But I didn't cry on my birthday.

00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:55.920
That was a that was a big deal for me.

00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:56.319
Yeah.

00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:57.279
I don't know why.

00:04:57.519 --> 00:05:00.720
I think birthdays are just as we get older, birthdays are just birthdays.

00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:08.560
Like, I don't take off work people, which I great if you if you want to do that, but I never understood that like taking off work or taking off the whole week for to celebrate your birthday.

00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:11.680
Oh gosh, my husband has always been big on it's my birthday week.

00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:14.560
And then it was like birthday month, and I was like, this is insane.

00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:24.639
I think there's like there's two types of people either people who are who are like that all four big birthday celebrations, celebrate all the time, and people are like, eh, it's just yeah, I'm not super into my birthday.

00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:28.079
A couple years ago, I had like a really horrible experience.

00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.040
It had nothing to do with my birthday, it just happened on my birthday.

00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:31.600
Yes.

00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:34.560
So put a little damper in it.

00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:40.959
I yeah, I just there's a lot of self-reflection, and as I said, I don't think I'm a bad person, but man, I'm my heart at myself.

00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:41.600
Yeah.

00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:46.399
All that to say, that's why we didn't, because we were gonna try to come with your birthday.

00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:47.040
We don't want to do that.

00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:47.279
Okay.

00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:49.519
I'm I'm glad it doesn't come around for another year.

00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:52.560
Thankful to have another one, but yeah, birthday time.

00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:55.360
Oh, it just means you're closer in age to me now, only a year apart.

00:05:55.600 --> 00:05:56.240
This is true.

00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:56.879
This is true.

00:05:56.959 --> 00:05:58.160
You're not you're not so old to me.

00:05:58.399 --> 00:05:59.600
I'm not so old.

00:05:59.920 --> 00:06:01.600
Until another two months.

00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:13.839
Oh, well, so we were talking about, you know, just kind of this whole community thing has been a big deal because I feel like there is either the people who have their community or they don't, or you, or you don't.

00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:14.560
Yeah.

00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:23.360
And we have come a long way of what does it look like to need it?

00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:26.399
What does it look like to already have it?

00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:30.000
And what does it look like when you need to be the one inviting?

00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:36.240
And what does it look like to be the bold, a bold person to be like, I'm gonna put myself in situations to help myself find it?

00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:36.720
Okay.

00:06:36.879 --> 00:06:40.879
And what does that look like for all of the places and specifically church?

00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:44.160
I mean, I feel like you and I have community outside of church, definitely.

00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:46.240
Oh yeah, yes, I agree.

00:06:46.879 --> 00:06:49.439
But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be a part of it.

00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:53.199
Well, in my case, you have to be going to church to have community in church.

00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:58.240
And I definitely go, and I have had seasons of having incredible community at church.

00:06:58.480 --> 00:06:58.959
Yeah.

00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:00.560
And I'm not in one of those right now.

00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:14.319
And I we were talking about that before, is like the ebbs and flows of of community, because the very first small group that Doug and I ever got in, a couples group, that small group was amazing, and it lasted for 10 years.

00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:14.879
Yeah.

00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:16.079
Or it felt like 10 years.

00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:26.959
Maybe, maybe it wasn't, but it it was close to it where we were connected for a very long time, and then it just kind of on its own, just kind of, you know, disintegrated.

00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:34.160
And then we've been in small groups that were not the best small groups.

00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:40.000
Like, you know, sometimes you have that person who is a who is a one-upper.

00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:42.319
Well, not just a one-upper.

00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:49.120
It's small groups, churches, all these people are made up, like they're awkward people.

00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:49.519
Yeah.

00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:53.279
And if you don't know any awkward person, people, I'm sorry to tell you you are the awkward person.

00:07:55.120 --> 00:07:55.920
I'm just kidding.

00:07:56.079 --> 00:07:56.560
I'm just kidding.

00:07:57.839 --> 00:08:02.720
But listen, I there have been times where I have probably been the awkward person.

00:08:02.879 --> 00:08:06.240
There's been times I've been like, okay, I'm gonna smile.

00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:09.120
I'm hope it's not too much engagement today.

00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:09.920
Yeah.

00:08:10.240 --> 00:08:12.560
I, you know, different strokes for different folks.

00:08:12.720 --> 00:08:26.079
I mean, like the people are gonna bond with who they bond with, but man, I putting yourself in situations to grow with mutual people going for the same goals doesn't necessarily mean you jive personality-wise with everyone.

00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:27.680
And you probably shouldn't.

00:08:27.920 --> 00:08:28.639
Probably not.

00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:38.000
And that's and that's fine, but I think as long as you have within that group some people who are who are your core, and I think that's what's that's sometimes is a struggle.

00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:52.159
And you know, I was talking with a friend this week and she was talking about, you know, how she was in a great small group and then kind of got kicked out, but for for reasons because they were just in different circumstances, different life circumstances.

00:08:52.879 --> 00:09:03.120
And that isn't doesn't feel great, but also completely understand, and then trying to move forward and find another group is just so hard when you're in depending on what life stage you're in.

00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:03.679
Yeah.

00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:11.200
So we switched churches many years ago when I left my last job.

00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:13.679
I stayed at that church for a few months.

00:09:13.919 --> 00:09:20.879
My youngest was a baby, and I wasn't forced to leave.

00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:30.960
I left of my own volition, but all of that being said, of I knew for the program that currently was there to succeed, I couldn't be there.

00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:31.519
Yeah.

00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:33.840
And that's a hard decision to make too.

00:09:34.159 --> 00:09:40.320
When when you have to opt out, when you're like, okay, my time is done, not only at the church, but the the the group.

00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:40.960
Yeah.

00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:51.120
So I knew that I was not supposed to be doing that job, but also that didn't mean my volunteers, my kids, my parents understood that.

00:09:51.279 --> 00:09:51.519
Yes.

00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:56.240
Um, they understood I had another baby, and it was like, okay, well, she just, you know, needs to be mommy mode.

00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:58.960
But the truth is there were so many more internal things that were happening.

00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:01.759
It was like, I gotta make big moves in my marriage.

00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:04.159
I, you know, I do need to focus on my family.

00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:09.600
I mean, yes, there was, there were those things, but it wasn't just like, I need to go be a stay-at-home mom now.

00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:10.399
Yeah.

00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:14.320
So we stayed for a few months, but it was hard.

00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:18.960
I mean, I mean, I was in children's ministry and kids were come up and hugging on my leg.

00:10:19.039 --> 00:10:20.320
When are you coming back?

00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:23.120
And you have these like a new person.

00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:29.279
Well, I guess it wasn't necessarily a new person, but somebody else was trying to grow that role.

00:10:29.519 --> 00:10:30.159
Yeah.

00:10:31.840 --> 00:10:36.320
And it was my responsibility to let it happen in the best way it could.

00:10:36.399 --> 00:10:40.559
And for me to be there and watching it probably wasn't the best thing.

00:10:40.720 --> 00:10:43.759
But we had an incredible small group at that time.

00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:51.840
So while even though I was attending another church, I was coming back on I believe it was Wednesday nights at that point, to go to that small group.

00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:53.279
And we continued that for a few years.

00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:54.159
Oh, did you?

00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:54.879
Yeah.

00:10:55.120 --> 00:11:01.200
But that was as much as it was a great small group, was doing a disservice because we were never going to get fully involved in the new church that we were.

00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:02.159
That's what's hard.

00:11:02.559 --> 00:11:09.759
That is what's hard, is switching churches or trying to and staying with small group.

00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:10.559
But yeah, you're right.

00:11:10.639 --> 00:11:16.639
You you probably won't be able to find community very easily if you're still within the same group.

00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:21.039
But then again, you're like, but I have a great group and I was still want to do community with them.

00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:23.039
So what do you what do you do?

00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:24.320
And it was really hard.

00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:26.799
And now that group has disbanded too.

00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:27.919
And I just feel like life is a very good thing.

00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:29.120
But I think that happens.

00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:36.639
I think it's very, very normal for groups to last, and some of them can last for a long time, and then they just kind of disband and move on.

00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:38.159
That's relationships in general.

00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:39.120
I yes.

00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:51.519
But I I would say in looking at finding, you know, community is hard because you're putting awkward people, quirks, belief systems, you're putting all of those socioeconomics.

00:11:51.600 --> 00:11:56.639
I mean, like you're putting a lot of different factors into a mixed bag and hoping like Yes.

00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:57.519
Okay.

00:11:57.919 --> 00:11:58.639
Get along.

00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:00.080
It comes out well.

00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:02.399
I hope you all get along together.

00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:06.159
But you have to have a willingness to move towards people even when it feels awkward.

00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:07.919
But I even think about like the disciples.

00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:08.879
They were all thrown together.

00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:14.799
They all had different backgrounds and different, even socio socionomical, right?

00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:15.360
There we go.

00:12:15.519 --> 00:12:16.720
Backgrounds too.

00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:20.080
And they also competed with each other too.

00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:20.480
Yeah.

00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:23.200
Which makes me laugh because I'm like, oh, they they try to one up.

00:12:23.279 --> 00:12:24.559
No, I I'm Jesus' favorite.

00:12:24.639 --> 00:12:25.120
What do you mean?

00:12:25.360 --> 00:12:29.679
And I also kind of look at some of the ages, you know, of like some of the most of these disciples were young.

00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:30.320
Yeah, yeah.

00:12:30.399 --> 00:12:31.360
Teenagers early 20s.

00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:33.919
Young, young, and they're building and all that kind of stuff.

00:12:34.000 --> 00:12:38.960
And I feel like maybe like at the time that I I had really great community, I was young.

00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:47.840
And it was such a I think you're more bold and and willing to put yourself out there when you're younger because you don't you crave it.

00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:52.000
But then life changes and you become a little more set in your ways.

00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:52.240
Yeah.

00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:55.840
And then I found my expectations of other people being higher.

00:12:56.960 --> 00:13:02.080
But also I wasn't necessarily willing to do it myself, which I was like, oh, I had to really call myself out on that.

00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:06.799
Of like, when did I I went from being the inviter to being like, I expect you to invite me now.

00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:09.200
I've done my I've paid my dues.

00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:13.919
And I also think for me, I think there's a comfortability about being alone.

00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:15.200
About oh yeah.

00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:26.320
Because I I don't know if you you saw this when we got Joe Flacco as our quarterback when when Burrow was hurt and he was at a and he was talking about how he was at a restaurant eating by himself.

00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:28.720
And he's like, you know, I used to look at these young guys.

00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:32.320
When I was younger, I wouldn't I would look at guys older who were eating by themselves.

00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:33.360
I'm like, oh, that's horrible.

00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.919
And he's like, no, I realize it's amazing.

00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:36.320
Yeah.

00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:37.279
It's amazing.

00:13:37.519 --> 00:13:45.759
And later that day, they were in a interview with Jamar Chase, and they asked him, they're like, hey, would you ever eat alone?

00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:47.519
He's like, no, I would never eat alone.

00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:51.200
And it makes me think because I'm like, oh, he's younger, so he craves commu community.

00:13:51.360 --> 00:13:54.480
Like when we're younger, I think we do crave community.

00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:57.600
Want to be around, want to be out, want to go do everything.

00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:01.039
And when as we get older, I am way more introverted now.

00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:02.720
Way more, I want to be by myself.

00:14:02.879 --> 00:14:03.120
Yeah.

00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:04.559
I don't want to go out.

00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:07.679
But I am like a total full well.

00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:10.240
That would be a very long story that we can totally cut out too.

00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:11.440
See, look at me.

00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:11.840
Okay.

00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:14.240
Keep going.

00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:19.759
I feel like you can be really comfortable being alone.

00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:20.559
Yeah.

00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:24.399
But also become really isolated without realizing it.

00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:25.200
Yeah.

00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:27.919
I mean, which is where probably most of us are.

00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:29.919
But yeah.

00:14:30.159 --> 00:14:32.480
Am I am I comfortable being isolated?

00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:33.120
Kind of.

00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:37.120
So we talked about like kind of identifying ways that maybe we were skating by.

00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:42.879
And what are I I'm wondering if there are markers that we can feel like we have isolated ourselves.

00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:53.279
And I would say one of those is I mean, okay, this is gonna sound bad.

00:14:53.519 --> 00:14:54.240
No, say it.

00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:54.960
It's not bad.

00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:55.360
Okay.

00:14:56.000 --> 00:15:01.039
I feel like whether or not I showed up at church or not, no one would notice.

00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:06.960
Is that a marker that you are isolating yourself?

00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:09.279
Yes, because I agree.

00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:16.799
I because for me, that's still putting the responsibility of somebody noticing on somebody else.

00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:23.600
I would think one would be this is this is me, what I tend to do is you get invited and you continue to say no.

00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:27.120
Oh yeah, they would have a better time without me.

00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:28.399
Or I just don't want to.

00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:29.440
I just don't want to.

00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:30.240
I'm more comfortable.

00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:31.440
I don't want to put, you know, nice.

00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:32.960
I don't want to have conversations.

00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:38.000
I don't want to have to, you know, have small talk or sometimes I don't want to put a bra on.

00:15:38.399 --> 00:15:40.080
Do you not want to put a bra on?

00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:44.159
And speaking of that, I need to find new ones because of course that's where you lose your weight.

00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:44.879
Yeah.

00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:50.720
Well, w while you're just really setting us up to go in another direction, but I'm gonna try and I'm sorry.

00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:53.519
I'm all over like my mind is all over the place right now.

00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:54.159
Clearly.

00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:54.799
Clearly.

00:15:55.039 --> 00:16:03.919
Well, I mean, okay, the truth is I feel like community gets a little harder in midlife because I think when you are younger and you're building things, you're all kind of building things together.

00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:21.039
And then when things start to branch off, marriages look different, how your children look different, the ages of which you have to your responsibilities look different, and then all of a sudden now you're you're coasting and things, and it's time you've got the ability to add things back in.

00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:21.679
Yeah.

00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:28.799
It almost feels easier to not yes, way easier not to add things back in.

00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:32.960
But it's not the wiser decision.

00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:33.600
No.

00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:38.080
The easier decision is never the wiser decision.

00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:42.960
So we are not meant to have solo journey.

00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:46.960
So why is it so much easier to feel like it's easier to do it on our own?

00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:51.279
I think that's just human nature to say that we can do it on our own.

00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:55.039
Pull so by our bootstraps, like a don't worry about me.

00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:55.519
I'm fine.

00:16:55.840 --> 00:16:59.120
I feel like for me, it's protection to not put myself out there to get hurt.

00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:02.879
If I don't put myself in a situation, they can't hurt me.

00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:10.240
That's from from if I'm being my most authentic, vulnerable self.

00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:17.039
Yeah, there are situations and groups I don't put myself in because I don't want my feelings to be hurt.

00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:23.759
The same way when we turn this camera on every day, we're adjusting ourselves to be like, oh, how do I not look, you know?

00:17:24.319 --> 00:17:28.799
Our first 10 minutes is always about what what we look like on camera last week.

00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:32.319
Which is, you know, but I I know No one else cares.

00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:33.279
Only only we do.

00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:47.680
There's been things I've been invited to throughout my entire life that I'm like, you are better suited for that appearance-wise, physicality-wise, conversationally, like you may be closer to this other person, I would feel awkward.

00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:51.920
Like, how do we get past that is going to be awkward?

00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:53.440
We're gonna do it anyway.

00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:56.079
That's a great question.

00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:58.480
Other than stepping out and just doing it.

00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:01.359
That's the only that's the only that's the only thing I can think of.

00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:03.359
But I'm I'm a little different.

00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:08.079
Where I think my whole life I've been so extroverted.

00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:19.440
From high school, college, you name it, I was always the one going out five days, six days a week, all the things, and even my jobs having to be extroverted.

00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:19.920
Yeah.

00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:32.799
Where now I am completely introverted, and I would I don't and going out and having to have conversations makes me want to like literally throw up.

00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:37.519
And it's like, did I reach my max?

00:18:37.599 --> 00:18:41.359
Did have I hit my high point on being being the extrovert?

00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:44.640
And I do think that like life circumstances change.

00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:50.559
If you have done like the the personality things, I would say my personality is different than we went when it was five years ago.

00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:51.839
Oh, I yes, I agree.

00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:52.559
I agree with that.

00:18:52.799 --> 00:19:03.519
So I am someone I love I want community, I create community, I love having conversations, but also I need alone time, like I need way more alone time than than I ever have.

00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:05.119
Yeah, I agree.

00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:12.079
And it's hard because I think I get comfortable in being okay with that.

00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:18.799
But I don't necessarily think it's the right place for me to stay there.

00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:22.400
No, I know, I know it's not the right place for us to stay.

00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:30.160
I know that, you know, we we we should go out and put ourselves out there and find community for me particularly.

00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:34.960
In order for me to find community within a church, I have to go to a church.

00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:38.480
Uh hey, big steps, we're gonna make a move tomorrow.

00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:39.359
We're gonna make a move tomorrow.

00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:40.480
We're gonna make a move tomorrow.

00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:41.599
We're gonna make a move tomorrow.

00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:45.359
Um I gotta figure out some and I guess I should try them all out.

00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:53.599
So I have to tell you, so this morning, as I was like gone and going through this, I was like, I'm gonna call my mom.

00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:57.440
Because she's older, she's very well established.

00:19:57.759 --> 00:19:58.720
She should be very wise.

00:19:58.960 --> 00:19:59.839
She is wise.

00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:00.559
I know she.

00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:03.039
And of course, my mom and dad are both retired, so they're both there.

00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:05.599
Like they're the speakerphone, like I can hear my dad.

00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:07.119
Because everything else.

00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:11.039
But then again, this next generation also uses her speakerphone when they talk.

00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:11.920
I'm like, people.

00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:12.960
I do it at home.

00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:14.799
I love, I love a speakerphone at home.

00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:15.680
Earbuds.

00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:16.559
Headphones.

00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:16.960
Go on.

00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:18.079
I don't talk to people.

00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:19.440
I don't I don't do it around others.

00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:20.160
Oh, okay, great.

00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:23.759
As long like I will go and I will go somewhere else in chat.

00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:24.000
Yeah.

00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:24.480
Okay.

00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:26.640
But yes.

00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:27.359
Go on.

00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:28.000
I'm sorry.

00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:28.799
Digress.

00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:29.920
Again.

00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:32.880
So let me okay.

00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:35.119
Before we start on like how do we do it?

00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:37.119
Let me just get out some of my fears.

00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:38.079
Great.

00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:41.680
How do I walk into something that's already established?

00:20:43.039 --> 00:20:44.480
Is there room for me?

00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:47.039
Is there?

00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:53.519
Am I gonna feel judged?

00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:57.519
Are they gonna ask me why I'm leaving?

00:20:58.559 --> 00:21:02.240
Why do I what did I do wrong that I need something new?

00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:07.599
Because I don't want to say anything bad about any places.

00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:08.720
Yeah, I agree.

00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:11.359
I think when you're moving on, it's not necessary.

00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:16.640
I don't think moving on and finding new things is necessarily because what you had was bad.

00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:18.880
It's just you might be into a new place.

00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:25.680
But what a conversation is like I am already worst-case scenario in my head of what do those conversations look like.

00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:26.799
Ooh.

00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:32.559
I've had 10 conversations of walking into a building before it's already happened.

00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:37.039
Where I, walking into a building, don't want anyone to talk to me.

00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:41.359
I just wanna like walking into a new church.

00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:43.599
Is that okay?

00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:44.559
Don't talk to me.

00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:45.359
Just let me go.

00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:46.160
Why is that?

00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:50.559
Is that because you what what is the fear there of don't talk to me?

00:21:51.039 --> 00:21:55.920
I just don't want to engage until I until I have a better understanding.

00:21:56.960 --> 00:22:03.279
But how in the world so but okay, as someone who's not Let a church, you would not tell people to not approach new people.

00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:05.279
No, it's the it's the exact opposite.

00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:19.440
It's the exact opposite because within, we always say that within the first seven minutes from the somebody pulls into a parking lot to before before service even started, it's the first seven minutes, they're they've already decided whether they like the a church or not.

00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:28.799
And I would say that just not even a church, like any type of business or building, within the first seven minutes, you're gonna know, okay, yes, I like this place, or I don't.

00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:32.960
And so it's always about that first impression.

00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:36.480
It's always about making sure that you know people are feeling welcome.

00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:43.519
And as somebody who who led a church, I'm now saying, uh, don't don't make me don't come don't come talk to me.

00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:46.559
But when I came, you can talk to me, I'll protect her.

00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:50.319
But I did that, I did that when I went to to my former church.

00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:50.559
Yeah.

00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:54.880
I I walked in and was greeted, and it was amazing.

00:22:55.200 --> 00:23:01.519
But I also after that first day or that first service, I sat in the back by myself.

00:23:01.839 --> 00:23:05.279
I don't think there's I think someone can gay, I think someone can be approached.

00:23:05.359 --> 00:23:12.079
I think you can approach someone and be friendly and you can get the vibe off of them of like, hey, they're not ready.

00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:12.880
Yeah.

00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:13.920
I don't know.

00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.000
Maybe I can put my RBF on.

00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.839
Actually, that might give them more motivation to come to the club.

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.079
I feel like mine's just always on.

00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:27.119
I is I don't know what, and maybe I should.

00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:31.440
It's not that I'm trying to not be welcoming, I'm just or want to feel welcome.

00:23:31.519 --> 00:23:32.319
And I know I will.

00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:40.319
I know if well, one, if they if they don't say hi to me, I'm probably gonna be like, eh, you know, this is probably not the best church.

00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:43.839
But I also don't want them to be like, what's your name?

00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:44.960
What's your address?

00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:46.160
What's your email address?

00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:51.359
Like that I think that in my mind is what I go to when I walk into a church.

00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.559
Like, if this is my first time, don't try to get all my crap.

00:23:54.799 --> 00:24:00.799
Like, just just let me walk in and say hi and see and just have a conversation and see if I like this.

00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:01.119
Yeah.

00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:03.359
And then, you know, if I do, then I'll give you all my crap.

00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:06.160
I just want to give you their first time welcome gift.

00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:09.359
I don't I I have all thoughts about those.

00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:11.440
I don't think they're bad.

00:24:11.599 --> 00:24:20.880
You know, I I don't I don't think they're bad, but also I understand because I walked in a church the last time I walked into a church trying to find a new place.

00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:24.480
I was like, thank you, Lord, for having a newborn.

00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:26.960
I'm gonna go sit in this cry room even though she's not crying.

00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.680
Yeah, I get it.

00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:31.759
Do you want to carry a fake baby in?

00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:34.799
I'm gonna carry, no, no, no one would believe that.

00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:36.400
No one would believe that.

00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:43.839
And so I I want to try all different types of churches, small, large, yeah, multi-site.

00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:47.759
You know, I've already been through a site with with screens and all that.

00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:51.759
So I'm like, okay, should do I need to try a different one or I don't know.

00:24:51.839 --> 00:24:53.039
I'm I'm gonna try them all.

00:24:53.359 --> 00:24:59.680
I'd love to try different things, but so one of the things I asked my mom, like of luck you were you just ran it back in.

00:24:59.839 --> 00:25:00.240
I did.

00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:06.000
Well, because I I said, you know, you are people who are very established in your church.

00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:16.960
Um, you've been there going there for a long time, and you have community in church because they're both heavy servers, but they also have a lot of community outside of church, they have incredible balance.

00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:23.599
And I said, you know, what does it look like when somebody comes in?

00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:26.880
What responsibility do you feel to make somebody feel welcome?

00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:27.680
Yeah.

00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:31.599
And my mom was great.

00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:34.400
She was like, Well, of course, being kind, you always invite.

00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:34.880
Yeah.

00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:39.119
Because there could be somebody who is absolutely needing that.

00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:44.720
So I think it's okay to judge the vibe on, you know, what somebody needs right now.

00:25:45.359 --> 00:25:51.519
But she, I said, Well, she, her and my dad both leave set lead separate Bible studies.

00:25:51.599 --> 00:26:00.559
And they both said in their current Bible studies, they have people who have been both attending for maybe around a month who have not decided, but decided like to give the church a try.

00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:04.400
I'm gonna get involved in something right off the bat and see what it has to offer.

00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:05.359
Yeah.

00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:07.759
Which I've a lot of people have done that.

00:26:07.920 --> 00:26:10.079
And I think it goes both ways.

00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:13.680
So they said you need to give it a few weeks.

00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:16.319
In fact, one said weeks, one said months.

00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:20.079
And if you could have seen my face, I was like, I can't.

00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:20.799
Wow.

00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:24.559
I don't know how I would give anything three months before you jump in.

00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:25.680
Before you jump in.

00:26:25.839 --> 00:26:29.839
But then my dad jumped in because I called my mom, so my naturally my dad jumped in.

00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:33.599
Because, you know, he's got and he is on speakerphone, so he can hear.

00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:35.119
It's I he's wise too.

00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:49.599
Um so he said, you know, if you're in this journey of look online, listen to their sermons, don't go in just like because everybody, you know, like oh yeah, everyone recommends it.

00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:56.880
I mean it's a you know, do your due diligence, make sure it's backing up biblically what you believe to be true.

00:26:58.720 --> 00:27:00.720
Actually, let me rephrase that.

00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:03.920
Backing up biblically to be what biblically says it's true.

00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:07.119
Yes, not for your own justifications of what you do.

00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:07.599
Yes.

00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:10.640
So I'm sorry, I the Bible should not justify you.

00:27:10.880 --> 00:27:11.359
Yes.

00:27:11.599 --> 00:27:14.000
Yeah, yes.

00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:15.039
Look at you.

00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:17.599
Look at me with a little tidbit every once in a while.

00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:18.720
I love it.

00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:21.279
So uh yes.

00:27:21.599 --> 00:27:26.480
So I think it's okay to walk in and have something surface level.

00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:27.279
Yeah.

00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:30.799
And I don't think that should be a detractor of whatever.

00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:34.559
I think when you come back the next time, maybe it'll look a little bit different.

00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:35.440
Things can build.

00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:37.680
Community is not gonna happen overnight.

00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:40.799
No, you're not gonna walk in and be like, this is the place.

00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:46.960
I don't know if church has ever felt like true love for somebody of like, this is my soulmate church, this is where I belong.

00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:48.400
I've never walked in somewhere.

00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:51.359
Actually, I don't even think I've had that with anybody ever.

00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:52.720
Oh.

00:27:54.240 --> 00:27:55.200
Like immediate?

00:27:55.519 --> 00:27:58.000
Uh Doug and I, yeah.

00:27:58.559 --> 00:27:59.200
Wow.

00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:05.839
We dated, no, well, when I met Doug, I was in E at Eastern and we met.

00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:08.799
I packed up all my stuff because we just graduated and moved in with him.

00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:10.640
We were engaged four months later.

00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:13.200
Uh I was 17 when I met my husband.

00:28:13.359 --> 00:28:14.799
I did I we did last.

00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:19.839
I but it wasn't like Yeah, you guys dated for years.

00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.359
Yeah, we dated for five years.

00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:23.839
And but we still but we dated for four months.

00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:25.920
Okay, we dated for five years, still babies.

00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:27.359
We got married when we were 22.

00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:29.359
I got married we were still babies.

00:28:29.519 --> 00:28:32.559
I was twenty four when I got married.

00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:33.200
Yeah.

00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:34.720
Still baby.

00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:37.680
Now that my baby is 22, that's still a baby.

00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:38.799
It is still a baby.

00:28:38.880 --> 00:28:40.000
Yes, yes.

00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:41.039
I I agree.

00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:42.000
What were we going with that?

00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:49.359
Oh no, you that the I'm just saying, like, I I don't know if you can walk into a place immediately and be in like, this is the place.

00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:59.759
I yes and no, because Doug did like when he went into to our our the church we were at first service, he crying whole thing new right away.

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.000
Okay, but let me just say if you don't have that experience your first time, that doesn't mean that's not your place.

00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:05.599
True, because I did not.

00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:11.839
I mean, meaning that I didn't get it, like it took me a long time to understand, but I just kept coming back because I I was intrigued.

00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:19.039
I was also intrigued, but my husband adapted and felt welcome, like this is my place right away.

00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:19.519
Yes.

00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:20.720
I did not.

00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:22.400
It became my place.

00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:23.119
Yeah.

00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:26.240
But it took me a lot longer to warm up.

00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:26.640
Yeah.

00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:34.079
So I just want to give clearance whether you have like an incredible experience right off the bat, like I think there was wisdom in them saying it needs you need to give it time.

00:29:34.319 --> 00:29:35.200
Oh, I agree with that.

00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:42.240
If the things align biblically, you're getting receiving something from the message.

00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:48.160
But also true, I mean, like, not all messages are meant to be feel good, like hype you up.

00:29:48.319 --> 00:30:02.079
Like if that's what the entire service is, then you're probably not in the right place because No, and I think that's like the first couple years, like everything is so exciting and new, and you're learning new stuff.

00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:08.480
And then when you've been going somewhere for for a while, you start to hear the same things over and over again.

00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:09.440
Yes.

00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:12.400
And and there's nothing wrong with it.

00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:15.839
That I mean, that's just actually normal, totally normal.

00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:29.440
And at that point in time is when you have to be willing to grow your you can't just depend on a 60-minute service to be the one that's only fueling you and your growth with God.

00:30:29.680 --> 00:30:30.000
Yeah.

00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:36.960
That's when you have to continue to to find that, which is why you need to be in community because that's where you're gonna go in depth more into the Bible.

00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:37.519
Yes.

00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:45.920
And I just I I don't want anyone to fall into the trap or the lie that, well, community's easy and it'll just feel so natural.

00:30:46.240 --> 00:30:50.799
It is not, is I mean, community is relationships and it's not easy.

00:30:50.960 --> 00:30:56.720
No, you have to put work in and that that's intimidating.

00:30:57.279 --> 00:30:57.920
Yes.

00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:03.680
Well, yeah, it's intimidating because you like you said before, are they gonna like me?

00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:05.200
Are they gonna judge me?

00:31:05.359 --> 00:31:09.440
If I share this story, are they gonna think differently of me?

00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:13.359
How how open and honest and vulnerable can I be with these people?

00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:15.279
Uh yes, yeah.

00:31:15.359 --> 00:31:17.759
I I because that's definitely where I am.

00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:24.960
And I think other people may be on the like, I just expect instant, I expect effortless, I expect chemistry.

00:31:25.119 --> 00:31:25.680
Yeah.

00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:30.559
And I that's probably unrealistic.

00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:34.079
No, I yes, that is definitely unrealistic.

00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:43.920
But I can see where like you build yourself up of but I think we keep hearing stories of how amazing people's groups were, and so that's then that becomes the expectation.

00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:44.319
Yeah.

00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:53.599
So I think we hear stories over and over again of oh my gosh, we just we just signed up online for this random group, and it was amazing.

00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:56.079
And we've been to and my first group was like that.

00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:57.599
We were together for so long.

00:31:57.759 --> 00:32:01.680
And so you do hear these stories, which then in your mind that's the expectation.

00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:05.119
Yeah, and that's actually probably more rare.

00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:12.079
Also, I I the last time that we probably joined churches, social media wasn't a thing.

00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:13.440
Oh, yeah.

00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:16.000
Uh and back in the day.

00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:22.240
Well, I mean, think about if we are checking out churches, we are most likely checking out their social media.

00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:23.599
Oh, social media, their website.

00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:26.480
We're looking at their website, we're looking at everything they put out.

00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:27.519
Because you're right.

00:32:27.599 --> 00:32:41.039
You're when your dad said, you know, check them out, look at their like research, listen to their to their messages or their sermons, whatever you want to call it, before you even go, because you're you're gonna know right away before you even walk in the door if you even like it.

00:32:41.279 --> 00:32:44.319
So you you kind of you've you've you've done your homework before you've come in.

00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:49.200
And I think that was really wise rather than just like let's pick this one.

00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:49.680
Yeah.

00:32:49.839 --> 00:32:52.960
You know, which I just thought was real that was really wise.

00:32:53.119 --> 00:32:59.359
But I I would just say in the social media arena, as someone who's a social media volunteer as well.

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:00.799
She is.

00:33:01.839 --> 00:33:10.240
What it's the same way your social media, like in your real life, most likely you're not putting you're putting your best out there.

00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:11.680
You're putting your best out there.

00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:14.079
So your best, your funniest.

00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:15.200
Yeah, we're gonna be able to do that.

00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:21.519
Or the most growth, you know, something we're probably not putting the clips out on here of where we felt like, man, we really flub that.

00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:22.640
Sometimes we do.

00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:25.119
Well, actually, we do do that.

00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:27.119
Um but I don't feel the norm.

00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:30.240
We do do 13-year-old boy skimmer.

00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:32.720
Sometimes it comes out every once in a while.

00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:33.839
It does come out every once in a while.

00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:37.359
Well, I mean, real community takes real intentional effort on both parts.

00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:38.240
Yeah.

00:33:39.119 --> 00:33:53.680
But I think it at least on our end, there's a lot more responsibility on our end, not to, you know, what is it, you know, fight or flight.

00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:54.559
Yeah.

00:33:55.119 --> 00:33:58.079
And put the responsibility on other people to make you feel welcome.

00:33:58.240 --> 00:33:58.480
Yeah.

00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:00.400
You have you have to be willing to.

00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:04.880
I think I went on autopilot that community was working really, really well for a very long time.

00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:05.359
Yeah.

00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:07.119
And then all of a sudden I realized it wasn't.

00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:08.800
And I don't even know if I realized right away.

00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:12.400
But then when I realized the absence of it, it was like, oh, wait a minute.

00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:16.800
I got so stuck in how things just automatically went.

00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:24.159
We get up, we go, and I realized not only wasn't community not coming to me, I also wasn't providing it for anybody else.

00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:27.599
Oh yeah, it's it's a it's a two-way street.

00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:31.519
It yes, but it took me a lot longer to find my own responsibility.

00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:32.880
Because that's the other thing.

00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:41.760
If if you're if you're just somebody who's just taking, taking, taking and not, you know, receiving from a group and not and not giving back.

00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:44.320
Like no one wants to be in community.

00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:53.280
Not saying that's you, but I'm just saying, you know, if we have people who are who just want to receive everything and not give back.

00:34:53.920 --> 00:34:56.079
I don't necessarily feel that's where I want to.

00:34:56.320 --> 00:34:57.199
No, I don't believe that.

00:34:57.440 --> 00:35:09.280
But I can see that there were moves that I was making of welcoming and connecting people that it's somewhere not reciprocated down the line, I wasn't doing the same way that I was before.

00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:09.920
Yep.

00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:15.119
And maybe that's just because the rhythms of that particular community weren't set up for that way anymore.

00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:17.119
And I feel like that's probably very normal.

00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:25.360
You get just you you have a volunteer role and you meet with the people who are on your volunteer team and you see the same faces and then you start having conversations with the same people.

00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:27.199
It may be very surface level.

00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:28.239
How are you today?

00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:31.199
You know, like, you know, I hope you're having a good week, you know.

00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:35.840
My husband's in education, so there's always, you know, like, how's it going with the schools?

00:35:36.239 --> 00:35:40.239
Or like your sports team, or you know, like it's just very surface level.

00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:46.000
And I found that, like, wow, I'm really surface level with a lot of people.

00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:50.960
And not going deep with and not going deep, but also my plate was very full of surface.

00:35:51.280 --> 00:35:51.920
Oh, yeah.

00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:53.840
Well, that can be annoying.

00:35:54.159 --> 00:35:57.440
Yeah, and that's kind of where I realize I am right now of like, wow.

00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:04.800
So that does that mean you should take away stuff so that you can have more space to go deeper.

00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.400
So take away some of the more the surface level volunteer.

00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:22.400
I'm not saying you're gonna give up volunteering, but it just like it if you're looking to go deeper and you have all of these places where you're just surface level, where can you cut to have more room?

00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:25.119
Valet, I'm trying to figure it out right now.

00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:26.000
Okay, great.

00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:28.960
I I that's that's what I'm evaluating right now.

00:36:29.199 --> 00:36:29.440
Okay.

00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:30.960
A, am I in the right place?

00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:32.239
Am I in the right roles?

00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:34.000
Am I being effective in the same way?

00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:36.239
Am I receiving in the same way?

00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:40.320
I still love the messages, I still love the people.

00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:48.559
I d when I talk about like, you know, feeling, you know, it's never necessarily a reflection on other people's responsibility.

00:36:48.719 --> 00:36:59.280
Even when I'm saying like I was hoping community was it has been a progression of me to figure out what's my role and not feeling comfortable.

00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:00.000
Okay.

00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:01.280
Yeah.

00:37:02.239 --> 00:37:08.400
And I think the same way that I we have talked about with you and with everybody.

00:37:08.480 --> 00:37:12.239
I mean, it's okay to realize there's an issue and start working on that internally.

00:37:12.559 --> 00:37:13.039
Yeah.

00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:16.719
You know, God always says, you know, in order to grow the brass fruit, we have to prune.

00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:27.280
So there's sometimes that we have to prune things that oh, and I 100% believe sometimes, you know, sometimes things are pruned for you.

00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:29.360
Sometimes they they get pruned for you.

00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:31.119
And sometimes you have to do the pruning.

00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:31.840
Yes.

00:37:32.239 --> 00:37:36.400
And I think some things were pruned for you, and I'm having to do some pruning on my own.

00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:37.119
Yeah.

00:37:38.239 --> 00:37:39.679
Both are necessary.

00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:40.320
Mm-hmm.

00:37:41.199 --> 00:37:44.960
So yeah, uh that's that's yeah.

00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:47.599
It's an awkward season.

00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:49.599
And it's I think that's the other thing.

00:37:49.679 --> 00:37:54.559
It's hard to be in an awkward season of trying to do this when you see everybody else seem to it not be awkward.

00:37:55.199 --> 00:37:55.679
Yeah.

00:37:55.920 --> 00:37:58.639
Well, especially with us putting this out there.

00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:04.320
So people who are who who listen are, you know, are a few hundred people who listen.

00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:05.119
Hi, thank you.

00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:06.159
Love you.

00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:20.639
It's because I'm a self-conscious person.

00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:21.119
Yes.

00:38:21.360 --> 00:38:21.920
I'm working on it.

00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:22.719
I'm working on it.

00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:27.280
That you're now going in there with an extra layer of like, oh, did they hear the podcast?

00:38:27.519 --> 00:38:30.800
Oh, ooh, what are they what are they gonna think because I said this.

00:38:31.119 --> 00:38:48.239
Well, I this is not to be like, oh my gosh, we are this famous podcast where people are people know who we are, but it would be funny if somebody walked in like, you guys are the ones who do a podcast who really dissect church hurt walking into a church.

00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:49.599
Oh my gosh.

00:38:49.920 --> 00:39:08.639
I I got Oh, I I probably did tell you this that speaking of church hurt, that I got LinkedIn message by the same lady twice saying to me, Hey, I am an expert at church hurt and trauma and would love to talk to your congregation about church hurt and trauma.

00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:10.800
I also feel like an expert in church hurt and trauma.

00:39:11.039 --> 00:39:16.000
And I and so I just keep ignoring it, but she keeps showing up.

00:39:16.079 --> 00:39:19.119
I'm like, okay.

00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:20.719
I I no.

00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:21.679
No, thank you.

00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:22.239
No, thank you.

00:39:22.639 --> 00:39:22.960
Not right now.

00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:23.760
Not right now.

00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:27.119
I say that and be like, man, but there are people who are seeking that out.

00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:27.679
Yeah.

00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:32.960
Can I also just clarify not to sound like a goodie, you know, whatever.

00:39:33.119 --> 00:39:34.159
I said I'm working on it.

00:39:34.239 --> 00:39:36.719
The truth is I'm asking God to work on it in me.

00:39:37.039 --> 00:39:37.760
Look at you.

00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:41.360
No, I just I just I I do sometimes I have to be careful.

00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:42.880
I use a lot of eye language.

00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:43.920
Yes.

00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:45.199
I feel.

00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:46.239
I feel this.

00:39:46.400 --> 00:39:47.119
I you know.

00:39:47.519 --> 00:39:50.079
But that's good therapy too, instead of blaming it on somebody else.

00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:52.480
So we're not also blaming it on God, but it is it's both.

00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:54.320
I'm not blaming on God, I'm blaming on people.

00:39:54.400 --> 00:40:06.079
I I I'm taking ownership of my feelings, but also I am this isn't I think when we talk about working on things, like this isn't self-help.

00:40:06.400 --> 00:40:06.719
No.

00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:09.199
This is you have to ask God first.

00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:10.400
We have to ask, yes.

00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:21.119
But I just don't ever want that to be an ignored, like when I say I'm working on things, I'm not, I'm letting I'm I'm I'm doing the work to put have him do the work in me.

00:40:21.199 --> 00:40:24.480
Like I'm I'm showing up to let him show up in me.

00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:25.360
Yeah.

00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:27.760
And you know what I've never prayed for?

00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:28.159
No.

00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:30.960
I've never prayed for God to show me the right church.

00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:33.840
Really?

00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:35.360
And I just thought about that.

00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:42.960
When you said go to God first, and as I'm trying to to church hop, church shop, shop, hop, all the same thing.

00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:48.079
Like maybe I should go to God first and be like, hey God, show me the right church for me.

00:40:48.639 --> 00:40:49.280
Yeah.

00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:52.559
And that may even be showing That's my face.

00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:55.920
That may even be showing you places to find what you like and what don't like.

00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:57.599
So when you do find the right one, it does.

00:40:58.559 --> 00:40:58.960
You know.

00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.840
I could end up back where I was starting where it all began.

00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:02.800
Absolutely.

00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:07.360
And and that's very, it's very it's that's a very distinct possibility.

00:41:09.039 --> 00:41:11.920
But sometimes you have to take journeys to figure out where you need to land.

00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:12.480
Yeah.

00:41:12.639 --> 00:41:13.119
I agree.

00:41:13.199 --> 00:41:13.760
Yes.

00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:15.199
I keep saying I agree.

00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:17.360
I'm not trying to say I agree again, but there we go.

00:41:17.440 --> 00:41:18.159
I just keep saying it.

00:41:19.199 --> 00:41:19.920
I don't even know.

00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:25.039
Like at this point in time, I have said I agree, I think at least a hundred times.

00:41:25.280 --> 00:41:25.760
I agree.

00:41:26.239 --> 00:41:33.519
We have been called out that there could be a kind of preachy drinking game of how many times we just repeat like buzzwords that we just latch on to.

00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:36.639
Hopefully, it's not in the morning, like right now.

00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:40.079
I didn't put anything in our condoning that.

00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:43.679
I'm just saying that you know we we do tend to latch on to words.

00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:45.679
It's fine.

00:41:46.079 --> 00:41:47.920
So okay.

00:41:48.320 --> 00:41:50.480
It is always Steph's job to bring us back online.

00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:52.320
Always.

00:41:53.039 --> 00:41:58.320
It is my job to take us off rails and go in a totally different direction and your job to bring us back.

00:41:58.559 --> 00:41:58.800
Okay.

00:41:58.960 --> 00:42:01.519
So here's here's the next thing.

00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:02.320
Yes, okay.

00:42:02.559 --> 00:42:03.760
Here's the next thing.

00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:06.320
What do we think healthy community looks like?

00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:09.280
Assuming we're finding a place that's biblically based.

00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:09.920
Okay.

00:42:10.239 --> 00:42:15.039
Welcoming a place that we can see planting not only ourselves but our our our families.

00:42:15.440 --> 00:42:18.079
What would a healthy community look for?

00:42:18.480 --> 00:42:19.599
What does it look like?

00:42:19.679 --> 00:42:27.280
And I think this is for someone who's looking for something new, but also it's a good evaluation tool of if I'm currently in a place where I'm happy, is it also healthy?

00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:31.119
And what am I doing to make that a welcoming place for others so they can feel that too?

00:42:31.599 --> 00:42:35.760
Are you are you are you are you growing spiritually?

00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:37.280
Are they growing spiritually?

00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:38.480
Are you hearing truth?

00:42:38.639 --> 00:42:43.280
Truth might not always be the easiest thing to hear and not just fluff.

00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:46.559
Of course, as we said, Bipply based.

00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:54.400
And I think it's a place that has all types of genres and ages and intergenerational is really important to me.

00:42:54.559 --> 00:42:55.199
Yes.

00:42:56.239 --> 00:43:06.079
Where you hear everyone from in our age group from young 20s to you know, new in life to people in their 60s.

00:43:06.719 --> 00:43:08.000
Someone is vacuuming.

00:43:08.079 --> 00:43:08.960
I hear it.

00:43:10.239 --> 00:43:10.559
See?

00:43:11.679 --> 00:43:12.880
I don't think anybody else can hear it.

00:43:13.039 --> 00:43:13.599
Maybe they can.

00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:14.960
We'll keep we're gonna keep going.

00:43:15.039 --> 00:43:16.719
Okay, so what for you, what is yours?

00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:17.760
What is your for you?

00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:21.280
What do you think is the I think you are I think you are 100% right.

00:43:21.519 --> 00:43:32.320
I also feel that the call for I think it needs to feel genuine.

00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:32.880
Yeah.

00:43:33.119 --> 00:43:43.920
And I love places that if if they make a mistake or if they said something like, hey, we we are willing to own up to mistakes because no one is perfect.

00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:46.320
Yeah, I think I'm looking for transparency.

00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:48.639
I think I'm that's the better word to use.

00:43:49.039 --> 00:43:50.960
Looking for authenticity.

00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:51.440
Yes.

00:43:51.679 --> 00:43:58.079
A big one for me is that as much as it's welcoming to that, I don't want to see people stuck in a victim cycle.

00:43:58.239 --> 00:43:58.639
Mm-hmm.

00:43:58.880 --> 00:43:59.760
Because I think it's okay to come.

00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:02.559
Come in somewhere is like I'm in a really kind of a broken place.

00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:04.639
Yes, but if you never get out of that broken place.

00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:07.119
But I don't I want to see how you break out of that.

00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:09.280
I want to see, you know, like healing.

00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:10.559
And sometimes it takes a while.

00:44:10.719 --> 00:44:11.760
I was in a broken place for a while.

00:44:11.920 --> 00:44:12.079
Yeah.

00:44:12.239 --> 00:44:13.039
Now I'm not.

00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:24.159
I would like to not only hear messages on prayer and faithfulness and growth.

00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:26.800
I want to visually see it too.

00:44:27.039 --> 00:44:27.679
Yeah.

00:44:29.599 --> 00:44:32.079
A practice what you preach, if you will.

00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:40.079
And I want to see things that feel authentic, not business.

00:44:41.519 --> 00:44:42.079
Ooh.

00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:43.119
Okay.

00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:44.159
Okay.

00:44:44.320 --> 00:44:48.320
And I say that as, and I'm sure you understand this as some we've both worked in churches.

00:44:48.480 --> 00:44:48.960
Yes.

00:44:49.199 --> 00:44:51.840
Like we we've peeked behind the curtain.

00:44:52.639 --> 00:44:57.760
And I think that makes us a little more skeptic.

00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:00.079
Skeptical?

00:45:00.800 --> 00:45:01.440
Skeptical.

00:45:01.679 --> 00:45:02.159
A little?

00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:03.679
No comment.

00:45:04.400 --> 00:45:05.840
No, I mean, I yes.

00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:14.800
When you when if you work at a church and you see behind the scenes, you you realize that a church is is just like And they have to run.

00:45:14.880 --> 00:45:17.039
I mean they have to they have to run.

00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:28.159
I'm not saying it's just I There is a there is a business aspect to it for anything to be to run well.

00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:30.400
There has to be some type of business.

00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:34.320
I'm not denying that in any way, shape, or form, but I want to feel good about it.

00:45:34.480 --> 00:45:34.800
Yeah.

00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:36.079
I just want to feel good about it.

00:45:36.719 --> 00:45:39.440
I don't necessarily want to leave feeling good about myself.

00:45:41.199 --> 00:45:51.760
No, because sometimes, I mean, if if you walk out of there after a message, after a sermon, and it hits you and you're like, ooh, that kind, that kind of that kind of cut me deep.

00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:52.639
That's actually great.

00:45:52.800 --> 00:45:53.920
I want to feel challenged.

00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:54.480
Yes.

00:45:54.719 --> 00:45:56.079
I want to feel reflective.

00:45:56.639 --> 00:46:01.280
But I also want to feel like there's something to sink my teeth in after I feel challenged.

00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:04.320
Like just not feel challenged and be like, okay, go.

00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:06.880
Yes, go in peace, serve the Lord.

00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:09.920
And then it's like there's no callbacks to it.

00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:11.199
Yeah.

00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:16.960
Like if you do a huge thing on prayer, I'm not this is not an example of anywhere.

00:46:17.039 --> 00:46:18.000
I'm just putting it out there.

00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:20.079
And it's like, this is how you should be praying.

00:46:20.159 --> 00:46:25.199
This is, you know, and then you don't see those same elements of prayer like going forward.

00:46:25.360 --> 00:46:26.960
I'd be like, red flag.

00:46:27.119 --> 00:46:27.440
Yeah.

00:46:27.679 --> 00:46:29.760
I don't want a motivational speaker.

00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:30.400
No.

00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:32.800
I'm not into that.

00:46:33.039 --> 00:46:34.719
I'm not into motivation.

00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:36.159
I'm not into politics.

00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:40.960
I'm not into I I I want to be in for what the Bible says.

00:46:41.119 --> 00:46:44.400
I want to be in for what the Bible is saying to me, my current situation.

00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:48.159
I also want to be into what I need to be doing to follow.

00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:48.639
Yeah.

00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:51.440
And I love speakers who speakers.

00:46:51.519 --> 00:46:54.159
I love pastors who are who are very human.

00:46:54.400 --> 00:46:54.719
Yes.

00:46:54.960 --> 00:47:01.920
Meaning that they show their scars, that they aren't the people who say that they're always the hero.

00:47:02.079 --> 00:47:10.800
Because I've sat through messages from different people who they always are the hero in every story.

00:47:11.039 --> 00:47:13.679
They always are the ones who come through and save the day.

00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:17.920
And I'm like, man, that is Jesus' job.

00:47:18.239 --> 00:47:19.599
Well, I yeah, I think you're right.

00:47:19.679 --> 00:47:21.199
I think we're looking for honesty.

00:47:21.280 --> 00:47:21.519
Yeah.

00:47:21.679 --> 00:47:23.280
I think we're looking for accountability.

00:47:24.079 --> 00:47:25.599
I think we're looking for grace.

00:47:25.840 --> 00:47:26.480
Oh, yeah.

00:47:26.639 --> 00:47:27.920
Lots of grace.

00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:31.440
But there's also that element of hospitality.

00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:32.719
Go right back to that.

00:47:33.280 --> 00:47:37.679
I don't want to run in and because what we need is not necessarily what somebody else needs.

00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:40.079
No, I yes, there has to be hospitality.

00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:44.079
Even if I'm running in and I don't want to talk to anybody, I still want someone to say hi to me and open up a door for me.

00:47:44.239 --> 00:47:48.719
Because in two months when you are ready, I'm going, I'm going tomorrow.

00:47:49.199 --> 00:47:49.840
No, no, no, no, no.

00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:58.159
But what I'm saying is if we come in the building and we're not really, really ready to be approached, yeah, after a couple of weeks of going, of like, okay, this felt good.

00:47:58.239 --> 00:47:58.800
I'm gonna go back.

00:47:58.880 --> 00:47:59.519
I'm gonna go back.

00:47:59.599 --> 00:48:00.880
I don't really want to be approached yet.

00:48:01.039 --> 00:48:02.480
Eventually you're gonna want to be approached.

00:48:02.639 --> 00:48:02.800
Yeah.

00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:04.800
Or you're gonna want to approach somebody else.

00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:06.880
And know where to go.

00:48:07.119 --> 00:48:07.599
Yes.

00:48:08.960 --> 00:48:19.280
So yeah, these are all and listen, uh as I've I feel like we have to say so often, people will disappoint us.

00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:21.360
There will be things that like don't hit.

00:48:21.599 --> 00:48:22.159
Yeah.

00:48:23.760 --> 00:48:25.840
And we can be a part of that too.

00:48:26.159 --> 00:48:26.480
Yes.

00:48:26.639 --> 00:48:28.239
So I have disappointed a lot of people.

00:48:28.480 --> 00:48:38.159
And those things that we're looking for need to go, the, you know, the grace, the hospitality, the accountability, the vulnerability, all those things we're looking for in churches we need to come from us too.

00:48:38.320 --> 00:48:38.800
Yeah.

00:48:39.039 --> 00:48:48.960
So but as I talk to other people who are in the same journey that I'm in, meaning that they're, you know, looking for for a church.

00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:55.519
It's it's fair always fascinating to hear what they're what they're looking for and what they want.

00:48:55.679 --> 00:48:58.639
And I'm like, 'cause everyone is so different.

00:48:59.039 --> 00:48:59.599
It is.

00:48:59.840 --> 00:49:00.239
It is.

00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:05.840
And I think that's what like when like my prayer for when we like maybe I should pray for God to show me.

00:49:06.239 --> 00:49:07.679
Not maybe, we definitely are now.

00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:08.239
Yes.

00:49:08.639 --> 00:49:12.880
But when I pray, like that specific prayer of okay, God show me the right church.

00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:15.119
I love what you said, the right church for me.

00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:22.880
Because the right church for me might not be the right church for you or for, you know, Sally Sue sitting over there.

00:49:23.119 --> 00:49:24.159
That's my mom.

00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:26.079
Sally Sue.

00:49:26.800 --> 00:49:33.840
But just to say there are so many churches out there, there's a lot of great churches out there, they're all different, and there is one for you.

00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:34.719
Yeah.

00:49:34.880 --> 00:49:44.800
If you feel like you're in a season of I've got this on my own, I just want you to reflect a little harder that that maybe not maybe, I actually think you're wrong.

00:49:45.039 --> 00:49:45.679
Yeah.

00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:52.559
Uh no, I mean, there's times for healing and there's times you got to remove yourself from situations, and those are valid.

00:49:53.280 --> 00:50:02.320
But if you've been in that place for a long time, it may be time to ask yourself if it's time to move yourself back in because we're not meant to do this life alone.

00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:03.519
I agree.

00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:05.760
I feel like that's a really good place to stop for the week.

00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:10.960
I think it is too, because I have to look at the time because girls get girls getting waxed.

00:50:12.079 --> 00:50:13.840
That sounded really bad.

00:50:14.079 --> 00:50:15.760
That's not how I want to do that.

00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:16.880
My eyebrows, okay, people?

00:50:17.039 --> 00:50:17.360
Eyebrows.

00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:22.400
But uh not today.

00:50:22.559 --> 00:50:23.840
I'm gonna get my nails filled.

00:50:24.239 --> 00:50:24.320
Okay.

00:50:24.960 --> 00:50:26.480
Um talons here.

00:50:26.719 --> 00:50:27.519
This is what I do.

00:50:27.679 --> 00:50:29.119
I take us off or else.

00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:31.280
Uh um I couldn't love you more for it.

00:50:31.440 --> 00:50:33.039
Hey, thanks for being with us another week.

00:50:33.199 --> 00:50:34.000
We'll see you next time.

00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:34.480
Bye.